CHAPTER 10
ALL ABOUT THE GILLIGOGGS AND THE DROFFS
The Droffs and the Gilligoggs had never understood each other. They werea different people, really. For example, the Droffs were shaggy-lookingcreatures with forms that resembled the Wooly Mammoth. They had shortsquat legs like tree trunks; short squat little bodies with arms tomatch, and heads that were too large for their bodies with eyes thatwere buried beneath long straggly shaggy fur. Their voices had a deepgruff sound not unlike a cave man might have sounded, and their wordscame out in a torrent of grunts that did not vary in tone and that didnot exactly follow the rules of grammar. For example: "Who you?" "Whatyou name?" "How got you this place?" "Why you here for?" etc. Whereasthe Gilligoggs were quite elegant--even sophisticated--compared to theDroffs. They were tall and slender, with long delicate fingers that theywaved expressively as they talked. They also had long hair but it was assoft and sweet smelling as the Droffs' hair was coarse and pungent.Their faces were feminine looking (even the males) with long curlingeyelashes, delicately chiseled features, full lips, etc. The onlyperceptible difference between the males and females was that the males'voices were a little deeper, and they were a little taller.
Anyway, as you can imagine, two peoples that were so different had verylittle love for one another. Why this should be I do not know, exceptthat people with different appearances seem to distrust each other, evenwhen there has been no physical aggression between them. Neither groupwould willingly mix with the other either socially or even live in theother's neighborhood. Each race pretty much kept to itself.
I suppose that in a way, the Gilligoggs looked down on the Droffs. Theyconsidered them somehow inferior to themselves. The Droffs were wellaware of this and were deeply resentful. Now if you or I were to try toanalyze the exact reason for this, we might fall short of our goal. Wecould say that the Gilligoggs were far more intelligent because theirspeech was more sophisticated. But if you took the trouble to get toknow a Droff, you would find that, in spite of their crude manner ofspeech, they are, as a whole, equally as intelligent as the Gilligoggs,except that they express their intelligence in a different way. Anotherargument might be that the Droffs were not nearly so sweet smelling incomparison. Now, this may be true in one way, but in actual fact, theDroffs had just as high a standard of personal hygiene as theGilligoggs. It was just that the Gilligoggs' olfactory senses weresensitive to the natural scent of the Droffs (just as the Droffs'olfactory senses were equally sensitive to the natural scent of theGilligoggs). And while neither group found the other offensive in thisway, they could detect a difference, albeit on a subconscious level.Another argument might be that the Droffs had lower social standardsthan the Gilligoggs. This argument, too, has to fall by the wayside. Forreasons that we will not go into here, the Droffs had had difficulty inkeeping up with the Joneses, so to speak. Due to circumstances beyondtheir control, they had not done quite as well on a socioeconomic scale.So there you have it. And this was the situation that Elephant and hispals were confronted with after their excursion with the Marshmallowpeople. As they continued on their way to the home of the Saber-ToothedLight-Bulbs, they hardly expected yet another interruption. But ithappened all the same. A particularly tall and attractive Gilligoggwoman who looked to be about sixteen approached them. She had dark hairthat glistened in the sunlight in a particularly gorgeous manner whichreminded Lisa of fine silk.
"Greetings," said Ozma to the young lady. Even though she was notanxious to be interrupted again, she was always polite to her people.She knew that, in order to be a good ruler for the land of Oz, sheshould be aware of the individual needs of all of the Ozites.
"Good morrow," came the reply. The lady's voice was like music.Beautiful music such as is usually reserved only for the Fairies, angelsor gods. So in awe of this lovely lady were our adventurers that onlyOzma found her voice which, though beautiful in its own youthful manner,did not hold a candle to that of this Gilligogg lady.
"I am Ozma, the Queen of Oz," said the little girl. "My friends and Iare on our way to enlist the help of some people who live beyond yourterritory. I hope you won't mind if we pass through your lovelycountry."
"You are the Queen," said the lady. "I am only a princess. Far be itfrom me to tell you what you can or can not do." She seemeddisinterested as she spoke. "My name is Dianna, and my father is theruler of the Gilligoggs." If this young lady felt any doubt that Ozmawas indeed a queen, she did not let on. Indeed, she seemed unconcernedas to the identity of her queen. "But I shall tell you that theGilligoggs are the only people in this region. We are all that is here.Well, unless you count the Droffs. But you could not be looking for theDroffs. They are so far beneath your station."
