CHAPTER XII
In life there comes sometimes a tidal wave in the ebb of which all oldlandmarks are washed out. And so it was with Tamara. She had falleninto bed half dead with fatigue and emotion, but when she woke thesickly gray light of a Russian winter mid-day pouring into her room,and saw her maid's stolid face, back rushed the events of the night,and she drew in her breath with almost a hiss. Yes, nothing could everbe the same again. "Leave me, Johnson," she said, "I am too tired, Icannot get up yet."
And the respectful maid crept from the room.
Then she lay back in her pillows and forced herself to face theposition, and review what she had done, and what she must now do.
First of all, she loved Gritzko, that she could no longer argue withherself about. Secondly, she was an English lady, and could not letherself be kissed by a man whose habit it was to play with whom hechose, and then pass on. She was free, and he was free, it followed hiscaressing then--divine as it had been--was an absolute insult. If hewanted her so much he should have asked her to marry him. He had notdone so, therefore the only thing which remained for her to do, was togo away. The sooner the better.
Then she thought of all the past.
From the moment of the good-bye at the Sphinx it had been a humiliationfor her. Always, always, he had been victor of the situation. Had shebeen ridiculously weak? What was this fate which had fallen upon her?What had she done to draw such circumstances? Then even as she laythere, communing sternly with herself, a thrill swept over her, as herthoughts went back to that last passionate kiss. And her slender handsclenched under the clothes.
"If he really loved me," she sighed, "I would face the uncertainhappiness with him. I know now he causes me emotions of which I neverdreamed and for which I would pay that price. But I have no singleproof that he does really love me. He may be playing in the same waywith Tatiane Shebanoff--and the rest." And at this picture her priderose in wild revolt.
Never, never! should he play with her again at least!
Then she thought of all her stupid ways, perhaps if she had beendifferent, not so hampered by prejudice, but natural like all thesewomen here, perhaps she could have made him really love her.--Ah!--ifso.
This possibility, however, brought no comfort, only increased regret.
The first thing now to be done was to restrain herself in an ironcontrol. To meet him casually. To announce to her godmother that shemust go home, and as soon as the visit to Moscow should be over, shewould return to England. She must not be too sudden, he would think shewas afraid. She would be just stiff and polite and serene, and show himhe was a matter of indifference to her, and that she had no intentionto be trifled with again!
At last, aching in mind and body, she lay still. Meanwhile, below inthe blue salon, the Princess Ardacheff was conversing with StephenStrong.
"Yes, mon ami," she was saying. "You must come--we go in a week--theday after my ball, to show Tamara Moscow, and from there to spend anight at Milaslav. Olga and Sonia and her husband and the Englishman,and Serge Grekoff and Valonne are coming, and it will be quite amusing."
"Think of the travelling and my old bones!" And Stephen Strong smiled."But since it is your wish, dear Princess, of course I must come."
They were old and very intimate friends these two, and with him thePrincess was accustomed to talk over most of her plans.
He got up and lit a cigarette, then he walked across the room and cameback again, while his hostess surveyed him with surprise. At last hesat down.
"Vera, tell me the truth," he said. "How are things going? I confesslast night gave me qualms."
The Princess gazed at him inquiringly.
"Why qualms?"
"You see, Gritzko is quite an exceptional person, he is no type of aRussian or any other nation that one can reckon with, he is himself,and he has the most attractive magnetic personality a man could have."
"Well, then?"
"And if you knew the simple unsophisticated atmosphere in which yourgodchild has been brought up----."
"Stephen, really,"--and the Princess tapped her foot impatiently."Please speak out. Say what you mean."
"She is no more fitted to cope with him than a baby, that is what Imean."
"But why should she cope with him? Are not men tiresome!" and thePrincess sighed. "Can't you see I want them to love one another. It isjust that--if she would not snub and resist him--all would be well."
"It did not look much like resistance last night," said Stephen Strong."And if Gritzko is only playing the fool, and means nothing serious,then I think it is a shame."
"You don't suggest, surely, that I should interfere with fate?"
"Only to the extent of not giving him unlimited opportunities. Youremember that season in London--and your brother Alexis--and hermother, and what came of that!"
The Princess put her hands up with a sudden gesture and covered hereyes.
"Oh! Stephen! how cruel of you to bring it back to me," she said; "butthis is quite different--they are free--and it is my dearest wish thatTamara and Gritzko should be united." Then she continued in anothertone. "I think you are quite wrong in any case. My plan is to throwthem together as much as possible--he will see her real worth anddelicate sweetness--and they will get over their quarrelling. It is herreserve and resistance which drives him mad. Sometimes I do not knowhow he will act."
"No, one can never count upon how he will act!" and Stephen Strongsmiled. "But since you are satisfied I will say no more, only betweenyou don't break my gentle little countrywoman's heart."
"You hurt me very much, Stephen!" the Princess said. "You--you--of allpeople, who know the tie there is between Tamara and me. You to suggesteven that I would aid in breaking her heart."
"Dear Vera, forgive me," and he kissed her plump white hand. "I willsuggest nothing, and will leave it all to you, but do not forget aman's passions, and Gritzko, as we know, is not made of snow!"
"You all misjudge him, my poor Gritzko," the Princess said, hardlymollified. "He has the noblest nature underneath, but some day you willknow."
