“It’s dangerous,” he told her. “Take me with you.”
Katy only smiled, waved, and ran out into the surf. He watched her dive into the water and swim out to sea. At that moment, she went under and didn’t come back up.
He jumped to his feet. “Katy! Katy, come back!”
He raced into the water and started swimming, swimming for his life and for her life and for everything that ever mattered to him. There was no sign of her. He thrashed at the water, but just when he was going to take another breath of air, just when he was about to scream for help from someone—anyone—he began gulping in huge mouthfuls of water.
Breathing was impossible, the water filling his lungs and making him desperate for a single breath. Katy, where are you? Where’d you go? His words were a silent scream, and from underwater he could suddenly see straight ahead as far as the ocean went. The water was clear and blue, even though it was the darkest of nights. But there was no sign of Katy. She was gone, and he couldn’t hold his breath another minute.
“No!” Dayne sat straight up, gasping, grabbing at his throat.
“Dayne!” Katy sat up next to him and put her hand on his shoulder. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
He must’ve shouted, because she looked terrified. He was panting, still trying to catch his breath. Then he realized what had happened. He’d been dreaming. He hadn’t gone down to the beach with Katy in the dead of night, and certainly neither of them had gone swimming. She was here beside him, in bed, where she’d been when they fell asleep.
“I’m sorry.” Dayne breathed out long and slow. He put his arm around her and held her close. “I had . . . I had a nightmare.”
She was pale, but calm had returned to her face. “About what?”
He eased her back and searched her eyes. “I dreamed I lost you.”
“Dayne . . . honey. That’s terrible.” She pressed her face against his chest and stroked his back.
“It was so real.” He could feel his heart rate returning to normal.
“Never.” She held him tighter than before. “You’ll never lose me.”
“Promise me, Katy.” He met her eyes again. The feeling of desperation was still there, and he couldn’t get enough of her. “Don’t ever leave me. Don’t let this movie get in the way of what we have. Please . . .”
The look in her eyes told him she thought the idea was absurd. “Nothing could ever come between us. You know that.”
But Hollywood was his world, and he’d seen it happen. Even to couples with the best intentions. They held on to each other for another few minutes, and when they lay back down, they didn’t let go.
Long after Katy had fallen asleep again, Dayne watched the open patio door and the sheer curtains dancing softly in the ocean breeze. She was right; she had to be. She wouldn’t leave him, and he wouldn’t leave her. Nothing would change.
No matter how crazy the next few months became.
A day on the lake was Ryan’s idea, and Landon was grateful. It was Memorial Day, and for more than a month, he and Ashley had found one reason after another to postpone the appointment with a specialist. For now it was enough that they were praying and believing and asking their family to do the same. Today was mild and sunny, and a day on the water with their families was just what Ashley and Kari needed.
The rest of the Baxters planned to meet them later in the afternoon at their picnic spot. Only Brooke and Peter wouldn’t join them. The strain between the sisters was worse than ever. Ashley and Kari were trusting the evidence of their eyes—the way Ashley appeared to be healthy, her baby growing and kicking like any other unborn child. Landon had to admit that everything certainly seemed fine.
But Brooke continued to feel strongly that the baby was indeed going to be born with a fatal defect. When peace efforts were made by John or Luke or one of the others not directly involved the way Landon and Ashley or even Kari was, Brooke’s answer was always the same. “I’m the only one who’s thinking about Ashley in all this.”
Brooke had told John last night that she wouldn’t come to the picnic. She felt misunderstood and unwanted. Peter would’ve come, John said, but he wanted to support his wife. And so no one from their family would attend.
Landon sat at the back of the boat with Devin on his lap. Ryan was at the wheel, taking them at a leisurely pace around the perimeter of the lake. Cole and Jessie were side by side on their knees, looking down at the white water churning up in the boat’s wake.
