I was now in my Element; I was as much talk’d of as any-body cou’d desire, and I did not doubt but something or other wou’d come of it; but the Report of my being so rich, rather was a Baulk to my View,204 than any-thing else; for the Gentlemen that wou’d, perhaps, have been troublesome enough otherwise, seem’d to be kept off; for Roxana was too high for them.
There is a Scene which came in here, which I must cover from humane Eyes or Ears; for three Years and about a Month, Roxana liv’d retir’d, having been oblig’d to make an Excursion, in a Manner, and with a Person, which Duty, and private Vows, obliges her not to reveal, at least, not yet.
At the End of this Time I appear’d again; but I must add, that as I had in this Time of Retreat, made Hay, &c. – so I did not come Abroad again with the same Lustre, or shine with so much Advantage as before; for as some People had got at least, a Suspicion of where I had been, and who had had me all the while, it began to be publick, that Roxana was, in short, a meer Roxana,205 neither better nor worse; and not that Woman of Honour and Virtue that was at first suppos’d.
You are now to suppose me about seven Years come to Town, and that I had not only suffer’d the old Revenue, which I hinted was manag’d by Sir Robert Clayton, to grow, as was mention’d before; but I had laid-up an incredible Wealth, the time consider’d; and had I yet had the least Thought of reforming, I had all the Opportunity to do it with Advantage, that ever Woman had; for the common Vice of all Whores, I mean Money, was out of the Question, nay, even Avarice itself seem’d to be glutted; for, including what I had sav’d in reserving the Interest of 14000 l. which, as above, I had left to grow; and including some very good Presents I had made to me, in meer Compliment, upon these shining masquerading Meetings, which I held up for about two Years, and what I made of three Years of the most glorious Retreat, as I call it, that ever Woman had, I had fully doubled my first Substance, and had near 5000 Pounds in Money, which I kept at-home; besides abundance of Plate, and Jewels, which I had either given me, or had bought to set myself out for Publick Days.
In a word, I had now five and thirty Thousand Pounds Estate; and as I found Ways to live without wasting either Principal or Interest, I laid-up 2000 l. every Year, at least, out of the meer Interest, adding it to the Principal; and thus I went on.
After the End of what I call my Retreat, and out of which I brought a great deal of Money, I appear’d again, but I seem’d like an old Piece of Plate that had been hoarded up some Years, and comes out tarnish’d and discolour’d; so I came out blown,206 and look’d like a cast-off Mistress, nor indeed, was I any better; tho’ I was not at-all impair’d in Beauty, except that I was a little fatter than I was formerly, and always granting that I was four Years older.
However, I preserv’d the Youth of my Temper; was always bright, pleasant in Company, and agreeable to every-body, or else every-body flatter’d me; and in this Condition I came Abroad to the World again; and tho’ I was not so popular as before, and indeed, did not seek it, because I knew it cou’d not be; yet I was far from being without Company, and that of the greatest Quality, of Subjects I mean, who frequently visited me, and sometimes we had Meetings for Mirth, and Play, at my Apartments, where I fail’d not to divert them in the most agreeable Manner possible.
Nor cou’d any of them make the least particular Application to me, from the Notion they had of my excessive Wealth, which, as they thought, plac’d me above the meanness of a Maintenance; and so left no room to come easily about me.
But at last I was very handsomly attack’d by a Person of Honour, and (which recommended him particularly to me) a Person of a very great Estate; he made a long Introduction to me upon the Subject of my Wealth: Ignorant Creature! said I to myself, considering him as a LORD; was there ever Woman in the World that cou’d stoop to the Baseness of being a Whore, and was above taking the Reward of her Vice! No, no, depend upon it, if your Lordship obtains any-thing of me, you must pay for it; and the Notion of my being so rich, serves only to make it cost you the dearer, seeing you cannot offer a small Matter to a Woman of 2000 l. a Year Estate.
After he had harangu’d upon that Subject a good-while, and had assur’d me he had no Design upon me; that he did not come to make a Prize of me, or to pick my Pocket, which (by the way) I was in no fear of, for I took too much Care of my Money, to part with any of it that way; he then turn’d his Discourse to the Subject of Love; a Point so ridiculous to me, without the main thing, I mean the Money, that I had no Patience to hear him make so long a Story of it.
