Marcus stopped walking and looked down. He checked the ground in front of him and behind him, and then reached into the pockets of his jeans. When he found them empty, he patted his other pockets. Then he shrugged.
“You lost your phone?” Mary Catherine glanced at the sidewalk behind them.
“No.” He slipped his hands in his pockets and looked straight into her eyes. “I didn’t bring it. Figured I’d rather be in the moment.”
Touché. Mary Catherine felt something strange and unfamiliar in her heart. He was right. Where so many guys were too distracted to pay attention, Marcus had asked for this time with her and he’d remained truly present. “Thank you.” She felt her smile soften.
They started walking again. “For what?”
“For being in the moment. That’s one of the greatest gifts people can give each other. It’s like a lost art. Listening. Caring enough to look into someone’s eyes.” She couldn’t fall for him. Absolutely not. But she would be wrong not to express her gratitude. “Just . . . thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” He looked happy with himself. “Maybe next time we have a conversation among friends you’ll look me in the eyes. The way you didn’t do today.”
“I told you . . .” She giggled, not really frustrated.
“I know . . . you didn’t want to seem too friendly. I’m dating Shelly. I get it.” He gave her a knowing look. “Let’s just say today at the center no one would’ve thought you even knew me.”
“Good.” She kept a straight face. Much as she wanted to laugh, she needed him to know how serious she was. “I didn’t want to overstep my bounds.”
“Obviously.” The quiet between them for the next few steps felt comfortable. Marcus looked at her a long time before his next question. “So is it a faith thing, your living dangerously? Jumping out of planes and swimming with sharks?”
Her laughter felt wonderful. “Not sharks. Dolphins.”
“Whatever.” He chuckled. “Really, Mary Catherine. Why?”
The truth wasn’t something she was willing to talk about. Her doctor had told her anything that released too much adrenaline was bound to be hard on her heart. A quiet life, they told her. Keep to the house, the daily tasks and chores. Learning and reading were fine. A desk job, maybe. Anything out of the box would knock days off the life of her heart.
Her mother had begged her to follow her doctor’s orders.
Mary Catherine would rather have died young. She took a deep breath and imagined a way to explain all that without talking about her health. “There’s a Bible verse in John, chapter ten, verse ten.”
He shook his head. “Don’t know it.”
“Jesus is talking. He says, ‘I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.’ ” Her tone held a passion never far from the surface. “I figure if Jesus came to give me that sort of life, well, then . . . I might as well live it.”
“Hmmm.” Marcus nodded. “Fair enough.”
“How about you, Marcus Dillinger? You ever jump out of a plane or swim with dolphins?” She loved this, walking with him at midnight. This far up in the hills, the stars shone bright overhead, the moon a sliver in the sky.
His laugh was quiet again. “Hardly.” He sighed. “For me it was baseball, baseball, baseball. My dad was a blond, blue-eyed ballplayer for the Giants back in the day. Played a few years and then got cut. He moved to the Bahamas to try to figure out his life and met the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.” He smiled. “That’s how he tells the story. My mom was just eighteen, six years younger than my dad. Born and raised in the Bahamas. They fell in love and got married six months later at a little white church in downtown Nassau. Right in the heart of the city.”
Mary Catherine had figured one of Marcus’s parents must’ve been white. His light skin and eyes told her that much. But she had never heard his parents’ love story. “That’s beautiful.”
“It was. My dad got a job in San Diego in computer engineering. He and my mom had me and two girls. Dad and I played ball all the time. He was one of my coaches. Believe it or not, I had a choice about playing baseball. He wasn’t one of those fathers.” Marcus grinned. “I just loved the game.”
“So no time for planes and dolphins?” She could feel her eyes sparkling as she looked at him.
“Exactly.”
Their teasing made her feel like she’d known him all her life. He has a girlfriend, she told herself. Don’t let yourself fall. “Hey, wait!”
“What?” He looked intently at her. He had definitely perfected the art of being present.
“I know that little white church. The one in Nassau. Is it on the main street, right past the pink government buildings?”
He looked surprised. “Yes. That’s the one.”
“I went there once on a mission trip.” She laughed. “I know. Not the roughest place to do mission work. Anyway, on Sunday most of our group went to service there. It was super colorful. They passed out tambourines and percussion instruments.” She nodded. “I loved it.”
“You and my mom should meet.” His tone remained genuine. “She grew up in that church. She’d love to hear that story.”
They had turned around and now they were nearly back to the Waynes’ house. Mary Catherine wasn’t going to bring up Shelly again, but this time Marcus did. “You asked about Shelly. She’s interesting. A little aggressive.” He raised his brow. “It’s awkward, her being Coach’s niece.”
“Mmm.” Mary Catherine didn’t want to say too much. “You think Coach Ollie is in favor?”
“I’m not sure.” His laugh sounded nervous. “Just feels awkward. I kind of fell into the whole thing before I knew what was happening.”
Up until then, Mary Catherine wondered whether Marcus had a chink in his armor. She had assumed the guy was a typical pro ballplayer, but her assumptions had been wrong.
