VOLUME ONE, CHAPTER SEVEN.
That she is mad, 'tis true: 'tis true, 'tis pity; And pity 'tis, 'tis true: a foolish figure; But farewell it, for I will use no art. Mad let us grant her then; and now remains That we find out the cause of this effect, Or rather say, the cause of this defect. SHAKESPEARE.
Mr Dragwell has already made honourable mention of his wife; it willtherefore only be necessary to add, that he had one daughter, a handsomelively girl, engaged to a Mr Ramsden, the new surgeon of the place, whohad stepped into the shoes and the good-will of one who had retired fromforty years' practice upon the good people of Overton. Fanny Dragwellhad many good qualities, and many others which were rather doubtful.One of the latter had procured her more enemies than at her age she hadany right to expect. It was what the French term "malice," which bearsa very different signification from the same word in our own language.She delighted in all practical jokes, and would carry them to an excess,at the very idea of which others would be startled; but it must beacknowledged that she generally selected as her victims those who fromtheir conduct towards others richly deserved retaliation. The varioustricks which she had played upon certain cross old spinsters, tatlers,scandalmongers, and backbiters, often were the theme of conversation andof mirth: but this description of _espieglerie_ contains a most seriousobjection; which is, that to carry on a successful and well arrangedplot, there must be a total disregard of truth. Latterly, Miss Fannyhad had no one to practise upon except Mr Ramsden, during the period ofhis courtship--a period at which women never appear to so muchadvantage, nor men appear so silly. But even for this, the time waspast, as latterly she had become so much attached to him that distresson his part was a source of annoyance to herself. When therefore herfather came home, narrating the circumstances which had occurred, andthe plan which had been meditated, Fanny entered gaily into the scheme.Mrs Forster had long been her abhorrence; and an insult to Mr Ramsden,who had latterly been designated by Mrs Forster as a "Pill-gildingPuppy," was not to be forgotten. Her active and inventive mindimmediately conceived a plan which would enable her to carry the jokemuch farther than the original projectors had intended. Ramsden, whohad been summoned to attend poor Mr Spinney, was her sole confidant,and readily entered into a scheme which was pleasing to his mistress,and promised revenge for the treatment he had received; and which, asMiss Dragwell declared, would be nothing but retributive justice uponMrs Forster.
Late in the evening, a message was received from Newton Forster,requesting that Mr Ramsden would attend his mother. He had justvisited the old clerk, who was now sensible, and had nothing to complainof except a deep cut on his temple from the rim of the pewter-pot.After receiving a few parting injunctions from Miss Dragwell, MrRamsden quitted the parsonage.
"I am afraid it's a very bad business, Mr Forster," replied the surgeonto Newton, who had been interrogating him relative to the injuryreceived by Mr Spinney. "Evident concussion of the brain: he maylive--or he may not; a few days will decide the point: he is a poorfeeble old man."
Newton sighed as he reflected upon the disaster and disgrace which mightensue from his mother's violence of temper.
"Eh! what, Mr Ramsden?" said Nicholas, who had been for some timecontemplating the battered visage of his spouse. "Did you say, she'lldie?"
"No, no, Mr Forster, there's no fear of Mrs Forster, she'll do wellenough. She'll be up and about again in a day or two, as lively asever."
"God forbid!" muttered the absent Nicholas.
"Mr Forster, see if I don't pay you off for that, as soon as I'm upagain," muttered the recumbent lady, as well as the bandages passedunder her chin would permit her.
"Pray call early to-morrow, Mr Ramsden, and let us know how Mr Spinneyis going on," said Newton, extending his hand as the surgeon rose todepart. Mr Ramsden shook it warmly, and quitted the house: he had leftthem about half an hour when Betsy made her appearance with somefomentations, which had been prepared in the kitchen. Out of revengefor sundry blows daily received, and sundry epithets hourly bestowedupon her by her mistress, the moment she entered she exclaimed, in ahalf-crying tone, "O dear, Mr Newton! there's such shocking news justcome from the parsonage; Mr Spinney is just dead--and my Missis will behanged!"
Mrs Forster said not a word; she quailed under dread of the reportbeing correct. Newton and his father looked at each other; their muteanguish was expressed by covering up their faces with their hands.
When Hilton and the curate arranged their plans for the mortification ofMrs Forster, it was considered advisable that Newton (who was not soeasily to be imposed upon) should be removed out of the way. Hilton hadalready stated his intention to give him in charge of the vessel, and henow proposed sending him for a cargo of shingle, which was lying readyfor her, about fifty miles down the coast, and which was to be deliveredat Waterford. At an early hour, on the ensuing morning, he called atForster's house. Newton, who had not taken off his clothes, came out tomeet him.
"Well, Newton, how is your mother?" said Hilton. "I hope you are notangry with me: I certainly was the occasion of the accident, but I couldnot bear to see your worthy father treated in that manner."
"I blush to acknowledge, Mr Hilton, that she deserved it all," repliedNewton; "but I am very much alarmed about the condition of Mr Spinney.Have you heard this morning?"