“Sometimes you can see big fish behind a boat, right, Dad?” Cole turned and looked at Landon over the bulky shoulder of his life vest. “Really big fish, right?”
“Sometimes.”
“Wow!” Jessie’s eyes opened wide, and she studied the white water. “You’re smart, Cole.”
Jessie was several years younger than Cole, so the two didn’t share the one-upmanship that existed between Cole and his rival cousin, Maddie. With Jessie, Cole always took on the role of big brother, passing on bits of information and patting her on the arm occasionally, looking out for her.
Ryan couldn’t hear the exchange, but Kari was sitting opposite Landon. She had RJ in her arms. “Cole knows a lot about fish. Some fish like the movement of water and the bubbles.”
Cole patted Jessie on her life jacket. “Ask me anything you want, okay?”
She smiled, satisfied with his offer.
Ashley had been talking to Ryan, but now she slid closer to her sister. She studied their two oldest children. “I love their relationship. It’s so easy.”
“It is.”
The friendships between siblings and cousins were much simpler at Cole’s age. Landon ran his hand over Devin’s arm. “You doing good, buddy?”
Devin pointed at the water. “Fish!”
Landon laughed. “Cole’s gonna catch you the biggest fish of all; right, Cole?”
Cole gave him a thumbs-up. “Right, Dad.”
He turned his attention to Ashley. She was watching him from the other side of the boat.
“Love you,” she mouthed.
He returned the words her way, but he wanted to tell her he wasn’t the only one. Brooke loved her too. But now wasn’t the time. Instead he smiled and let the sunshine warm his face and his heart.
From the driver’s seat, Ryan looked back at the group. “Everyone having fun?”
“Yes, Daddy.” Jessie looked at Cole and waved her fingers a few times. “Me and Cole are friends. Right, Coley?”
Cole broke into a smile. “Yeah, we’re best friends.”
Landon took a deep breath. Everything was good and right, an hour of boating still ahead of them, the lake calm and blue and dotted with other boaters getting in on the first part of summer’s action. He savored the feeling. There was no reason to feel uptight or worried.
He’d been finding more truth in the Bible lately, and yesterday he was struck by a verse he stumbled across. It wasn’t something new or words he hadn’t read before. The Scripture came from the Sermon on the Mount, when Jesus was telling the people not to worry. One verse in particular stood out: “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
Landon closed his eyes and leaned his head back. Since worrying couldn’t add an hour to his life or to his baby daughter’s, what was the point? What was Brooke gaining by sticking to her determination to help Ashley grasp the reality of anencephaly? Ashley wasn’t having an abortion; that much was decided.
Why not take a deep breath and enjoy the days spread out before them? The way they were doing today. Landon stretched his hand over the water. The cool mist sprayed his arm and felt wonderful. God . . . we’re doing the right thing, aren’t we? Enjoying Ashley’s pregnancy?
There was no loud or audible response, nothing that even echoed in his heart. But the verse filled his mind again. “Who of you by worrying . . .”
Ashley’s approach to her pregnancy was as good as any. Landon had talked to John about the need for a specialist, and at this point it didn’t really ex
ist. If the baby had the neural tube defect, they would know soon enough, and good-byes would come shortly after the baby was born. If not, then there was no point ruining the next three months by fretting and being sad.
Ashley had canceled two appointments for ultrasounds. “I don’t want to know,” she’d told Landon after pulling out of the second one. “Whatever’s going to happen, an ultrasound won’t change anything. Right now I feel fantastic, and our little girl seems perfectly fine.” She looked at him with eyes full of love. “Isn’t that enough?”
It was for Landon, and it seemed to be more than enough for Kari and Ryan because neither of them was pressuring Ashley to get to a doctor. He looked at Cole and Jessie, side by side. They were laughing at a barking dog running along the shore.
Cole had his arm flung around his cousin’s shoulder. “I think he’s trying to race us.”
Jessie grinned at him. “Yeah, I think so.”
