28
MARCUS COULD FEEL HER slipping away. He picked Mary Catherine up each Tuesday and Thursday for the meetings with Lexy at the police station, but no matter what he suggested, she wouldn’t spend time with him. Not alone.
Tyler and Sami were talking with Alicia, while Marcus, Mary Catherine, and Lexy listened. The program had been incredibly beneficial for both girls. At least it seemed that way. They hadn’t had a run-in with the law, and every week they opened up a little more.
Lexy planned to be homeschooled by her grandmother for the next few years and get a job. She didn’t know what the future held, but she was finished with the WestKnights. She had made that decision two weeks ago. Even sent texts to everyone in the gang. She got some pushback, but nothing like what she expected.
Sadly, there were plenty of girls ready to ride shotgun with guys from a gang.
The conversation now was about future plans, what Alicia would do in the coming months while the school year played out. Marcus tried to listen, but he struggled to focus. Mary Catherine was sitting beside him. He could feel the way she moved, sense the way she loved these lost girls.
She consumed him. There was nothing he could do to change the fact.
He let his mind drift. The two of them never talked about what had happened between them that night at his house, and he didn’t push for answers. When they said goodbye he could see the pain in her eyes, the same pain that stayed with him whenever they were apart. It was insane to think that he hadn’t figured out what a treasure she was until the beginning of January.
Now it was the first Thursday in February, the last meeting at the police station with the girls. Tomorrow morning Marcus and Tyler would leave for Glendale, Arizona. Spring training would begin Saturday. And then he wouldn’t see her for two months.
For some reason, Marcus had the sense he didn’t have long with Mary Catherine. Maybe because he was leaving tomorrow. But it was more than that. He couldn’t quite get his mind around the feeling. Yet still it was there. No matter how hard he tried or how much he prayed, he couldn’t find his way back to that moment with her in his arms, under the stars on his deck.
Marcus had thought of a hundred scenarios. Reasons she wasn’t willing to think about dating him. Plausible possibilities for why she wouldn’t talk to him about it. Some days he figured there must be something going on back in Nashville, something she had to make right before she could move on. Maybe it was someone her parents wanted her to marry.
Or maybe that was it. Her parents. Maybe they wouldn’t approve of her dating a biracial guy. Whenever that thought crossed his mind, Marcus always dismissed it. If race had been an issue, she would’ve said something by now.
There were times when he thought maybe she had something physically wrong with her. Like she couldn’t have kids or she was allergic to baseball diamonds. Maybe she’d suffered some traumatic event as a child and she wasn’t able to form lasting connections with people. That was a legit disorder, right?
Marcus shifted in his seat, his eyes on Alicia, who was still talking.
Whatever the reason, there was no denying it. The feeling was there each time they were together. And lately she had kept her distance again, the way she had when they first started hanging out.
A few days ago after the meeting with the girls, Marcus and Mary Catherine took Lexy to the youth center. The new director was doing a great job. His work meant that Marcus could stop by when he wanted to, pay for pizza each week, and still get on with baseball. For now that was a more realistic setup.
That night they had played a pickup game of basketball with some of the teens who were there. When it was over he and Mary Catherine had high-fived. But when he tried to hold her hand, she eased away from him. “Gotta get water!” she had told him.
Sure, she had been out of breath. But that wasn’t why she left so quickly.
Marcus tried to stay in the moment. Alicia was done talking. She smiled at Tyler and then at Sami. “Is it okay if . . . I still meet with you? Like once a month or something?” She looked uncomfortable for the first time that afternoon. “I think I might really need that.”
Involvement in the program after the first four weeks was optional. But all of them were willing to help. At least they’d agreed on that at the beginning.
Tyler stroked his chin, clearly trying to find an answer for the girl. “Marcus and I leave in the morning for a few months.” He looked at Sami.
“I’ll be here.” Sami reached over and patted Alicia’s hand. “We can definitely meet.”
“Me, too?” Lexy looked from Sami to Mary Catherine. “Could we maybe all meet?”
“I want to.” Mary Catherine was quick with her answer. “But I’m not sure about my schedule.”
Sami smiled. “I can promise you girls this. I’ll be available for both of you. Once or twice a month at least. But let’s talk and text more than that.”
Marcus sat back in his seat and looked at Mary Catherine. Something had just happened, but he couldn’t figure out what. Why wasn’t Mary Catherine saying anything? How come she didn’t offer to meet with the girls? He met her eyes, but she looked away. A sick feeling started in his stomach and quickly moved to his heart.
Just like he thought, she was pulling away. Not just from him, but from all of them. Whatever else happened, he had to get to the bottom of this. Figure out what was wrong and why she was distancing herself. By tomorrow it would be too late to sort out what was happening, to hear what was going on in her heart. So that left just one option.
He would have to find out tonight.
MARY CATHERINE COULDN’T look Marcus in the eyes. They were all four going out to dinner after the final meeting with the girls. She had already told Sami her plans to move to Africa. She would tell the guys tonight. At the same time.
