Cherries. Nice.
I flip the comforter and sheet back for her to crawl in, and because this has become second nature for both of us these last few weeks, she slides in and snuggles up against my side with her head to my shoulder. She slips an arm over my stomach and yawns.
"Tired?" I ask her.
"Yeah, I am," she says softly.
"So, what exactly is Aiden to you?" I ask her, preferring to cut right to the chase since she clearly won't bring it up.
Josie jolts and then sits up in the bed. I figure this is going to be one of those talks, so I lean over and turn the table lamp on. When I look back at her, she's got guilt written all over her face.
Still, she tries to put me off. "Why would you think he's anything to me?"
"Because he was staring at you like you were a nice, juicy piece of steak and he'd been without meat for a long damn time."
Josie rolls her eyes at me and scoffs, "That's ridiculous."
And that is a little ridiculous. He didn't look at her like that at all, but I wanted to see if it would provoke a reaction.
If I expected her to divulge all her secrets, I'd be left sorely wanting. She instead turns the tables on me. "Why? Are you jealous?"
"Of course not," I say with a wave of my hand. "Why would I be?"
"That's right," she says with slightly narrowed eyes, taking a small measure of offense I'd even bring any of this up. "There's no reason for you to be."
"Because we have a good thing going here, right?" I press her.
"Damn right we do," she says with a firm nod. "Friends with benefits to the end."
"So," I drawl. "If you were to go to lunch with this guy next week, that would just be as friends. With no benefits, right?"
Josie's eyes narrow again until I can barely see her irises. "What kind of person do you think I am, Reed? That someone from my past will show up here out of the blue, ask me to lunch, and I'm going to fuck him after that?"
"No. But I can tell there's something more to this guy than just someone you were in residency with."
Josie just stares at me for a long moment, and I don't let my return gaze falter. I can tell she's calculating something inside her head, and it makes me uneasy that she has to take a moment before she can even tell me what's on her mind. Finally, she lets out a long sigh followed up by a quick intake of breath, as if she's trying to shore up her courage. "Aidan and I used to date."
"What exactly does that mean?" I ask, because date can mean a lot of things.
"For three years. It was serious."
"How serious?" I can feel my gut starting to tighten with a sense of foreboding.
Josie's gaze drops down to my chest as she admits, "It was serious. We weren't engaged, but we were talking about marriage. We were sort of practical, and I guess we both felt the need to discuss whether marriage would be viable before he took the step to propose to me."
I can control the dryness in my voice. "How romantic."
Josie's head snaps up and her eyes are frosty. "What would you know about romance?"
"Oh, I don't know," I say sarcastically. "I suppose taking my girlfriend to see a meteor shower would never be considered romantic."
Josie deflates in front of me, and I don't miss the shame in her eyes before she drops them back down again. Her voice is small when she says, "I'm sorry. That was totally uncalled for. I don't know why this whole situation has got me feeling so out of sorts."
I put my fingers under her chin to force her to look back to me. "Why did it end?"
"Because he chose a different life over me," she says softly. "He decided to go practice with Doctors Without Borders, and it was a two-year commitment, and he didn't feel I should wait for him."
This was my worst fear when I sensed there was something between Josie and Aidan. Not just a history and perhaps even a breakup, but an actual heartbreak. I can hear it in her voice, and he broke hers at some point.
"Would you have waited for him if he'd asked you to?" I ask her bluntly. Because I need to know how close she was with this guy.
She shakes her head in denial. "No, I wouldn't have. The three years we were together was long enough to wait. It was a matter of importance to him, and being with me for the long haul obviously wasn't."
"So, what did he do? Give you an ultimatum?" I ask her.
Another small shake of her head. "I gave him the ultimatum. Either stay here with me or we were over. He countered by inviting me to go with him, but that was so far from my dream of practicing in a hospital that it just wasn't an option."
