It was hard to argue his logic, though I wanted to. I decided perhaps I had a better chance of influencing Val than Adam.
“Val, please. I can’t stop him from hurting you. How much of this do you think you can stand before you break? Why put yourself through this?”
She didn’t answer me, but she looked at me through those tear-filled eyes, and there was a hardness in her expression that chilled me. I don’t know what she was about to say to me, because at that moment, the whip cracked again.
Another scream tore from Val’s throat. As Adam had threatened, this time he’d drawn blood. My gorge rose, and for a moment I felt sure I was going to be sick.
“I’m not playing with you anymore, Valerie,” Adam said. “Talk now, or you’ll regret it more than you can possibly imagine.”
In desperation, I took a step closer to them, reaching out a hand toward Adam. The whip flicked casually, almost playfully, in my direction. I jumped back with a little gasp, though he hadn’t come close to hitting me.
“I mean it, Morgan,” he said, his voice still calm and devoid of emotion. “If you can’t take this, then get out. There’s more at stake here than just your life, remember. I’ll do whatever I have to do to break her.”
“Please, no more,” Val sobbed. “I’ll tell you what you want to know. Just…don’t hurt me anymore.”
I hugged myself, wondering if Dominic hadn’t had the right idea all along. But no, if this was happening on my behalf, then it was my duty to bear witness, no matter how much I hated it.
“Who do you report to?” Adam asked.
“Andrew Kingsley,” she answered.
“No, you don’t,” Adam countered. “You just know we already suspect Andrew, so you’re throwing out a name you feel safe giving us. Try again.”
Val hiccupped. “I don’t know his name,” she said, and it was almost a wail. “I call him Orlando, but that’s a code name, not his real name.”
“Human or demon?”
“Human.”
“Describe him.”
She was still sniffling and hiccupping, so the description came in short little bursts. “About five-ten…two hundred pounds…blond hair, blue eyes. Looks like a good candidate for a host, but isn’t one.”
“And who else is in on this plan?”
“I don’t know. They make sure us small fry don’t know enough to give everything away. Andrew would know a lot more than I do.”
“Why, Val?” I asked. I knew there were more important questions, but my broken heart needed to know. “Why did you do this to me? Why did you let Andrew force this…thing…on me, and then try to—” My voice cut off, because I was going to start crying myself if I said another word.
“I’m really, really sorry, Morgan.” She looked at me over her shoulder, and her eyes were wide and oh-so sincere. “You weren’t supposed to be the host. Andrew acted on his own before we were ready. He has his own agenda, and it doesn’t always mesh with ours. I would never have let this happen to you if I’d known. I didn’t even know Andrew was one of us until after you showed me that note. When I reported it, he paid me a visit, and that’s how I found out. I’m just a foot soldier, not even close to a general.”
I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. Not that they could possibly be too steady at a time like this. “So if you’d put Lugh into some other host and burned that host alive, it would have been all right?”
She raised her chin. “Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the greater good.”
“I notice you didn’t volunteer to host Lugh for the weenie roast. What is it you’re sacrificing exactly?”
“Let’s talk about this greater good of yours,” Adam said. Val tensed. “Do you have any idea what it is you’re fighting for?”
“We’re fighting to preserve the natural order.” She sounded mighty proud of herself. “If Lugh becomes king of the demons, he’ll cut off contact between the Demon Realm and the Mortal Plain. We’d lose the demons, lose everything they do for us, all their good works.”
Adam snorted. “Do you actually believe that?” He looked at me. “Lugh wants to outlaw the possession of unwilling hosts. As of now, while it’s against human laws, it’s not against ours. Nice irony that they forced him into an unwilling host, don’t you think?”
I turned my gaze from Adam to Val, thinking she was about to refute what he’d said. She didn’t.
“If enough humans were willing to offer themselves, then demons wouldn’t need the unwilling!” Her eyes practically glowed with fervor. “The human race needs them. They’re so much more powerful, so much wiser than we are.”
My mind couldn’t even encompass what Val was saying. I stood there like an idiot, unable to think of any reply.
Adam snorted. “Dougal has about as much respect for the human race as a human has for a horse. You would make your entire race into slaves?”
“We need guidance!” she answered. “We’re like children next to the demons. A child might be frightened of the dentist and unwilling to go, but a responsible parent doesn’t let the child make that kind of decision.”
Had Val always believed this bullshit? I mean, she was an exorcist, for crying out loud! True, she’d always been more pro-demon than any other exorcist I’d met, and exorcists only cast out the scum of demon society. But considering what she now admitted to condoning, I wondered just how many of the demons she’d “exorcized” were still hanging around the Mortal Plain. And I wondered how she’d been able to hide her true feelings from me so long. She was just another fanatic. Like my parents. Like my brother. It sickened and saddened me.
“You’re a deluded fool, Valerie,” Adam said. “What else can you tell us about your organization?”
She raised her chin. “I can tell you that we’ll win in the end. We’ll do whatever is necessary to stop your puny king from taking the throne and destroying centuries of accord between demons and humans.”
Adam shook his head in disgust. He coiled the whip and hung it from one of the pegs on the far wall.
