always thought what a pity it was for dogs like Fluffthat people preferred cheerful songs like "Annie Rooney" and "Waltz mearound again, Willie" to the nobler woe operas. He said he had triedto like good music himself, but it was no use: whenever he heard Fluffsing, he felt that Murchison ought to get rid of Fluff. Then Murchisonsaid that was just what he was going to do. What he wanted to talk aboutwas how to get rid of Fluff.
But I am getting too far ahead of my story. Whenever I get to talkingabout the howl of Fluff, I find I wander on for hours at a time.
It takes hours of talk to explain just what a mean howl Fluff had.
But as I was saying, Murchison came over while I was putting down thecarpet in my back bedroom, and told me he had fully decided to get ridof Fluff.
"I have fully decided to get rid of him," he said, "and the only thingthat bothers me is how to get rid of him."
"Give him away," I suggested.
"That's a good idea!" said Murchison gratefully. "That's the very ideathat occurred to me when I first thought of getting rid of Fluff. It isan idea that just matches Fluff all over. That is just the kind of dogFluff is. If ever a dog was made to give away, Fluff was made for it.The more I think about him and look at him and study him, the surer I amthat the only thing he is good for is to give away."
Then he shook his head and sighed.
"The only trouble," he said, "is that Fluff _is_ the give-away kind ofdog. That is the only kind you can't give away. There is only one timeof the year that a person can make presents of things that are good fornothing but to give away, and that is at Christmas. Now, I might--"
"Murchison," I said, laying my tack hammer on the floor and standing up,"you don't mean to keep that infernal, howling beast until Christmas, doyou? If you do, I shall stop putting down this carpet. I shall pull outthe tacks that are already in and move elsewhere. Why, this is onlythe first of May, and if I have to sleep--if I have to keep awake everynight and listen to that animated foghorn drag his raw soul over theteeth of a rusty harrow--I shall go crazy. Can't you think of some onethat is going to have a birthday sooner than that?"
"I wish I could," said Murchison wistfully, "but I can't. I want to getrid of Fluff, and so does Brownlee, and so does Massett, but I can'tthink of a way to get rid of him, and neither can they."
"Murchison," I said, with some asperity, for I hate a man who trifles,"if I really thought you and Brownlee and Massett were as stupid asall that, I would be sorry I moved into this neighborhood, but I don'tbelieve it. I believe you do not mean to get rid of Fluff. I believe youand Brownlee and Massett want to keep him. If you wanted to get rid ofhim, you could do it the same way you got him."
"That's an excellent idea!" exclaimed Murchison. "That is one of thebest ideas I ever heard, and I would go and do it if I hadn't done it sooften already. As soon as Brownlee suggested that idea I did it. I sentFluff by express to a man--to John Smith--at Worcester, Mass., and whenFluff came back I had to pay $8.55 charges. But I didn't begrudge themoney. The trip did Fluff a world of good--it strengthened his voice,and made him broader-minded. I tell you," he said enthusiastically,"there's nothing like travel for broadening the mind! Look at Fluff!Maybe he don't show it, but that dog's mind is so broadened by travelthat if he was turned loose in Alaska he would find his way home. WhenI found his mind was getting so tremendously broad I stopped sending himto places. Brownlee--Brownlee knows all about dogs--said it would nothurt Fluff a bit; he said a dog's mind could not get too broad, andthat as far as he was concerned he would just like to see once howbroad-minded a dog could become; he would like to have Fluff sent outby express every time he came back. He told me it was an interestingexperiment--that so far as he knew it had never been tried before--andthat the thing I ought to do was to keep Fluff traveling all the time.He said that so far as he knew it was the only way to get rid of Fluff;that some time while he was traveling around in the express car theremight be a wreck, and we would be rid of Fluff; and if there wasn't awreck, it would be interesting to see what effect constant travel wouldhave on a coarse dog. He said I might find after a year or two that Ihad the most cultured dog in the United States. Brownlee was willing tohave me send Fluff anywhere. He suggested a lot of good places tosend dogs, but he didn't care enough about dog culture to help pay theexpress charges."