There's only one thing I can do at this point, and that's to put aside any misgivings or insecurities I'm feeling. I pull Josie back into me and settle us down into the bed. I'm on my back and she's sprawled across my chest with her head tucked up under my chin. She wraps her arms around me and once again apologizes. "I'm really sorry. I should've told you as soon as he walked out the door today who he was."
I give her a squeeze. "Not a problem. I wasn't going to let you hold your silence for long."
"It feels good to get that off my chest."
"So, why do you think he wants to go to lunch next week?" I ask. I also want to know why he showed up at her house, but I'm going to keep my mouth shut on that one for now.
I can feel Josie shrug. "He said he was on a break. I guess he's just catching up with some people in this area."
I could almost buy that reasoning if he had called her or texted her that he was back in town. Hell, even an email that he was going to be visiting would've worked. But to show up at her house unannounced? It implies he's got something on his agenda other than just wanting a friendly catch-up lunch.
--
I wait until Josie falls asleep before I carefully extricate myself from her embrace. I roll out of bed and snag my iPhone off the table. Bending over, I pick up my underwear and put it on before heading into the living room.
Once there, I settle onto Josie's couch and pull up my Facebook app. I'm not a big Facebook user, but I do have an account mainly so I can keep in touch with all of my family who tend to use it to post pictures of their kids and dogs and such. It's truly the best way to stay involved with them, particularly since I'm traveling so much during the season.
Josie, on the other hand, is a prolific Facebook user. She friend requested me not long after she had dinner at my house on the Fourth of July. Of course I accepted, and while I don't lurk on Facebook every day, I found myself checking in more than usual to see what Josie would post.
I pull up her profile and start scrolling through her timeline. I scroll and I scroll and I scroll, pause periodically to read one of her posts. She's funny and witty, and her friends and family all seem to think the same based on their comments. But I'm looking for a very particular time frame, and after a few moments of continued scrolling, I finally reach her posts from two years ago.
As I suspected, there are several posts with pictures of her and Aidan together. I might be a glutton for punishment that I feel the need to know exactly how strong their relationship was. I know ultimately it wasn't strong enough to pass the test of time, but there was a bond there, at least on Josie's part, because she suffered heartbreak.
I'm not happy with what I find. Tons of photos of Aiden and Josie together. Always happy, laughing, and that shining look of love in their eyes. Photos of them working together in a hospital, on trips together, or just around what I assume was perhaps a house they both shared. I pay particular attention to those details, and they clearly had a house that was well lived in. Personal photos and knickknacks all over the place, which is so contrary to Josie's home now.
I keep scrolling backward through time, watching the evolution of the relationship in reverse order. Three fucking years is a long time to be with somebody. When I get to the post that documents the beginning of their relationship, I start scrolling back through chronologically, looking for any details that might strike me. I particularly look at the joint photos of Aiden and Josie to see if perhaps I can de
tect a waning interest on his part over time. If it's there, it's too subtle to see.
But the one thing that's absolutely clear from every photo right up until the last is that Josie was really in love with him.
Chapter 16
Josie
If there's one thing I appreciate about progress in a medical setting, it's the fact that cafeteria food has gotten really good in recent years. This is a bonus for me, so I don't have to worry about packing food to bring each day. Of course, I'm lucky if I'm able to scrape together fifteen to thirty minutes to be able to eat during my shift.
I choose a sandwich and a small side salad along with a bottle of water and make my way to the checkout lane. I'm only half paying attention to my surroundings when I hear, "Hey, Josie."
I spin around and see Aiden standing two customers back. He has tray of food in his hands and I wonder why he's here at the hospital cafeteria.
Aiden nods down to my tray and then back to me with a grin. "Looks like I get to have that lunch with you sooner than I thought."
I laugh and give him a nod of acknowledgment. "I guess that would be true."
I'm actually relieved to run into Aiden in a hospital setting. There's something about having my white lab coat on that feels like some type of protection. I also didn't want to be in any circumstance with him where he would take me out for lunch somewhere that is too "datelike." So this works out perfectly.
