The trail was over flat ground and clearly visible. It was built for the tourists who flocked to the lake, eager to get close to nature. I walked slowly, hearing without listening to the conversations unfolding around me.
Megan spoke with Beth about discounts on clothes, or some such, and Daniel and Thomas about a baseball game. Occasionally all four of them talked about the same thing. To be honest, I was paying pretty much zero attention to them. I was disappointed by the absence of one person in particular.
I wasn’t going to see him again until Monday, if I was lucky; although the way things were going lately, he’d probably run for the hills at the sight of me. A feeling of uneasiness hung over me. The day was bright, full of light and it was even warm, despite the weather forecast. But I felt like I was inside a cave: damp, cold and dark.
Thomas was climbing on each and every one of the rocks he found on the way. Megan was quite happy to follow him, while Beth and Daniel walked hand in hand.
I concentrated on getting something useful out of the trip, enjoying the scenery. The way the sun fell on the leaves of the trees was really beautiful, giving off greenish hues, and a special shine.
Beth and Megan had tried unsuccessfully to slip me into their conversation, with direct questions that I answered with monosyllables.
I walked on, immersed in my thoughts, wallowing in my misery, when I saw him.
I couldn’t believe it. My mind was playing tricks on me. I was seeing my angel's face and hearing his sweet voice when he wasn’t here. Or that’s what I thought.
He appeared from among the trees, running to where we’d stopped to rest and have a drink. He was shouting something that we couldn’t make out.
“Erik, what’s going on?” Daniel asked, reaching him in two strides.
“Can’t you hear it? Avalanche! Run!”
Daniel and the rest looked up at the slope right in front of us. It was real! Erik was here! My brain processed his words in an instant, forcing my eyes to stop looking at him, to look up.
A huge block of ice began to crack and broke into several pieces that were beginning to slide down the hill. It dragged stones and tree branches in its path. We ran, while Erik warned the other hikers to get out of there.
Everything happened too fast. I glanced back and he was gone. I could only see a jumble of icy rocks, mixed with mud and tree stumps where I once saw his slender figure.
“Erik!” I screamed desperately; Thomas was holding me back and I was struggling to break free. “Let me go, Thomas!”
“Are you crazy? We can’t do anything for him. You’ll only end up getting hurt!”
The seconds seemed like hours, with the uncertainty of not knowing what we’d find after the avalanche.
When the mountain had gone silent again, Thomas let me go and I bolted toward the place where I’d last seen Erik.
Thomas and Daniel got there before me, jumping over rocks and fallen branches.
“Erik!” we yelled again and again.
“I'm here!” We heard his strained voice near us. Beth grabbed my hand tightly, trying to reassure me.
A couple of tree trunks and several blocks of ice covered his lower body. Daniel and Thomas knelt beside him and managed to get everything off him, but only after a tremendous effort. Megan stood behind us, motionless, paralyzed with fright, while Beth and I hurried to help them.
Erik moved and kicked away the last lump of ice.
“Don’t move!” I said anxiously “You might have broken something. We need to call an ambulance.”
I started looking in my backpack to get my damn phone.
He put his hand on my shoulder and I turned around, startled.
“What are you doing?! Sit down!”
“I'm fine, believe me,” he replied smiling, brushing the dust from his clothes.
He had bruised arms and a nasty cut on his leg, which began to bleed profusely.
“Is that your idea of ‘fine’?” I said, pointing at his leg.
“Don't worry, I heal fast and it barely hurts.” The tone of his voice and carefree smile were totally convincing.
“But half the mountain fell on you!” I couldn’t have been more astonished.
“It wasn’t a big deal. I promise you. Are you okay?”
“Of course, I'm fine, but you...”
“Stop worrying about me.” He cut me off in mid-sentence. “Like I said, I'm fine.”
I hit the ‘off’ button on my phone angrily.
“Shit, no signal. We'd better get out of here and get you to a hospital,” I murmured, looking for approval from the others, who were standing a few yards away, watching us without daring to butt in.
