19: Forest Towne Turns Out
Below, a large crowd was gathering. Just about the whole population of Forest Towne, it seemed, was jamming into the yard. An excited chatter accompanied them like a flock of annoying birds.
Johnny couldn’t imagine so many inhabitants showing up for any pleasant reason. They were sure out in force to watch his troubles, though.
They don’t really want to see me fall off this roof, he assured himself. They just want to be here when it happens.
Rufus Possum stationed himself at the head of the mob, standing tall and proud on his hind legs, every inch a leader. He held up his forelegs for silence, and the crowd stopped its chatter. He then turned toward Johnny then and called out in is his most impressive voice:
“Still up there, Johnny!”
Any idiot can see that I am! Johnny fumed.
He wanted to make some angry, sarcastic reply, but decided against it.
“Yes, I’m still here,” he replied as sweetly as possible.
“Your troubles are over,” Rufus said.
“Great!” Johnny cried. “What’s your plan?”
“We’re gonna build a new ladder for you,” Rufus said. “It’s my very own idea.”
The crowd gave a lusty cheer. Rufus acknowledged their support with a gracious bow.
“That’s wonderful,” Johnny said, “how long will that take?”
“Only about a week,” Rufus said. “Pretty good, considering we’re not carpenters.”
“A week!” Johnny was stricken with horror. “I’ll be starved down to nothing by then.”
“That’s part of the plan,” Rufus said. “You’ll be so light by the time we’re finished that you won’t have to worry about breaking the ladder again.”
“No, please think of something quicker,” Johnny said.
Rufus shook his head disgustedly.
“That badger is nothing but trouble,” he muttered. “Won’t listen to common sense.”
He turned to the crowd.
“Has anybody got another idea?” he asked.
They all shook their heads.
“Where’s Mayor Raccoon?” Johnny called. “He’ll know what to do.”
“He’s not back from his meeting, yet,” Rufus said. “Can’t say just when he’ll be here – the storm, you know.”
“You mean you didn’t go with him?” Johnny asked. “I thought you were the new Official Assistant to the Mayor.”
“Uh ... yeah,” Rufus said, “well ... uh ...”
Things weren’t going the way Rufus had hoped. Not only had his bright rescue idea been rejected, but the shabby lie he told at the party was being exposed to the whole town. He could feel his leadership of the crowd slipping rapidly away.
“What about this new job, Rufus?” somebody asked. “Is something going on we don’t know about?”
“I was gonna to tell you all,” Rufus said, “but ... it’s kind of like ... I mean ...”
Fortunately, Arthur Beaver waddled up just then.
“Help is on the way, Johnny!” he yelled. “I talked to those eagles by the lake, and they agreed to carry you down.”
The crowd murmured approval. Rufus sank even further in their estimation, and Arthur rose to take his place. But Johnny, remembering his dreadful experience with the owls, was horrified.
“No!” he cried. “They might be hungry.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Arthur said. “They only eat fish ... or at least I think so.”
“Guess we’ll find out soon enough,” Rufus said. “Here they come.”
20: Eagle Madness
Suddenly, the air above the roof filled with screeching eagles. Their great flapping wings nearly blotted out the sun.
“Go away!” Johnny yelped. “I don’t need a ride, thank you.”
Too late.
The roof darkened with eagle shadows as the great birds dived in on him. Johnny felt the stab of claws on his back. Next thing he knew, he was off the roof and soaring into the sky. The house grew small, and the crowd below seemed no bigger than ants.
“Whew, he’s heavier than I thought,” the eagle that was carrying him huffed. “Here, you take him.”
The bird released its grip, and Johnny started falling.
“Ahhhhh!”
The house grew bigger again as it rushed closer. Johnny spread himself out like a flying squirrel, but he continued to plummet like a stone.
“Good-bye cruel world!” he cried.
Then he felt a fresh stab of pain as another bird caught him in its talons. Johnny zoomed upwards again.
He was way past being terrified. Nobody had been as scared as him since the beginning of time. He would have been vomiting, but there was nothing in his stomach to throw up. At least from this height, he wouldn’t miss anybody.
“If you could just set me on the ground, I’d be grateful,” he panted.
“What?” the eagle said. “And miss all the fun?”
One after another, the eagles passed Johnny around, playing a cruel game of ‘toss the badger,’ shrieking with laughter all the while.
Then the fun abruptly stopped.
“Oh, I’ve chipped a talon!” Johnny’s latest ride shouted.