I receiv’d him civilly, and let him see I cou’d bear to hear a wicked Proposal, without being affronted, and yet I was not to be brought into it too easily: He visited me a long-while, and in short, courted me as closely and assiduously, as if he had been wooing me to Matrimony; he made me several valuable Presents, which I suffer’d myself to be prevail’d with to accept, but not without great Difficulty.
Gradually I suffer’d also his other Importunities, and when he made a Proposal of a Compliment, or Appointment207 to me, for a Settlement, he said, That tho’ I was rich, yet there was not the less due from him, to acknowledge the Favours he receiv’d; and that if I was to be his, I shou’d not live at my own Expence, cost what it wou’d: I told him, I was far from being Extravagant, and yet I did not live at the Expence of less than 500 l. a Year out of my own Pocket; that however, I was not covetous of settled Allowances, for I look’d upon that as a kind of Golden Chain, something like Matrimony; that tho’ I knew how to be true to a Man of Honour, as I knew his Lordship to be, yet I had a kind of Aversion to the Bonds; and tho’ I was not so rich as the World talk’d me up to be, yet I was not so poor as to bind myself to Hardships, for a Pension.
He told me, he expected to make my Life perfectly easie, and intended it so; that he knew of no Bondage there cou’d be in a private Engagement between us; that the Bonds of Honour he knew I wou’d be ty’d by, and think them no Burthen; and for other Obligations, he scorn’d to expect any-thing from me, but what he knew, as a Woman of Honour, I cou’d grant; then, as to Maintenance, he told me, he wou’d soon show me that he valued me infinitely above 500 l. a Year; and upon this foot we began.
I seem’d kinder to him after this Discourse; and as Time and Private Conversation made us very intimate, we began to come nearer to the main Article, namely, the 500 l. a Year; he offer’d that at first Word; and to acknowledge it as an infinite Favour to have it be accepted of; and I, that thought it was too much by208 all the Money, suffer’d myself to be master’d, or prevail’d with, to yield, even on but a bare Engagement upon Parole.
When he had obtain’d his End that way, I told him my Mind; Now you see, my Lord, said I, how weakly I have acted, namely, to yield to you without any Capitulation, or any-thing secur’d to me, but that which you may cease to allow, when you please; if I am the less valued for such a Confidence, I shall be injur’d in a Manner that I will endeavour not to deserve.
He told me, that he wou’d make it evident to me, that he did not seek me by way of Bargain, as such things were often done; that as I had treated him with a generous Confidence, so I shou’d find I was in the Hands of a Man of Honour, and one that knew how to value the Obligation; and upon this, he pull’d out a Goldsmith’s Bill209 for 300 l. which, putting it into my Hand, he said he gave me as a Pledge, that I shou’d not be a Loser by my not having made a Bargain with him.
This was engaging indeed, and gave me a good Idea of our future Correspondence;210 and in short, as I cou’d not refrain treating him with more Kindness than I had done before, so one thing begetting another, I gave him several Testimonies that I was entirely his own, by Inclination, as well as by the common Obligation of a Mistress; and this pleas’d him exceedingly.
Soon after this private Engagement, I began to consider, whether it were not more suitable to the Manner of Life I now led, to be a little less publick; and as I told my Lord, it wou’d rid me of the Importunities of others, and of continual Visits from a sort of People who he knew
of, and who, by the way, having now got the Notion of me which I really deserv’d, began to talk of the old Game, Love and Gallantry, and to offer at what was rude enough; things as nauceous to me now, as if I had been married, and as virtuous as other People: The Visits of these People began indeed, to be uneasie to me, and particularly, as they were always very tedious and impertinent; nor cou’d my Lord — be pleas’d with them at-all, if they had gone on: It wou’d be diverting to set down here, in what manner I repuls’d these sort of People; how in some I resented it as an Affront, and told them, that I was sorry they shou’d oblige me to vindicate myself from the Scandal of such Suggestions, by telling them, that I cou’d see them no more, and by desiring them not to give themselves the trouble of visiting me, who, tho’ I was not willing to be uncivil, yet thought myself oblig’d never to receive any Visit from any Gentleman, after he had made such Proposals as those to me: But these things wou’d be too tedious to bring in here; it was on this Account I propos’d to his Lordship my taking new Lodgings for Privacy; besides I consider’d that as I might live very handsomely, and yet not so publickly, so I needed not spend so much Money, by a great deal; and if I made 500 l. a Year of this generous Person, it was more than I had any Occasion to spend, by a great deal.
