“Now there’s no reason for you to be blushing like that, Nathan.” Bobbie’s voice was her most sarcastic. “I know for a fact that she only came in to see if you were just as homely on Saturday as you were when you left school Friday.”
The teasing did the trick. Nate instantly relaxed, and Kate, who had been listening from the wagon, fell for Bobbie just as her sister had.
“Well,” Nate decided to give as good as he got, “I might be homely, but at least I’m not short.” Nate took great delight in his being four years younger than Bobbie and many inches taller.
“Is that right?” Bobbie cocked her head to one side in a way that was becoming familiar to them all.
“Yes, that’s right.”
“What you don’t know, Nathan, is that I could be taller. I just don’t want to be.”
“Is that right?” Nate imitated her perfectly, and before Bobbie could reply, the Riggs’ wagon was converged upon by Bradfords and Taylors.
Everyone seemed to be talking at once, and after a few minutes May and Maryanne decided they should all have lunch together. A hasty potluck was planned and Maryanne and Jake headed home to collect their food. Marcail begged Bobbie to ride with them, so she found herself in the back with her new little friend and a very quiet Sean, whom she had just met.
The wagon was already moving when Jeff hopped aboard and made himself comfortable on the blankets. He tipped Sean’s hat over his eyes, gave Marcail a quick hug, and smiled at Bobbie, but his thoughts seemed far away and the ride to the Taylors’ was fairly quiet.
“I thought Jeff was coming to lunch,” Sylvia’s sister commented when she came in alone after church.
“We had a fight.”
“Again?”
“Yes, again,” the younger girl snapped. “He’s not doing anything right. He wanted me to have lunch at his house today.”
“So why didn’t you? Surely you didn’t come here on our account.” Sandra’s voice was dripping with malice.
She had thought it was going to be such fun having her sister stay with her, but Sylvia hadn’t grown up at all in the years she was away from Santa Rosa. She was as self-centered and conniving as she had been when they were kids. Carl had been on her to get Sylvia to end her visit and go home, but Sandra didn’t know how to tell her, so she not only had to put up with Sylvia’s childish behavior but her husband’s angry words to boot.
“I didn’t want to have lunch there,” Sylvia went on as though explaining something to a simple child. “I can’t ever get Jeff alone at his house. There are people everywhere. And I’m never going to get Jeff to propose to me if I don’t get him alone.”
Sylvia had told herself that she was never going to tell Sandra her plans for Jeff, but she was growing desperate. And just as she suspected, this news was not well received by her sister.
“Sylvia, you can’t be serious.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Sylvia stated, but it was a lie.
“If you’re in love with Jeff, why are you seeing other men?”
The younger woman tossed her head with an indignant sniff. “I should have known you wouldn’t understand. Not all men are like Carl, you know. They don’t all just fall at your feet the moment they lay eyes on you. Sometimes the woman has to work a little harder to get what she wants.”
Sandra’s look was piteous and it made Sylvia furious. Without a word she pounded up the stairs. The slamming of her bedroom door echoed throughout the house.
Carl, who sat quietly on the sofa being ignored, watched his wife. When she finally turned to face him, he felt guilty for the anguish he saw there. Some of it was his own fault. He hadn’t realized just what Sandra had to deal with when it came to Sylvia, and he had put even more pressure on her.
His compassionate look was like a lifeline to his wife, and when he held his hand out to her, she joined him. Sandra cried against her husband’s chest like she had never cried before. They talked for a long time and came to some painful decisions. They wouldn’t try to change things overnight, but Sylvia was not going to go on staying with them forever—this much was clear. What wasn’t clear was how she would be told, by whom, and when.
Bobbie opted to sit at the “kids’” table. There wasn’t enough room at the big kitchen table for everyone, so a smaller table was set up in the living room for the younger family members.
Troy and Gilbert were both younger than Bobbie, but she took a place in the living room with Sean, Marcail, and Nate. Laughter was plentiful around the small table, thanks to Bobbie. Even Sean was beginning to thaw. The small blonde had that effect on people.