“Stop talking nonsense.”
He turned to Daniel before I could go on protesting.
“What were you doing around here?” he asked.
It was Beth who answered.
“Isn’t it obvious? We were on a daytrip. We wanted to invite you, but nobody knew your number,” she explained, shifting her gaze between the two of us “But here you are as well. Quite a coincidence, isn’t it?” She was looking at me more than at him.
“Yes, a coincidence – and just as well. If I hadn’t been here, you’d all be all mashed potato now.”
Beth laughed at the joke. I didn’t find it funny.
“The weird thing is it was you who ended up being mashed,” I muttered in a sort of stage whisper.
I couldn’t stand why he was playing the tough guy. His whole body must have been aching. It was a miracle that he’d come out alive, but he didn’t seem to care at all.
“You're right. Thanks buddy,” said Thomas, hitting him on the shoulder. Erik growled. “Sure you’re ok?”
“Perfectly.” he said, smugly.
I looked at him in amazement, as did my friends. But it seemed true. Erik had emerged completely unscathed from the accident.
I turned to get out of the mess of ice and branches around us, followed by Erik and Daniel. I stumbled spectacularly over the branch of a tree, and lost my balance, falling to the ground.
I hadn’t had time to react, when two strong arms lifted me quickly.
“Are you hurt?”
“No, I… I'm fine,” I stammered, feeling the electricity flow between us.
He began to brush off the dead leaves clinging to my clothes. The others ran towards us.
“What happened to you?” Beth asked, though it was obvious.
“What else?” said Thomas, “Stella is Captain Clumsy.”
“She sure is,” my angelic vision answered, smiling at me.
“Poor thing, she doesn’t look so good,” Megan replied, looking at me.
I didn’t know how I looked, but her face scared me.
Meanwhile, Beth kept asking me how I was. I didn’t answer.
I was concentrating on the millions of sensations that had taken over my body. Now the day was perfect in every way, with Erik beside me.
I was sitting on a rotting tree trunk, watching him. He was talking quietly with Daniel. His charming smile was blinding my vision.
The others were lying on the floor beside me, taking advantage of my inept blundering to rest a little more and recover from what had happened. I watched in fascination as the weak threads of sun streamed in through the tops of the trees to play on Erik’s hair, picking out golden highlights.
I still couldn’t believe he was real. There he was, tall, slender, divine, beautiful... unreachable.
“Are you going to join us?” Beth asked him, pinching my arm quietly. I nudged her back.
“Yes, if you don’t mind. I might help Stella to watch where she’s going.” he smiled, mockingly.
I had to make a superhuman effort to bite my tongue and not answer. It was obvious I was a walking disaster on uneven ground.
“Perfect, shall we go on?”
We all stood up, taking up Beth’s suggestion. I knew the way; we just were a few yards away from the lake. I leaned against the tree trunk that se
rved as my seat to get up. An intense pain shot through my ankle like a sharp knife tearing my tendons.
“What’s up?” Erik's face was a reflection of my pain. He looked concerned. There was no sign of his previous mockery. “Is it really hurting?” He knelt beside me and began to feel my sore ankle.
Thomas was mooching around us. I’d done it; I’d ruined our day out.
“Do you want to go home?” Beth’s disgruntled voice made me think again about wanting to get out of there.
“No, if he's alright, then so am I,” I said pointing at Erik; I still couldn’t believe that he hadn’t uttered a word of complaint, when my pain was killing me. I had to be strong “You guys go on, I’ll catch you up. I just need to rest a little more.”
“You’re white as a sheet. I’m not leaving you here alone.” Beth sat beside me again, looking deadly serious. I felt terrible for being so awkward and clumsy.
“Beth, seriously, I'm fine and I know how to get to the lake.” My voice gave me away. It wasn’t half as self-assured as I’d meant it to be. It was faint and shaky. Beth shook her head, standing stock still beside me.