Until this.
She considered her words before she spoke. “So . . . are you pursuing her?” She was careful not to sound mean. Just curious. “Or the other way around?”
“I asked her out, if that’s what you mean. But more to kind of see if we were compatible.” He was quiet for a long minute. “Actually, I guess she asked Coach if I was interested. I didn’t really know about her until a month ago.”
Mary Catherine didn’t respond. Maybe it was better if Marcus was allowed to sit with his own thoughts for a bit.
“Yeah, maybe she’s doing the pursuing.” He looked troubled. “To answer your question. I guess I hadn’t thought about it.”
They were back at the house. Mary Catherine smiled. “The Waynes are great. I love the way their home feels.” She was finished talking about Shelly. Marcus could figure that out later.
“They’re my second family.” He looked to the front door. “They seriously always have a light on.” He chuckled. “Like that old motel commercial my dad used to like.”
They both laughed and headed inside. Mary Catherine said goodbye and thanked Rhonda and Ollie for having her.
“Come anytime. Seriously.” Rhonda hugged her. “We health foodies need to stick together.”
“I’ll be back.” She grinned from Rhonda to Ollie. “I want to meet your daughter next time.”
The only thrill greater than jumping out of a plane or bungee jumping off a bridge was investing in people. Mary Catherine worked with the youth group every Sunday at church. She didn’t lead it, but even as a volunteer, girls were always talking to her. Telling her their struggles.
It was another wonderful reason she loved being alive.
Marcus walked her out and opened her door first before he slid behind the wheel. The whole way back to the apartment, Mary Catherine couldn’t stop from dreaming. Even just a little. And in the time it took them to reach the freeway, she allowed herself to imagine the greatest possible plans ahead. If she could, she would walk that way
whatever the cost. However many steps the journey might hold.
For tonight, she could dream about the possibilities. As if for this one moment she might pretend Marcus was her boyfriend and the two of them were facing life together. Head on.
She looked out her side window. Don’t be ridiculous, she chided herself. There are a hundred reasons why it could never happen.
Because Mary Catherine had no time for a relationship. If God was going to give her more than thirty years—the way she truly believed—then she would spend it living and serving and loving people.
Just not the sort of love her wayward heart had dreamed about tonight.
10
MARY CATHERINE HATED SEEING her time with Marcus come to an end. He parked in front of the apartment and walked her to the front door. She hoped he couldn’t hear how hard her heart was beating. The rush she felt had nothing to do with her health. Something about being with him stirred feelings she’d avoided most of her life.
He stood closer than she liked. Or maybe she liked it more than she wanted to admit. Either way, he looked deep into her eyes before he spoke. Like he had all the time in the world. “I had fun tonight.”
“Me, too.” She folded her arms in front of her. “Thanks again . . . for not bringing your phone.”
He chuckled lightly. The sound sent chills through Mary Catherine, and she could do nothing to stop them. “You, too. Looks like we’re both good at being present.”
“Yes, sir.”
“ ‘Yes, sir’?” He angled his head. The look in his eyes took her breath. “You had that Southern thing in your voice just then.”
She giggled. “Blame it on the upbringing. You can take the girl out of the South . . .”
He grinned at her, as if he wanted to stretch the moment as badly as she did. “But you can’t take the South out of the girl.”
“Exactly.”
“I love it. And you still have an accent, by the way.”
“Maybe.” She was enjoying herself more than she wanted to admit.
“Anyway . . . I’ll say this, Mary Catherine.” He paused, searching her eyes. “Sami was right about you.”
“About how wild I am?” She blinked a few times. Under his gaze, her walls didn’t stand a chance.
“No . . . that you’re one of a kind.” He looked up at the sky and then back into her eyes. “I had to find out for myself.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“As it was intended.” She wondered if he was going to hug her. Instead, he did the slightest bow. Like a knight from a long-forgotten era. “It’s been a pleasure, m’lady.”
“Oh, now look.” She laughed softly. “Southern gentleman, are you?” The sound faded and she looked deeper into his eyes, all the way to his soul. “Marcus Dillinger . . . you’re not who I expected.”
“Now, now . . .” A twinkle lit up his eyes and he waved his pointer finger at her. “You thought us ballplayers were all the same.”
“I did. I confess.” No matter what she’d told herself up to this point, she didn’t want the moment to end. She could’ve stayed out here beneath the stars with Marcus Dillinger, being far too friendly, until daybreak.
“Well”—he took a step back—“happy to prove you wrong.” His teasing lifted like morning fog and for several seconds he stood there, just watching her. Again she had the sense he didn’t want to leave any more than she wanted him to go. “See you later, Mary Catherine.”
“See ya.” She put one hand on the door, but she didn’t turn around until he did, until he jogged to his Hummer, climbed inside, and pulled away.
Inside, she was grateful Sami was already asleep. She didn’t want to answer questions about the night or her walk with Marcus or what she might be feeling. She stood at the window and peered through the crack in the curtains. Her heart was giddy with love and life and every wonderful thing. Springtime reigned in her soul and sunshine followed her into the apartment despite the dark of night outside.
