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Shelly and Thomas were waiting for me, as soon as I stepped from my bedroom, full of questions.
“What happened to you?”
“Where were you?”
“Roman said you were leaving us…are you?”
“Why were you blue?”
“I…I…don’t know if I’m leaving yet…but I promise if I do then you won’t have to stay here much longer. A couple days at the most…I promise,” I nodded to them as they tugged me down the hall towards the kitchen, their eyes wide at my words.
“Don’t leave us Lana,” Thomas whimpered now, tiny hands rubbing his eyes.
I scooped him up, cradling his head as I kissed his cheek, sadness pulling at me.
“I don’t think I have any other choice… I’m not going to let anything happen to you though…” I said now as Shelly’s face fell, her chin dropping to her chest when I tried to give her a hug.
“Do you still love us?” Thomas whispered as I sat him down in his chair, pulling a stack of homework from his backpack.
“Of course I still love you… I’ll always love you… I’m not leaving because I want to… It’s…it’s…complicated,” I finally said, not wanting to go into too much detail with them.
My heart pulled as the two of them looked at each other, their hands intertwining as Shelly took her seat beside Thomas.
I didn’t want to leave them, but I wasn’t their mother. I hoped the letter I had waiting to mail off to the Maine Department of Social Services would be enough to get them removed from the Pernickle house, but there was no way I would know for sure if I went with Jonas.
I was drained, my thoughts too full to fit anymore questions in. I listened halfheartedly as the twins read through their assigned reading and then started on their writing worksheets. How would I ever be able to say goodbye to them…to Roman…?