“I'll stay with her.” Erik’s friendly voice went through my body like a jolt. When would I get over this weakness? My attraction to this angel was going from bad to worse.
It was becoming unhealthy.
Beth jumped to her feet, her old cheerful self, and looked at us both. Erik was kneeling at my feet and I was sitting on a tree trunk, my face wracked with pain.
“Stella, do you really want me to go?”
“Sure, relax. Erik will help me if I need it.” I was hoping she’d just disappear once and for all.
Thank God, Beth caught my pleading look.
“Okay, see you at the lake.” She turned to Erik to add. “Don’t listen to her; she’s pig-headed, she’s a born masochist. Although she says she’s alright, she isn’t, know what I mean?” Erik nodded. “Perfect. Take care of her, okay?” Erik nodded again and winked knowingly. Beth walked away smiling, catching up with the others.
“Can you walk?” he asked me when we were alone at last.
“I'm not sure. It hurts a bit when I put weight on my foot,” I lied. It was agony when it touched the ground. “But it’s nothing serious. And are you okay?” I tried to smile, but it was more like a grimace.
“Yes, for the millionth time, it was nothing. Let me help you, please.” He put his arm around my waist, electrifying my body. “Up!” he added, lifting me almost effortlessly. “Is that better?”
I staggered again, this time because of the excitement that came over me. I put my weight on my foot, resting it on the ground unintentionally. My face went from crimson red to nuclear white in seconds. The pain was so excruciating that I couldn’t even manage a groan. My eyes were shut tight, and I was biting my lip. I couldn’t fool him, of course.
“It hurts a lot, doesn’t it?”
I had to answer. I was sure the look on my face expressed how I was feeling better than any words right then. I took a deep breath; I slowly opened my eyes and looked at him. Now that was a bad idea.
I had to force myself not to have a heart attack. His face was a few inches from mine. His eyes, more intense than ever, looked at me in a way that made me blush despite the pain. His lips curled, exposing his perfect teeth.
“Well, now you have no excuse to keep ignoring me.”
“Ignoring you? What makes you say that? It’s you who’s been avoiding me these last few days.”
His words hurt me even more than my injured ankle. Ignore him?! I was so obsessed by him that I couldn’t sleep or eat, or do anything except think about him.
“I don’t know, you seem uncomfortable when I'm around.” He shook his head, as if there was some undesirable thought in his mind.
“I don’t feel uncomfortable; you intimidate me just a little,” I answered lowering the tone of my voice at the end, embarrassed.
“Maybe it’s better that way,” he said, fixing his eyes on the ground. He looked pained.
“What do you mean?” I had to clear this up once and for all. I didn’t like seeing him like this.
“You don’t know me, so go with your intuition. It knows best.”
Now I was completely lost.
“Why should I do that?”
“Because maybe,” he whispered, with his blue eyes gazing into mine, “this is the last chance you’ll have to get away from me.”
His voice was incredibly seductive. His eyes, like melting ice, were scrutinizing my face. ‘Get away from him?’ I thought. Erik didn’t realize how impossible that was. Since our eyes had met for the first time, my life had been turned around, and I had no choice. But I wasn’t about to tell him that. Maybe I was just misinterpreting what he was saying.
“How did you know we were here?” The question was out of place, but I needed desperately to change the topic.
“I didn’t, it was just a coincidence. I wanted to walk around and clear my head. I didn’t know whether I wanted to come here or go to the beach, but in the end, I opted for the lake.” That strange look appeared in his eyes again. As if something was tormenting him, as if he was fighting himself inside.
“I'm glad you decided to come here.”
“Me too, I think.” he said.
Was he sorry? He spoke so softly that I didn’t know if I’d heard him right. I stopped thinking altogether when I felt his strong arm around my waist, pulling me closer to his side, closer to him, if that was possible.
Butterflies shimmered up my stomach and then fluttered down my spine.