The session ended, and Officer Charlie Kent joined them along with a few new volunteers. Mary Catherine recognized one of the women as Aspyn, the neighbor who had pushed Marcus out of the way the night of the shooting at the youth center. Mary Catherine and the woman exchanged a smile.
Officer Kent asked the four of them to talk about how they thought the program had gone, and then finally he turned to the girls. “Would either of you like to tell our new volunteers about the difference this time has made?”
Mary Catherine didn’t expect either of them to say anything. They’d come miles since a month ago. But that didn’t mean they would share here. But even as she was telling herself the reasons Lexy wouldn’t talk, the girl raised her hand. “I’d like to say something.”
Lexy sat up straighter. Something else she wouldn’t have done at the beginning of the program. “Before, I just always assumed I’d be in prison one day.” Her eyes looked tender. “Like my mama.” She turned to Marcus and then Mary Catherine. “I didn’t know I had a choice. But now I know I got someone who cares about me. I don’t need to hang with the guys, risking prison and getting killed. I belong somewhere else now.”
Moments like this Mary Catherine wondered if she was making the right decision. Maybe she was supposed to stay in Los Angeles and help Lexy. She could stay out of Marcus Dillinger’s way and keep from falling in love with him. And never—no matter what—have a night like the one at his house. If she could do that, she could stay.
But she would miss her one chance at Africa.
When Officer Kent was finished, the group dispersed. Aspyn walked up to Mary Catherine. “Remember me? From the youth center that night.”
“Of course.” Mary Catherine would never forget. Marcus was alive today because of this woman.
“I wondered if you heard about the latest situation. The kids on the street are talking about the program.” Aspyn smiled. She put her hand on Mary Catherine’s. “You’ve done a wonderful job.”
“Thank you.” Looking into the woman’s eyes was like looking into the ocean. They were
that light, that complex.
“Anyway”—Aspyn glanced at the door—“there’s another dozen girls ready to go through what Lexy did. But we only have a handful of volunteers.” Aspyn gave Mary Catherine a single sheet of paper. “This describes the need.” She smiled. “I told Officer Kent I’d ask you to stay on. You and Sami. The city really needs you.”
Mary Catherine looked at Marcus across the room. He was talking to Tyler, his long legs and filled-out shoulders reminding her of what it felt like to be in his embrace. She looked back at Aspyn. “I’m afraid I may not be staying in Los Angeles.” She took the piece of paper. “I’ll keep it in mind, though.”
“Okay.” Aspyn didn’t move. She looked deep into Mary Catherine’s eyes. “Just remember . . . you don’t have to go halfway around the world to find a place to help out. The need is very great right here.” She smiled again and then slipped her purse onto her shoulder and headed for the door.
For a few seconds Mary Catherine wondered how Aspyn knew. How was that possible? Had she somehow talked to Sami? Or was she just guessing, assuming Mary Catherine might be leaving for some sort of mission work?
The woman had to still be just outside. Mary Catherine hurried to the door to call after her, but the parking lot was mostly empty. Just a few cars, nothing and no one else. She took a few steps out the door and looked to the left and then to the right. The woman had already driven away.
But her message remained.
It was a message Mary Catherine would keep with her. So that she would know there was a place for her here. If she was ever healthy enough to come back and take on work like this again. For now, she didn’t dare dream of a time like that. She looked at Marcus again and felt the now-familiar hurt. No, she would stay in Uganda until she was sick enough to need a heart. Then she’d come back.
Not a day sooner.
MARCUS MADE RESERVATIONS at Gladstones in Malibu. A bit of a drive, but not bad considering the beautiful winter night. The moon was full, so he requested a table by the window. They arrived a few minutes early and found the place nearly empty.
Exactly as Marcus hoped it would be.
With his and Tyler’s flight to Arizona set for the morning, anything that needed to be said had to be said now. Tonight. They took their table and chatted about the Last Time In program while they ordered and waited for their food. Only then did Sami look at Tyler and Marcus and finally Mary Catherine.
“I have an announcement.” She folded her hands and smiled. “I can’t believe I did this, but I quit my job!”
“What?” Mary Catherine lived with her, and she apparently hadn’t heard anything about this. She laughed softly. “And you say I’m impulsive.”
“I know. You changed me.” Sami laughed, too. “I didn’t make up my mind till today at work. I decided my time had to be worth more than handling public relations for businesses and movie stars.” She grinned at Marcus. “So I took the marketing and community affairs job at the youth center. I’ll mostly work from home, but I’ll be there a few days a week.”
Tyler looked hesitant about her decision. “I told her it was too dangerous. It’s one thing to meet with the girls at the police station. But the youth center . . .” He took Sami’s hand and paused for a moment. His smile started in his eyes as he looked at her. “I’m happy for you, Sami. And I’m proud of you.” He turned to the others. “She told me it was something Mary Catherine would do.”
Marcus sat next to Mary Catherine across from the other two. Mary Catherine was about to say something, he could sense that much. But he had the worst feeling that whatever it was, he didn’t want to hear it.
Then just when he wasn’t sure he could take another moment of her pulling away from him, beneath the table Marcus felt Mary Catherine reach for his hand. She didn’t let go. “Sami, you’ll be perfect. The community is ready for change. I really believe that.”
