Both boys were sitting on the sofa, each one with a bag of frozen peas resting on their bruised faces. I felt sorry when I saw dried blood on the corner of Erik’s mouth and his bruised cheekbone. I took a wet gauze and began to wipe it gently.
“Ow!” he groaned.
“Don’t you even think of complaining.” I was glad to be able to give a little seriousness to my voice, when in fact it broke my heart to see him like this.
I glanced at Luke and saw a mocking smile starting to form on his lips. I threw the pack of gauze at his face.
“Hey! What's wrong with you? Don’t I get to have a nurse too?”
I ignored him, carrying on cleaning and tending to Erik’s bruises.
“I'm sorry,” said my angel, looking upset.
I had to force myself not to kiss him. “So you should be,” I answered, turning to his brother, to prevent his blue sea from melting me. “And what about you? Don’t you have anything to say?”
“I have lots of things to say,” he said, looking at the gauze soaked with blood. “But I'm quite sure you don’t want to hear them.”
He raised his head slowly and looked at me defiantly.
“Arrogant idiot,” I muttered, looking away.
Erik tried to smile but he ended up with a strange half-grimace because of his sore lip.
Luke got up from the couch, his face bent into an ugly scowl. The fight must have left him in pain too. Before he could leave, Jeff came in, frowning. “Sit down,” he ordered Luke, pointing at the sofa.
Luke obeyed reluctantly. I braced myself for the sermon they were going to get.
“I'm not your father, or your boss,” he began with his index fingers on his chin, extending the pause, surveying first one then the other with a cold, dark look. “I don’t care what happens between you. You’re out of your minds and I can’t control that, but inside this house you will behave like civilized people. I don’t want any more fighting, any more yelling, not one word out of place, you got it?”
They both nodded silently. Jeff's voice was so firm that I nodded too.
“Well, we’re done, then,” he added, standing up and going over to them. “I want you to see what’s just arrived.”
Erik and Luke exchanged a quick glance. My angel broke the awkward silence. Apparently, they’d forgotten that I couldn’t read their minds.
“When did it arrive? Who…?” He stopped in mid-sentence.
Jeff merely moved his head slightly and the brothers sprang to their feet.
I jumped in my seat too.
“What now?” I asked, my heart racing.
“We’ve been formally ordered to a meeting. They want a report on how our work is going.” Erik blinked in disbelief, looking at the paper in his hands.
“But we’re not going, right?” I whispered.
“You’re not, we are,” Luke replied.
“What?!” I leapt out of my seat, as if I had a spring fitted in my back.
“You’re going home,” Erik added, almost too calmly as he took my hand, which had been clinging to his jersey. Only then did I realize how white my knuckles were. “Jeff and Angie will go with you. I won’t let you go alone.”
“Have you gone crazy?” They looked at me as if they didn’t understand me, as if I was the one who was insane. “We've been days running from your ‘friends’ and now you’re going to meet them?”
I didn’t understand anything. What had gotten into them?!
“Stella, calm down. This is a good sign,” Erik replied, pensively. “By the look of it, they don’t know about my situation, and that gives us an advantage. I have to go so they don’t suspect anything. We misunderstood Rudolf's visit. It was just routine.” He patted my back gently, trying to make me feel better. “No one’s been following us, everything’s okay.”
“It’s a trap!” I yelled. “Can’t you see that?”
I couldn’t believe they hadn’t seen the connection; it was too much of a coincidence. But both of them seemed to have swallowed it. I couldn’t get over my amazement, now they were the ones who were looking at me like I was out of my mind.
“You see, honey...” Luke began.
“I'm not your honey,” I interrupted him, more than a little irritated.
“Okay, okay, whatever you say…” he conceded. “The fact is, whether it’s a trap or not, and we don’t think it is, we have to go.”
“Why?”
“Because if they don’t suspect us, we’d better not give them a reason to.” Erik said, surprisingly calmly.
I wanted to shake him to make him realize the danger involved in going to the meeting.
“Well, then I’m going with you,” I exclaimed suddenly, not sure about what I’d just said.
“No!” They echoed in unison. Erik's eyes flashed. I was scared.
“No way you’re going to do anything as stupid as that,” said Erik. “We’ll just pretend that everything’s normal and in a couple of days we'll be together.”
I woke up the next day with a clear idea in my mind, but I needed help.
“Luke, please!” I begged again and again; he looked at me warily.
“Don’t bring me into this.” He twisted his arm out of my grasp. “What’s got into your worm-ridden brain? You’re insane.”
“No more than you all are,” I replied.
“What if Erik finds out? What will you do then? Blame me as usual?” he sniped provocatively.
Another knife to the gut, but I didn’t care. I’d put up with whatever it took to get what I wanted.
“Erik doesn’t have to know.”
“No.” He shook his head, though his eyes showed that he was beginning to crumble.
A little more persistence and I’d have him where I wanted him.
“You know it’s a good idea; it can work.” He was still shaking his head, but he didn’t look at me. “Please ..., Luke, please,” I whispered pleadingly.