"I'll get us a table," I tell him, and turn away to pay for my food before he can offer to do the same, because I know Aiden, and he would have.
I find a booth that's out of the way and with no one sitting around. Not that I require privacy, but merely because the table looked like it had been wiped down recently. With the amount of hospital staff and visitors who come through this cafeteria, it's not easy to find a clean table, as most are eating and dashing with another horde waiting for the table.
By the time I've chewed my first bite of sandwich, Aiden is sliding into the seat opposite me. I can tell with one glance down at his plate that there are some things that haven't changed about him. He's got his typical salad with a lean protein--this time a grilled chicken breast--and dressing on the side. Aiden was always one to eat super healthy and he worked out diligently.
Aiden beams across the table at me and says, "Gosh, Josie. It's so damn good to see you again."
"Likewise," I say, although my smile doesn't beam as brightly as his. "So, tell me all about what you've been up to over the last two years. Kevin has kept me updated when he hears from you."
Aiden nods his head. "The ability to get emails out was spotty at best, so I wasn't able to update Kevin all that much. My first year I worked down in Haiti. The country was struggling to recover from the last hurricane, as well as some strikes that were going on in their public hospitals. And that was good. Really important work we were doing. But ultimately it got a little boring, so I volunteered to go to Yemen. That's where I've been for the past year, and it was a little dicey at times."
I sit and listen to Aiden tell me an incredible story that fills me with horror and awe that he would do such a thing. Yemen has been involved in a full-scale war the for the past few years. Medical services are critically needed, and many hospitals have been shut down due to air strikes, shelling, lack of supplies, and doctors and nurses getting killed. I don't know much about Doctors Without Borders, because frankly I never bothered to look after Aiden made his decision to leave. It's almost as if I was avoiding any acknowledgment of the organization. But as Aiden continues, I learn that it was beyond dangerous. Many of his friends and colleagues have been killed over the past year.
"Why would you put your life in such danger for a country that means nothing to you?" I ask Aiden. I know that sounds like a selfish and attacking question, but I just can't quite comprehend it.
Aiden gives me a knowing smile. "Honestly, Josie...the danger is part of the appeal. I mean, I want to practice medicine and save lives, but I just couldn't imagine at that point in my life doing it in a modern hospital setting. The danger sort of made me feel alive."
What I really want to say to Aiden is that's a stupid fucking reason for taking a job. It's also a stupid fucking reason for leaving your girlfriend of three years, and this is the first I've heard about his apparent hard-on for danger. But I don't say those things because none of it matters right now. He went and did his thing and I moved on.
So I just give him an interested smile. "That's really incredible. Good for you."
After Aiden takes a bite of salad, he says, "But I'm actually a bit burned out from that way of life. Going to take a break from the organization and try to figure out some things."
"Like what?"
"Like I don't know if I want to go back or if I want to work in a hospital or maybe in a private practice setting."
"Oh, well...It's a good thing you're taking some time off then to consider your options."
Aiden grins at me and then pops a cherry tomato into his mouth. After he chews and swallows he says, "Actually, I just signed a three-month contract to work here at Raleigh Memorial. Thought I'd see what it was like to actually practice medicine with good equipment and the most current technology. Kevin's going to let me crash at his place."
"Awesome," I say cheerily, but every fiber of my body is rebelling against this notion. I mean, why come back here? He could have gone up north near his family. And why this hospital? Why reconnect with me?
"So, how have you been, Josie Bug?" he says with rapt attention as he puts his fork down. I control the outward cringe over his use of a nickname he'd given me early in our relationship and that I once adored. It sounds so very wrong now. "How's practicing here at Raleigh Memorial?"
I put on the brightest smile I can manage, calling upon my true love of what I do to shine through. "I love it here. The work is interesting and fulfilling. The people here are great. I'm going to be content here for a long time, I think."