My Lord came readily into this Proposal, and went farther than I expected; for he found out a Lodging for me in a very handsome House, where yet he was not known; I suppose he had employ’d somebody to find it out for him; and where he had a convenient Way to come into the Garden, by a Door that open’d into the Park;211 a thing very rarely allow’d in those Times.
By this Key he cou’d come in at what time of Night or Day he pleas’d; and as we had also a little Door in the lower Part of the House, which was always left upon a Lock, and his was the Master-Key, so if it was twelve, one, or two a-Clock at Night, he cou’d come directly into my Bed-Chamber. N.B. I was not afraid I shou’d be found a-Bed with any-body else, for, in a word, I convers’d with no-body at-all.
It happen’d pleasantly enough one Night; his Lordship had staid late, and I not expecting him that Night, had taken Amy to-Bed with me, and when my Lord came into the Chamber, we were both fast asleep, I think it was near three a-Clock when he came in, and a little merry, but not at-all fuddl’d, or what they call in Drink; and he came at once into the Room.
Amy was frighted out of her Wits, and cry’d out; I said calmly, indeed my Lord, I did not expect you to-Night, and we have been a little frighted to-Night with Fire:212 O! says he, I see you have got a Bedfellow with you; I began to make an Apology, No, no, says my Lord, you need no Excuse, ’tis not a Man-Bedfellow I see; but then talking merrily enough, he catch’d his Words back; but hark-ye, says he, now I think on’t, how shall I be satisfied it is not a Man-Bedfellow? O, says I, I dare say your Lordship is satisfy’d ’tis poor Amy; yes, says he, ’tis Mrs. Amy, but how do I know what Amy is? It may be Mr. Amy, for ought I know; I hope you’ll give me Leave to be satisfy’d: I told him, Yes, by all means I wou’d have his Lordship satisfy’d, but I suppos’d he knew who she was.
Well, he fell foul of 213 poor Amy, and indeed, I thought once he wou’d have carry’d the Jest on before my Face, as was once done in a like Case; but his Lordship was not so hot neither; but he wou’d know whether Amy was Mr. Amy, or Mrs. Amy, and so I suppose he did; and then being satisfy’d in that doubtful Case, he walk’d to the farther-end of the Room, and went into a little Closet, and sat down.
In the mean time Amy and I got up, and I bid her run and make the Bed in another Chamber for my Lord, and I gave her Sheets to put into it; which she did immediately, and I put my Lord to-Bed there; and when I had done, at his Desire, went to-Bed to him: I was backward at first, to come to-Bed to him, and made my Excuse, because I had been in-Bed with Amy, and had not shifted me,214 but he was past those Niceties at that time; and as long as he was sure it Mrs. Amy, and not Mr. Amy, he was very well satisfy’d, and so the Jest pass’d over; but Amy appear’d no more all that Night, or the next Day, and when she did, my Lord was so merry with her upon his Ecclairicissiment,215 as he call’d it, that Amy did not know what to do with herself.
Not that Amy was such a nice Lady in the main, if she had been fairly dealt with, as has appear’d in the former Part of this Work; but now she was surpriz’d, and a little hurried, that she scarce knew where she was; and besides, she was, as to his Lordship, as nice a Lady as any in the World, and for any-thing he knew of her, she appear’d as such; the rest was to us only that knew of it.
I held this wicked Scene of Life out eight Years, reckoning from my first coming to England; and tho’ my Lord found no Fault, yet I found, without much examining, that any-one who look’d in my Face, might see I was above twenty Years old, and yet, without flattering myself, I carried my Age, which was above Fifty, very well too.