I put my hand on his arm again and caressed it lightly. He clenched his jaw. I felt terrible using him that way, but I had no choice. I needed his help.
“Don’t play games with me,” he grunted, grabbing my hand suddenly.
“I'm not playing games. I need to go with you and only you can help me.”
“All right,” he grinned slowly. “You’re supposed to hate me and would you believe it, I’m your only way out. Ironic, isn’t it? Who are you trying to kid?”
He turned to me, a very serious look on his face, his turquoise eyes staring at me.
“I don’t want the crumbs off someone else’s table. It’s all or nothing.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, feeling uncomfortable.
The conversation was turning against me. I deserved it. His grin became mischievous when he saw he was getting the upper hand.
“It’s easy.” He stopped for a few seconds and my breathing went out of control. “Just admit that you have feelings for me.” His hand eased its pressure on mine, caressing me. “Just say it, say what you feel inside and I’ll do whatever you ask.”
He had me where he wanted me, between a rock and a hard place. I felt the blood run cold in my veins. How could he expect me to say something like that?
“No,” I said firmly.
“No what? That you don’t feel anything for me or you're not going to say it?”
I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t answer while he kept his eyes on mine. I couldn’t believe how he’d twisted things round like that.
“You know very well I’m not in love with you, don’t even dream it,” I said at last.
“Then why don’t you look at me and say it?”
Damn! He’d noticed. I looked up hesitantly. His usually hostile eyes seemed sweet and sincere. I wanted to talk, but the words were stuck like a lump in my throat. I paused for too long.
“Okay,” he said, “you decide.”
He turned and began to walk away. I ran after him, grabbing him by the shirt.
“Wait!”
“Hav
e you changed your mind?” The sharpness in his voice exasperated me. I breathed deeply to calm down.
“Why can’t you help me instead of driving me crazy all the time?!”
“I don’t mean to drive you crazy,” he replied in an extremely sensual voice. “I’m just telling you what you don’t want to hear.”
It was stalemate; I decided to let it go.
“You’re impossible.”
I let go of him, hugging myself to keep warm. I’d gone outside when Erik locked himself in the study, planning his fictitious report. I wanted to convince Luke before Erik knew about it, but it had been in vain. Now I was freezing and I didn’t know what to do.
“If you change your mind I'll be on the couch, it’s more comfortable for a romp,” he winked.
I looked at him in disgust. How could he find it amusing to hurt me like that? I turned on my heels, furious and flushed with embarrassment.
I paced restlessly around the house for a while. Jeff and Angie were sitting on the couch reading, as usual. For a moment, they took such little notice of me that I thought I was invisible.
I was like a caged lion. I needed to go outside and clear my thoughts in the winter cold. I knew something was wrong. I had a knot in my stomach. That strange feeling of anxiety that only Erik could calm, but he needed to concentrate on what he was doing, our future depended on how convincing it was.
‘If only I could talk to Luke.’ The thought crossed my mind, leaving me dumbfounded.
Did I miss Luke? Was he a substitute for Erik?
I couldn’t believe it; I refused to keep thinking about it. I had to admit that, after Erik, the only person I trusted was Luke. My head wasn’t working normally. How could I feel calm with that overbearing, arrogant alien by my side?
A sharp pain shot through my temple, threatening to ruin the rest of the day. I walked around again, heading to the bathroom looking for a painkiller. Suddenly my vision blurred and everything disappeared before my eyes, plunging me into the deepest darkness.
“Stella, Stella, my love...” I heard the voice of my angel, distant, like a dream.
Someone was shaking me gently. I opened my eyes with difficulty, blinded by the sudden light. I blinked a few times to adjust my vision.
A beautiful face came between the blinding light and my eyes.
“Stella, honey, are you okay? Can you hear me?”
The concern in his voice couldn’t hide the hint of unease behind it.
“Erik,” I whispered weakly.
My mouth felt pasty and my throat was dry.
“How do you feel? Here, you need to drink something,” he said, putting his arm behind my back, helping me to sit up to drink some water.
“What happened to me?”
Angie found you lying on the bathroom floor. You’ve been unconscious for an hour.
“I... don’t remember anything.”
I tried to move, my head hurting terribly, then I remembered why I’d gone to the bathroom. Apparently, I’d passed out before I could take the pill. What a genius.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked. I couldn’t read his eyes.
“Luke told me what you were up to,” he said.
Perfect. That idiot had opened his big mouth. Now I understood what was in Erik's eyes: distrust.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“I don’t think I need to,” I said, massaging my temples.
“Well, let me tell you something,” he lashed out angrily. “What you were thinking is too risky and totally useless. You’d only get hurt. Do you still not realize how much danger you’d be in if you came with me?”
Fear ran through my body. Wasn’t the danger supposed to have passed? Hadn’t we simply misunderstood everything? Apparently I was right. They were just pretending to be unconcerned not to worry me. He lay beside me on the bed and pulled me against his chest.
“You’re hiding something from me,” I said.
“Here we go again...”
“Yes again, and as often as is necessary,” I answered.
I felt dizzy. Erik forced me to lie back when he saw my face.
“You need to rest.” He kissed my forehead tenderly.