Once again, my naiveté reared its ugly head. When he approached Val, I assumed he was going to unlock the handcuffs and let her loose.
Before I had any inkling of what he was about to do, he’d placed his hands on both sides of Val’s head and twisted.
The sound was sickening. Val’s lifeless body collapsed to the floor, at least, as much as it could with her wrists still cuffed to the bed. My stomach rebelled, and I vomited, over and over until I had nothing left in me. My whole body was wracked with tremors. I didn’t look up when I saw Adam’s feet approach.
I’d always known Adam was a hard-ass. And, truth be told, I’d always been just a little afraid of him. But nothing could have prepared me for the shock of witnessing his transition from legal, law-abiding citizen to rogue demon under an automatic death sentence.
He left for a moment, then returned with a handful of towels, which he threw on the floor. He handed me a damp washcloth. I didn’t want to take anything from him, but I wanted to get my face clean, so I grabbed it. The washcloth felt cool against my blazing cheeks and forehead.
“I’m sorry, Morgan,” he said. “But it had to be done. If I’d let her go, she would have tried to have us both executed by the state. And she might have succeeded. Lugh is an illegal demon, and after kidnapping and assaulting Valerie, I’m now officially rogue.”
He moved away from me. I looked up and saw him finally unlock the handcuffs. When Val’s body slumped all the way to the floor, I thought I might have another round of dry heaves.
“How could you do that?” I whispered. “You just murdered her in cold blood.” My God, Adam was a cop! How could he just murder someone like that?
He sighed. “I did what I had to do.”
I looked up at him. His face showed a hint of mild regret, but no more than that. I wondered how many people he’d killed before, because I couldn’t imagine him being this blasé about it if Val were his first.
“It doesn?
??t even bother you, does it?” I asked. Numbness crept through my limbs and mind. This couldn’t be real. I couldn’t have just stood by and watched while Adam killed someone.
No, not just someone. Val. The woman who’d been my best friend for a decade.
But also, the woman who’d planned to kill me.
Adam looked thoughtful. When he answered, it was clear that he chose his words carefully. “It bothers me that you had to see this on top of all the other shocks you’ve had lately. It doesn’t bother me that I killed her.”
I shook my head. “How could that not bother you?”
He left Val’s body lying on the floor and came to squat in front of me so he could meet my eyes.
“I’m not human, Morgan. Demons are very similar to humans, on so many levels that it’s sometimes hard for you to remember that we’re not. My host is unhappy with me for what I’ve done, but that’s a very human reaction. I did what I had to do. Demons don’t beat themselves up for doing what they think is right, even when they’ve had to do something distasteful.”
I shook my head, unable to absorb what he was saying.
“To put it into perspective—if for some unimaginable reason, I were put into a position where killing Dominic was the right thing to do, I’d do it.”
I gasped. I could actually feel the blood draining from my face. Adam hammered his point home.
“I’d do it, and I wouldn’t feel bad about it.” He frowned at my look of absolute horror. “I don’t mean I wouldn’t grieve. I mean I wouldn’t feel guilty. And that’s not because of who I am, but because of what I am. Our…psychology, I guess you’d call it…is different from yours.”
I tasted bile on the back of my throat. “Get away from me.”
“Morgan—”
“Get the fuck away from me!” It came out almost a shriek. I wanted to have a fit of screaming hysterics, but I had to hold together just a little longer.
Adam’s face hardened. “You can be as pissed at me as you want, but just ask yourself what you would have done differently.”
“I wouldn’t have killed her, you bastard!”
He stood up and moved away from me. “So you would have just let her go? You would have let her call the police and turn us both in?”
I was hugging myself, and my hand pressed against something hard in my jacket pocket. My heart almost stopped.
It was the Taser Dominic had given me. I’d had it all along, had had the means to stop Adam from torturing Val, had had the means to stop him from killing her. And I’d forgotten all about it.
In hindsight, I can’t help wondering if my subconscious had agreed with Adam’s methods and made me forget I had the Taser. Maybe for all my righteous indignation, I’d wanted him to do those terrible things. If I hadn’t, wouldn’t I have realized that Adam couldn’t let Val go free? Wouldn’t I have known what that had meant?
Wouldn’t I have stopped him?
In a moment of perfect clarity in the midst of a raging storm of emotions, I realized one thing: I couldn’t stay in the same house with Adam for another moment. He might be my only ally, but if today’s events proved anything, it was that sometimes you’re better off without allies.
I knew Adam wouldn’t let me leave without a fight. If I gave him any clue what I was going to do, I’d find myself locked in the room next door. So while he was bending over Val’s body, I armed the Taser and shot him in the back.
Chapter 17
I left Adam’s house in something of a daze. I think it was shock.
I took the Taser with me, as well as the shopping bags I’d left in the bedroom. Adam was starting to regain control of his limbs when I was ready to leave, so I shot him again. He tried to say something—no doubt something really complimentary about me—but the electricity had damaged his control too badly and all he could do was glare at me as I walked out.
By the time I hit the sidewalk, my cheeks were drenched with tears. I swiped them angrily away, then made an anonymous 911 call on Val’s cell phone, which I still had.