“So how young were you when you learned to swim?” Bobbie was questioning the Donovan children about growing up in Hawaii.
Marcail shrugged. “We just always knew.”
“Our mother always said we could swim before we could walk.” This was the first time Sean had offered information without a direct question and Bobbie believed they were making progress.
“I tried swimming when I lived in Jenner,” Bobbie told them with a laugh. “I thought I would die.”
“You almost drowned?” Marcail asked with wide eyes.
“No, it was freezing. I didn’t think water got that cold. Every inch of me was blue. I think I shivered for two days.”
“The water was always warm in Hawaii.”
“I would have loved that, Sean. Anyway, I didn’t try it again for a long time, but eventually I did learn to swim in the ocean and I really enjoyed it.”
The remainder of the conversation was relaxed and it wasn’t long before everyone was finished eating. There were more than enough hands to help in the kitchen, so Bobbie followed Marcail outside to the swing. It was cold, but the girls bundled into their warm coats and hoped it wouldn’t rain.
“I’m freezing, Marcail,” Bobbie called to her after the nine-year-old had the swing high in the air. “Did you want to go in pretty soon?”
“Let’s go to the barn. It’ll be warmer in there.”
Marcail worked the swing down to a gentle glide and jumped the few feet to the ground. She and Bobbie hurried toward the barn.
“Oh, this feels heavenly,” Bobbie exclaimed as the warmth of the barn enveloped her.
“Let’s go up to the loft.”
“I really don’t think I want to climb that ladder.” Bobbie said the words apologetically and Marcail didn’t press her. Instead the two flopped into a stall filled with fresh hay. Reclining like princesses, they talked like best friends. They had been in the barn for about 20 minutes when Marcail heard her name being called.
“That’s Katie. I’ve got to see what she wants. Don’t go away.” Marcail was up and running in the next second, slipping quietly out the barn door that stood ajar.
Bobbie removed her glasses and rubbed her nose. She felt something poking her in the leg and stood to adjust her position. But a moment after she stood she felt her glasses slip from her cold fingers. Not wanting to step on them, Bobbie stood immobile, then knelt carefully and began to feel along the ground.
A well-known feeling of frustration rose within. To be so dependant on a pair of wire rims filled with glass was at times more frustrating than Bobbie felt she could endure. But whenever these thoughts came to mind, a Bible verse came with them.
It was 1 Corinthians 10:13, and Bobbie knew it by heart: “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able, but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
The temptation, Bobbie knew at the moment, was the fact that she was about to blow her stack. Instead she prayed.
“I need Your help, Lord. I can’t see, and that always scares me a little. Please send Marcail or someone out here to help me before I panic.” Bobbie carefully sat back down in the hay. She felt around her coat and the hay surrounding her, but stayed where she was. She always caught the worst trouble when she moved.
> The barn was feeling quite chilly when Bobbie finally heard someone enter.
“Who’s there?”
“Where are your glasses?”
Bobbie sighed at the sound of her brother’s voice. “Hi, Troy. They’re in front of me somewhere. Be careful where you step.”
“I’ll light a lantern.” It was Jeff’s voice but Bobbie didn’t greet him. This was the second time she’d had glasses trouble since she got back. Why did Jeff have to witness both episodes? Bobbie found it humiliating.
‘That’s just your pride, Bobbie, and you know it,’ the stranded woman rebuked herself, and waited while the search began. They were of course in plain sight to anyone who could see, and it was only a minute before Jeff said he had found them.
“Are they broken?”
“I’m afraid so. It’s the same place as before, though, and not the glass.”
“Dad might have something with him, Bobbie. I’ll take these to the house. Are you okay where you are?”
“Sure. Thanks, Troy.”
