We were on the plane within an hour, heading down the runway. Tony and I sat with Céline on one side of the aisle; the twins and Finn sat across from us. For a while I ignored them, but then it became impossible. They kept whispering and looking over at me.
I started grumbling under my breath.
“What’s wrong?” whispered Tony.
“Those two. They’re talking about me.”
Tony looked over. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Jayne,” Tony said softly. “Maybe you should just go over and introduce yourself. Get it over with.”
“I already did.”
“No, you didn’t. First you were attacked by them, and then I’m pretty sure you threatened them. Right?” He was giving me his patented Honest Tony Look, which I could never stand against for very long.
“Maybe. Okay, fine. Yes. I threatened them. But I’m not going to apologize. They are a danger to everyone I care about.”
“Come on now. You don’t really think they’d actually kill any of us, do you?”
“Maybe.”
“Jayne?”
“Fine. Probably not. But they could. If they wanted to.”
“So could you. But we don’t give you the evil eye and refuse to talk to you.”
“Tim gives me the evil eye all the time.”
“Hey!” squeaked a tiny voice from the cup holder in the arm of my seat, “Don’t drag me into your lover’s quarrel!”
I banged the edge of the armrest. “Oops. Sorry about that.”
I was rewarded with a reminder of Tim’s indigestion problems and rolled my eyes, refusing to acknowledge his petty, disgusting attempts at revenge. He giggled right after, fully aware of how much it irritated me.
“Say ‘excuse me’, piglet.”
“For what? I didn’t do anything. It was the dog.”
“We don’t have a dog here. All the werewolves are back at the compound.”
“It was the ogre then.”
I glanced over to where Ivar was sitting, in another row of seats all by himself. He was always on the plane when it flew. He must have like a billion frequent flyer miles.
“I’m going to tell him you’re blaming him for your farts.”
Tim’s head peeked up above the rim of the cup holder. “You’d better not!”
I pointed at him. “Behave.”
“You be Hayve,” he said, settling back down into his bed. “I’ll just be Tim.”
I rolled my eyes.
“What did he say?” asked Tony, watching us with a smile on his face.
“Absolutely nothing worth mentioning. He’s being childish again. And he’s gassy.” I nudged Tony in the arm. “Move. I’m going to get this over with.”
Tony swung his legs off to the side so they pointed out into the aisle, giving me room to get by.
Céline’s eyes followed me as I stood to get out of our row of seats.
I winked at her and she frowned a little in return.
I could hear Tony assuring her that I wasn’t going to start a war between the fae on the plane.
I sat down next to Finn, across from the twins.
“Hey,” I said, instantly getting their attention.
They stopped talking, and the more dominant twin said, “Hey,” in return.
“So, I’m here to make peace. Tony insists.” I tilted my head towards my friend and they both looked over at him, sizing him up.
“He commands you?” asked the shyer one.
I laughed. “Hardly. He guilt trips me, though, and that’s more powerful with someone like me.”
The bossy one smiled. “I’m the same.”
The other one smiled too. “I’m more of a ‘take commands’ type of girl.”
Finn leaned so far forward, staring back and forth among the three of us, I thought his head was going to fall right off his shoulders.
“Finn! What is wrong with you?”
“What?” He looked at me, his eyes all murky.
I looked at the girls suspiciously. “Did you do this to him?”
The bossy one shrugged. “Maybe a little.”
“Seriously, you need to stop. He’s a really nice guy and he’s spoken for.”
Her eyebrow arched up. “Really? By whom?”
I purposely clamped down on my angry reply. “By a really sweet water sprite who wouldn’t hurt a fly. A really good friend of mine.”
The nice sister nudged the other one. “Come on, Theresa. Stop.”
Theresa rolled her eyes. “Fine. Whatever. Plenty more fae in the sea.”
“Are there?” I asked, wondering if she was putting a spin on the human saying or being literal.