"Oh, no," sighed Tweaty. "I think we are about to get stuck in themiddle of another time-consuming battle like the Stinkfoot and Snifferwar! This will not be a good thing for any of the Lunechien Forestdenizens. Why, for all we know, that Forest Monster may already havedestroyed all of our friends and neighbors back home!"
"There is no war here," said Dianna matter-of-factly. "We Gilligoggs areabove such barbarous practices. Why, if I had to fight, I might break afingernail. But we do wish that the Droffs would go away. So long asthey are about, the property value on our homes must surely be going waydown."
[Illustration Ozma and a Droff]
"My my!" said Elephant. "Are these Droffs some sort of frightfulmonsters, like the Kalidahs?"
"They are worse," said Dianna with a most elegant and sophisticatedshudder. "They look like... Well, actually they look a lot like you,only they are all hairy and vulgar. You, at least, are not covered withall that coarse fur. Still, I wonder if you might be related to them."She took a nail file from her pocket and looked at her hands in anuninterested manner.
"So then, they are elephants?" asked Nibbles.
"Shaggy elephants?" tweeted Tweaty.
"Wooly mammoths?" questioned Lisa and Hootsey together.
"Neither of those," replied the princess. "They are just Droffs."
"We did not come to seek the Droffs," said Ozma. "Nor did we come to seethe Gilligoggs. We were looking for the Saber-Toothed Light-Bulbs. Arethey not in this area?"
"They are," said Hootsey with certainty. "I know they are."
"Perhaps," said the young lady. "Perhaps they are among the Droffs. I donot know of them. Nor do I especially care to. They might beunpleasant."
"But how can you know whether or not they are pleasant if you refuseeven to see them?"
"Best to be safe," said Dianna. "Why invite trouble? We Gilligoggs havealways known that we are superior to all other living beings, so weavoid contact with anyone else. If we start to invite trouble, we'resure to get it in great doses."
"But that's awful!" put in Tweaty. "You don't even give them a chance?"
"Why should we? They are not Gilligoggs. Heavens! They have the mostoutlandish-looking noses!" She eyed Elephant in a scrutinizing manner.
"I think I should like to meet these Droffs," harrumphed Elephant.
"Then by all means please leave as quickly as you can," said Dianna. "Iwould not want my people to have to gaze upon anyone who would associatewith Droffs. They are messy things at best. I had offered you a greathonor in speaking to you, but you obviously do not appreciate it. Hadthe dross not been with you, Miss Queen of Oz, I should not have evenacknowledged them. Good day to you..." So saying, the princess walkedaway without looking back.
Our six adventurers hurried through the Gilligogg territory. Few of theGilligoggs even stopped to look at them as they passed through. Beforelong, they came upon a creature who looked a good deal like Elephant,and who was obviously a Droff.
"Hey," said the Droff. "Who you am?"
"I am Ozma, Queen of Oz," said the child.
"You much good to be here," replied the Droff. "Me are called Biff. Whois them?"
Each of the five Lunechiens introduced himself.
"Me likes Elephant lots," said Biff. "Him look like Droff, but smooth.Him mig
ht relative to me I. Maybe like Droff. Ozma Queen and others likeeat? Droffs no have much, but share. Me have oatmeal with much gravy.For nice Queen, me even serve with sprinkles. Me likes Queen lots, andElephant. Have good seeds for birdies, too. Mouse want cheese? Me havesSwiss. Usually only haves Swiss on Sunday. It is holey. But for friendof good and nice Queen, me get some for nice little mouse."
"How kind," said Nibbles. "Thank you."
The Droff, though not as graceful as he might have been, served up arepast that was happily received by his guests.
"The Droffs are obviously more hospitable than the Gilligoggs," saidTweaty.
"Gilligoggs?" echoed Biff. "You am knowing Gilligoggs?"
"We just passed through their country on our way here," explained Lisa.
"Me wish me knew Gilligoggs," sighed Biff. "Them not let Droffs passthrough. Not come to visit Droffs, neither. To Gilligogg, Droff landjust place to dump stuff they no want."
"Stuff?" asked Ozma. "What stuff?"
"Old stuff, most," replied the Droff. "Rotted foods. Old packages.Cigarette ends. You am knowing. Stuff."
"What slobs!" said Lisa with distaste. "And that princess had the nerveto say that Droffs were messy!"
"But it explains why the Droffs have such low-quality land," sighedOzma. "It isn't that the Droffs are unsanitary. The very reason theGilligoggs look down on the Droffs is caused by the Gilligoggsthemselves!"