It felt so good to be by his side. A stupid idea came over me. I wanted him to look after me, to care for me and never let me go. I wanted those butterflies to stay and live forever in my stomach.
“Tell me something about yourself,” he said sweetly. All his anxiety had disappeared.
“I have nothing interesting to say. My life is pretty normal.”
“Tell me about your parents. I saw their photos the other day in your house,” he added like an explanation, as if he was trying to justify his intrusion into my private life “You seem very close.”
“I'd rather not talk about it,” I muttered dryly.
“I'm sorry; I didn’t want to be intrusive. If I’d known it would bother you, I wouldn’t have...”
“It's not your fault,” I interrupted him. “My father died and I... well... I don’t want to talk about that, okay?”
“Okay.”
We went on in silence. Erik supported most of my weight, but he still didn’t look tired at all. Neither was he complaining about his wound; now it was clean it didn’t look as bad as it had at first. Not even his breathing had changed, despite the effort.
We’d almost reached the end of the trail. Erik hadn’t opened his mouth. Maybe I’d been too sharp with him. I looked sideways and saw his dark, distant face. What had brought on such a change in him? For a moment, I wondered whether he was bipolar or something. It was disconcerting how quickly the joy had changed into sadness. I leaned over a little to get a better look at his face. He slipped his arm around my waist, making my skin burn under my clothing.
I couldn’t bear to see him like that, it wasn’t the first time. I needed to find out what was causing him so much anguish. Maybe he felt bad about giving me false hopes. If so, I’d sort it out on the spot. If I was crazy about him, it was my thing. Erik wasn’t to blame for being so attractive or for me being such an idiot.
“Why are you so sad?” I asked suddenly, without taking my eyes off the endless blue of his eyes. “What makes you think I'm sad?” He wasn’t denying it, but he seemed surprised.
“You're very quiet and your eyes...” I said turning my gaze away “…are kind of switched off. Take no notice of me; I’m just being silly.”
He stared at me. Without moving, speaking or smiling. Only his eyes spoke. There was something he wasn’t prepared to say. A spark crossed the sky that I’d recreated so many times in my dreams. It was a new, br
ight light. His eyes came alive again.
“I'm sorry, I didn’t want to...” What was I doing? It wasn’t like me. Why didn’t I think before opening my big mouth? Usually I was more restrained, but I seemed to do everything backwards when he was around. I realized I was wasting another promising afternoon.
“Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter.” He surprised me again. There was self-assurance in his voice and his face was inscrutable. But he wasn’t looking at me anymore. “How's your ankle?”
The way he changed the topic took me by surprise and I took longer than necessary to answer.
“I think I'll survive. And how’s your leg?”
“I‘ll survive too.” He sounded like his life really depended on it.
I don’t know why my body reacted quite differently to how it had before with Erik. I felt a terrible fear of losing him.
Beth and Daniel were waiting for us a little behind Megan and Thomas; knowing them, they would have walked two or three times around the lake quite happily.
Having company irritated me. I could quite easily have done without them. I just wanted to be with him and nobody else. I was scared by the truth of what I was thinking. He was my obsession, my addiction. He was kind of a sun and I was simply in orbit around him, attracted by some kind of magnetic force.
“Where are the others?” I asked when we caught up with my friend and her southern love.
“They’re waiting for us at the viewpoint.”
“Damn,” I groaned.
The viewpoint was a group of rocks from which you could admire the lake in all its glory. Usually not too difficult to climb, but with my ankle I was going to have problems getting up there.
“Something wrong?”
“Yes, climbing up to the viewpoint is going be a bit tricky.” I lifted my injured leg, to confirm the obvious.
“I'll take you.” He swept me up so fast that I couldn’t complain until I was up in the air.
“Put me down!” I could barely breathe because of the pressure I felt in my chest.
He laughed and put me back on the ground very gently, putting his arm back around my waist.
Beth and Daniel were having a great time watching my ridiculous performance, while the mound of rocks rose defiantly in front of me.
“Are you sure you don’t really want my help?” Erik read my face as well as I read his.