She smiled. “Sure. In the sea, on land, in the air ... ” She leaned forward, conspiratorially, whispering in a spooky voice, “We’re everywhere.” The way she said it freaked me out, which I think was the whole point. I was glad I was one of them and not a weak human – otherwise known as fae prey.
“So, your name is Theresa,” I said to the spooky one, before looking at her sister, “And your name is ... ?”
“My name is Felicia. Nice to officially meet you. Sorry about the bathroom thing. You kind of took us by surprise.”
I laughed mirthlessly. “No, I think it was you who took me by surprise.”
“Let’s just call it a surprise party and leave it at that, shall we?” suggested Theresa, the edge of her mouth turning up in a half smile.
I smiled at her. “Sounds good to me. Next time there’s going to be a party though, send me an invitation. So I can dress for the occasion.” I put my hand on Blackie meaningfully.
They both followed my movement and then laughed. “It’s a deal,” they said simultaneously.
“Seriously, you guys. Weird.”
“We like to freak people out,” said Theresa.
“It’s fun,” said Felicia. “Shakes things up a little.”
“I can’t imagine why you two think you need to shake things up. You guys just walking into a room does that.”
They both rolled their eyes.
Felicia said, “You were right earlier. With some of the things you said. It does get old sometimes.”
“But it’s in our nature to draw people to us – so we’re kind of stuck with it,” explained Theresa.
“Well, I’ll tell you what ... ” I leaned in a little closer to them. “I should probably feel guilty about saying this to you, but I refuse.” I gestured for them to come closer, which they did, so I continued in a soft voice. “There’s this guy you’re going to meet in a few hours. His name is Rick, but I like to call him Rick the Dick ... ”
“Jaaayyyne ... ” came Tony’s voice from across the aisle. “You’d better not,” he warned.
“Shut up, Baloney Head. Mind your own beeswax.”
He shook his head but left me alone.
I turned my attention back to the twins who were now definitely interested in what I had to say, especially since Tony felt the need to censure me. They were troublemakers after my own heart, I could totally tell. “As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted ... there’s this guy, Rick the Dick. He’s a total loser, asswipe of a guy – but if you get hungry, he’s absolutely the one you want. He’s so damn dark inside, I’ll bet he tastes like ... I don’t know ... brown sugar or something. Dark chocolate. Whatever is super tasty to succubi ... that’s what he tastes like. Feel free to drain him of every last drop of human energy he has in his disgusting body.”
Theresa’s and Felicia’s eyes glowed a dark crimson at the idea of sucking the soul out of Rick the Dick. I tried not to feel giddy at the idea of him being tortured to death, but it was really hard. Good Jayne was definitely taking a back seat right now to Bad Jayne, who was in the driver’s seat and steering toward revenge.
Tony looked over and said, “I agree you should probably go after him – but you can’t kill him. He’s not worth it, first of all, and I can’t have Jayne suffering the karmic aftereffects. So let
him live.”
I stuck my tongue out at him. Then I turned back to the twins, to clarify. “Just barely, though. Only a very small, tiny spark of life left. That’s all. Feel free to overdose on the Rickness.”
They smiled. “Don’t worry, Jayne,” said Felicia, “we get the picture.”
Theresa picked up where Felicia left off, “The whole picture.” She raised her eyebrows at me as a signal, and I could have sworn by that look that she knew what Rick had done or had tried to do to me when I lived with him in my mom’s house.
I nodded my head at her, not trusting myself to speak. If I said anything to them at that moment the least I would do is take a contract out on his life and forget the whole ‘leave a spark of life’ plan. He didn’t deserve to live, the molesting asshole. It was nice to imagine him being assaulted for a change, though. I felt a smile break out across my face as I imagined his possible future interlude with my new friends, Theresa and Felicia – the succubus twin bombshells from hell. Or heaven maybe. The jury was still out on that for now.
I went back to my seat and soon fell asleep, dreaming of Rick the Dick begging for mercy as the twins sucked the last spark of life from his rotten, shriveled soul. The next thing I knew, the jet was touching down in West Palm Beach, Florida at the Executive Airport just fifteen minutes from my mom’s house.
