ONE MORNING THAT summer, Tom decided to work on his new study alone. The walls outside of the old office were already gone, along with most of the sheetrock and insulation. A large debris pile had formed outside.
Jeff Wade had volunteered to rewire the upstairs and was busy working on an outlet.
As Tom walked into the office, he noticed the wallpaper over a half wall of wainscoting was coming off in places.
Examining the wall closely, he noticed a board near the corner was loose. Attempting to fix it, he found it wasn’t nailed in at all and pulled it out, exposing the cavity behind it. He could see the insulation was moldy and dirty with soot. But near the bottom, the corner of a book caught his eye.
As he pulled it out he noticed the hard cover was dusty, slightly deformed in a curved shape and moldy. The pages inside were wrinkled from the damp and cold.
It was a hand written journal of some sort, probably from someone who had lived there and had hidden it in the wall for some reason… maybe a child or teenager.
Flipping through the pages he soon realized it had belonged to the man who had disappeared from this house, Pastor Andrew.
Curiosity prompted him to take a closer look.
Taking it downstairs, he poured himself a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen table to read some of it.
Maybe this holds some clues as to what happened to him.
“What have you got there?” Marty asked as she came into the kitchen with some groceries.
“I believe its Pastor Andrew’s journal,” Tom replied.
“No kidding! Really? Where did you find it? What does it say?”
“I haven’t had time to read it yet. I just found it hidden in a wall in the office upstairs. I was about to read the last entry and see if there might be some clues to his disappearance.”
Marty stood still in expectation. As he opened the book, the pages crackled from their deplorable state and a musty smell drifted through the room.
On the last page, Tom read aloud:
“September 26. Today has been a really hard day. Braxton came by the church, threatening and posturing about Sheila. No matter what I say, he doesn’t believe me that I love my wife and have no interest in Sheila. Not in the way he means. I tried to tell him we were working to save his marriage, but he won’t listen. I’m not sure where this is going to end up.”
“And I can’t seem to get anywhere with Franklin, either. He’s telling me that I’m not wanted here anymore, that a lot of our people are unhappy with me, that they don’t need me here. No matter what I do, it’s not good enough. I’m so discouraged and the problems seem so daunting. The constant criticism is getting to me.”
“Maybe my sermons aren’t the best, but they’re from my heart and what I believe the Lord is asking me to teach. I don’t know how much more I can take. But what can I do? If I’m doing God’s Will, I should stick it out, continuing to teach as God directs me. But, what if it’s time for us to move on and He wants us to serve at another church where we can be more effective?”
“Sometimes, Lord, I wish you’d just send me a letter, telling me what to do! I think I’ll take a walk and talk it out with Him”.
“Gosh,” Marty commented as Tom stopped and looked up.
“That’s his last entry. And this verifies what Mrs. McKenna told us. That she and Peggy both thought he had gone for a walk when he disappeared. I don’t think he would have written this and then hid it in the wall, if he was running off with Braxton’s wife, would he? If it was hidden, don’t you think he’d be writing down his true feelings?”
“I would think so. That makes sense,” Marty said thinking how sad this situation was. “It’s strange that it happened so long ago, and yet the effects of it are still being felt today.”
“Yes, felt today, but not as strongly as it must have been then. I wonder if we should help put this thing to rest,” Tom thought out loud. “At least if I can find Peggy, I can send her this journal. It might bring her some comfort.”
“Don’t you think you better read it first, to be sure there’s nothing in it to hurt her or his family?”
“I feel so funny reading this man’s private thoughts. But maybe you’re right. I’d like to be sure before I sent this to her.”
Tom spent the rest of the day reading the words of a man who had started the journal in an effort to cope with the strain of condemnation from his head elder, and others from the church in lesser ways.
Petty grievance had arisen and the complaints taken to the church board, such as children fussing in church, disrupting the service. Some were even complaining about his wife not entertaining enough at the parsonage or holding Bible studies.
Tom learned about the man’s shame, at the anger he felt toward the board members who were taking these petty things to heart, and how he had defended his wife telling them how hard it was for any woman to keep a home going for a family, let alone the strain of constantly entertaining and the hard work involved with it.
But, the church board wouldn’t listen. They took to heart the reproach they were hearing from their head elder and added their own petty grievances, making the pastor’s life miserable, for several years according to the dates in the journal.
Tom shook his head in disbelief, yet he knew man was a fallen creature without God’s leading, even in church.
He stopped reading. The sadness was cutting deep, because he now believed that Pastor Andrew had suffered needlessly.
It should never have happened. Yet it had, and by those who had the power to stop it. But, not only did they fail to protect him, they added to his pain with their own hardness of heart and minor grievances. Where was their forgiveness, mercy, compassion, kindness, and love that they’re supposed to show as children of God… for the man their Lord had placed in their lives to guide them?
Isn’t it the roll of the board to protect the church against spiritual damage? Shouldn’t they have protected him from this pettiness?
God has asked us to bear His fruits in our lives, such as peace, patience, kindness, goodness, joy, faithfulness and self-control, but most of all LOVE. Shouldn’t we be showing these things to one another, when the petty things arise, and to do good where we can?
These grievances aren’t the sins in 1 Corinthians 5:11, where if brother or sister has committed sexual immorality, is greedy, or worships other things besides God, lies about others, is a drunkard, or swindler, that it is required to remove them from the church, in the hope that they will repent. If he had committed any of these sins, then they would have been justified in what they did. But he hadn’t.
And then he vanished. How? Why? And what caused such a negative legacy to be left behind from such a good man. One who had loved them and served them? What happened to him?
And these people were still in this church, and it seems their pettiness is starting up again. At least Franklin Conner is complaining. How do I handle this? I’m no better than this Man Of God who went before me. Lord, grant me the wisdom, love and understanding I need. Please, Lord. Amen.
Tom sighed as he continued to read the journal. He wanted to get this ordeal over with, because it was an ordeal to him. None of this should have ever happened and he realized that was starting up all over again, against him.
* * * *