“Or catching up on our rest,” she added, putting her arms around him. “There has probably never been anything quite as foolish as this!”
“Especially considering that we detest each other.” He drew her in quite close.
“And want nothing so much as never to see each other again,” she agreed, stroking his back.
“This entire business is disastrous!”
“A complete catastrophe!”
They kissed yet again, both shuddering with the disgust they felt for this outrage.
“Say, this is getting hot!” Grundy said zestfully.
“Watch your mouth!” Rapunzel snapped, jumping down to approach him menacingly.
“Listen, hairball—” he started, meeting her.
They laughed, embracing.
Something had been nagging Grey as he watched the screen. Now he realized what it was: Grundy and Rapunzel's joke! Acting as if they hated each other—that was what this episode of the man and woman was like!
Then something strange happened. It took Grey another moment to figure it out. Color was appearing on the screen!
“I thought Pewter couldn't handle color!” Ivy said.
“I didn't know Pewter could handle pictures!” Grundy said. “It was always just print, before.”
“You're missing the best part,” Rapunzel murmured.
Grey's gaze snapped back to the screen. “What are they doing?” he asked, amazed.
“We aren't supposed to tell you,” Rapunzel said. “Ever since we joined the Adult Conspiracy.”
Then the scene changed. It showed a snoozing big-beaked bird suddenly waking, as if jolted by an unexpected call.
“They're summoning the stork!” Ivy exclaimed, catching on. “And it just got the message! I never knew how it was done!”
“You are losing your innocence,” Rapunzel said sadly.
The picture returned to the man and woman. They had just realized something themselves. “The magic has returned!” she exclaimed. And there, Grey realized, was the significance of the color on the screen: it signified the magic ambience of Xanth, after the blah shades of gray of the Time of No Magic.
“We did, indeed, dally too long,” the man replied.
Oddly, he did not look as unhappy about their dalliance as might have been expected.
“Much too long,” the woman agreed, seeming no more upset about their folly than he.
“But we can still escape!” he said. “The Brain Coral should be disorganized for a time, and it can't act directly; it will have to send a message to recapture us, and that will be hard to do for a few hours!”
The woman gazed out into the Gap Chasm, at whose lip they had just summoned the stork. “But it will take us days to cross this, even if we can get past the dragon at the bottom. We don't dare use a magic bridge or even a recognized crossing region!”
“True.” He considered briefly. “Perhaps we should foul up the pursuit by doing the completely unexpected: traveling south, instead of north toward the exit from Xanth.”
“But then we won't escape Xanth at all! They will use magic to ferret us out, and we'll be done for!”
“Maybe not. I can exert my talent to foul up the pursuit, and you can exert yours to reshape some blankets into clothing for us. We might yet be able to sneak out before they get truly organized.”
“But that means we shall have to stay together!” she said, expressing a good deal more alarm than she seemed to feel.
“It is a burden we shall just have to endure,” he said, surprisingly undismayed.
“I suppose so. Just so we don't do any of this again,” she said, putting her arms around him.
“Or any of this,” he agreed, kissing her.
“How fortunate that we understand each other so well,” she said, with a smile that might have had a hint of wryness.
“Well, we certainly made our attitude toward each other clear enough,” he agreed with even less of a hint of irony.
“When you insulted me by calling my talent Sorceress level, did you really mean it?”
“Of course I meant that insult!” he said indignantly.
“Do you think I would compliment you?”
She was silent, but there were tears in her eyes. It was evident that of all the insults he had proffered, that was the one that had scored most effectively. Perhaps it had been the one that caused her to make the supreme sacrifice of dragging him right down to the awful business of summoning the stork. Certainly her revenge had been effective, costly as it must have been to her self-esteem.
They walked south, away from the chasm, their aversion for each other manifesting in subtle ways, such as when he mockingly helped her over a fallen tree or when she just as mockingly gave him the finest of the yellowberry pies she discovered. At times they waxed eloquent in their sarcasm, addressing each other as “dear” or “darling,” and every so often they kissed again, just to make sure the revulsion was undiminished. A stranger might even have been fooled into thinking they felt about each other as Grey and Ivy did, so perfect was their emulation of that lamented state. It was a truly amazing performance.
Then they encountered an invisible giant. The monster was stumbling around, evidently still dazed by the recent absence of magic, and there was no telling where his clumsy foot would fall next. They fled into a nearby cave for safety.
GREETINGS, INTRUDERS, a screen printed.
The two halted, there in the cave, drawing together for mutual protection despite their dislike of each other.