Chapter 18
I shook the drowsiness off from the long flight and nudged Tim, still asleep inside his cup holder nest, with my finger. He grouched at me a few times and groaned a bit but then got up, stretching and yawning. “Time to put on the glamour I guess,” he said, flying up into the air in front of me. He continued to hover a foot in front of my face as I left the plane and walked out onto the already steamy asphalt and headed to the small airport building nearby.
“Glamour, what glamour?” I thought he was talking about clothes or makeup or something.
“A pixie’s best defense against humans,” he said, “the dragonfly charm.”
I’d reached the door and was about to open it, but I had to wait for the performance that I sensed was coming. Everyone backed up behind me, waiting for me to finish dealing with Tim.
He spread his arms wide and then slowly drew them down across his body. When his hands had reached his thighs, he threw his arms out widely to the sides, shouting, “Behold!” in a majestic, resonating voice. Well, as majestic and resonating as a pixie voice could possibly be.
Nothing happened.
I giggled. “I think you’d better work on that charm, buddy.” I opened the door and stepped into the air-conditioned interior.
“Laugh all you want, but I know it worked.” He buzzed in behind me, fluttering near my head. “Now humans who look at me will only see a gorgeous dragonfly that they cannot bring themselves to touch or crush or capture or dissect or pin or any of the other terrible things humans do to those who are smaller and weaker than they are.”
“Seriously?” I asked him, looking at him closer but still only seeing Tim, the pixieman, flying in front of me.
“Seriously. Watch and learn, oh ye of little faith.”
He flew over to a girl working in the reception area. The girl smiled when she noticed him, her eyes following Tim’s every move.
I walked over and got her attention by clearing my throat.
Her eyes jerked over to me, slightly unfocused. “Hello. Can I help you?”
“Watcha lookin’ at?” I asked.
“That dragonfly over there. Isn’t it beautiful? I’ve never seen one so close. Look!” she said, suddenly animated. “It’s doing tricks!”
I looked over at Tim doing barrel rolls and flips in the middle of the airport. I said loud enough for him to hear, “Yeah. It’s not acting like a normal dragonfly, is it?”
His flight path straightened up and he left the building, blowing a juicy raspberry at me all the way out.
I turned back to the girl at the desk who was now busy gathering some papers together. “Can you call me a shuttle-sized taxi? I need to get into West Palm.”
“How many passengers are traveling with you, and how many bags do you have?”
Ivar was going to stay with the pilots near the plane, ready to take off at a moment’s notice, so I quickly added up the remaining fae in my head. Me, Tony, Finn, Céline, Felicia, and Theresa. Tim can ride on the roof. Or maybe he can pretend to be a squashed bug on the windshield. “There are six of us. One backpack each.”
“No problem. You can have a seat in the waiting area if you like. There are complimentary sodas and snacks in there.”
“Thanks,” I said as I walked away. I joined the rest of the group inside a glassed off area of the airport, already helping themselves to the goodies. I went over to the clear-fronted fridge and pulled out a root beer. It went down like the sparkling, sweet, icy goodness that I remembered. “Mmmm, that tastes awwwwesome,” I said in a singsong voice. “I’ve missed you root beer. Why can’t you come live in France with me?”
Céline walked over to join me at the cooler. “What are you drinking that you love so much?”
“Root beer. Nectar of the gods. Try some.” I held out the can to her.
She put it to her lips and took a small sip, squinching up her nose a little at the carbonation. She paused for a second and then slowly nodded her head. “That’s not bad, actually. I’ve never had that before.”
“Well, help yourself. There’s a cooler-full. You won’t get this back home. Root beer’s an endangered species. I’m afraid one day it’ll be gone forever.”