Had the last few hours really happened? Had Marcus really just driven off at one thirty in the morning after spending the most wonderful time with her? And what was she thinking, allowing herself to feel this way?
Mary Catherine had no answers for herself.
For once she didn’t care about her sensibilities, about her determination to keep herself unattached, to never fall in love. She always thought she could find a grander purpose outside of love. Learning to fly, or feeding children in Africa, or sneaking Bibles into North Korea. She had believed her wild side was enough to soak all the life she could out of the time God gave her.
But she would never have this night again and right now she would’ve given up every adventure ahead for the chance to be loved by Marcus Dillinger. Something that would never happen. She drew a shaky breath.
Right now she didn’t feel wild. She felt scared and unsure and lonely. Just for tonight, she wished for the freedom to fall in love if she wanted to. She wished she wasn’t sick and that tonight wasn’t only a dream. And something else.
She wished she had a hundred years.
IT WAS A half hour back to his house in Silver Lake, and Marcus was pretty sure he’d need every minute to sort through his feelings. The ones that had made it hard to feel the ground beneath his feet a minute ago.
Mary Catherine had filled his senses for the past two hours like no girl ever had. Yet, he was pretty sure she wasn’t available. She didn’t have a boyfriend—at least he didn’t think she did. But she gave off no real proof of being interested, either.
Marcus gripped the steering wheel and gritted his teeth. What was he thinking? Of course she wasn’t interested. Hadn’t she said that at the beginning? Sure, she’d opened up to him tonight. But in front of their friends she’d been just short of rude. Too concerned with offending his girlfriend. Which was another problem.
He had never intended to have Shelly be his girlfriend.
The thing with Shelly just sort of happened. She was relentless when they were together, and when they weren’t, well, she texted him constantly. Always her texts were forward and laced with innuendo. He came to a stoplight and checked his phone.
Another two texts had come in from Shelly while he was saying goodbye to Mary Catherine. The light was still red, so he glanced at them. The first was short. Miss you. The second was longer. All I can think about are those long legs of yours and . . . well, you know. See you soon. Each text was punctuated by half a dozen emojis.
Of course he hadn’t brought his phone on the walk with Mary Catherine. Her texts came in like clockwork.
He tossed the phone on the passenger seat as the light turned green. How had things gotten this way so fast? The two of them hadn’t been alone except for their goodbyes—which was a good thing. Even when he took her home, she was all over him, kissing him and asking him to park further down the street. “Let’s take our time,” she always told him.
Mary Catherine had asked the most profound question of the night. Who was pursuing whom when it came to Shelly? Marcus sighed, and the sound rattled around in the empty Hummer. He knew so little about being a Christian. Sure, his dad had been a good man. He’d met Marcus’s mom in church, after all. But as far back as Marcus could remember there had only been baseball.
A good life, a nice family, and baseball.
He thought about how easily Mary Catherine had rattled off the Bible verse. What was it? John something. Marcus had never even read the Bible, at least not as far as he could remember. It wasn’t something he and Tyler had talked about, either.
Mary Catherine’s face came to his mind, consuming his senses. She was the sort of girl a guy could pursue. No question. But if they’d had another hour, if their walk had gone on longer, eventually the questions would’ve turned to him and his past.
He had basically told her everything there was to know—at least from
his high school days. He had played ball. Period.
But his time in college and the pros? Those years, there was much more to his story. A sick feeling came over him. There didn’t seem to be enough air in the SUV, so he rolled down his window. Pitching for the Oregon State Beavers came with certain expectations. Different girls every weekend. Others on the road and still more midweek on campus. It was all part of the game.
Marcus liked to think he was better than some of his teammates. He didn’t drink, didn’t party. But he couldn’t remember the names of all the girls he’d been with.
Shame burned through him, so that even the skin on his hands felt hot. He could never tell Mary Catherine about his past. She wouldn’t want another conversation with him. He squinted at the freeway ahead of him. Dear God, what sort of pathetic, wretched man am I? How many girls do I owe an apology to?
He rarely thought about this. Especially in the last few years, when he’d cleaned up his act and stayed away from women. But if he was honest with himself, things only grew worse after the draft.
Los Angeles was a place without values or morals. Everyone was out for themselves, on the hunt for money, fame, sex. The thrill of the one-night stand worked both ways in LA. The girls Marcus hooked up with hadn’t wanted a commitment any more than he had.
People using people. Until recently, that was Los Angeles for Marcus.
He tried to imagine what Mary Catherine would think about that. If she were telling him the whole story, the girl hadn’t had a serious boyfriend. Maybe not ever—though he found that hard to believe. One thing was for sure—Mary Catherine wasn’t going to settle. Not in life, and not in love.
The weight of his past pressed in around his shoulders. Sure, he’d made a deal with God, and God had come through. But where did that leave him? The question that had plagued him after Baldy’s death suffocated him again. Here in his Hummer. If he didn’t make it home, if a drunk driver drove the wrong way onto the freeway and he never saw it coming, where would he be at night’s end?