“No, I can do it alone.”
“You're a little stubborn, aren’t you?”
We were standing there, he was holding me by the waist and I had my arms crossed over my chest.
“Come on, grab onto me or I’ll lift you up again.”
I held tightly to his back, my heart pounding wildly. If he didn’t want me to get the wrong idea, this wasn’t the best way to go about it. I had to put a stop to this madness.
“Okay, now what’s the matter?” he asked wearily.
“I don’t like people playing around with me.”
“I'm not playing around with you,” he replied seriously.
“Really? So why are you still here when I get the feeling you don’t want to be?” I pushed him away a few inches.
“You want me to go?” His voice was cold. Before I could answer he turned away from me, shoving his hands into his pockets.
I lost my balance and I had to lean on my foot. The pain was as intense as the first time. I felt like retching.
Erik was deciding between picking me up and leaving me there. My face didn’t help much. I must have looked destroyed, judging by the way he was looking at me.
“Stella please,” he whispered, coming up to me. “Don’t do this to me. Let me help you. I can’t stand seeing you like this.”
“All right,” I said in a small voice “Sorry, I just don’t like being out of control like this.” I immediately regretted saying it.
“Why are you out of control? Because you’re hurt?” I found myself leaning on him again. It felt so comforting to feel his body close to mine and his strong arm around me!
“I suppose so.”
I felt him looking at me, and I lifted my eyes, driven by a higher force than my will.
“Hey Erik!” Voices came from the viewpoint. “Do you need any help with Stella, or can you manage on your own?” I swore to kill Thomas as soon as I got close enough. My face must have gone purple, from the way Erik was smiling at me.
“I'm not climbing up there!” I answered, before Erik could.
“What?” Beth's voice was the shrillest “What do you mean you’re not climbing up here? Erik, make her see sense!”
“Leave me out of this! I reckon she’s much too stubborn for that!” he called out, winking at me. I thought I was going to faint on the spot.
“I’ll fix this before you notice it,” I heard her say, wondering what she was up to.
She climbed down quickly, leaping gracefully over the rocks. When I saw what she was planning to do, I realized it was worse than I thought.
Before I knew it, I found myself suspended in mid-air. Between the two of them, Erik and Daniel took me up to the viewpoint. Despite my fears, I was glad when I took a look at the wonderful lake.
It was as beautiful as I remembered. It was covered by a thin layer of ice, glittering in the sunlight. Different tinges of red and orange stained the sky like a painter’s palette, and the reflection on the lake was the result of his masterpiece.
“Beautiful…” I whispered.
“Really beautiful.” said Erik staring at me.
I knew he was referring to the scenery. But the way he was looking at me, his words made my heart overflow with happiness.
“You want to sit with them?” I asked pointing at my friends, who were sitting on the edge of a rock a little away from us.
“If you don’t mind, I'd rather stay here. We didn’t get off on the right foot and I'd like to get to know you better.”
Erik helped me sit down. Then he settled down beside me, looking at me with his narrowed eyes full of curiosity.
“Well, what do you want know about me?” I tried to sound nonchalant, but I was terrified. What could I tell him that could get him interested in me?
“Anything you like, what kind of music you listen to, what books you read, what you do in your spare time, why you’re looking at me like you are now…” He smiled his mischievous smile waiting for my answer.
“That’s too many things.” I said tucking my hair behind my ear, visibly nervous. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Start at the beginning and go on from there.”
“I don’t want to bore you.”
“Try me.” He looked at me with what seemed like real interest.
That broke down all my barriers and I started talking. I don’t think I’ve ever talked for so long about my life. He just listened, nodding, or smiling at some foolishness or other.
Time passed and the sun began to disappear behind the mountains, covering the sky with orange and purple. It was late, but I didn’t want to leave yet. There was so much I wanted to ask! He now knew more about me than any of my lifelong friends. But what did I know about him, except that he could drive me crazy with just one look?
