I’m so tired of stuffing around.
MARTIN
‘How did the exams go?’ I ask Annabelle.
‘Good. And to celebrate I put our name down for free tickets tonight. You want to see that new horror film?’
‘Yeah. There’s meant to be an amazing amount of blood.’
ALYCE
‘Hey, Alyce, it’s me. You want to go to the movies tonight?’ Brett asks.
I cough. ‘I’m not feeling very well. Can we go another time?’
‘You want me to come over and bring some soup?’
‘I’ll probably just sleep.’ I hang up, and the phone rings straight away.
‘It’s me,’ Andrew says. ‘You want to see a movie tonight?’
‘Okay.’ I am a bad, bad person. I’ll break up with Brett tomorrow. He sounds so happy now that mid-year exams are over. It’s only fair to give him one more day.
BRETT
‘Hey, Francavilla, you want to see a movie tonight? Alyce is sick.’
‘Yeah. I want to see that one with all the blood.’
GRACIE
There are rules on dates. Number one: you have to look good.
FLEMMING
But not too good. She’ll think you made an effort for her.
JANE
The trick is to not try too hard at not trying hard.
CORELLI
My hands are all sweaty. That’s bad, right?
FLEMMING
Relax. Just don’t make a move while you’re sweating.
CORELLI
What if I can’t stop sweating?
FLEMMING
See a doctor, mate.
GRACIE
Rule number two: you have to be in control.
KALLY
My brother told me to always carry a hammer.
JANE
I find the hammer puts them off.
FLEMMING
She’s right.
GRACIE
Rule number three: you have to be cool.
JANE
But not cold. I’ve gone out with some guys and it was like visiting the Arctic.
CORELLI
At least I wouldn’t sweat in the Arctic.
DAN
You want to be laid-back and calm.
JANE
But not so calm you look like you’d rather be at your grandparents’ house watching reruns of Gilligan’s Island.
CORELLI
I like Gilligan’s Island.
JANE
I refer you back to rule three.
GRACIE
Rule number four: you have to be funny.
CORELLI
Don’t be weird, though. Girls don’t like it when you’re weird.
ALYCE
I’m weird. Can girls be weird?
JANE
You can be quirky, which is different from weird.
MRS FALTRAIN
I suppose it’s no use saying ‘just be yourself’?
GRACIE
Mum ate from a fondue set the last time she dated. Don’t listen to her. I repeat: do not listen to her.
CORELLI
I think I need to go over the rules again.
JANE
Corelli pays for the tickets and we line up at the Candy Bar. So far, the night’s going exactly how I planned. There was music. There was good food. There were candles. I’m about to hand over my money for the popcorn when I see it. ‘There’s going to be blood.’
‘Yeah, it’s meant to be the best horror film made in years.’
‘No, I mean out here, before the film even starts. Faltrain’s life is a freaking movie.’ She and Dan walk in from one side of the building while Martin and Annabelle walk in from the other. ‘This is bad. This is badder than bad.’
‘It’s worse than you think,’ Corelli says, and nods towards the middle of the foyer. ‘Brett Mason’s here.’
‘So? He’s the least of my problems.’
‘But he’s not the least of Alyce’s.’
I follow his eyes and see my other best friend, hand in hand with Andrew Flemming. I hope that Alyce told Brett. I cross every part of my body, hoping that she told Brett. ‘Do you have the urge to run right now?’
‘Nope,’ he says. ‘This, I wouldn’t miss out on for the world.’
I would. I’d miss it for a dollar and one measly piece of popcorn. In fact, I’d pay someone so that I could miss this. I don’t want to see the people I love get hurt.
Gracie spots Martin and Annabelle holding hands about five minutes after they walk in. She jolts, like the life she’s travelling in stopped suddenly and changed direction. I see her trying to make sense of it. There’s no sense to make, though. There’s only life doing its thing, taking us by surprise, taking us to places we never expected.
I have to look away. When I look up again Gracie’s staring at Alyce. Alyce sees me. Brett sees her. Flemming sees him seeing her. Martin sees Gracie. Annabelle sees Martin seeing Gracie. Dan sees Annabelle seeing Martin seeing Gracie. Gracie sees me. She sees that I don’t look all that surprised. We both see that neither does Dan.
Martin and Annabelle move behind the Candy Bar for protection. If only a counter were enough to stop my best friend. On a scale of one to ten this is a twenty’s worth of crap. And not one of us saw it coming.
ALYCE
Oh dear.
MARTIN
Standing here, staring at Faltrain staring at me, I realise what an idiot I’ve been. Annabelle was right. I hate hurting her. I want to tell her I’m sorry. I want to say I’ve been gutless. I want to drag us back to that first soccer practice where her eyes were more scared than Corelli’s. I want to drag her back to when we were mates because whatever dumb things she does, Faltrain always has your back. And tonight I realise, I don’t have hers.
It always hurts worse to be slammed from behind. There’s no time to get ready for the pain. It hits you full force and steals the wind and you’re left feeling like an idiot because you didn’t see it coming. Faltrain and I have been mates for years. I saw this running up behind her but I didn’t do a thing to stop it.