“Sorry about that,” Johnny said.
“It’s all your fault!” the eagle said. “I once had the prettiest claws, now it’ll take forever to grow back.”
She swooped toward the house and released Johnny several feet above the roof. Johnny hit hard, bounced, and nearly tumbled off the edge. The eagles flew away back to their lake.
Johnny lay battered and stunned. The crowd looked on with shock. A wave of sympathy for the much abused badger washed over it.
“Are you all right?” somebody called.
Johnny stood up painfully and waved.
“Yeah, I’m still going.”
“Hang on Johnny,” somebody else yelled, “we’ll get you down somehow!”
A tremendous cheer broke out. “Hooray for Johnny Badger!”
The crowd’s approving roar thrilled Johnny right down to his toes. For the first time in his life, he felt accepted. This was almost worth all the agony he’d been through.
“Well,” Rufus said once the noise died down, “what shall we try next?”
21: Mayor Raccoon to the Rescue
“What’s going on here?” a familiar voice asked.
Everyone turned to see Mayor Raccoon step out from the trees. He walked with great dignity on his hind legs, his beautiful striped tail draped over one wrist.
Hope flared in Johnny’s heart. With Mayor Raccoon on the case, he was as good as rescued.
“Am I glad to see you!” he cried. “I’ve been stuck up here since yesterday.”
“Oh, really?” Mayor Raccoon said. “I leave town for just one day and everything falls apart, huh?”
Despite his greatly reduced condition, Johnny couldn’t help but be insulted by the Mayor’s attitude.
If you’d stuck around yesterday and helped, I wouldn’t be in this mess! Johnny thought angrily. Or maybe you’d be the one trapped up here.
Johnny said nothing, though. The last thing he needed now was a big argument.
“Can you get him down, Mayor?” Rufus asked.
“What a silly question,” the Mayor said. “Of course I can.”
Mayor Raccoon could scarcely believe his good fortune. Here was his main political rival stuck on a rooftop and looking ridiculous. Here was the whole population of Forest Towne, unable to solve the problem. And here he was, the great Mayor Raccoon himself, with the answer to everything!
Why, as soon as he rescued Johnny, he’d be a hero. And everyone loved to vote for a hero – even if he didn’t know how to make Punch Fabuloso.
“We’ll need rope,” Mayor Raccoon said.
“There’s some hanging in the shed,” Johnny called.
“I’ll get it,” Rufus said.
He strode off toward the shed, proud to be an official part of such a daring rescue.
Mayor Raccoon might not be the humblest guy, Johnny thought, but he is Forest Towne’s smartest resident – everybody knows that.
Johnny could almost feel the solid ground under his feet again. All he had to do was tie one end of the rope to something and then lower himself down.
Why hadn’t he brought the rope with him in the first place? He could have avoided all this trouble and embarrassment.
Only one small problem – there was nowhere to secure the rope. The chimney would have been okay, but it was completely destroyed now.
Chester and Tom climbed up to the roof, gripping one end of the rope in their teeth. Now that they had an audience, they moved smartly and without complaint.
“Here you go, Johnny,” Chester said. “This ought to be worth a barrel of Punch Fabuloso, don’t you think?”
“Sure ... thanks,” Johnny said.
He looked uncertainly at the crowd below and at Mayor Raccoon who held the other end of the rope in his paws.
Such a long drop! Funny how the roof didn’t look particularly high when viewed from the ground, but from up here it seemed like the edge of the Grand Canyon.
“What do I do now?” he asked.
“Tie the rope around yourself, of course!” the Mayor commanded.
Johnny hesitated. Something didn’t seem quite right about this plan.
“Are you sure this is going to work?” he asked.
“Of course I’m sure,” the Mayor answered. “I rescued my cousin exactly this same way last summer. Everything went perfectly.”
“But ...”
“Quit stalling!” the Mayor said. “You’re wasting my valuable time.”
With trembling paws, Johnny tied the rope around his waist. His mouth suddenly became desert dry. He didn’t want to insult the Mayor in front of everybody, but things just didn’t seem exactly correct somehow.
“Let’s talk this over a little, first,” Johnny said. “Maybe ...”
“Here goes!” Mayor Raccoon shouted.
He yanked the rope hard.
22: Down at Last
“AHHHHH!”
Johnny flew off the roof like some horrid, wingless bird. The ground rushed up at him with sickening speed.
CRACK!
Johnny smashed into the big picker bush.
THUD!
