“Don’t you see? There’s one donor coming in. Only one. Who will the doctors save? Who will get the transplant?”
For a moment Josh stared blankly as her question sank in. “Katie, you don’t know for sure there’s only one donor.”
“Yes, I do. There’s only one. One heart. Two lungs. The doctor said the donor’s family had given permission for all her organs to be donated.” Katie’s voice had risen with the tide of panic rising in her. “There’re two people in need and only one heart.”
ALSO AVAILABLE IN DELL LAUREL-LEAF BOOKS
FREEDOM BEYOND THE SEA, Waldtraut Lewin
GATHERING BLUE, Lois Lowry HEAVEN EYES, David Almond
THE RANSOM OF MERCY CARTER, Caroline B. Cooney
PLAYING FOR KEEPS, Joan Lowery Nixon
GHOST BOY, Iain Lawrence
THE RAG AND BONE SHOP, Robert Cormier
SHADES OF SIMON GRAY, Joyce McDonald
WHEN ZACHARY BEAVER CAME TO TOWN, Kimberly Willis Holt
THE GADGET, Paul Zindel
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New York
Copyright © 1994 by Lurlene McDaniel
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eISBN: 978-0-307-77637-2
RL: 5.0
v3.1
I would like to express my gratitude to
Tennessee Donor Services,
whose valuable input helped
in the creation of this manuscript
and
To B.C.H.
Thank you for the beautiful music.
CONTENTS
Cover
Other Books by This Author
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
One
KATIE O’ROARK WATCHED her boyfriend, Josh Martel, read through her friend Chelsea James’s letter. They were sitting in a wicker swing on her front porch in the warm September afternoon.
Katie reread the letter over Josh’s shoulder:
Dear Katie,
I’m writing to you from the hospital. The first thing my doctor did when I got home from Jenny House last week was admit me. Some homecoming. Of course, it wasn’t a big surprise. I told you just before we left it was what I thought he’d do. But it sure isn’t any fun.
They’re running all sorts of tests (again!), but I know the results already: My poor old heart is plain old tired. I’ve tried telling it that we’re both only fifteen and it has no right to poop out on me, hut it’s not listening. I’m on oxygen, and until yesterday I was spiking a fever. They’ve got the fever under control now, thank you very much. My parents are worried and trying to act brave, but they’re driving me crazy.
It’s looking more and more like I’ll be a candidate for a heart transplant. Of course, I’m scared, but after having met you this summer, I know that a new heart is my only hope for a normal life. Just look at you. New heart. New life. Who knows, maybe I’ll even give you some competition on the track once I get the transplant. (Just kidding—I’ve never run a single day in my life thanks to my bum heart. Why start now?)
If there’s a bright spot in this whole thing—See how I learned to think positively over the summer? You and Amanda taught me positive thinking—it’s that I’ll be coming to Ann Arbor once I go on the beeper for a transplant. Which puts me in the same city as you. I can’t tell you how much that gives me courage. Knowing that I won’t have to go through this thing alone.
So just as soon as I know what’s going on, I’ll contact you. Hope you got started back in school without any problems. Lucky you! A senior and all. I may not ever get to run a foot race, but maybe at long last, I’ll get to attend a real school and have a real life. Bye for now. Say hi to Josh for me.
I’ve written this news to Lacey too, but who knows how she’ll take it? You know Lacey—she’s not keen on sick people even though her diabetes makes her one of us.
Love and stuff,
Chelsea
As he handed the letter back to Katie, she said, “I know exactly what she’s going through. I’m writing her today. As soon as she comes to Ann Arbor, I’ll be by her side every minute.”
“Well, don’t forget, you’ve got a life too,” Josh said.
His words stung Katie. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m surprised you’d say such a thing. She’s my friend. I can’t abandon her.”
“I’m not asking you to. But, Katie, it’s been a long summer with you away. Now that school’s started, I want things back to normal for us. Dates. Fun.”
Although she thought Josh was acting selfish, she didn’t want to have an argument with him. “Don’t worry, we’ll get back to normal,” she answered. “But you know how important Chelsea is to me. I don’t think I could stand it if she …” Katie didn’t finish her sentence, as tears pooled in her eyes.
Josh put his arm around her and pulled her against his chest. “Chelsea won’t be like Amanda,” he said. “She’s going to come through this with flying colors. You’ll see.”
“I guess I’m not over Amanda,” she admitted. “I thought that coming home and starting school would make the hurt go away, but it hasn’t.”
“I know. You stuff it down inside, but then when you least expect it, it sneaks out and smacks you square in the face.”
Of course, Josh knows, Katie thought. His brother, Aaron, had died right in front of his eyes only two years before.