"That's awesome," Aiden exclaims. "I've only ever wanted you to be happy."
Yeah, Aiden? Then why the hell did you leave me?
"Well, I am," I say with confidence. "Very happy."
And I realize...I am. All of these feelings of bitterness that he's been causing to rise up within me have only to do with past hurt, and have nothing to do with my present. Which includes one mighty fine hockey player who I have the hots for and who has them right back for me.
Aiden fiddles around with his salad, takes a few bites, and I make busy on my sandwich, checking the time periodically.
"So, Josie," Aiden says, and it's a prelude to a question that he's nervous about. I can just tell. "Do you, um...think maybe...I could take you out for dinner one night?"
After placing my sandwich on my plate, I wipe my mouth and toss my napkin down. "Thank you for the offer, Aiden, but I can't. I'm involved with someone."
"Reed," he says knowingly, and that's not a huge leap to make. Most would.
"Yes," I say with a fond smile. "It's new and it's casual, but it's also exclusive."
"How casual?" Aiden asks.
I give him a chiding look. "Forget about the casual. Focus on when I told you it's exclusive."
"So pretty damn new and casual," he says with confidently. "Based on what you just said."
"But exclusive," I remind him for the third time.
Aiden chuckles and holds his hands up in surrender. "Okay, how about this? We're friends. So maybe we can have the occasional lunch here in the cafeteria, or we can all go out for beers after shift the way we did in the old days."
I analyze every inflection and nuance in that statement, and it sounds casual and sincere. I can't detect a single ulterior motive, and his eyes look at me with clear honesty. One thing about Aiden, he never played games.
"We've got a history, Josie. I know it didn't end well, but I know we can be friends again," he says.
I peer at him just a bit harder, and still I see only genuineness in his expression. Aiden was never a good liar,
almost honest to a fault sometimes.
"Okay," I finally say with a small smile. "Sure...why can't we be friends?"
"No reason that I can see," he says with a chuckle, then spears a cucumber with his fork and playfully waves it at me. "But if you ever get rid of Reed, I'm back in the running."
He's joking and his tone is light enough, but still I'm curious. "Back in the running for what?"
"Why, for you, Josie," Aiden says, his smile fading and his eyes somber with sincerity. "You might be my one big regret in life...leaving you, that is."
"But you don't even know if you're going to stay here," I blurt out, and now even more curious as to why he's saying these things. I much preferred him just wanting to do a casual dinner, but now he's talking about regrets over our lost relationship?
"I'm seriously considering it, Josie. I want to give it some time and let me practice in this type of setting for a while. Maybe it's time for me to settle down in one place and be a regular doctor."
That rankles me. Calling what I do just "regular." Sure, I haven't had to deal with epidemic outbreaks or bullets whizzing by my ears while I attend a patient, but I hardly think that my everyday work is just regular.
But I let it go, because Aiden's opinion of me or what I do doesn't matter. And it's more than enough for me that Reed thinks what I do is cool. He certainly tells me that over and over again, filling me with a continual pride in my work knowing that he's impressed by it.
"Is Reed really your neighbor?" Aiden asks lightly.
The chuckle starts up before I can control it, remembering the very unconventional way Reed and I first met. But that's not a story I'd ever share with Aiden. "He is. Just next door, as a matter of fact."
"What does he do for a living?" Again, I analyze his words, his inflection, and his facial expression. All seem to be just curious in a friendly way.
For the very first time, it flows through me in warm waves. I get to be proud and impressed with what Reed does. He's always telling me how much he admires what I do, and because I really don't have any close friends around and there's no time for girl talk while at work, I never get to brag about him.
So I do. "He's a professional hockey player for the Carolina Cold Fury."
I wait for Aiden's eyes to go big and perhaps fill with a tinge of jealousy, but I just get a pleasant smile back from him. "That's nice. So he makes good money then?"