"No; but between ourselves, Newton, doctors always make the worst oftheir cases. I never heard of a pewter pot killing a man; he'll do wellenough, never fear. I came to tell you that I've a letter last nightfrom Repton, who says that the shingle must be delivered before thetenth of next month, or the contract will be void. He desires that Iwill send the sloop directly, or he must employ another craft. Now, Ithink you had better start at once; there's a nice fair wind for you,and you'll be down afore night."
"Why, really, Mr Hilton, I do not exactly like to leave home just now,"replied Newton, thoughtfully.
"Well, as you please, Mr Forster," rejoined Hilton, with apparentdispleasure. "I have offered you the command of the vessel, and now youobject to serve my interests on the very first occasion, merely becausethere are a couple of broken heads!"
"I am wrong, most certainly," replied Newton; "I beg your pardon--I willjust speak a word or two to my father, and be on board in less than halfan hour."
"I will meet you there," said Hilton, "and bring your papers. Be asquick as you can, or you'll lose the first of the tide."
Newton returned to the house; his father made no objection to hisdeparture; and, in fulfilment of his promise, Newton was ready to start,when he encountered Ramsden at the door.
"Mr Ramsden," said Newton, "I am requested by the owner of my vessel tosail immediately; but if you think that the life of Mr Spinney isseriously in danger, I will throw up the command of the vessel, ratherthan leave my mother under such an accumulation of disasters. I beg asa favour that you will not disguise the truth."
"You may sail this minute, if you please, Mr Forster; I am happy to beable to relieve your mind. Mr Spinney is doing very well, and you'llsee him at his desk on the first Sunday of your return."
"Then I am off: good-bye, Mr Ramsden; many thanks."
With a lightened heart, Newton leapt into the skiff which was to carryhim on board of the sloop; and in less than half an hour was standingaway to the southward before a fine wind, to execute the orders which hehad received.
Ramsden remained a few minutes at the door, until he saw Newton ascendthe side of the vessel; then he entered, and was received by Betsy.
"Well, Betsy, you agreed to make Mrs Forster believe that Mr Spinneywas dead; but we little thought that such would really be the case."
"Lord love you, sir! why you don't say so?"
"I do, indeed, Betsy; but mind, we must keep it a secret for thepresent, until we can get Mrs Forster out of the way. How is she thismorning?"
"Oh, very stiff, and very cross, sir."
"I'll go up to her," replied Ramsden "but recollect, Betsy, that you donot mention
it to a soul;" and Ramsden ascended the stairs.
"Well, Mrs Forster, how do you feel this morning? do you think youcould get up?"
"Get up, Mr Ramsden! not to save my soul--I can't even turn on myside."
"Very sorry to hear it, indeed," replied the surgeon; "I was in hopesthat you might have been able to bear a journey."
"Bear a journey, Mr Ramsden! why bear a journey?"
"I am sorry to inform you that Mr Spinney's gone--poor old man! Theremust be a coroner's inquest. Now, it would be as well if you were notto be found, for the verdict will be `Wilful Murder!'"
"O dear! O dear!" exclaimed Mrs Forster, jumping out of her bed withfright, and wringing her hands: "What can I do?--what can I do?"
"At present it is a secret, Mrs Forster, but it cannot be so long.Miss Dragwell, who feels for you very much, begged me not to say a wordabout it. She will call and consult with you, if you would like to seeher. Sad thing indeed, Mrs Forster, to be placed in such a situationby a foolish husband."
"You may well say that, Mr Ramsden," replied the lady, with asperity;"he is the greatest fool that ever God made! Every one knows what asweet temper I was before I married; but flesh and blood cannot bearwhat I am subjected to."
"Would you like to see Miss Dragwell?"
"Yes, very much; I always thought her a very nice girl;--a little wild--a little forward indeed, and apt to be impertinent; but still, rather anice girl."
"Well, then, I will tell her to call, and the sooner the better, forwhen it is known, the whole town will be in an uproar. I should not besurprised if they attacked the house--the people will be so indignant."
"I don't wonder at it," replied Mrs Forster; "nothing can excuse suchprovocation as I receive from my husband, stupid wretch!"
"Good morning, Mrs Forster; do you think then that you could bearmoving?"
"O yes! O yes! But where am I to go?"
"That I really cannot form an idea--you had better consult with MissDragwell.--Depend upon it, Mrs Forster, that I will be most happy torender you all my assistance in this unfortunate dilemma."
"You're very good," snarled Mrs Forster: and Ramsden quitted the room.
I have one or two acquaintances, to whom, if I wish a report to becirculated, I immediately impart the substance as a most profoundsecret; and I find that by these means it obtains a much more extensivecirculation than if I sent it to the newspapers.
Ramsden was aware of Betsy's cackling propensities, and long before hequitted Mrs Forster, it was generally believed throughout the good townof Overton that Mr Spinney, although he had not been killed outright,as reported in the first instance, had subsequently died of the injuriesreceived from this modern Xantippe.
Mrs Forster had half an hour to reflect upon her supposed awkwardsituation; and to drive away thought, had sent for Nicholas, whom sheloaded with the bitterest invectives, when Miss Dragwell was announced.