“Now it's my turn to ask.”
“You haven’t answered my last question.” His grin turned mischievous. “What are you thinking when you look at me like that?”
“That I don’t understand what you see in me to be so interested.” Again, I was scared about my total honesty. The words just came out, without me having to think, when I was with him. If he hadn’t realized yet that he was wasting his time with me, I did nothing but remind him of the fact.
“You’re very interesting, believe me.” When he answered he didn’t look at me, he looked at the clouds that melted into the mountains in the twilight.
“You’ll have to explain that to me.”
“Maybe one day,” he said, pointing at my friends who were on their feet and coming towards us.
“Stella, how’s your ankle?” Megan asked, movi
ng towards me, followed by Thomas.
“Better. It’s almost stopped hurting,” I lied.
“Well you look awful,” said Thomas “You’re yellow. We should have gone before. You need to see a doctor.”
“It’s not a big deal,” I said, seeing the grimace on Erik’s face.
“What’s it to be, lovebirds? Are we staying or going?” asked Beth.
So that’s what we looked like - two lovers? Well, it was obvious that my heart was on the verge of bursting, and I wouldn’t have missed this afternoon with him for all the broken bones in the world. But from that to being an item was a world away. Starting with him, who seemed genuinely interested in me, for some reason I couldn’t understand. ‘He’s just curious,’ I thought and this simple theory, coming together in my mind, left me breathless. I hadn’t realized until now how much it hurt me to think that Erik might not feel the same way about me.
As my mind wandered over thorny ground, I heard his voice answering Beth’s question.
“Yes, we'd better leave; we don’t want to be here at nightfall.”
“Need any help?” Daniel appeared beside Beth, smiling.
I wanted to stand up, but my injury had cooled and a stab of pain shot through me; for a moment I thought I was going to fall and roll all the way down.
“Stella, are you okay?” Beth helped me to get up, looking at me with real concern. “I'm sorry I left, but I thought you'd like a little privacy with your guardian angel. But now that I see you, I don’t know if it was good idea to wait so long to leave. And you must be pretty shaken up too,” she said to Erik, who was standing to one side, talking to Thomas.
She was really worried. I could hear it in her voice and see it on her face. I thought it best to set her mind at rest. Erik didn’t look tired or hurt at all. My ankle hurt, sure, you could see it just looking at me, but if she’d been able to look inside me, she’d have seen how happy I was. It had been a wonderful, perfect afternoon. I was living a dream and that was priceless.
“It was the best idea you've had in your whole life,” I replied, and she shot me back a satisfied grin.
“I know,” she said.
“Do you mind if I take you on my own?” Erik was standing beside me; he’d startled me. Had he heard what I’d said to Beth? It didn’t matter; all I cared about was for him to touch me with his soft hands, to surround me with his strength. I wanted to stay there forever.
Since we’d reached the viewpoint we hadn’t touched, not even by accident. We’d kept our distance, although I longed to hold him tight; luckily for me, my dream came true again.
“No problem,” I said awkwardly. I was about to collapse, just imagining myself in his arms again.
Beth came up to join Daniel and they began to climb down effortlessly. Erik moved more slowly, but steadily. I wasn’t sure if his slowness was due to my weight or that he wanted to stretch out this moment as much as I did.
“Poor Daniel.”
“What did you say?” I was so focused on feeling his embrace that I hadn’t even heard him.
“Daniel is crazy about Beth.” I didn’t like the reproachful tone in his voice. I pulled a face and he explained himself. “I'm sure she’s a good person, but she’s very, how can I put it...” He pondered for a moment, searching for the right adjective to define Beth. I knew what it was and went ahead.
“Temperamental?”
“Exactly! I wouldn’t like to be in his shoes.”
“Do you really care about what happens between them?” I objected mockingly. “I didn’t think you were such a gossip. Or are you just trying to distract my attention?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It wasn’t true. He knew.
“Just before we left you were going to tell me why I'm so interesting.”