I can’t untangle all the reasons why I didn’t want to tell her. Maybe part of me thought she’d drag me back, make it impossible to look forwards because I was feeling so guilty. It’s been such a long time since I just felt happy. I wanted to keep it simple.
But things aren’t simple. If you’re only happy because you’re blocking the world out, bet on it caving in. Faltrain deserves better than what I gave her. She’s biting her lip and looking like she’s going to cry. There’s no time to say any of the things I’m thinking, though. There’s no time for sorry. She’s launching the first phase of her attack.
‘Faltrain, no. You don’t want to do this . . .’
GRACIE
There are a few options open to a girl who needs to preserve her dignity when she sees her ex-boyfriend holding hands with her number one enemy.
Personally, I really wish I’d gone with the: ‘It’s lovely to see you, Martin. I’d like you to meet my date, Dan Woodbury’ option. It’s neat. There’s room for a quick getaway. It doesn’t leave Dan standing there looking like an idiot. It doesn’t leave me looking like an idiot, either.
But I choose option number two. In my defence, my life is coming undone around me like wet sticky tape. For a second I think I’m in an episode of Ripley’s Believe it or Not, or Candid Camera. Alyce is back with Flemming? Martin loves Annabelle? Dan and Jane knew?
So under the circumstances I think it’s completely reasonable that I leap the Candy Bar and land on Martin’s back. I think it’s less reasonable, but still understandable, that I open the popcorn machine and start smashing hot buttered handfuls into his face. But once I start spraying soft drink, I know I’ve gone beyond reason. ‘Stop me, Jane,’ I say when she runs behind the counter. ‘I need help.’
‘I told you to tell her,’ Annabelle says, Coke dripping from her hair to the floor.
‘Why didn’t you tell
me?’ I ask.
‘I had this crazy idea you might not take it well.’
‘It’s okay, Frank,’ Annabelle says to the manager. ‘I’ll pay for it.’
‘No, I’ll pay.’ I pull out my wallet. It’s soaked and my hands shake and I can’t get the money out. I feel like an idiot. All this time Martin was falling in love with Annabelle. Did he always like her? I empty every last cent that’s in my wallet on the counter and leave the scene of the crime, feet squelching and cracking across a sea of soft drink and smashed popcorn and and broken lollies.
‘How long have you known?’ I ask Dan. Even before he answers I’m clicking the pieces together. ‘Kally knew,’ I say. ‘That was Martin at the Orions’ house. All this time I was helping her with the trials and that stupid bet and she didn’t say a word? I talked to her about Martin. I trusted both of you.’
‘I thought you should hear it from Knight, at the start. Then after a while I thought having me around meant you wouldn’t care so much.’ He looks at the damage. ‘I guess you’re not quite over him, though.’
‘This isn’t about me not being over Martin. This is about being lied to by all of my friends.’ I feel like someone’s taken the good bits of this year and the last – the memories when Martin laughed with me and played soccer with me and kissed me, the memories of Dan and Kally – and stamped over them till there’s nothing left. ‘It’s not about you, Dan,’ I say.
‘I know it’s not about me. I thought it was, that’s all.’ And before I can answer he’s gone.
‘Faltrain, I’m sorry,’ Jane says. I want to be mad at her, too. But I have to trust someone because my world’s speeding past disaster and heading towards that apocalypse she predicted and on top of that I have popcorn in my undies.
‘I want to go home.’
Jane dials Mum’s number. ‘She’ll meet us out the front in ten minutes.’
‘Faltrain,’ Martin says. ‘Wait.’
‘Don’t talk to me again.’ I leave without looking back. I walk with as much dignity as sticky shoes and popcorn in my undies allow. Which isn’t very much.
ALYCE
‘You’re still going out with Mason, aren’t you?’ Andrew asks. ‘You’d better talk to him. He looks like someone’s kicked him in the guts.’ His voice isn’t angry. It’s sad. It reminds me of those clouds that hung in the sky when he hurt me. I hate that this time I’m the one who made it rain.
When Gracie lied to Martin and me last year I told her she was exactly like Annabelle. She wanted me to take that guilt away but I made her carry it all. I gave her more.
Life’s so much simpler when you sit on the side. It’s black and white from there because you’re so far away. When you come up close, though, it’s full of all different colours. It’s hard to make a decision about which one you like the best. Sometimes it’s so bright it’s too hard to see. You make the best choice you can and then you stand in front of the person you’ve hurt and you say sorry. ‘Brett, I feel terrible.’
‘How long have you and Flemming been together?’
‘Not long. I haven’t even kissed him.’ It’s a technicality, though, and it doesn’t make things any better. He keeps blinking, like he’s trying to make sense of things now that I’ve turned on the light. ‘Did you ever like me, Alyce?’