Bobbie wasn’t all right where she was. She was cold and feeling a little lost without her sight, but she didn’t want Jeff to know that. After listening to footsteps exiting the barn, Bobbie brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. Her breath came out in a gasp when she heard feet on the floor very near her.
“I’m sorry, Bobbie,” Jeff’s voice was pained. “I thought you knew I was still here.”
“That’s okay,” Bobbie’s voice shook.
Jeff could see that it wasn’t okay, but kept the thought to himself. He could only imagine how frightening it would be to be practically blind, albeit temporarily.
“I’ll come and sit beside you so you’ll know where I am.” Bobbie sat very still when Jeff sat down, and neither one spoke for a moment.
“I thought we were friends.”
“We are,” Bobbie answered tentatively, wondering what direction the conversation would take.
“Then why are you embarrassed in front of me about losing your glasses?”
“I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.”
“I notice a lot of things. Now tell me why.”
Bobbie spoke so softly that it was almost a whisper. “You feel unbelievably vulnerable when you can’t see, Jeff. To have you come in and me not know it, then stay and not see you, just adds embarrassment to that vulnerability. I suppose it’s pride, but it’s hard to have you see me in this position.”
“Thank you for telling me,” Jeff said simply and put his arm around her. Bobbie laid her head against his shoulder and felt instantly better, but then realized she had a question of her own.
“Jeff, were you upset today when you got into the wagon?”
Jeff hesitated.
“Just tell me if I’m out of line.”
“Sylvia and I had a fight, but I can’t really discuss it with you.”
“That’s understandable. I’ll be praying that you can clear the air soon.”
“Thank you.”
The conversation moved to other things and Bobbie was a good deal warmer by the time Troy returned. Bill had produced the needed tool to fix the glasses, and when Troy returned them, he said it was time to go. Everyone felt the afternoon was a wonderful success and most parted knowing they would see one another at the barn-building, if not before.
seventeen
Bill gave Jeff a choice about where he wanted to spend Saturday—at the Micklesons’ or at the office. Jeff chose to work on the barn, and since it was Bobbie’s full day off, both Nate and May were in to help Bill.
All the Bradfords were at the Micklesons’ and the day promised to be clear. About 20 men were on the scene to help, and half that amount of women came around 11:00 to prepare lunch. Laughter and hard work were plentiful, and at the end of the day everyone was tired but feeling the rewards of a job well done. The Micklesons were thrilled with the work and sent everyone off with their repeated thanks.
When Bobbie retired for the night she reached for Cleve’s letter. She had already written back to him but was having a hard time placing her feelings. She read the letter again and again in an attempt to know her own heart.
Dear Robbie,
How is work going? It’s in my heart to say, ‘I hope it’s going well,’ but you know I wouldn’t mean it. Please come back. I know you said it would be October at the earliest but I still don’t understand why. Your dowry doesn’t matter to me. I’ve said this to you in person, but you don’t believe me. I’m trying to be understanding about how long you’ve been away from your family, but my worry that you’ll find someone else when you’re there and never come back to Jenner and to me, is always on my mind.
I told myself not to mention any of this, but as you can see, that’s all I’ve done. I was in to see Jasper yesterday. He looks well, but the office wasn’t the same without you. Church feels just as lonely without you at my side. Please write to me.
I’ve got a surprise for you—I’m coming to Santa Rosa for a visit. I’ll have to let you know the date and how long my stay will be. Maybe your boss would let you have a few days off.
Please write me as soon as you receive this.
Yours alone, Cleve
Still fully dressed, Bobbie sat on the edge of her bed for a long time. She wasn’t even excited about Cleve coming to see her. Why was that? They were very close and she always enjoyed his company. In fact she always felt wonderful when they were together, and Bobbie knew why: Cleve thought she was beautiful.