Landon shared a smile with Ashley. Yes, life was good for now. He could only pray that when they reached the other end of whatever lay ahead, Ashley and Brooke would have the ability to smile and put their arms around each other. That they’d find themselves side by side once again, sharing the love that came with being family, and they’d remember how to spend a day together. The way Cole and Jessie did.
Ashley tilted her head back and breathed in the lake air. Nothing like a day on a boat, the rolling feel of the water, and the warm breeze in her face. She smiled at Landon, grateful that he was entertaining the boys.
Then she turned to Kari. “I’m glad baseball season’s almost over.”
“I know.” Kari shifted RJ onto the bench seat between them. She shaded his face with a towel. “Little League’s pretty intense.”
“Cole had a great coach, but still every game felt like the World Series to those little guys.”
They talked about one of the games when a set of parents from the opposing team had clung to the fence screaming at their son to make a play at first base. The scene reminded Ashley of Cole’s basketball season and the father who wouldn’t let his son run down the court without yelling at him about one error or another. The difference was that the Little League parents alternated between clinging to the fence and yelling at their son and walking off and hiding behind the snack stand.
“I asked Jenny Flanigan what was going on. She’s been doing kids’ sports longer than I have.” Ashley raised her eyebrows. “She told me she’d talked to those parents before. Apparently they get so nervous when their son’s up to bat that they have to leave the area.”
Kari laughed. “That’s ridiculous.” She was quiet for a moment, watching the lake ahead of them. Then she turned to Ashley. “Have you heard from Katy or Dayne?”
“Last week.” Ashley felt her baby move, and she smiled. “Katy called. She said this weekend they were moving to New Mexico for the location scenes.”
“How’s it going?” Kari looked concerned.
“It’s tougher than she thought.” Ashley remembered her sister-in-law’s tone. “I think she’s worried about how much worse it could get.”
“The press?”
“Katy thought a reality show would ease the pressure.”
“Nothing close?”
Ashley thought about the recent headlines. “I guess it’s worse than ever.” For the past several weeks, Katy and Dayne had made the cover of nearly every tabloid, with headlines questioning whether a new marriage could survive the pressure of making a movie together and doubting their motives for doing the reality show. Some magazines even questioned Katy’s ego, asking if maybe she was falling for fame, craving the attention.
The situation was difficult, but Ashley knew Dayne and Katy and their love for each other. No matter what the press said, their marriage could stand a few months of scrutiny. She drew another long breath. “I told her she and Dayne should come home for a couple days, drop what they’re doing, and find their sanity again.”
“Good idea.”
“She said it might not happen for a while. Their schedule’s pretty intense between now and then.”
“Must be crazy, having cameras in their face every time they turn around.” Kari stretched out her legs. “The reality show airs when? First of the year?”
“Yes, sometime in January.”
The conversation shifted to their dad and Elaine. “I think he’s falling for her.” Kari kept her tone light, but there was a seriousness in her face.
Ashley hadn’t thought much about her father’s friend, but the idea no longer threatened her. “You might be right.” She remembered a conversation she’d had with Jenny. “Jim Flanigan saw Dad and Elaine walking at the park. They were holding hands.”
Kari winced. “Hard to picture.”
“I still feel that way sometimes.” She slipped her long-sleeve shirt on so she wouldn’t get too much sun. “Landon’s helped me see things differently. Dad shouldn’t have to be alone just so we can keep our memories intact.”
“True.”
RJ cuddled up between Kari and Ashley.
“Tired?”
“Just till the fish come.” He grinned at Kari, but his eyes were heavy. He was asleep before the conversation shifted back to baseball and how next year there wouldn’t be only the regular season but all-star games.
“I don’t want to think about it yet.” Ashley stroked RJ’s blond hair. “It makes me glad for summer. No sports or practices or reasons to hurry.”
“Mmmm.” Kari tilted her face toward the sun. “We should do this again next weekend.”