He bounced on the ground.
Johnny lay very still, unwilling to move. He wasn’t sure if he even could move, and he was afraid he’d discover a whole skeleton of broken bones if he tried. The crowd gathered about.
Mayor Raccoon stared down at him with wide-eyed amazement.
“What are you doing down there?” he said.
“I’m trying to figure out if I’m still alive or not,” Johnny said.
“Help him up!” Mayor Raccoon ordered.
Johnny stumbled to his feet, assisted by Rufus and others. The big shrub had broken his fall and saved him from serious injury. He was badly scratched and bruised, though.
“Perhaps I should have worn my light fall jacket,” Johnny groaned.
“What happened, Mayor?” Rufus asked. “How come Johnny’s all bashed up?”
“I don’t know.” The Mayor rubbed his head. “Something went wrong. I used exactly this same method to rescue my cousin, and he didn’t get hurt at all.”
“Just bad luck, then, ain’t it?” Rufus said.
“Yes, bad luck,” everyone agreed. “Nobody’s fault really.”
Johnny shook his head, amazed that he could still do so without it falling off. For some reason, this explanation sounded pretty weak to him.
Mayor Raccoon gestured at the wreckage scattered all around – the broken ladder, the splintered trellis, the stones from the blasted chimney.
“Look at this mess, Mr. Badger,” he said severely. “Be so kind as to clean it up.”
“But Mayor ...”
“No argument, please,” Mayor Raccoon said. “Don’t you think you’ve caused enough trouble for one day?”
Mayor Raccoon knew that he was being unfair, but he was deeply embarrassed by the failure of his rescue method. How could things have gone so wrong? In his mind’s eye, he’d seen himself being carried about Forest Towne on the shoulders of the admiring citizens.
But now this fiasco.
And Johnny had the nerve to complain, how selfish! As if he was the only one having a bad day.
23: An Unwelcome Return
“Heh! Heh! Heh!”
A harsh laugh cackled at the rear of the crowd. Everyone spun around to see a broad, powerful man standing just outside the trees. A smile creased his face – the way a shark would smile, if it could, just before it bit into somebody.
“Mr. Hank!” everyone gasped.
They scarcely recognized him. Gone were the scraggly hair and beard. The Old Curmudgeon was now shaved, trimmed, and wearing a crisp brown uniform. Only the mean smile was the same, and the burning eyes – and the big shotgun he cradled in one arm.
“That’s Ranger Hank to you.” He jabbed a thumb at his chest. “I’m the new park superintendent.”
“Y-you!” Rufus cried.
“Y-yes, me!” Hank said. “Don’t act so surprised. You all knew that I’d been a forest ranger.”
“We thought that was just a rumor,” Chester said.
“Rumors have a way of coming back around, don’t they?” Ranger Hank said.
He hefted the shotgun and pumped a round into the chamber with a loud ka-chunk! The crowd shrank back.
Mayor Raccoon tried to smooth over the situation.
“Your shotgun is certainly looking well, Ranger Hank,” he said. “The stock matches your uniform.”
“Yeah ...” Ranger Hank patted his weapon. “Thought I’d bring it along today, seeing as I’m not the most popular guy in these parts.”
Nobody disagreed.
“I figured it was time to get a job again,” Ranger Hank continued. “I got tired of living on acorns and such. I’m the Big Honcho now, so all I have to do is yell at the people who do the actual work.”
“How nice,” Mayor Raccoon said. “That sounds like the perfect job for you.”
Hank walked up to the house and inspected the wreckage scattered all around. His shark smile returned.
“Wonderful,” he said. “I figured you’d mess things up, Johnny, but this is much better than I could have imagined.”
Johnny was appalled. A terrible thought took hold of his mind.
“You mean ... you gave me the house just to cause problems for us?” he asked.
“Yeah, something like that,” Hank said. “Call it a ‘social experiment’ if you like.”
“Then what about the Punch Fabuloso?” Johnny asked.
“Punch Fabuloso?” Hank said. “Oh yeah, I seem to have misplaced the recipe. Would you know where it is?”
“I ... uh,” Johnny said.
“No matter.” Hank tapped a finger on his head. “I have it memorized. In fact, I’ve got a patent. I plan to sell it to a big soft drink company – make a ton of money.”
He leaned toward Johnny, fixing burning eyes on him.
“You know what that means, don’t you?” he said ominously.
“What?” Johnny squeaked.