“After working with the Last Time In program, I figured I had to make a change.” Sami smiled at Mary Catherine. “Because you have to live your life, right?”
“Right.” Mary Catherine gave Marcus’s hand a slight squeeze. “Speaking of which . . .” Her smile looked weak. “I have an announcement, too.”
Only Sami didn’t seem surprised. She simply turned approving eyes toward her friend and waited.
Mary Catherine looked at Sami and then Tyler. “I’m moving to Africa. I’ll leave here in the middle of the month to spend a few weeks with my parents in Nashville. Then I’m off to Uganda.”
Marcus released her hand. He turned to her, but she wouldn’t look at him, wouldn’t face him. He worked to keep his tone even. “What . . . brought this on?”
“I’ve been planning it.” Finally she turned to him. Her eyes begged him to understand. “It’s something I’ve always dreamed of doing. I just got clearance a few days ago.”
Clearance? Marcus felt like he was going to be sick. He wanted to take Mary Catherine down to the beach and hear the real story, the reasons she would’ve chosen to leave. Especially now, when she was making such an impact with Lexy. When she had admitted feelings for him. He struggled to keep his tone even. “What do you mean, clearance?”
“I’ve been in contact with a ministry in Uganda. They need someone to coordinate the building of a new orphanage.” Again her smile didn’t reach her eyes. “We figured it out this week.” She tried to sound upbeat, but she was definitely failing. “I’m their girl.”
There was nothing Marcus could say. Any conversation about the issue would have to happen later, when they were alone. If they were alone. Tyler and Sami made small talk about Africa and how Tyler had always wanted to take a mission trip there. Maybe one day they would all go.
The banter did nothing to ease the devastation Marcus was feeling. Halfway through dinner he thought of another question. “How long will you live there?”
“That’s the good news.” She hadn’t tried to take his hand again. “Only six months. I should be able to make sure the orphanage is built and established in that time.”
Marcus did the math. Six months meant she’d be back sometime in August or September. Just when baseball season would be wrapping up. Was this why she hadn’t wanted a relationship? Because she knew that behind the scenes she was working to move to Uganda?
In some ways the idea was better than the other scenarios Marcus had imagined. He’d be busy pitching and traveling. He was frustrated she hadn’t told him sooner, but six months away didn’t have to be the end of things between them. They could talk and Skype, right?
He felt bad for pulling his hand away. He reached for hers and she willingly let him. This time he slid his fingers between hers. The way they’d never held hands before. She smiled at him, a sad sort of smile, and again her eyes said more than her words could. At least here.
“Everything will be so different tomorrow.” Tyler put his arm around Sami’s shoulders. “Sami told me she might make a trip to Arizona halfway through spring training.” He smiled at Mary Catherine. “She hoped maybe you’d come with her.”
“Yeah.” Mary Catherine frowned. “She told me that earlier today. I would have. If the move to Uganda hadn’t come through.”
Marcus wished she’d quit calling it a move. She was taking a trip. Nothing more. He wasn’t going to let her go, not until she told him she didn’t care about him.
A somberness hung over the table as they finished eating. Tyler was right. Come tomorrow everything would be different. But Marcus wasn’t finished with tonight. He would drive her home and they would finish this conversation later. She didn’t have to be afraid of being gone for six months. He would’ve waited much longer than that.
He could hardly wait to tell her.
29
MARY CATHERINE WAS QUIET on the drive back to her apartment. Halfway there, Marcus asked if she could come back to his house. So they could talk about her trip.
/> “I really can’t.” They weren’t holding hands this time. “I have to work tomorrow.”
Marcus didn’t respond.
She hated this, hated the look in his eyes. He didn’t understand, and she couldn’t blame him. The trip to Uganda worked in her favor. Her leaving meant she had one reason why it wasn’t an option to give in to their feelings. Their lives were going in different directions.
They were both quiet until they reached the apartment. She wanted to talk to him. This was the last time they’d see each other for a long time. Maybe forever—depending on how things went with her heart. She couldn’t let him leave here upset with her.
“Walk me up?”
“That’s all? Just walk you up and say goodnight and that’s it?” He wasn’t angry, just confused. She could see that much in his eyes. She understood. The chemistry between them, the attraction and pull—it was undeniable. They had so much in common. She prayed God would give her the words to help them both understand.
“Sami’s out with Tyler.” Mary Catherine smiled at him as they reached her apartment door. “Come in. Please.”
He looked relieved. The truth was, neither of them were willing to say goodbye yet. Once they were inside they sat together on the sofa. The lights in the room were dim—perfect for the farewell ahead.
The space between them felt like an ocean. Marcus pulled one leg up so he could face her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wasn’t sure.” Mary Catherine didn’t want to hurt him. She had never meant to get involved so quickly. “I mean, I always talked about Africa.”
“Not moving there.” His tone wasn’t antagonistic. He only wanted to make sense of what was happening.
“It . . . came together quickly.”
Marcus exhaled and for a minute he looked away, looked at the apartment and the photos on the walls. “You’ve never asked me inside before.”