"See, sir," continued Mrs Forster, "the condition to which you havereduced a fond and faithful wife--one that has so studied yourinterests; one--"
"Yes, indeed," added Miss Dragwell, who heard the attack as she ascendedthe stairs, and took up the cause of Mrs Forster to obtain herconfidence--"yes, indeed, Mr Forster, see the consequences of yourfolly, your smoking, and your drinking.--Pray leave the room, sir; Iwonder how Mrs Forster can bear the sight of you!"
Nicholas stared, and was about to throw in a detached word or two, byway of vindication, when a furious "Begone!" from his wife occasioned aprecipitate retreat.
"We have all been consulting about this sad business, my dear MrsForster," commenced Miss Dragwell; "and after much consideration havehit upon the only plan by which you may escape the penalty of the law.Yes, my dear ma'am," continued Miss Dragwell, in the most bland andaffectionate voice, "it is unwise to conceal the truth from you; thedepositions of my father and Mr Hilton, when they are called upon, willbe such that `Wilful Murder!' must be returned, and you--(the young ladyfaltered, and put up her handkerchief)--you must inevitably be hanged!"
"Hanged!" screamed Mrs Forster.
"Yes, hanged--`hanged by the neck until you are dead! and the Lord havemercy upon your soul!' that will be your sentence," replied the younglady, sobbing;--"such an awful, such a disgraceful death for a womantoo!"
"O Lord, O Lord!" cried Mrs Forster, who was now really frightened."What will become of me?"
"You will go to another and a better world, as my papa says in hissermons; I believe that the pain is not very great--but the disgrace--"
Mrs Forster burst into tears. "Save me! save me, Miss Dragwell!--Oh!Oh! that stupid Nicholas, Oh! Oh!"
"My dear Mrs Forster, we have all agreed at the parsonage that there isbut one method."
"Name it, my dear Miss Dragwell, name it!" cried Mrs Forster,imploringly.
"You must pretend to be mad, and then there will be a verdict ofinsanity; but you must carry it through everything, or it will bethought you are shamming. Mr Ramsden is acquainted with Dr B---, whohas charge of the asylum at D---. It is only nine miles off: he willtake you there, and when the coroner's inquest is over you can return.It will be supposed then to have been only temporary derangement. Doyou like the proposal?"
"Why, I have been mad for a long time," replied Mrs Forster; "theconduct of my husband and my son has been too much for my nerves; but Idon't like the idea of actually going to a madhouse.--Could not--"
"O dear, marm!" cried Betsy, running into the room, "there's a wholeposse of people about the house; they want to take you to the town jail,for murdering Mr Spinney. What shall I say to them? I'm fearedthey'll break in."
"Go and tell them that Mrs Forster is too ill to be taken out of bed,and that she is out of her senses--d'ye hear, Betsy, tell them all sheis _stark staring mad_!"
"Yes, I will, marm," replied Betsy, wiping her eyes as she left theroom.
Miss Dragwell walked to the window. Although the report spread by Betsyhad collected a crowd opposite the house, still there was no attempt atviolence.
"I'm afraid that it's too late," said the young lady, turning from thewindow. "What a crowd! and how angry they seem to be! you must behanged now!"
"O no! I'll be mad--I'll be anything, my dear Miss Dragwell."
"Well, then, we must be quick--don't put your gown on--petticoats arebetter--I'll dress you up." Miss Dragwell rummaged the drawers, andcollecting a variety of feathers and coloured ribbons, pinned them overthe bandages which encircled Mrs Forster's head; then pulling out along-tailed black coat of her husband's, which had been condemned,forced her arms through it, and buttoned it in front. "That will do forthe present," cried Miss Dragwell; "now here's the cat, take it in yourarms, go to the window and nurse it like a baby. I'll throw it open--you come forward and make them a curtsy; that will spread the reportthrough the town that you are mad, and the rest will then be easy."
"Oh! I can't--I can't go to the window, I can't indeed."
"I'll open the window and speak to the people," said Miss Dragwell; andshe threw up the sash, informing the gaping multitude that Mrs Forsterwas quite out of her senses, but perfectly harmless.
"Perfectly harmless, after killing a man!" observed one of the partybelow.
"They won't believe me, Mrs Forster; come, you must, or you willcertainly be _hanged_."
Urged by her fears, Mrs Forster approached the window, and showedherself to the astonished crowd. "Curtsy to them," said Miss Dragwell;holding her handkerchief before her mouth.
Mrs Forster curtsied.
"Smile upon them," continued the malicious young lady.
Mrs Forster grinned horribly.
"Now dance your cat."
Mrs Forster obeyed the injunction.
"Now give a loud shriek, and toss the cat out of window."
Mrs Forster uttered a hideous yell, and threw the animal at the headsof the spectators, who retreated with alarm in every direction.
"Now burst into a fit of laughter, curtsy to them, and wave your hand,and
that will be sufficient."
Mrs Forster obeyed the last order, and Miss Dragwell shut the window.In a few minutes the report spread that Mrs Forster had gone out of hersenses; and the murder of Mr Spinney, a topic which was nearlyexhausted, was dismissed for the time to dwell and comment upon thesecond catastrophe.