She demanded too much of my time and too many of my thoughts for me not to fall for her, at least a little bit.
But now what?
What did I do with that?
Bury it.
That’s what.
Even if I felt mildly attracted to her, there wasn’t a future for us. There wasn’t anything waiting on the other side of that attachment. She wanted to go back home, back to her “normal.” And I had a lifetime of…
I shook my head, unable to finish that sentence.
It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t see beyond this current conflict and when I tried I was filled with emptiness… with loneliness.
None of that meant anything unless I could defeat Terletov. That was my responsibility now. Maybe it always had been. Maybe I’d always known that, and that was why I felt so restless.
So utterly helpless here.
Except when I was with Liv.
I shook my head of those thoughts and took off after her. If she’d manage to catch up to Avalon, no doubt she was laying out her case and arguing all of her points.
I picked up my pace.
I ran into some Titans in the lower south hallway and asked them if they’d seen the human wandering around. She’d asked for directions to the King, so one of them had set off to show her.
While Olivia had been here for weeks, she’d been mostly confined to the south wing. That had been for her safety. We didn’t want her wandering around the castle, getting lost and then unable to find her because, at the time, she didn’t have a Magical current. Of her own accord, she’d quarantined herself in O’s room because she couldn’t tolerate leaving her sister. Today was the first time she’d been outside since she arrived.
After we brought Olivia here, we outfitted her with everything she would need to be clothed, comfortable and feel at ease. I’d expected her to explore the grounds as well. It wasn’t often that modern humanity was given a chance to walk into a place like our Citadel and enjoy the luxuries of the Immortal world and the history of an ancient Romanian castle at the same time. The Citadel was the best of both worlds and everyone loved it here. Except for Liv. She’d stayed in O’s room day and night, never curious about the rest of the castle or using most of what we gave her except toiletries and the necessary clothing.
She was like that though- easy-going, self-sufficient and achingly loyal.
I walked into the Throne room during the middle of her plea, and couldn’t stop the smile from instantly appearing on my face.
I didn’t want her to go, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t adorable, standing in the middle of the stone room, arguing her point.
“If my brother is at risk, I have the right to go,” she was saying.
Avalon acknowledged me with a tilt of his head and narrowed eyes. He thought this was my fault? That was hilarious.
Olivia noticed Avalon’s attention falter and glanced over her shoulder to spot me. Her expression tightened and she looked less sure of herself than before. My friends still lingered around the room, although Ileana was gone. Angelica was back in her council seat. Amelia, Seraphina and Eden filled the other three chairs. Kiran was slumped in his Throne looking bored and anxious to leave. And Sebastian sat at the edge of Eden’s Throne with his elbows resting on his knees- like the Throne was just for anybody to sit on.
“She didn’t even bow, Jericho.” Avalon gestured with a lazy hand at Olivia.
I suppressed my smile immediately. Olivia gaped over her shoulder at me. And because I was a bastard I played along, “It’s my fault,” I worked to sound apologetic. “I didn’t go over the proper etiquette with her before she ran off. Please be lenient with her, it’s her first offense.”
“Not quite her first offense,” Avalon tsked. “She also locked you out of the castle this afternoon.”
“I didn’t! That was you!” Olivia squeaked. “You locked him out…”
“Silence,” Avalon bellowed, as if he had any real authority in this room with these people. “Do not speak unless you are spoken to!”
Olivia glanced back at me, eyes wide with fear, “Help me!” she mouthed.
My guilty conscience took over and I stepped up to her side. “He’s just teasing you,” I whispered, pressing my lips to the shell of her ear for comfort. And then louder I said, “He think he’s hilarious.”
“I am hilarious,” Avalon countered confidently. “The whole Kingdom says so.”
“Because you made it a decree,” Eden put in. “Thou shalt admit King Avalon is hilarious at every opportunity they find, or thou shalt be putteth to death.”
“That’s not real,” Olivia muttered.
I went to reassure her that it wasn’t but…. “I’m not actually sure. Probably that’s not true.”
“Probably?” she winced.
“But the bowing thing is definitely not true. Avalon hates being King.” That was true, although he seemed more at peace with his calling ever since Amelia.
“Jericho, your human would like to go to South America with you.” Kiran brought the room back together. His gaze shot back and forth between Liv and me as if waiting for one of us to deny that she was “my human.”
“I know,” I said instead. “And she’s not exactly human anymore, Kiran.”
“Does that make her eligible for your team?” Avalon asked with surprising somberness.
“It was enough for Eden,” I answered seriously.
The room fell into hushed silence, nobody quite sure what to say.
Finally Avalon said, “That was different.”
“How?” I challenged.
“Jericho, I was… I am…,” Eden cleared her throat and tried again. “Avalon and I have always had each other. He was my failsafe. Amory always knew I would be fine.”
“And those were different times,” Avalon put in.
“You’re right. Last time we were able to leave the humans out of this.” I felt petulant and argumentative. I didn’t even want Olivia to go with me, so I wasn’t sure why I was petitioning on her behalf.
“Are you going to ask her to join the Resistance too?” Kiran asked snidely.