I didn’t regret that call until about an hour later, when I checked in to a cheap airport motel under an assumed name. When the door closed behind me, and I was finally able to let go of the reins, I threw myself onto the bed and sobbed, not even sure what I was sobbing for.
Grief over Val’s death? Maybe. Guilt over my role in it? Certainly. Fear for my life? That was there, too.
When the tears had run their course, leaving me exhausted in body and soul, I finally let myself think about what I’d just done to Adam. Would my anonymous call be enough to get a search warrant? Would Adam have had time to hide the evidence before the cops arrived?
If the cops found Val’s body and Adam was executed as a rogue demon, would I ever be able to live with myself?
My head started to pound fiercely. I hauled myself into the shower, hoping the hot water would soothe me, but of course it didn’t.
This wasn’t the first time in my life I’d acted first and thought later. But never had the potential consequences been so terrible. I prayed that Adam had hidden the body and the evidence well, prayed that I wouldn’t have to face the consequences of my actions.
Yeah, technically it was Adam who would have to face them, if it came to that, but I’m really, really good at guilt, and I was practically choking on it. As far as I could tell, I hadn’t done a single thing right since the moment I’d realized I was possessed.
Feeling maudlin in the extreme, I called Brian. I didn’t know if he’d take my call after the way I’d left, but I desperately needed to reach out to someone. I’d alienated everyone who mattered, and I’d never felt so alone in all my life.
I got his answering machine. It tells you something about my state of mind that hearing his voice even on a recording made me feel just a little better. I waited a bit to see if he would pick up, but he didn’t. I told him I was sorry, that I loved him, and that I would try him again later.
The headache got worse, the pain stabbing through my eye socket all the way to the base of my skull. I begged some aspirin from the desk clerk, but it didn’t help. I wondered if I was having a stroke or something. I’d had stress headaches before, but never anything like this.
Moaning in misery, I lay down on the bed and clutched the pillow to my face, blocking out all the light, but the pain just wouldn’t let up.
Until I opened my eyes to find myself in Lugh’s place again. The pain was blessedly gone, but one look at Lugh sent my sense of relief scurrying for cover.
Black leather, as usual, but different this time. He looked like a Hell’s Angel crossed with one of those professional wrestlers who always play the bad guy. Heavy loops of silver chain decorated his jacket. Fingerless gloves with silver-studded cuffs circled his wrists. And instead of his usually elegant leather boots, he wore heavy, cruel-looking shit-kickers.
The look on his face said I was the shit he wanted to kick. I tried willing myself to wake up, but—wouldn’t you know it?—this time it didn’t work.
Lugh advanced on me, both his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes glowing like beacons. I backed away. I had a feeling that even though this was a dream, he was perfectly capable of making me hurt in it.
He kept coming, and I kept backing up, until I hit a wall that was closer than I’d expected. Maybe it hadn’t been there until that moment. I put my hands up in a defensive gesture as he closed the last little bit of distance between us.
I could no more hold him off than I could a tank. His chest hit my palms and pushed my arms back. He slapped his hands hard against the wall on each side of my head and leaned into me.
I’d thought Adam was scary-looking when he was mad. Lugh was the stuff of nightmares. The menace radiated from him in almost palpable waves, pounding against my defenses. Every nerve in my body demanded I run for my life, but I couldn’t force a single muscle to move.
Not that I could have gone anywhere anyway. He’d parked himself in my personal space, and he wasn’t leaving u
ntil he was good and ready.
I swallowed hard and closed my eyes, unable to bear the pressure of his gaze.
“Morgan Kingsley, you are a fool,” he growled. And I mean growled. The sound of his voice was barely human.
I quivered in terror. And believe me, I’m not the quivering type. Bravado is one of my best friends, but I couldn’t muster a drop of it.
“Just what are you planning on doing?” he continued, still in that awful, growling voice. “You have no home, you have no friends, you have no resources, and you’ve fled from the one man who can actually help you!”
He was so furious I felt little drops of spit pepper my cheeks. Talk about realistic dreams…
“Open your eyes and look at me!” he commanded.
But I was too damn scared. I guess I was hoping if I didn’t look, he’d go away, kind of like the monster under the bed.
He didn’t.
One hard, strong hand closed around my throat and squeezed.
I gasped, and my eyes opened of their own accord. Once I met his gaze, I couldn’t look away. And I wanted to, believe me I did.
Still holding me by the throat and squeezing just hard enough to make breathing difficult, he leaned forward until his nose almost touched mine.
“The instant you wake up, you will call Adam and have him come to pick you up. Assuming, that is, that he hasn’t been arrested thanks to you.”
I grabbed his wrist with both my hands and tried to break his grip on my throat. I wasn’t surprised when he didn’t budge.
“He might not let me come back,” I managed to choke out with what little air I could suck in. Funny how I needed to breathe even in a dream.
“He will. Unlike you, Morgan, he’s not childish enough to let his emotions rule his common sense. And he knows there’s more at stake here than your life.”
“You don’t understand. I watched him kill Val in cold blood!”