"They are high and sophisticated, I guess," added Hootsey. "But theirrefusal to see what they are doing to the world around them has madethem into a life form that is most undesirable. They have madethemselves become exactly what they dislike in others."
"Me thinks that is not Gilligogg's fault," said Biff, defending hisneighbors. "Me has seen that all hatred do that lots. If you hatesomething so bad that you try to be away from it a lot, you start to beturning into it you self. Me not like hate. Me hate hate mosthatefulishly."
"Yes," agreed Lisa. "When knowledge is used for cruel purposes, there isno knowledge any more. Both sides end up losers. I think the Gilligoggscould learn a lot from the Droffs."
"Me thank you, owl bird," said Biff with a smile. "You am nice. Me likesyou."
"Me likes ... I mean, I like you, too," said Lisa. "Now tell me, do youknow of the Saber-Toothed Light-Bulbs?"
"Light-Bulbs?" echoed Biff. "Not know. Not do. Maybe friend know ofthat, though. Friend are much smart and also wise. Him have good anduseful glass head. Him and him's people living close nearby. Them haveseen much."
"Hmmm," said Ozma. "Have them got large, sharp teeth?"
"Oh, yes!" said Biff. "Much good for opening packages! Much nice,friends are. You be liking Droffs' friends. Me can take pretty queen andnice Elephant and friends to see Droffs' friend as shortly as you amfinishing eatings. Me can show to other Droffs, too."
"I would like that very much," said Ozma. "I think I will like theDroffs just fine."
"And them would be liking you," said Biff with certainty.
As soon as the visitors finished eating, the kindly Droff led them to anadjacent valley wherein they saw bright lights. These, as Hootseyexplained, were the Saber-Toothed Light Bulbs themselves. From adistance, they looked pretty much like ordinary light bulbs. But as ourlittle party drew closer, they could see the individuality of eachSaber-Toothed Light Bulb. One of the larger Light Bulbs saw themapproaching and lit up. "Look, fellows!" he said. "It's Biff! And he hasbrought some friends along!"
"Hi, Watts!" said Biff to the light bulb. "Me is so happy to seeing you!Me haves the Queen of Oz here, too. Her wants to meet you. Her are muchgood and nice. You are liking her?"
"Of course," replied Watts. "Any friend of Biff's is a friend of mine!"He extended one of his long appendages to the small queen. She took itin her hand. "It is a pleasure," said Watts to Ozma. "I had heard thatOz had a new queen. I am glad to see that you are a kind-looking one."
"Thank you," said Ozma.
"So what can I do for you?" asked Watts, quickly realizing that therehad to be some sort of business that had brought the queen to see him.
"Well," began Ozma, not sure just how to begin her explanation, "theLunechien Forest of Oz has come upon a problem."
"Oh, no!" said Watts. "That's awful! What kind of a problem?"
"It seems that there is a terrible monster that is threatening our fineforest," she began. "A very large spider-like creature."
"Sounds beastly!" shuddered the light bulb.
"And he can sap away the energy from any living creature and render himan empty shell of himself," added Tweaty.
"My!" said Watts. "That does sound like a problem! Is there anything Ican do to help? If you need to move away from this monster, you arewelcome to join us. The Droffs and the Saber-Toothed Light-Bulbs are notcrowded in. We can make room."
"That is very kind of you," said the ruler. "But I was hoping that maybeyou could come and stand up to the Forest Monster. No one else can doit. Even I would hesitate to approach them. But I know that you could doit. How could any foe of any size stand against you?"
"You want us to fight this Forest Monster?" said Watts fearfully.
"Well," sighed Ozma. "I am not usually in favor of such cruelty. I wouldbe sorry to harm him. But I am left with little choice. Already he istoo strong to be reckoned with. I have been a queen for only a shorttime. I do have fairy powers, but am not anxious to face the ForestMonster myself. If you could at least back me up while I try to reasonwith him..."
"Don't waste your time," said Tweaty. "You can't reason with that thing.It will bite you in half before you get past the greeting."
"Say," interjected Hootsey. "Maybe that isn't so. We have already seenOzma do some amazing things. She can change the color of her hair, forexample. Maybe she could use some of her fairy magic to scare away thespider! Why, if she can change her physical form, she could easilybecome a Giant or a Kalidah!"