“What is the Resistance?” Olivia asked in a small voice.
“You’re missing my point,” I said firmly. What was my point?
“When it comes to Magic she’s greener than Eden ever was,” Avalon stood up and took a step forward. He thrust his finger at her and radiated with authority. This was a side of Avalon I hardly ever saw and never had it been directed at me. But I wouldn’t back down, especially now. I wasn’t intimidated easily, or at all. I had a valid point. Eden was more of a liability than Olivia would ever be.
So I thought I’d better drive home my point, “But Olivia’s not in love with the enemy!”
More silence. Damn, I was on a roll tonight.
“Is that what this is about?” Kiran jumped to his feet, ready to defend his wife.
“God, no. It’s not…” I answered honestly. “Look, Eden….” I cleared my throat and turned around to face her. She was white, ghostly pale with anger or hurt- I couldn’t tell anymore with her. I couldn’t read her anymore. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I just meant that, while there are a lot of similarities between you and Olivia, there are a lot of differences too. She has a real reason for revenge. She is motivated to work hard at this, especially if her brother truly is in trouble.”
“You forget that I also had a real reason for revenge, Jericho,” Eden’s voice was fire and acid. Her eyes were dark holes of crackling energy. Shit, I’d really pissed her off. And I hadn’t meant to. “I wanted vengeance more than anybody. And I did everything I could to accomplish it.”
I rarely let these particular feelings surface. There were just too many of them, too many emotions. Anger, hurt, betrayal, loss… I was the one to walk away from her all those years ago. I knew that. I reminded myself of that fact often. And it wasn’t as though I still pined away for the new Queen. But what I’d felt for her had been
real- the most real thing in my life. It had taken a long time for those feelings to fade.
And some days I was convinced they never had.
“Don’t,” I begged in a quiet, hard voice I was embarrassed to use in front of everyone else in this room. Eden’s steel visage broke, cracked straight down the middle with pity for me. “You could tell that to anyone else, Eden, but not to me.” I flicked a glance at Kiran, who had also sagged with cold compassion. The ease in which they backed off from this fight made me burn with rage and self-righteousness.
Yes, I was the loser. Fine, I’d been passed over. But I’d moved one. We were all adults now. We were kids back then and I had been stupid enough to believe I was enough for a girl that had already given away her heart to another man.
I felt Olivia’s curious eyes on me, felt her confusion spike to an almost palpable being. I couldn’t look at her, though. I couldn’t let her see the hurt and regret reflected on my face or the self-loathing that I had let my past affect me so deeply.
All I’d done was fall in love with a beautiful girl, but it was a mistake I felt like I would pay the rest of my life: a black mark on my otherwise perfect record, the great taboo that everyone was afraid to bring up in group gatherings but whispered about behind my back.
Avalon softened his tone as another person in love and watching my single-misery. I felt like announcing my current contentment. It was like they were all so blissfully in love they couldn’t bear to watch the poor single person struggle through life alone.
“Are you going to be responsible for her?” Avalon asked with a wary glance at Olivia.
“I didn’t set out to convince you to let her come,” I sighed. How did I get myself into this? “It’s your decision, obviously. I just thought she had a valid argument, that’s all.”
“I think she should go,” Mimi spoke from behind me. I felt myself instantly relax at her voice. She had become a good friend, maybe my best friend. Avalon and I had always shared a close friendship, but I didn’t talk to him the way I could talk to Amelia. Sebastian and I spent the most time together but only because of our assignments. We were okay friends, but he had been with Seraphina for the last four years and I wasn’t the kind of guy that opened up to… anyone. Amelia had become a voice of reason and friendship that I truly enjoyed. She’d been there for me when I needed a plus one and the circumstances surrounding our group had become awkward. She danced with me so I didn’t have to dance with strangers and daughters of hopeful politicians. She hung out with me when everyone else was tied up in Kingdom business. She was awesome and could be really funny. And right now confirmed it; I liked her best.
“Why?” Eden asked quietly.
“She’s not helpless,” Mimi started in a soft voice but picked up courage as she continued. “She has as much Magic as any of the rest of us. The ballroom is evidence of that. She is motivated, like Jericho said, but also, she’s got to be bored. We’ve trapped her here, or at least her sister. She can’t go anywhere. She can’t do anything. She can’t save her sister by just sitting next to her every day. I would go crazy if that were me. In fact, when Kiran was sick, I almost did go crazy. I would have done anything I could for him. If I could have hunted you down, Eden, I would have. She’s smart, she’s capable, she deserves more from us. And Jericho makes a good point. Eden, you were allowed to run missions and fight bad guys and you were no more prepared than Olivia. Jericho will work with her; he would never let something happen to her that could be avoided. There will be a team of people involved. And if it gets too dangerous, we should trust Jericho to send her back here. Avalon, you’ve already given him immense responsibility. You trust him with every life in this Kingdom, why won’t you trust him with just one more?”
Avalon regarded his wife carefully before saying, “What if the mission doesn’t pose as much of a threat as she does to the mission?”
