* * *
The snow probably had a lot to do with it, but the crowd thinned out quickly. The players and parents were basically all that remained. It was really cool how the whole town came out to show their support both tonight and before the bus left, but whoa, did they leave a mess. The gym floor was covered with napkins, paper plates and empty Solo cups. I suddenly froze when I noticed the repairs to the gym door where Mrs. Snyder had almost been killed during my abduction.
"What is it?" Jason's mom said.
I started to back away.
Jason's mom glanced in the direction I was staring. "Oh my," she said, "is this the first time you've been back in the gym since—"
I nodded.
She put her arm around me and I let her lead me away toward the bleachers. Jason ran up as we sat down.
"What's wrong?" He knelt down in front of me.
"This is the first time she's been back in the gym." his mom said.
"You mean since the—ahh, how could I have been so stupid?" He looked up into my face. "Are you okay?"
I wanted to answer, but I couldn't—my voice wouldn't work.
He looked back across the gym and then to his mom. "It almost looks like that night. Mom, can you see if Mrs. Moore is still here? Coach will know."
"I'll be right back." She rushed off out of my view—I was staring at the floor."
Jason eased up onto the bleacher next to me—between me and what had happened. "Try not to think about it." he said.
I didn't move. I truly was frozen. All my senses had vaporized, like water to steam, floating aimlessly.
"I'll understand if you have to go. I hate seeing you like this. I'm so sorry—so selfish."
"No," I whispered, "you're none of those things."
"Do you want to go?" He started to stand.
"No."
Jason wrapped his arm around me. "It's going to be okay, no one can hurt you. I'm here to protect you." He paused. "Mom's coming with Coach and Ms. Moore. Are you okay with that?"
I nodded. "I think so." Barely came out.
"What happened? Coach said.
I glanced up as Jason pointed toward the doors to the hallway.
"Oh my." Ms. Moore gasped.
"We didn't realize." Jason's mom said. "We were just talking and then it must have all come crashing down on her, and then this—" It almost sounded like she was about to cry.
"Izzy," Ms. Moore said, "do you want us to call your parents?"
I slowly looked up into her face. By her reaction, I think she recognized the fear in mine.
"You said I needed to face what happened." I said in a whisper.
"Not now. Not here." Jason said, protectively.
I drew in a shallow breath. It wasn't thirst that I was afraid of, it was anger. I had no idea if I could control it, it wasn't like thirst at all, there were no warning signals.
"Izzy?" Jason said. "What do you want to do? Whatever you want."
I looked up into Jason's agonized face. I could see his mom's, Coach's and Ms. Moore's in my peripheral vision. I tried to keep the background out of focus by concentrating on Jason. "Besides my family, the four of you care about me the most. Will you help me with this?"
Jason looked to the others and then back to me. "Yes. What do you want us to do?"
"I want you to take me to the door." I said to Jason and then looked to the others. "Can you all come with us—think happy thoughts—you know, positive energy?"
"Yes." They all echoed.
Jason started to help me to my feet, but I sunk back down to the bleacher. "I'm being selfish, I could hurt you." I whispered.
"We'll go at your pace." Jason's mom said.
"You don't have to do this if you're not ready, but we're all here to support you." Ms. Moore added.
"You know I'm with you." Coach said. "You can do this."
I forced a smile. "Happy thoughts."
Jason helped me to my feet and then we began a slow trudge across the gym. I was still mostly looking at the floor.
"Step back." Ms. Moore said, then Coach said the same thing.
I slowly looked up. The team had formed a pathway to the door. As we passed, each player whispered encouragement. You got this—we got your back—you can do it—no one can hurt you with us here.
Even Lisa, "I know you can do this."
Jason's arm tightened around my waist as I moved my focus to the doorframe. "Are you okay?"
As I scanned up the side of the doorframe Jason explained the repairs in bland technical terms, taking the terror out of the entirety.
"New steel frame—probably eighteen gauge, some new mortar—sand and concrete, and a little paint—latex would be my guess." He squeezed me tighter.
I gathered my nerve and reached for the doorframe. When I hesitated, Jason's hand gently took mine and we touched the metal frame together. "It's just part of a door?"
"Pretty much." Jason said.
I looked around at Jason's mom, Coach, Cathy and her mom had joined them, and Ms. Moore. Their faces showed such hope, such anticipation. I turned to Ms. Moore. "It's just a door."
Ms. Moore shook her head, just a little.
"I know the awful things that started here, but this is just a door."
"My door." Mrs. Snyder said as she rolled her wheelchair up close to me.
I knelt down to her. "I'm so sorry for what happened to you on my account."
"Will you help me?" she asked.
"Anything." I said as I stood.
Mrs. Snyder lifted her legs out of the wheelchair and then folded the footrests out of the way. She looked up at me and extended her arms. "Help me up."
I stepped in close to her and helped her to her feet. She was still very shaky, but with my help managed to support her own weight. Jason stepped aside and let me help her to the door. Like me, she slowly reached out and touched the doorframe.
"Thank you, Izzy."
I eased her back onto her wheelchair. I knelt down, folded out the footrests and then set her feet on the pads. I looked into her face. "Are you alright?"
She tried to smile. "First and foremost, Izzy, you cannot blame yourself for what happened here. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, as were you." She took a labored breath. "For me, the physical injuries will take longer to heal than the emotional ones. I wish I could have been there for you—been more than just a teacher."
"You were—you are. Remember last year when I was so confused, so lost, you were there for me." I looked up at Jason. "Remember that early morning meeting you had with Jason and I?"
"That was such a disaster." she said.
"No, not at all. You helped bring us together. And the dance? Has there ever been a more beautiful chandelier?"
"You're a remarkable young lady."
I looked around us. "Only because people like all of you gave me a chance."