Ozma looked fearful. "I'm not sure I'd want to try that," she said. "Imight just make him all the more angry. He may already have more powerthan we think he has. But you do have a point. I do have some powersthat I should try to make use of. Having only been a fairy for a shorttime, I'm not altogether sure what powers I may have at my disposal.Alas, I was the boy Tip for so long that I have not had much practicebeing Ozma yet."
"You could practice some magic on me," said Tweaty, trying to behelpful. "Maybe you can turn the Forest Monster into a pumpkin orsomething. I don't mind if you practice on me, so long as you put meback the way I'm supposed to be."
"That sounds like a good idea," agreed the Saber-Toothed Light-Bulb."But still, I'm happy to come along to back you up. That way, if I amneeded, I'll be there. If I am not needed after all, I will still havehad a nice bit of travel to write about in my journal."
"You are very kind," said the little Queen. "And I am sure that I mustpractice using my powers a lot more than I already have. This will be agood learning experience for me, and can only make me a better ruler forthe land of Oz." She put her hands to her temples and concentrated onthe canary.
"Am I changing?" asked the bird.
"You look the same to me," answered Lisa.
"I need my Silver Wand," said Ozma. "That often helps me while I'mgaining prowess at a new spell." She had the magical tool with her, soshe took it from its case and made a number of intricate passes in theair with it. Still, Tweaty failed to change.
"Maybe there are some words you're supposed to say while you're doingyour magic spell?" wondered Elephant.
"Yes," said Ozma as a Light-Bulb jumped over her head. "I think you'reright! Let me think.... I should know the word." She again put her handsto her head and concentrated. "Haamhaamkablams-w," she said in achanting voice. "Haamhaamkablams-w."
Tweaty began to change in form and substance. Within moments, he hadtaken on the shape of a housecat. He still had his yellow feathers,however. "Awk!" he said. "Look what you did to me! This is the worstpossible form to place on a canary! Turn me back! Please turn me back!"
"I me
ant to make you a pumpkin," sighed Ozma. "But this is still new tome. I will try again."
This time, Tweaty became an orange elephant. He was no larger than hehad been as a cat, but his shape was very clearly that of a pachyderm.
"How cute!" said Elephant. "You look like me, only smaller and oranger!"
"Yeah," said Tweaty. "I guess I do. But I'm not sure this is going towork on the Forest Monster. If you were to change him into anothersentient animal, he'd just go back and do it all over again. You mustturn him into something inanimate. But please, this is veryuncomfortable. I'm used to being able to fly at will, and this formseems so ... so ungainly. No offense, Elephant. I think you make aterrific elephant. But I make a lousy one."
"But you do make a wonderful bird," agreed the pachyderm. "Yes, Ozma, doput him back the way he was. As adorable as he is, he isn't exactly amodel specimen of my race."
"Of course," said Ozma, again raising her Silver Wand. She did her spellonce more. This time, nothing happened. "I am sorry," sighed Ozma. "I amalready feeling exhausted. I'm afraid I will have to wait a while beforeI can do it again."
"You mean," said Tweaty, "I have to look like this until you are able torest up?"
"I'm afraid so," said Ozma sadly. "I'm sure that will change as I growmore experienced. You have to remember, I am only beginning to get mysea-legs as a fairy. Once I am more proficient, I'm sure I'll be able todo things like this all day long without becoming exhausted. Just giveme time."
"And in the meantime I have to look like a little orange elephant,"sighed Tweaty. "I'm sure glad my mother can't see me right now!"
"But Tweaty's not the main issue right this minute," said Watts. "Notthat I am unsympathetic with his feelings or anything like that, but Ido sense a certain degree of urgency at getting to your Forest Monsterquickly. I'm sure that all of the Saber-Toothed Light-Bulbs will behappy to go and see what we can do. We are always anxious to help goodfolks like yourselves. And even though it isn't something I'm terriblyproud of, I can be very ferocious when I have a mind to be." As if toprove his statement, Watts opened his mouth as wide as he could,revealing the sharpest-looking teeth Ozma had ever seen. Indeed, histeeth resembled sabres, which may have been the reason for their title.
Elephant shuddered in his skin. "I'm sure that a few of you would aptlyfrighten the Forest Monster out of our forest," he said tremblingly."Hopefully out of Oz altogether!"
"Splendid," replied Watts. "Come, follow me. I know a short-cut thatwill allow us to avoid the Gilligoggs. Not that I am afraid of theGilligoggs or anything. I just find them unpleasant to have to dealwith. Come this way, and we will soon be on our way to the LunechienForest of Oz!"