Bobbie knew very well she wasn’t, but that was the way every girl wanted her spouse to feel. And he wanted to marry her. Bobbie had only been on one date and that had been the ill-fated one with Jeff. She had never dated in Jenner; in fact, she and Cleve never dated. At first he came to the office to see her and then he would call around in the evenings at her aunt and uncle’s home. He never tried to get her alone or make any advances toward her. Bobbie had been completely nonplussed when he had proposed one night three months ago, while Jasper and Joanne had been busy in the kitchen.
“What did you say to me?” Bobbie had asked.
“I said, Robbie, will you marry me?”
“Are you serious, Cleve?”
“Never more so.”
“But we’ve never even talked about this.”
“So let’s talk now,” Cleve said as he took her hand, touching her for the first time. Bobbie had been too stunned to speak. It was a wonderful thing to know that someone desired her for a wife, and it was simply lovely to have Cleve holding her hand so tenderly within his own, but it certainly wasn’t as simple as he made it sound.
They had talked about little else in the weeks to follow, or rather Cleve had talked and Bobbie had listened. He had every imaginable argument as to why they should be married. The only thing he never mentioned was love. Bobbie said as much one night.
“I’ve never tried to analyze it before, Robbie, but I do know that I feel something for you that I’ve never felt for anyone before. I’m not at all worried that we’re not gazing into each other’s eyes like lovesick teenagers. Our marriage would be built on commitment and trust. And love, if not now, would come in time.”
Cleve had kissed her then, the only time. Bobbie had been a little dazed after the kiss and even more so when he told her she was beautiful. She was also more confused than ever.
Bobbie’s reverie was interrupted by a knock on her bedroom door.
“Come in.”
“It’s me, Bobbie.”
“Hi, Mom.”
“I saw the light under your door. Everything okay?”
“Not really, but I wouldn’t know how to tell you what’s wrong.”
“Cleve?”
“Cleve.” Bobbie answered, glad that her mother understood. “Do you know, Mom, that when he kissed me I thought I would melt? Does that make me kind of . . . promiscuous?”
“No,” her mother said tenderly and felt tears sting her eyes.
“I also like it when he holds my hand.” br />
“I’m sure you do. I would say that’s pretty normal. Did Cleve kiss you often?”
“Just once.”
“But wonderful kisses or not, you’re not sure you want a lifetime of that?”
“Right. I mean, marriage is more than intimacy, isn’t it? And I want to be sure that we can live as man and wife in every room of the house for the next 40 years. No regrets, do you know what I mean?”
“I know exactly what you mean,” Maryanne answered calmly, but her heart was crying out to God. ‘Oh please, Lord, give her a godly man who will cherish her as I’ve been cherished by Jake.’
“You better get some rest,” Maryanne said after a moment of quiet.
“He’s coming to visit.”
“So you said. Now maybe that will settle the whole thing. He’ll come and your father and I will loathe him on our first meeting and that will be the end of that.”
Bobbie laughed. “I’m afraid it’s not that easy. You’ll probably think he’s the greatest.”
“Well, he does have one thing going for him—he’s in love with my daughter.” Maryanne stopped with her hand on the door. “Bobbie, what does that look mean?”
“Actually, I can’t really say that we are in love.”
“Do you mean that Cleve has never told you he loves you?”
“No, he hasn’t. We’ve talked about it, and I’m not sure I love him either, but Cleve believes our marriage will be built on other things, and that love will come later.”
Maryanne appeared pensive. Alarmed better described her mood, but she didn’t want her daughter to know how dismayed she was.
“Bobbie, answer one question for me: Are you afraid that if you don’t marry Cleve, you never will be married?”
“Not afraid, just aware. I’m not the sort of girl men notice. Since I grew up here, I doubt that there’s a love match for me in this town, but the thought doesn’t devastate me. I promise I will not accept Cleve because I feel he is my only hope.”
Bobbie could see she had put her mother at ease. What Bobbie didn’t know was that Maryanne cried herself to sleep that night. She couldn’t even tell Jake what was wrong. He didn’t press her, knowing that when she could talk, she would. As it turned out, they were both awake in the middle of the night and talked then.