“We used to get out here more.”
“Before we had so many kids.” Kari patted her stomach and then Ashley’s. “After this summer, it’ll be a few more years before we can make a habit of boating.”
Warmth spread from Ashley’s heart. She could’ve hugged her sister, talking with her about her baby as if everything was going to be okay. The awkwardness that had been between them after Ashley’s ultrasound was gone now. She and Kari were walking four times a week again, dreaming about the future.
She and Kari would dress their daughters alike and take them to baby classes together. They would learn to walk and talk and play together, and some far-off day they’d be in the same class at school.
All of it was possible when Ashley was with Kari, and she loved her sister more than anything because of it. She was at peace in Kari’s presence, believing as she’d believed from the beginning. That she was going to enjoy her pregnancy and that at the end of August, God wasn’t only going to give her a baby girl.
He was going to give her a miracle.
The sensation that someone was always watching her, always taking her picture, was a constant feeling, one Katy was getting used to. Even now, when Dayne was nowhere near and she was working closely with the horse trainer—the one hired by the production company.
Rick Elliott was the trainer, a local guy in his early twenties who seemed more comfortable on a horse than anywhere else. He’d worked with Dayne earlier in the week, and now, on the first day of June, it was Katy’s turn.
She was in a dusty arena on the horse they were going to use in most of the scenes, a sorrel with a beautiful coat and mane.
Rick was facing her on a horse a few feet away. “The goal here is that the horse’ll sense your body, your movement. On screen we don’t want you to look like you’re working hard to make the horse respond.” He grinned at her. “Horse and rider should move like one. Remember that.”
Katy wiped her brow and tossed her ponytail over her shoulder. “You mean by leaning forward?”
“The movement is more subtle than that.” Rick climbed down off his horse. He put one hand on her lower back, the other on her knee.
She could feel the cameramen moving in, could sense them recognizing a photo opportunity. She wanted to pull away, but that would only make the moment more awkward.
Rick applied a slight amount of pressure to her lower back. “Press in like this.”
The
guy wasn’t suggestive or flirty, but the connection between them felt more intimate than Katy liked. She did as he asked, shifting her pelvis. At almost the same time, the horse began walking forward.
“There!” Rick stood back. “That’s what I’m talking about.”
The lesson continued, the cloudless sky offering no protection from the sizzling Santa Fe sun. She wished Dayne were going through the training with her, but he was in meetings with the producers, and this afternoon he was flying to Los Angeles for a meeting with the financial backers of the film.
They’d been working on the movie for less than a week, and she felt like she hardly saw Dayne. So far the experience was fun and even exhilarating—as an actress, anyway. But it wasn’t at all what she’d pictured. She and Dayne were exhausted by the end of the day when they dropped into bed at the suite the studio had rented for them. It was part of a hotel complex that the production company had reserved entirely for the cast and crew. That gave them some time without the paparazzi, but it didn’t matter. Cameras were aimed at them every hour they were on the set, and what was left was barely enough time to sleep.
For the next twenty minutes, Rick led Katy through a series of exercises until she had the hang of making the horse move with little work on the reins. The horse had obviously done this sort of training before, which made it easier for Katy.
When Katy was finished, Rick came to her side and slipped his hands around her waist. He helped her down and gave her a crooked grin. “You know this picture’ll be on the covers of every tabloid next week.”
Katy laughed. “They can print what they want.” She used her eyes to tell Rick she wasn’t interested—whether he was or not. “It won’t change the truth.”
“That’s what your man said too. One of the stable girls was talking to him, and he told me later that it didn’t matter what pictures the press took.” Rick tipped his hat to her. “See you after the break.”
Familiar feelings of love and assurance wrapped their arms around her. Dayne was missing her as much as she was missing him. The news was good to know. She headed across the arena to the buffet spread out on three different tables. The cameras stayed on her as she walked, and she turned and smiled at them. “Anyone seen Dayne?”