I may venture to say, that no Woman ever liv’d a Life like me, of six and twenty Years of Wickedness, without the least Signals of Remorse; without any Signs of Repentance; or without so much as a Wish to put an End to it; I had so long habituated myself to a Life of Vice, that really it appear’d to be no Vice to me; I went on smooth and pleasant; I wallow’d in Wealth, and it flow’d in upon me at such a Rate, having taken the frugal Measures that the good Knight directed; so that I had at the End of the eight Years, two Thousand eight Hundred Pounds coming Yearly in, of which I did not spend one Penny, being maintain’d by my Allowance from my Lord —, and more than maintain’d, by above 200 l. per Annum; for tho’ he did not contract for 500 l. a Year, as I made dumb Signs to have it be, yet he gave me Money so often, and that in such large Parcels, that I had seldom so little as seven to eight Hundred Pounds a Year of him, one Year with another.
I must go back here, after telling openly the wicked things I did, to mention something, which however, had the Face of doing good; I remember’d, that when I went from England, which was fifteen Years before, I had left five little Children, turn’d out, as it were, to the wide World, and to the Charity of their Father’s Relations; the Eldest was not six Years old, for we had not been marry’d full seven Years when their Father went away.
After my coming to England, I was greatly desirous to hear how things stood with them; and whether they were all alive or not; and in what Manner they had been maintain’d; and yet I resolv’d not to discover myself to them, in the least; or to let any of the People that had the breeding of them up, know that there was such a-body left in the World, as their Mother.
Amy was the only-body I cou’d trust with such a Commission, and I sent her into Spittle-Fields, to the old Aunt, and to the poor Woman, that were so instrumental in disposing the Relations to take some Care of the Children, but they were both gone, dead and buried some Years; the next Enquiry she made, was at the House where she carry’d the poor Children, and turn’d them in at the Door; when she came there, she found the House inhabited by other People, so that she cou’d make little or nothing of her Enquiries, and came back with an Answer, that indeed, was no Answer to me, for it gave me no Satisfaction at-all: I sent her back to enquire in the Neighbourhood, what was become of the Family that liv’d in that House? and if they were remov’d, where they liv’d? and what Circumstances they were in? and withal, if she cou’d, what became of the poor Children, and how they liv’d, and where? how they had been treated? and the like.
She brought me back word, upon this second going, that she heard as to the Family, that the Husband, who tho’ but Uncle-in-Law to the Children, had yet been kindest to them, was dead; and that the Widow was left but in mean Circumstances, that is to say, she did not want, but that she was not so well in the World as she was thought to be when her Husband was alive.
That as to the poor Children, two of them it seems, had been kept by her, that is to say, by her Husband, while he liv’d, for that it was against her Will, that we all knew; but the honest Neighbours pity’d the poor Children, they said, heartily; for that their Aunt us’d them barbarously, and made them little better than Servants in t
he House, to wait upon her and her Children, and scarce allow’d them Cloaths fit to wear.
These were, it seems my Eldest, and Third, which were Daughters; the Second was a Son; the Fourth a Daughter; and the Youngest a Son.
To finish the melancholly Part of this History of my two unhappy Girls, she brought me word, that as soon as they were able to go out, and get any Work, they went from her; and some said, she had turn’d them out of Doors; but it seems she had not done so, but she us’d them so cruelly that they left her; and one of them went to Service to a Neighbour’s a little-way off, who knew her, an honest substantial Weaver’s Wife, to whom she was Chamber-Maid, and in a little time she took her Sister out of the Bridewell of her Aunt’s House, and got her a Place too.
This was all melancholly and dull; I sent her then to the Weaver’s House, where the Eldest had liv’d, but found that her Mistress being dead, she was gone, and no-body knew there, whither she went; only that they heard she had liv’d with a great Lady at the other-end of the Town; but they did not know who that Lady was.
These Enquiries took us up three or four Weeks, and I was not one Jot the better for it, for I cou’d hear nothing to my Satisfaction; I sent her next to find out the honest Man, who, as in the Beginning of my Story I observ’d made them be entertain’d, and caus’d the Youngest to be fetch’d from the Town where we liv’d, and where the Parish-Officers had taken Care of him: This Gentleman was still alive; and there she heard that my youngest Daughter and eldest Son was dead also; but that my youngest Son was alive, and was at that time, about 17 Years old; and that he was put out Apprentice, by the Kindness and Charity of his Uncle, but to a mean Trade, and at which he was oblig’d to work very hard.
Amy was so curious in this Part, that she went immediately to see him, and found him all-dirty, and hard at-work; she had no remembrance at-all of the Youth, for she had not seen him since he was about two Years old; and it was evident he cou’d have no Knowledge of her.