“You know, I’m right here,” Olivia announced pointedly. “You can stop talking about me like I don’t exist.”
We ignored her.
“Then Jericho sends her back,” Mimi shrugged and came to stand next to me. “You trust him for everything else, Avalon. Are you really questioning his judgment now?”
Avalon huffed out a breath and turned to Sebastian, “And what do you think?”
Sebastian looked back and forth between Olivia and me, something surprisingly intelligent flashing in his expression. “You let Seraphina tag along on missions. How much worse could it get?”
“God, I hate you,” Seraphina snarled.
“I’ve heard that before you cheeky wench,” Sebastian smirked at her- looking so much like his arrogant cousin I rolled my eyes. “But last time there was a little more moaning involved.”
“Alright,” Avalon stepped in and held up his hands to keep Seraphina from flying across the room and clawing Sebastian’s eyes out. Not that I would blame her. “That was no help.” He glared at Sebastian.
Sebastian shrugged, holding both palms up. “Listen, like Jericho’s said, we’ve gone into these situations before with people that aren’t prepared. But we’ve always trusted instinct and Magic to get us through. I don’t know why now should be any different. If she’s a pain in the arse, we’ll send her back. But my sister makes a good point. I’m going crazy from the little time I’ve spent here and this is almost like home to me. She’s probably about batty by now. Why not take her along? At least she’ll be able to recognize some of Terletov’s henchmen if we should be lucky enough to run into them.”
“Kiran? Anything to add to this?” Avalon turned to his co-ruler and raised his eyebrows.
Kiran let out a slow breath and shared a look with his wife. “I’ve seen firsthand the destruction she’s capable of. I suppose the point has been made. She should go. She should be given the chance to prove herself at least.”
“Are there other women on the team at least?” Angelica spoke up for the first time.
I felt myself flush with embarrassment. In the heat of the moment, I’d forgotten she was here. Not only had I made an ass of myself in front of my friends, but someone I respected, too. Great.
“Roxie,” Sebastian shrugged.
Avalon snorted, “Oh, yeah, she’s super maternal.”
“I don’t need a mother,” Olivia bit out.
A beat of silence pounded in the air before Avalon narrowed his eyes on her and his skeptical scowl turned into reluctant admiration. “Maybe you’ll be better off than I’m giving you credit for,” he said.
“Are we good here, then?” I demanded. I needed to get out of this room, away from these people. I had never been gladder to leave my friends behind. And while I knew my resentment would die down and I would get these emotional ghosts under control again, I just wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible. “Can I go pack?”
“Yeah,” Avalon answered. “Yes, you’re free to go. Call me when you land. I’ll want a full brief of what you find.”
“Sure thing, boss,” I called over my shoulder just to be a jackass.
I walked out into the hallway, shaking off the tension and frustration of that brilliant meeting of the minds. I couldn’t even remember deciding I wanted Olivia along. In fact, I distinctly recalled wanting her to stay behind.
And now, I wasn’t only saddled with her, but responsible for her to.
This was just about worst-case scenario for me.
“Jericho, wait!” she called from behind me. She jogged to catch up and I had to command my body into silent submission when all I wanted to do was lash out at somebody- hurt somebody.
“I have to go pack,” I said shortly. “You should go do that, too. I want to leave in one hour.”
“Oh,” she cocked her chin back and seemed surprised by my attitude. A pang of guilt punched me in the stomach, but I was in too sour of a mood to care. “I will, uh, go pack that is. But I just wanted to say thank you for standing up for me.” She smiled at me, her full lips lifting into a mildly reserved expression of gratitude.
One that I couldn’t allow her to keep. I hadn’t done anything for her except argue against stupidity. And in the end I would be paying the price for it. “Listen, I said what I did because they were being completely hypocritical and I didn’t think it was fair to you. But honestly, Liv, I don’t want you on this mission. Their points were valid. You don’t know how to fight, how to use your Magic or even if you could use your Magic if you really needed to. You’ve never been tested and you’ve had only one day to practice your skill. This is a huge liability on my end, one that I didn’t intend to take on.” I pinched the bridge of my nose to cover the fact that I couldn’t look at her anymore. “Besides, you’ll be in danger and you could easily put my team in danger.”
“Then why did you stick up for me?” she bit out angrily but her hurt expression betrayed her.
“I told you why. Eden was just as inexperienced when she started out and we treated her like our goddamn savior. I didn’t think it was fair to you.”
“I’m not a charity case, Jericho! I don’t need you to stick up for me because you can’t live with a guilty conscience.” She was seething with ire, I could feel it hot and fiery on my skin. Her Magic lashed out around her whipping and stinging mine like the tail of a scorpion. Taking in her wild eyes and flushed cheeks, I didn’t even think she knew what she was doing.
“You just came out here to thank me,” I reminded her callously. I wanted a fight right now- needed it- and she was happy to oblige. “Apparently you did need my help.”
“No,” she shook her head and stumbled back a step. “That was when I thought you were on my side. I had no idea you were using me to win your own damn argument.” She whirled around as if she couldn’t stomach being around me anymore.