Josh lifted her chin and gazed at her face. “I miss Aaron every day, and on days when I’m having too much fun, I start to feel guilty because he’s not alive to have fun too. I have to really watch that I don’t get morbid. Knowing his heart’s inside you helps.” Josh hugged her hard. “You’ll always miss Amanda, but you can’t let it take over your life.”
She knew what he said was true. “I wonder what it would be like to be like the other kids at our high school—the ones who don’t have to worry about dying, or watching their friends die.”
“You mean worry about grades or who’s going to win the football game?” The corners of his eyes crinkled as he teased.
“Or who’s going to ask whom to the homecoming dance,” Katie joked.
“No worry there. You’ve already got a date,” he said, and kissed the tip of her nose. “As I see it, Katie, my love, you only have to figure out where you’re going to college. Any progress?”
Another touchy subject, she thought. Just that morning she’d had a confrontation with her parents about it. They wanted her to attend the
University of Michigan and live at home next year. But she wanted a track scholarship, and that could mean going to a college far away. “No. I’m sending off a letter to that track coach I met at the Transplant Games two summers ago. You remember him? His son had had a kidney transplant.”
“I remember him. Arizona, wasn’t it?” Josh looked glum. “You know how I feel about it. I want you nearby. I mean, there’s no way I can go away to college—too expensive, and my grades aren’t exactly merit scholarship material. I have to stay here for college, live with Gramps, and work. There’s no other way.”
Katie felt the now familiar twinge of guilt. Going away to college meant leaving Josh, her family, and her medical support staff. But her cardiologist had told her that her transplanted heart was in fine shape, and as long as she took her antirejection medications and took care of herself, she could continue doing well. “No one’s offered me a scholarship, so I may have to stay put.”
“You could go if you want to,” Josh said. “You still have some of your One Last Wish money.”
That was true. A portion of the one hundred thousand dollars was socked away in the bank. Now that Katie knew the identity of her benefactor, a girl named Jennifer Warren Crawford, who’d died in 1978 after setting up the One Last Wish Foundation, the origin of the money she’d been given was no longer a mystery. “That money may have to go toward keeping me in my medications,” she told Josh. “Dad’s medical benefits from his health insurance have a cap and will run out someday. Then I’ll have to pay for my medications some other way.”
“You’ll earn a fortune being the top female runner in the country.”
“Is that why you love me? Because of my money?” she teased, hoping to distract him from questioning her about college. She didn’t know what she was going to do, and she was weary of thinking about it. Right now, she had Chelsea and her medical problems on the brain. Plus starting school. And the loss of Amanda.
Josh grinned. “That’s what turns me on about you all right. All that money.”
He snuggled against her neck, and goose bumps skidded up her spine. “The neighbors might be watching,” she said.
“Let them watch,” Josh replied, and kissed her softly on the mouth.
Katie was doing homework when Chelsea called three days later. “It’s official,” Chelsea said. “I’m going on the beeper.”
Katie felt her stomach lurch. With the phone receiver clamped to her ear, she sprawled across her bed. “When are you coming?”
“Mom’s making a mountain of arrangements now. She’s coming with me while Dad holds down the fort. He’ll visit every weekend he can, but somebody’s got to stay and work and pay the bills.”
Katie heard the anxiety in her friend’s voice. “I’ll be here for you. And so will Josh.”
“That’s the only good part of this whole thing. The worst is not knowing how long I’ll have to wait for my transplant. My doctor says the average wait is close to six months for a heart.”
The information surprised Katie. She’d been much luckier—if she could think of Aaron’s death as a piece of luck. Her wait hadn’t been long at all. She forced her thoughts away from that course. Nothing could bring Aaron back, and she was grateful to be alive. “Maybe you won’t have to wait that long,” she offered hopefully.
“Who knows? Mom’s calling realtors in your area and trying to find us an apartment close to the hospital. She says we’d better plan on the long haul instead of trying to rent a motel room and live like gypsies. I think it’s better too. This way, I’ll be able to bring some of my things with me and make the place more like a home instead of a waiting cell.”
Katie thought the prospects of being cooped up in a rented apartment and not knowing anybody dismal also. All at once, an idea occurred to her. “Maybe that won’t be necessary,” she said, sitting upright on her bed.
“What do you mean?”
Katie’s voice grew with excitement. “We have a big house, and my parents know just what your mother’s going through. And you and I are best friends. Chelsea, what would you think about living here with us until your beeper goes off?”
Two
“SO WHEN’S CHELSEA moving in?” Josh asked Katie as they threaded their way along the crowded hallway heading for morning classes.
“This weekend. My parents were absolute angels about it. They’ve been on the phone with Chelsea’s folks every day ironing out details. Chelsea’s getting the guest room next to mine, and her mom, Lorraine, will be moving into my mom’s sewing room. Mom’s cleaning it up to make it more comfortable.”
“Your parents are pretty great,” Josh said.