“What are you?” the man demanded.
I AM COM-PEWTER. I GOVERN THIS REGION. YOU ARE NOW IN MY POWER.
“I have news for you,” the man said. “I am a—”
He stopped, for the woman had elbowed him. They were trying to hide their identities!
“I am about to depart this cave with my, um, wife,” the man said, choking down the implied intimacy for the sake of concealing their actual feelings for one another.
“I don't believe in your power.” The two of them turned to go, evidently concluding that the staggering giant was a better risk than this strange device.
DOOR SLAMS CLOSED, PREVENTING EXIT, the screen printed.
A door appeared across the exit. It slammed open.
WHAT WENT WRONG? the screen demanded, appalled.
“Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong,” the man murmured, smiling obscurely.
I HEARD THAT! the screen printed. NOW I KNOW YOU!
YOU ARE MAGICIAN MURPHY, FRESHLY ESCAPED FROM THE STORAGE POOL OF THE BRAIN CORAL! AN EVIL MAN.
“Magician Murphy!” Ivy exclaimed. “I thought his talent seemed familiar!”
Murphy, glancing back, saw the print. “Curses! We shall have to destroy this thing, lest it give us away.”
WAIT! I AM AN EVIL MACHINE! WE MUST POOL OUR RESOURCES FOR GREATER EVIL THAN EVER.
“Now that's interesting,” the woman said. “Just what is a machine? I think I should render it into a topologically harmless configuration, just to be sure.”
AND YOU MUST BE VADNE, EVIL BUT BEAUTIFUL SORCERESS, ALSO ESCAPED FROM CONFINEMENT IN THE POOL.
“That's my mother's name!” Grey exclaimed. “Vadne Murphy! But she's forty years old! She's no beautiful Sorceress!”
Then he stared at Ivy, the revelation dawning.
“Not in Mundania,” Ivy said. “Not nineteen years later. All that time with no magic, getting worn down by drear existence …”
On the screen, Vadne pursed her lips. “Beautiful Sorceress? This thing insults me just as you do! Maybe we should consult further with this device.”
I WILL HELP YOU ESCAPE RECAPTURE IF YOU HELP ME GAIN ULTIMATE POWER OVER XANTH, the screen offered.
“But we must flee Xanth!” Magician Murphy protested. “We are fugitives! There is no freedom for us here! We can not help you at all.”
Com-Pewter considered, the screen pulsing gently with the word CONSIDERING blinking in a comer. Then: I HAVE THE PATIENCE OF THE INAN
IMATE. I AM PREPARED TO DEFER MY AMBITION FOR THE SAKE OF A BETTER CHANCE OF ITS ACHIEVEMENT. I WILL GET YOU OUT OF XANTH NOW IF YOU WILL GIVE ME YOUR SON.
“What?” Murphy, Vadne, and Grey asked together.
YOU HAVE SUMMONED THE STORK WITH AN ORDER FOR A SON, the screen printed. YOU MAY NOT RETURN TO XANTH, BUT YOUR SON MAY. GIVE HIM TO ME IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR ESCAPE. I WILL ACCEPT HIS SERVICE IN LIEU OF YOURS.
Murphy and Vadne exchanged a glance and a half. “We would have to stay together, even in Mundania,” she said. “Can we stand that?”
“Are you implying I can't stand as much as you can?” he demanded. Then, to Pewter: “We are evil folk; how can you trust us to keep that pledge?”
YOU MAY BE EVIL, BUT YOUR SON WILL BE GOOD. WHEN HE LEARNS OF YOUR PLEDGE, HE WILL HONOR IT.
The two considered. Then, reluctantly, they made the deal. The picture faded out.
It was only a moment, but it seemed like a generation to Grey, as he oriented on what he had learned. His parents—escaped criminals of Xanth! That explained much, but was also so difficult to accept. How could he deal with this?
“So you were brought by the Xanth stork,” Rapunzel said. “Your magic talent must have been set by your origin, even though your parents left Xanth and you were delivered in Mundania.”
“They have a, uh, different way of doing it in Mundania,” Grey said. “But yes, I was conceived—uh, signaled for—in Xanth, so that does explain my magic. And having a Magician and a Sorceress for parents meant I had that level of talent too, just as was the case with Ivy. But if they escaped at the Time of No Magic, that was before King Dor was, uh, delivered. So how come I'm not his age?”
“No problem,” Grundy said. “There's a time curtain at the border. We can step from Xanth into any time of Mundania, and any place of Mundania too, but Mundanes have more trouble controlling it. Com-Pewter must have arranged for them to step into the Mundania of more recent vintage.”