‘Yes, I did.’ But like I said before, ears can hear things that are scientifically impossible. Brett hears the whisper between my words tonight. I didn’t like him like he liked me. ‘I wanted to tell you . . . ’
He leaves before I finish talking, though. My list seems so stupid, now. This is how I thank the first boy who ever liked me enough to like me in front of everyone.
‘Alyce, we’re going,’ Jane says, in a soft voice. ‘Do you want to come with us?’
I nod, and follow them into the cloudy night.
52
MARTIN
‘Annabelle, wait.’ I feel like an idiot, standing in the street with popcorn all over me and the guys from school watching.
‘Martin, you need to talk to Gracie and sort things out with her.’ Her voice is gentle but it cuts just the same. ‘I want to be with you here. We can take a trip but we can’t stay on the road forever. You need to think about that before you talk to me again.’
And then she leaves. Typical. I’m so crap with girls they break up with me before I’ve even kissed them. I expect Flemming to laugh, and say I deserved it. ‘Come on mate,’ he says. ‘You’re not the only one who had a bad night.’
Corelli drives Flemming, Francavilla and me to the oval where we had our first soccer game. We sit there, staring out at the field. ‘Does anyone understand women?’ Flemming asks.
‘Not really,’ Corelli says. ‘Jane’s a mystery. I don’t even know if she likes me enough to stick around at the end of the year.’
‘She probably won’t stay for you. She’s a feminist. Do you remember in Year 5 she punched me for saying I liked her in short skirts?’ Francavilla asks.
‘Alyce is a feminist,’ Flemming says. ‘Did any of you know she was still seeing Mason?’
‘Yeah. We didn’t know she was seeing you,’ Corelli says.
‘I’m not smart enough for her, I guess.’
‘Faltrain’s one of those hard-core feminists, I reckon. What do you call them?’ I ask.
‘Ninjas,’ Flemming answers. ‘Did you see her leap the Candy Bar in a single bound? If you ever get married don’t invite her to the wedding.’ His voice lets me know that we’re mates again.
‘I failed Year 12,’ I say. ‘Stuffed up every exam. I’m doing it over next year.’ I didn’t even know I’d decided to do that until now. It feels right, though.
‘I made a peach tart last night. We can have it with vanilla pod and cinnamon ice-cream. Who wants food?’ Corelli asks.
‘Well, all right,’ I say. ‘Let’s go.’
*
‘What else you got in here?’ Flemming asks, looking in the fridge. ‘I feel like meat.’
We eat lasagna and bread and dips and cheese. Corelli’s mum walks in wearing her slippers and dressing gown and curlers and sits next to me. Francavilla makes room for Mr Corelli. We talk for ages about Italy and soccer and the ocean and women.
‘Women this, men that. You boys forget,’ Mrs Corelli says, and taps her heart. ‘We’re all people here.’
As she says it her slippers brush my feet under the table. She smells like powder. I watch her hands, passing food. I watch her eyes when she smiles at her son. I remember when I stayed over here as a kid I ached because my mum was gone and Corelli still had his.
I haven’t been thinking about Mum much since I got home because it always hurt too much to look back. But tonight it doesn’t, at least not as much as it did. I told Faltrain once that sometimes the only way to keep going is to leave the people you love. I can’t stay one jump ahead of Mum’s memory forever, though. That’s a lot of running and a lot of road trips. And I don’t want to leave again if Annabelle’s not coming with me. At least, I don’t want to go away again for good. I’ve been looking back for so long that it never occurred to me that I could look forward. I’ll find Mum in both directions. My home’s not that place she locked the door on anymore. I reckon my home’s wherever I decide to make it.
53
GRACIE
‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Martin,’ Jane says when we get home from the cinema. ‘Alyce thought we should but I didn’t want to be the one to give you the news.’
‘I didn’t want to lie,’ Alyce says. ‘If you can believe that.’
‘When did you start going out with Flemming again?’ I ask.
‘I’ve liked him all year. I’ve been making up excuses for us to spend time together. Did you see the look on Brett’s face? I feel so awful.’
I don’t know what to say to Alyce and then I remember what Jane told me last year. ‘You fix what you can and you live with the rest.’ I guess that’s what I was doing tonight, living with the parts of last year that coul
dn’t be fixed. ‘Martin never forgave me. If he had, he wouldn’t have lied about dating Annabelle.’
‘Maybe you’re looking at things the wrong way,’ Jane says. ‘Maybe he fell for Annabelle the way you fell for Dan, and he didn’t tell you because he knew how much it would hurt.’
‘I don’t care why they lied. They did it for months. Kally took my help. She listened to me talk about Martin and the whole time she was listening to Annabelle fall in love with him. I’m out of the bet. I don’t want to see any of them anymore.’
‘I lied on my United Nations application, too,’ Alyce blurts out. ‘I said I’d worked at the neighbourhood house for years so I could get into the program.’
‘Okay,’ Jane says. ‘If my parents ring me tonight and tell me I’m adopted, I won’t be surprised.’
‘The best thing about this year is you two,’ I say.
‘Right back at you both,’ Jane answers.
I wait for Alyce to chime in and make the trilogy complete. ‘Alyce?’