“I didn’t say I was going to explain.”
“What’s up with you? Is it that bad? Do you see me as some kind of teenage mutant or something?” I joked, trying to relieve the tension that was threatening to come between us again.
“Very funny. Look, let’s just leave it.”
He hid his eyes from me and I didn’t like it. ”Come on, I promise not to get angry, whatever it is.”
“When did we stop talking about you and start talking nonsense? Why don’t you tell me how your ankle’s doing? Does it hurt much?” ‘Here we go again,’ I thought. An expressionless mask appeared on his face in all its glory.
“I'd be lying if I said it didn’t, and I don’t know why but I find it very difficult to lie to you. Although it seems it isn’t mutual. You haven’t complained once and I'm sure something must be hurting after the accident.” I wasn’t going to let him change the subject that easily.
If he didn’t want to give me any explanations, he shouldn’t give me reasons to ask him, simple as that. I was really messed up. On the one hand, he seemed really interested in me but on the other, he tried to make out that it wasn’t important. I just wanted to hear him say that his heart pounded, like mine, when our eyes met. What if his answer wasn’t what I wanted to hear?
“You just need to know that I’ve never…” He paused, and I noticed fire in my veins when his blue eyes pierced mine; ‘and I really mean it, I’ve never been interested in anyone the way I’m interested in you.”
I’d turned to be face to face with him, and now he had both hands round my waist. I realized what the expression ‘to die of happiness’ meant. His eyes were clear, transparent; he wasn’t lying, but his lips were still closed tight. He didn’t feel comfortable with this conversation. I could feel him fighting inside. I wished with all my soul that I could soften the hard line of his mouth with a kiss. The heat rose to my face from the depths of my being. Then he looked away, breaking the connection between us. He loosened his arm. I wanted to scream at him not to. I saw his expression change again. I would never have another opportunity like this. My happiness melted away like mist, leaving me empty, sad. A knot choked my throat, struggling to get out and make me burst into tears. No, I wouldn’t do it. I swallowed. I closed my eyes. I needed to compose myself.
“Shall we go on?” He looked at me with such tenderness that all my anxiety disappeared, leaving me feeling like a fool for these rollercoaster changes of mood.
I was becoming neurotic. Or maybe I wasn’t, because it was my heart and not my mind that was controlling my whole being.
We walked at a good pace, although the others should already have reached the car.
“Are you tired? You don’t look so good. Do you want to rest a bit?”
“No, I'm fine. Everyone will start to worry if we’re late.”
“You're right. You could let me carry you...” He added with his mischievous smile. ”We might go faster that way.”
I couldn’t stand these changes in his attitude, not any more. They were killing me.
“What’s this all about?” I exclaimed bitterly.
“I just want to be friends.” That wasn’t the answer I’d expected.
“I don’t think friendship is enough.” There it was. I’d done it again. I was too honest. I cursed myself for what I’d said.
“Well right now that’s all I can offer you. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Honestly, I can’t seem to behave right when I'm with you.” It wasn’t him speaking; it was that hideous mask of his.
“What does ‘right’ mean to you?” My voice reflected the anxiety that had gripped me. It was he who’d insisted on being here with me, which was fine by me, but why did he always back down? Why did he shut up like a clam? My castles in the air crashed to the ground. I’d never felt that for anyone. I’d fallen in love with the wrong person.
How typical of me.
The rest of the way seemed like an eternity. You could feel the tension between us and I was annoyed by his silence. I was looking forward to getting to the car, once and for all.
“At last!” yelled Beth, running towards us; “We were about to send out a search party.”
N
either Erik nor I laughed. We weren’t in the mood for jokes, at least I wasn’t. Was he? Why was he so abrupt with the others? I’d misinterpreted his kindness, I assumed he felt something, but why did it seem like he was angry with the rest of humanity?
And why did I care? After all, I was the one that had come off worst from all this, not him. I still had a little dignity left, and I wasn’t about to lose it by asking him.