I ARRANGED THAT, Com-Pewter agreed. THIS IS THE COMPLETION OF MY PLOT. I WAITED TO BRING YOU TO XANTH UNTIL THERE WAS AN AVAILABLE PRINCESS FOR YOU TO MARRY. I ADMIT THAT THERE WAS AN ELEMENT OF CHANCE WHEN I SENT YOUR PARENTS TO THE CURRENT TIME, BECAUSE THE FIRSTBORN OF THIS GENERATION MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN FEMALE. WHEN IT WAS, I KNEW IT WAS TIME TO ACT. MY QUACKS WERE ALIGNED.
“Quacks?” Grey asked. “Oh, you mean ducks.”
“So it was you in Mundania!” Ivy exclaimed.
IT WAS MY SENDING. I COULD NOT GO THERE, SO I SENT MY ESSENCE. THERE WAS THAT KERNEL OF MAGIC ABOUT GREY, EVEN THERE, SO IT WAS POSSIBLE TO ANIMATE HIS MACHINE IN HIS PRESENCE. I DID NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE, ONLY WHAT ITS CAPACITY WAS. IT WAS TO ORIENT ON HIM AND MANIFEST ONLY WHEN HE WAS BEYOND THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN YEARS SO THAT HE WOULD BE RIGHT FOR THE PRINCESS. THEN I SENT THE PRINCESS TO HIM.
“The Heaven Cent sent me!” Ivy flared.
THE HEAVEN CENT SENT YOU TO WHERE YOU WERE MOST NEEDED, WHICH I PREDEFINED AS THE LOCATION OF MAGICIAN MURPHY'S SON. IT WAS INTENDED THAT YOU MARRY HIM.
“Our romance—arranged by the evil machine?” Ivy asked, appalled.
LIVING FOLK ARE SUBJECT TO CERTAIN PATTERNS. I INSTITUTED ONE OF THOSE PATTERNS. NOW MURPHY'S SON IS HERE, AND BOUND TO SERVE ME.
“I made no such deal!” Grey protested.
YOUR PARENTS DID. THEY NEVER INTENDED TO HONOR IT, AND SO KEPT ALL KNOWLEDGE OF XANTH FROM YOU SO YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO COME HERE. BUT I SENT MY ESSENCE AND THEN SENT PRINCESS IVY TO BRING YOU HERE, AND NOW YOU ARE BOUND, BECAUSE YOU HAVE HONOR YOUR PARENTS LACK.
“They have honor!” Grey said. “They were trying to save Xanth, even though they were exiled from it!”
“How do we know you're telling the truth, dim-bulb?”
Grundy demanded. “Maybe they never made that deal, and you're just making it up in your pictures!”
I EXPECT GREY MURPHY TO RETURN TO MUNDANIA TO VERIFY THIS. THEN HE WILL EITHER REMAIN THERE OR RETURN TO XANTH AND HONOR THE DEAL.
Grey had the sick feeling that this was the truth. But there was still much to be clarified. “So maybe I was supposed to come to Xanth,” he said. “Why was it so important that I marry Ivy? I mean, I care about her, but you don't care about either of us or about romance.”
YES. YOU ARE ONLY TOOLS FOR MY AMBITION. YOU MUST MARRY IVY AND BE QUEEN OF XANTH, OR EVEN KING, SINCE YOUR MAGIC IS MAGICIAN CALIBER. EITHER WAY YOU WILL HAVE GREAT INFLUENCE ON THE THRONE OR CONTROL IT ENTIRELY. SINCE YOU WILL BE SERVING ME, I WILL BE THE TRUE RULER OF XANTH. THAT IS THE CULMINATION OF MY PLOT.
Grey stared at Ivy, who looked back with the same horror he felt. The situation was clear at last: they could go to Mundania together, or they could break their betrothal and both remain in Xanth, or they could marry and do the evil machine's will. None of those choices was acceptable.
“Oh, I wish the Good Magician was still here!” Ivy exclaimed. “He would know what to do about this!”
HO HO HO! I GOT RID OF THE GOOD MAGICIAN AS PART OF THIS PLOT! YOU CAN'T GET HIS ADVICE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FIND HIM, AND I WILL NEVER TELL WHERE HE IS!
“You did that?” Ivy cried, enraged. “All that mischief, all those un-Answered Questions, just to further your foul plot?”
“I think you should put your hand on this collection of junk and null it, Grey,” Grundy said. “You won't have to serve it if it doesn't operate any more.”