“It means anybody else who tries to make Punch Fabuloso will be in big trouble!” Ranger Hank said.
“Of course, Mr. Ranger ... sir,” Johnny babbled.
Johnny felt even more terrified than when he’d faced the owls or the cuckoo clock man.
Ranger Hank gazed over the crowd with satisfaction.
“Well, it’s all been great fun,” he said. “Too bad the house has to be torn down.”
“Torn down!” Johnny cried.
“Yeah, everything has to go,” Ranger Hank said. “All the farm houses, shacks and cottages people built here over the years. This is a state park now, and we can’t keep these old buildings.”
“But the house is mine,” Johnny protested. “It’s in writing.” br />
“The writing said you could keep the house If you could handle it,” the Old Curmudgeon said. “Doesn’t look like you handled it very well, does it?”
Johnny looked at the ground, deeply ashamed.
“No, I guess not,” he said.
“Then again, I always did like the place,” Ranger Hank said. “Maybe I’ll move back in myself. As the Big Honcho, I can do that, you know.”
A horrified gasp shot through the crowd.
“Tell you what,” Hank said, “I’ll leave it up to you all. Either the house gets torn down, or I move back in. Which is it?”
“Tear it down!” everyone shouted, even Johnny.
“Oh my, that really hurts my feelings.” Hank chuckled evilly. “Very well then, the wrecking crew will be here at 12:00 sharp.”
He turned to leave. The crowd parted, giving him a wide passage.
“Bye everybody.” Ranger Hank gave a jaunty wave. “Have a nice day.”
He disappeared back into the trees.
24: Friends Again
“Well,” Mayor Raccoon said, “that’s the end of that.”
“To tell the truth, I’m glad to get rid of the place,” Johnny said. “All it did was turn me into a first class jerk.”
Nobody disagreed.
“Can you forgive me for being so high and mighty?” Johnny said. “For pretending that I was better than the rest of you?”
“Of course we can,” Rufus said.
“Yeah!” the others agreed.
An embarrassed silence followed. Everyone shuffled their feet, eyes fixed on the ground. Finally Chester spoke.
“We didn’t treat you very well, either, Johnny,” he said. “Always ignoring you, acting like you didn’t belong – until you got the house, that is.”
“Right,” Tom said, “and even when we saw you were in trouble, all we thought about was ourselves.”
Everyone nodded.
“So ... maybe we should be asking you to forgive us,” Rufus said.
“No problem,” Johnny said. “Does this mean, we can all be friends now?”
Everyone nodded again.
“Hooray for Johnny Badger!” Somebody shouted.
“Hooray for Johnny Badger!” Everyone joined in.
“This is great!” Johnny cried. “I wish I could make us all some Punch Fabuloso, but you heard what Ranger Hank said.”
“Yes,” the crowd replied sadly.
The time was right for a dramatic gesture. Mayor Raccoon leaped up onto a hunk of old chimney stone.
“I hereby nominate Johnny Badger to be the Official Honorary Assistant to the Mayor,” he said. “All in favor, say ‘aye.’”
“Aye!” everyone shouted.
Johnny beamed with joy. At last, after all this time at the bottom of the social ladder, he’d received the recognition he deserved!
Mayor Raccoon was happy, too. With one stroke he’d restored peace and harmony to Forest Towne; he’d gotten past his rescue attempt failure; and he’d come across as a wise, generous leader.
Besides, what was an ‘Official Honorary Assistant to the Mayor,’ anyway? Just a fancy title. It wasn’t like he had to give Johnny any real power. Now that everything was smoothed over, Mayor Raccoon could concentrate on the election campaign.
“There’s just one thing still bothering me, Mayor,” Johnny said.
“What’s that?”
“Exactly where was your cousin when you rescued him with a rope?” Johnny said.
“Why, he’d fallen down a well,” Mayor Raccoon replied.
“Down a well!”
“Yes,” Mayor Raccoon said. “I thought everybody knew that.”
Johnny was too shocked to say anything further. He just stood with his mouth gaping open like a fish out of water. Mayor Raccoon didn’t know quite what to make of this reaction.
“Yes ... ah, I’d love to stay and chat a while,” he said, “but I have some important business to take care of, you know.”
He draped his gorgeous tail over his wrist and began walking away with great dignity.
“See you all later,” he said. “And don’t forget to vote.”
Moral of the Story
If you should ever throw a fixer upper party yourself, don’t serve the Punch Fabuloso until everybody has taken a turn with the paintbrush.
THE END