I tried to hold him in my arms, but I was too slow. He was already standing up.
“Don’t go.”
“I’m just going to the living room so you can get some sleep.”
“No, please stay here with me.”
He didn’t need any more persuading to lie down beside me. I curled up in his arms. My muscles began to relax while Erik rocked me slowly until the sweet swing of his arms sent me to sleep.
The dream was as real as my anguish.
A sweet voice was calling me. The warm, sensual melody belonged to a faceless figure. I propped myself up, trying to get a better look, and there he was, my angel with golden hair and his eyes like melted ice. He reached out, whispering my name over and over again. I wanted to run to him but something held me back and paralyzed me. I reached out, trying to touch him, but Erik was getting further and further away from me.
I screamed, struggling to get rid of whatever was holding me back, but it was impossible. I turned around to see what it was. Luke, with a mocking grin pasted all over his face, looked back at me with smug satisfaction. He was the one who was holding me back, taking me away from my angel. I could no longer hear his sweet voice. His image faded, diffused through the fog. I screamed in horror while a wicked laugh echoed behind me. I heard Erik’s voice again.
“Stella! Stella, wake up!”
“Erik, you’re here,” I sighed with relief snuggling into his arms, my eyes filled with tears.
“It’s over, calm down. It was just a bad dream,” he said, stroking my head gently. By the looks of it, I’d been screaming in my sleep.
“You were going away and I couldn’t do anything and…” I mumbled tearfully.
“I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here,” he whispered.
Slowly it started to sink in that it had just been a nightmare, and that Erik was hugging me.
“Better?” he smiled, but I could see the worry in his eyes.
“I think so,” I said slowly.
It was pathetic. I wasn’t satisfied with crying about what was happening in real life. Now I was blubbering like a baby over a stupid dream.
“Do you want to go back to sleep?”
“No, not yet.” I was too upset to close my eyes again.
“So. What are we going to do now?” he said, arching an eyebrow.
My body melted into his sky-blue eyes. It took me a few seconds to answer.
“What if you tell me what you wrote in your report?”
Maybe ‘report’ wasn’t the right word, but then I didn’t speak alien.
“I don’t think that's a good idea.”
“I promise I won’t be angry.”
“I don’t care. I’m not going to tell you. What I can tell you is that I’ve changed all your personal data in case things go wrong and they decide to come after you.”
“I don’t want to go back to Chemainus without you,” I objected.
“We've discussed this before,” he said firmly
“It’s not a good idea to split up. What if it's a trap? What if they brainwash you like Luke said? Why won’t you listen to me? Please...” I was starting to sound as desperate as I was.
“Stella, nothing’s going to happen to me,” he said, stroking my hair to comfort me. “I know how these things work. I promise I’ll be home before you know it; you won’t even miss me,” he added softly, kissing my forehead.
“I miss you already. Can I ask you something else?”
“Sure, but maybe later, when you’ve had enough rest,” he said sweetly.
“I need to know now,” I said firmly.
“Sure. Ask away.”
“What happened to me before? Why did I lose consciousness?” I had the feeling that my blackout wasn’t simply caused by a drop in my blood pressure.
There was something else.
“I honestly don’t know, but I don’t like it. I'll be happier when you see a doctor. Now stop talking and go to sleep.”
He didn’t have to tell me twice before I collapsed in his arms. Erik was right: my blackouts were worrying. I couldn’t think about it anymore. The sweet unconsciousness of sleep wrapped around me in my angel’s arms.
Dawn came slowly, unhurriedly. A soft beam of light began to appear through the window, diffused by the curtains. I looked at Erik's hair as it shone in the dimness. His untroubled face was like a Greek god’s as he slept. I pinched my arm to be sure he was real. I would never experience greater joy than I’d felt when I was with him, or greater sadness than being apart from him.
His eyes began to move; he opened his eyelids slowly and showed me the dawn of heaven.
“Good morning,” I whispered.
“Best morning ever, waking up next to you,” he said, my heart running wild. He drew slowly closer to me and kissed me on the cheek.
Someone knocked on the door, bursting my bubble, making me jump out of bed as if someone had kicked me. Erik also got to his feet, but more calmly.
Luke came in without asking permission.
“Come on, we have to pack,” he said brusquely.
“Stella, you should start to get your things together. The ferry leaves early in the afternoon,” said Erik, looking at his watch.
His voice wasn’t as reassuring as I’d hoped. There was an anxiety in it that I didn’t like.
“I don’t have to go anywhere,” I replied, clinging onto a slim thread of hope. “I can stay here with you or go with you to… wherever it is that you have to go.”
“Stop worrying. In two days I’ll turn up at your front door and we’ll never be apart again, I promise.”
“I hope so,” I said, hugging him and leaning down to kiss him.
“Dear God!” bellowed Luke. “You two make me want to throw up. Get a room or something!”
I smiled. Luke was hurt; it was obvious, even if he tried to mask it with his usual sarcasm. I kissed Erik again, ignoring his brother’s grousing.
DARKNESS
“In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments; there are consequences.”
Robert Green Ingersoll