THAT WOULD BE UNETHICAL, THEREFORE GREY MURPHY WILL NOT DO IT.
Grey gritted his teeth. It was the truth.
“Oh, Grey,” Ivy exclaimed, tears in her eyes. “What are we going to do?”
YOU ARE GOING TO AGONIZE FOR A TIME, THEN VERIFY THE ACCURACY OF MY STATEMENT, AND FINALLY CONFORM. YOU HAVE ONE MONTH FROM THIS MOMENT TO CONCLUDE YOUR BUSINESS AND RETURN TO ME. THEN I WILL RULE XANTH. HO HO HO.
Grey was very much afraid that the evil machine was correct.
Chapter 13
Murphy
“So that's the situation,” Ivy concluded.
“Grey's a Magician, so I can marry him, but he is bound to serve Com-Pewter, so I don't dare let him close to the throne. And even if I don't marry him, he could later become King of Xanth in his own right, and Pewter would have power. The only way we can see to stop that is for Grey to return to Mundania and stay there. Then Pewter's deal would have no force.”
King Dor nodded. “Is Grey willing to do that?”
“Yes. He doesn't want to hurt me or Xanth, and he has the strength of his convictions.”
Queen Irene leaned forward. “Then what of you. Ivy?”
Ivy had pondered this on the way home to Castle Roogna, and seen the stark alternatives. Either she could go with Grey and live in Mundania, or she could remain in Xanth and not marry Grey. Neither choice was bearable.
Ivy burst into tears.
But later her parents had further thoughts. “We do not know that what Pewter claims is the truth,” Dor said. “We should find out.”
“But how?” Ivy asked, without more than half a glimmer of hope. “If it's not the truth, Pewter will never confess it.”
“Magician Murphy might, though.”
“But he's in Mundania!”
“You could visit there again and ask him.”
Ivy's eyes widened. The notion of living in drear Mundania was intolerable, but she could probably survive another visit there.
But still it wasn't good enough. “Why should he tell the truth? He opposes the existing order. That's why he's exiled.”
“No, actually,” Dor said. “He stepped out of the picture because he had lost to King Roogna. He hoped to return at some time when chances were better for him, such as when there were no Magicians available to be king. Then he could take over. But when he escaped from the Brain Coral's storage pool, there were several Magicians, so Xanth was still no place for him. Rather than remain in storage indefinitely, he fled Xanth. If he forswore his ambition to become King of Xanth, he would have no trouble here.”
“But why should he forswear?”
Her father
looked her in the eye. “If you were exiled from Xanth for life and were offered the chance to return if you agreed to forswear ever becoming king, would you do it?”
Ivy thought about that. “Maybe so. But it's Grey who is bound by the deal, not Magician Murphy, and it would be no good having a Magician serving Pewter, even if he never was king.”
“Your mother and I have discussed this matter, and we conclude that you have three options you may not have considered. You can verify whether what Pewter says is true; and if it is not, you are all right. Or you can bring Magician Murphy back here to Xanth on condition that he serve the existing order. Or—”
“Bring him here?” Ivy demanded incredulously. “The man who tried to overthrow King Roogna, way back when?”
“Or you can resume the search for Good Magician Humfrey, and ask him how to deal with Pewter,” Dor concluded.
“How can you speak of bringing that Evil Magician back? That would just make even more mischief here and wouldn't solve any problems for me and Grey.” Her father explained. Ivy stared. “Do you really think that would work?”
“If it does not, then it may be safe to say that nothing else will.”
She had to concede his point. It was a faint and devious hope, but it was the best thing available.
She would visit Mundania, and talk with Magician Murphy, and perhaps invite him back to Xanth.
They set out at dawn: Ivy, Grey, and designated chaperone Electra. The title thrilled her, and she promised to spy on anything the betrotheds might try to do together.
They rode on three fine steeds: Electra was on Donkey, who was now nicely recovered from his captivity with the goblins. Grey rode Pook, the ghost horse. Ivy rode Peek, Pook's ghost mare. The ghost colt. Puck, trotted cheerfully along beside. All three animals had chains wrapped around their barrels, for that was their nature. They had been befriended by Jordan the Barbarian some four hundred plus years before, and though they remained wild, Ivy had enhanced their lameness and they were glad to serve in this temporary capacity.
They made excellent time, trotting most of the way, but the length of Xanth was not traveled in a day and they had to camp along the north coast. The ghost horses wandered into the night to graze; they ate ghost grass, which was invisible to normally living folk, but Ivy could hear the tiny clinks as the little chains on it rattled.