Céline pulled out a can and I took it from her, opening it up with a pop and a fizz of escaping air. She had pretty nails and I didn’t want her to ruin them – plus she had stared at the top for a few seconds, looking totally confused, so I was pretty sure she didn’t know how a pop-top worked.
She took a big gulp and a few seconds later a burp flew out of her mouth, obviously a big surprise to her by the look on her face. Her hand flew up to her lips and she turned a delicate pink. “Oh, my goodness. Please pardon my lack of manners.”
I started laughing. “Don’t worry about it. It’s the carbonation. Root beer is the best for burps.”
She looked at me uncomfortably, her hand still up at her mouth as if she was afraid another rebel burp would fly out at any second. “You like that about this drink?”
“Sure,” I said cheerily, letting out a little burp of my own. “What’s not to like?”
She giggled a little, which instantly allowed me to glimpse a much younger version of herself. She was a really beautiful person behind all those layers of formality and coolness. I’d bet in another life, we could have been friends. If we had been born in the same century maybe.
A voice came over the waiting room speaker. Party of six, your shuttle has arrived.
“That’s us,” I said out to the room.
Finn rushed over and threw open the door to the cooler, grabbing three more sodas and shoving them in his backpack. “For the road,” he said, winking at us. I noticed he took three of them. I wondered if they were all for him, or if he was planning on using a couple to ingratiate himself with the twins.
I shook my head. Pitiful.
We all got in the shuttle, and I looked around frantically for Tim. “Where is he?” I whispered as loudly as I could without letting the driver hear me.
Céline nudged me and pointed to the windshield. Clinging to one of the wipers was Tim, smiling his head off.
“Where to?” asked the driver.
I gave him my address and told everyone we’d be there in about fifteen minutes or so, depending on traffic. I tried not to totally stress out as we drove along, but it was impossible. First of all, Tim was hanging onto that damn wiper the entire way, screaming with excitement every time the driver turned them on trying to dislodge him. It was like a pixie amusement park or something. I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off when the guy turned on the washer fluid button, totally drenching the ‘dragonfly’ on his windshield. But I nearly had
a heart attack when we were stopped at a light and the driver got out with a rolled up newspaper and made as if he was going to smash Tim the dragonfly with it.
I screamed bloody murder, “Noooo!! Dooon’t!!!”
The driver looked at me like I was nuts, grabbing his chest, as if I’d nearly given him a heart attack.
I smiled at him weakly and said, “Sorry. I’m a pacifist. Please don’t kill the disgusting little bug.”
He rolled his eyes at me but got back in then van. “Pesky little critter,” the guy grumbled, sending me into relieved and hysterical gales of silent laughter. I had to hide my face in my hands because every time I looked at Tim, he was making faces at the driver or flipping him off. The guy probably thought I was crying.
But even with Tim’s antics and righteous indignation at being nearly smashed with the newspaper and covered in wiper fluid that did nothing for his hairdo, I was ready for a full-scale meltdown by the time we got to my house. I was seriously freaking out. And all the laughing during the shuttle ride had exhausted me.
Céline paid the driver while we all got out and retrieved our bags from the back. Before she let him go, she asked me, “Are you sure you want all of us here? Some of us could wait in the car. I’m sure the driver wouldn’t mind waiting, would you, sir?” She turned her head back to him, waiting for an answer.
“So long as you’re payin’, I’ll wait all day.”
“Why don’t you ask him to just wait for a while? We can come out later and tell him to go if we don’t need him.”
“Good enough,” said Céline, putting her head back into the van to explain her directions to the driver.
I watched him turn the key off, leaving the battery running. One of the digital numbers on the fare counter changed, showing we were still being charged by the minute. Hopefully we wouldn’t be here very long.
I stood out on the front lawn with my group of friends, the humidity of the day already seeping up through the crab grass that grew like weeds here. I never felt sicker in my life. Maybe my mom was inside, hurt, waiting for me to come see her. Maybe she was in the hospital, dying. Or maybe she was at work, completely oblivious to any emails that were sent, and some creature was waiting in my house to eat me.