It was late in the afternoon when Tamara appeared, to find a room fullof guests having tea. Her mind was made up, and she had regained hercalm.
She would use the whole of her intelligence and play the game. Shewould be completely at ease and indifferent to Gritzko and would beincidentally as nice as possible to Jack. And so get through the shorttime before she must go home. "For," she had reasoned with herselfsadly, "If he had loved me really he would never have behaved as he hasdone."
So when the Prince and Lord Courtray came in together presently, hergreeting to both was naturalness itself, and she took Jack off to adistant sofa with friendly familiarity, and conversed with him upontheir home affairs.
"By Jove! you know, Tamara, you are awfully improved, my child," LordCourtray said, presently. "You've acquired some kind of a look in youreye! If I wasn't so taken with that darling little Countess Olga Ishould feel inclined to make love to you myself."
"You dear silly old Jack!" Tamara said.
It was Lord Courtray's fashion, when talking to any woman, even his ownmother, to lean over her with rather a devoted look. And Tamaraglancing up caught sight of Prince Milaslavski's face. It wore anexpression which almost filled her with fear. Of all things she mustprovoke no quarrel between him and dear old Jack, who was quiteblameless in the affair.
At the same time there was a consolation in the knowledge that shecould make him feel.
She thought it wiser soon to rise and return to the general group,while Jack, on his own amusement bent, now took his leave.
She sat down by Stephen Strong, she was in a most gracious mood itseemed.
"You have heard of our excursion to Moscow, Mr. Strong," she said. "ThePrincess says you must come too, I am looking forward to it immensely."
"We ought to have a most promising time in front of us," that old cynicreplied, while he puffed rings of smoke. "It all should be as full ofadventure as an egg is full of meat!"
"I have been reading up the guide books, so as to be thoroughly learnedand teach Jack--he is so terribly ignorant always, worse than Tom!" andshe laughed.
"We must try and see the whole show, and if the snow lasts, as itpromises to do, we should have a delightful time."
"Gritzko," Princess Ardacheff said. "How many versts is it from Moscowto Milaslav?"
The Prince had been leaning on the mantelpiece without speaking forsome moments, listening to Tamara's conversation, but now he joined in,and sinking into a chair beside her, answered from there.
"Thirty versts, Tantine--we shall go in troikas--but you must send yourservants on the night before."
Then he turned to Tamara, who seemed wonderfully absorbed, almostwhispering to Stephen Strong. "Did you sleep well, Madame?" he said.There was an expression of mocking defiance in his glance, whichangered Tamara. However, faithful to her resolutions, she kept herselfcalm.
"Never better, thank you, Prince. It was a most interesting evening,and I am learning the customs of the country," she said. "The thingwhich strikes me most is your wonderful chivalry to women--especiallystrange women."
They looked into one another's eyes and measured swords, and if she hadknown it she had never so deeply attracted him before.
She had broached the subject of her return to England to her godmother,who had laughed the idea to scorn, but now she spoke to Gritzko as ifit were an established fact.
"I go home from Moscow, you know," she said.
"You find our country too cold?" he asked.
"It is too full of contrasts, freezing one moment and thawing the next,and while outside one is turned to ice, indoors one is consumed withheat; it is upsetting to the equilibrium."
"All the same, you will not go," and he leaned back in the chair withhis provoking lazy smile.
"Indeed, I shall."
"We shall see. There are a number of things for you to learn yet."
"What things?"
The Prince lit a cigarette. "The possibilities of the unknown fires youhave lit," he said. "You remember the night at the Sphinx, when we saidgood-bye. I told you a proverb they have there about meeting beforedawn, and not parting until dawn. Well, that dawn has not arrived yet.And I have no intention--for the moment--that it shall arrive."
Tamara felt excited, and as ever his tone of complete omnipotenceannoyed her. At the same time to see him sitting there, his eyes fixedwith deep interest on her face, thrilled and exalted her. Oh! shecertainly loved him! Alas! and it would be dreadfully difficult to saygood-bye. But those three words in his sentence stung her pride--"forthe moment." Yes, there was always this hint of caprice. Always he gaveher the sensation of instability, there was no way to hold him. Shemust ever guard her emotions and ever be ready to fence.
And now that she had taken a resolve to go home, to linger no more, shewas free to tease him as much as she could. To feel that she could,gave her a fillip, and added a fresh charm to her face.
"You think you can rule the whole world to your will, Prince," she said.
"I can rule the part of it I want, as you will find," he retortedfiercely. She made a pouting moue and tapped her little foot, then shelaughed.
"How amusing it would be if you happened to be mistaken this time," shecooed. Then she rapidly turned to the Princess Sonia, who had just comein, and they all talked of the great ball which was to take place inthe house in a week. The first after the period of the deep mourning.
"We cannot yet wear colors, but whites and grays and mauves--and won'tit be a relief from all this black," Princess Sonia said.
When they had all gone and Tamara was dressing for dinner, she feltdecidedly less depressed. She had succeeded better than she had hoped.She had contrived to outwit the Prince, when he had plainly shown hisintention was to continue talking to her, she had turned from one toanother, and finally sat down by a handsome Chevalier Garde. Incompanies she had a chance, but when they were alone!--however, thatwas simple, because she must arrange that they should never be alone.