"I see, Murchison," I said scornfully, "I see! You are the kind of a manwho would let a little money stand between you and getting rid of adog like Fluff! If I had a dog like Fluff, nothing in the world couldprevent me from getting rid of him. I only wish, he was my dog."
"Take him!" said Murchison generously; "I make you a full and freepresent of him. You can have that dog absolutely and wholly. He isyours."
"I will take the dog," I said haughtily, "not because I really want adog, nor because I hanker for that particular dog, but because I can seethat you and Brownlee and Massett have been trifling with him. Bring himover in my yard, and I will show you in very short measure how to getrid of Fluff."
That afternoon both Brownlee and Massett called on me. They came and saton my porch steps, and Murchison came and sat with them, and all threesat and looked at Fluff and talked him over. Every few minutesthey would--Brownlee and Massett would--get up and shake hands withMurchison, and congratulate him on having gotten rid of Fluff, andMurchison would blush modestly and say:
"Oh, that is nothing! I always knew I would get rid of him." And therewas the dog not five feet from them, tied to my lawn hydrant. I watchedand listened to them until I had had enough of it, and then I went intothe house and got my shotgun. I loaded it with a good BB shell and wentout.
62]
Fluff saw me first. I never saw a dog exhibit such intelligence as Fluffexhibited right then. I suppose travel had broadened him, and probablythe hydrant was old and rusted out, anyway. When a man moves into ahouse he ought to have _all_ the plumbing attended to the first thing.Any ordinary, unbroadened dog would have lain down and pulled, but Fluffdidn't. First he jumped six feet straight into the air, and that pulledthe four feet of hydrant pipe up by the roots, and then he went away.He took the hydrant and the pipe with him, and that might have surprisedme, but I saw that he did not know where he was going nor how long hewould stay there when he reached the place, and a dog can never tellwhat will come handy when he is away from home. A hydrant and a piece ofiron pipe might be the very thing he would need. So he took them along.
If I had wanted a fountain in my front yard, I could not have got onehalf as quickly as Fluff furnished that one, and I would never havethought of pulling out the hydrant to make me one. Fluff thought ofthat--at least Brownlee said he thought of it--but I think all Fluffwanted was to get away. And he got away, and the fountain didn't happento be attached to the hydrant, so he left it behind. If it had beenattached to the hydrant, he would have taken it with him. He was astrong dog.
"There!" said Brownlee, when we had heard the pipe rattle across theEighth Street bridge--"there is intelligence for you! You ought to begrateful to that dog all your life. _You_ didn't know it was againstthe law to discharge a gun in the city limits, but Fluff did, and hewouldn't wait to see you get into trouble. He has heard us talking aboutit, Murchison. I tell you travel has broadened that dog! Look what hehas saved you," he said to me, "by going away at just the psychologicalmoment. We should have told you about not firing a gun in the citylimits. You can't get rid of Fluff that way. It is against the law."
"Yes," said Massett; "and if you knew Fluff as well as we do you wouldknow that he is a dog you can't shoot. He is a wonderful dog. He knowsall about guns. Brownlee tried to make a duck dog out of him, and tookhim out where the ducks were--showed him the ducks--shot a gun at theducks--and what do you think that dog learned?"
"To run," I said, for I had heard about Brownlee teaching Fluff toretrieve. Brownlee blushed.
"Yes," said Massett, "but that wasn't all. It doesn't take intelligenceto make a dog run when he sees a gun, but Fluff did not run like anordinary dog. He saw the gun and he saw the ducks, and h
e saw thatBrownlee only shot at ducks when they were on the wing. And he thoughtBrownlee meant to shoot him, so what does he do? Stand still? No; hetries to fly. Gets right up and tries to fly. He thought that was whatBrownlee was trying to teach him. He couldn't fly, but he did hisbest. So whenever Fluff sees a gun, he is on the wing, so to speak. Younoticed he was on the wing, didn't you?"
I told him I had noticed it. I said that as far as I could judge, Fluffhad a good strong wing. I said I didn't mind losing a little thing likea hydrant and a length or two of pipe, but I was glad I hadn't fastenedFluff to the house--I always liked my house to