Katie knew how fond Josh was of her folks. Probably because his own parents were such failures. His father, an alcoholic, abused his mother. That’s why Josh and Aaron had moved across several states and into their grandfather’s home in the first place. Katie said, “Since fall’s my dad’s busy season at the newspaper. Mom’s really looking forward to having the company. And since she understands just what Chelsea’s parents are facing—” The first tardy bell interrupted Katie’s sentence. Josh bent forward and brushed her cheek with a kiss. “Oops! I’ve got to run. If I’m late for class …”
“See you after school,” Katie called as he sprinted off down the hall. She marched into honors English and took her seat.
“Did you do the assignment?”
Katie turned to the boy sitting behind her who’d asked the question. His name was Garrison Reilly, new to Ann Arbor High and distinctively good-looking. She purposely avoided gazing into his deep brown eyes. “Didn’t you?”
“Are you kidding? When my dad’s the chairman of the English department at the University of Michigan, what choice do I have?”
His grin was infectious, and Katie returned it in spite of herself. “I figure that puts you at an unfair advantage. What chance do we mere mortals have when you’re wired into the mother lode of English proficiency?”
Garrison’s grin grew broader. “Take it from me, you have more than a chance in my book.”
She rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Isn’t that a line in some famous book or other?”
“A line? What an unkind cut! Yours is the first pretty, friendly face I’ve met in this school.”
“Oh, cut it out,” Katie said with a laugh, playing on his words. “We’re all friendly here at Ann Arbor High. Didn’t you read your orientation packet?”
His eyes glowed with mischief. “I read where there’s a football game this Friday night. You going?”
Suddenly, Katie realized they were flirting with each other. What’s wrong with me? she asked herself. She experienced an overwhelming sense of disloyalty toward Josh.
When she didn’t answer his question, Garrison gave her a questioning look. “Was it something I said?”
“What?”
“You checked out on me. What did I say to cause a retreat? Football games shouldn’t be that bad a topic for conversation.”
“Nothing. I, uh, just”—she glanced up—“see our teacher,” she finished lamely. “Class is starting.”
“So can we continue this discussion later? After school, maybe?”
Katie felt her cheeks flame red. She flipped open her book and buried her nose in it. “I have something else to do.”
“Well, tomorrow’s another day,” Garrison said over her shoulder. “Scarlett O’Hara said that in Gone with the Wind.” She heard him shift back into his chair.
Katie sat staring at the book without really seeing it. Her heart was thudding and her blood racing as she realized it was more than guilt she was feeling. She was attracted to Garrison Reilly, and understanding that interest washed over her like cold water. Quickly, she scribbled Josh’s name three times on the cover of her notebook, as if by doing so, she could make the strange and peculiar sensations she experienced toward Garrison fade away.
Chelsea arrived that weekend, and even though Chelsea’s mother hovered at her side, Katie was glad to see that
she could navigate the stairs under her own power. When Chelsea was settled in bed and everyone else had gone down to move Mrs. James’s belongings into the converted sewing room, Katie exclaimed, “I’m so glad you’re here. We’re going to have fun while you wait.”
Chelsea and her mom had brought a few pieces of furniture from Chelsea’s own bedroom in a U-haul trailer. Along with some medical equipment—a portable oxygen tank was propped by the head of the bed—they transformed the guest room. Katie was relieved to see that Chelsea didn’t have to be tethered to the tank day and night. At least, not yet.
“You don’t know how glad I am to be staying with you instead of in some apartment.” Chelsea glanced around the room—at the fresh bouquet of flowers on the dresser, at the TV set, at the pretty lace curtains and glittery “Welcome” banner Katie had stretched across them. “Everything except a virtual reality game.”
“Yeah. Well, I didn’t want you to get too comfortable.”
“The only place I’d rather be is Jenny House.” Chelsea’s voice sounded breathy, and her lips held a bluish cast.
Katie remembered her own pain from her medical ordeal. Still, she smiled brightly and said, “You’ve got that right. There’s no place better than Jenny House. As soon as you’re able, I think we should go visit.”
“Could we?”
“Look, we don’t know how long it’ll take for the transplant center to find you a heart, but as long as you’re feeling and doing well, you don’t have to be confined to bed.”
“Tell that to my mother.”
“That’s what my mother is supposed to do—help yours not to act too hyper. And believe me, my mom’s a pro when it comes to acting hyper. She almost drove me and Dad to the nut house. But after the Transplant Games, once she saw that I wasn’t going to shatter, she shaped right up.” Katie grinned. “Yours will too.”
“You don’t know my mother. She’s spent my whole lifetime hovering over me and my crummy heart. It’s her career!”
Katie laughed. “Once your transplant is complete and you’re out of danger, she’ll have to find a new career. You’re going to feel so good!”