I traced my finger over his eyebrow and down the side of his face. “I have no plans to ever do that. You should know that by now.”
“I do, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying about it anyway.” He pulled me against him even tighter, and I felt him shudder. The points of his teeth peeked out from under his lips, and he growled slightly. “This is torture—sometimes exquisite torture, but torture all the same.”
He buried his face into my neck and inhaled deeply.
“Would it help you to have a bit of a break from me today? I can pop over to check on the coven, let them know how we’re doing and see how things are going with them. Maybe Shelly has had another vision.”
“No,” he said roughly, his arm tightening. “I want you here with me.”
“I won’t leave you, Vance. I would come back. I thought it would be nice of us to check up on them and make sure they’re all okay. I would take you with me, but under the current circumstances I doubt that would be very smart.”
He sighed against my skin, causing goose bumps to trail across my flesh before he rolled away.
“They’re fine, Portia.”
“And you know this how?”
“Because your precious Hex has been haunting this place, checking up on you. I guess I have to give him kudos for always being concerned about your safety, but man that guy gets under my skin.”
“Hex has been here? When?”
“I can’t tell you exactly when, but he’s been a frequent observer of my wood cutting sessions. He leans against that dang tree out there with his arms folded over his chest, watching me with that giant scowl of his plastered across his face. You have no idea how much I would love to rip into his throat. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t even hesitate.”
“Why didn’t you tell me he was here?’
He shrugged. “I figured if he wanted you to know he would tell you. He’s probably just hanging around to antagonize me anyway.”
I sighed. “I don’t understand why you hate him so much.”
He opened his blazing red eye and stared hard at me. “Are you serious? Come on, Portia. The guy is constantly trying to get you to leave me. He has absolutely no respect that we’re bound by magic or marriage. What kind of guy doesn’t respect or honor vows like that? He complains about me being some awful demon, and yet he’s the one encouraging you to break what sacred bonds I do honor. You’re the only thing that keeps me sane at times, not to mention you’re one of the very few good things in my life right now.
“I understand he feels I’m being selfish for keeping you, and I am. But I love you—more than my own life. Surely that should count for something. I’m sitting here trying to overcome my bloodlust for that very reason. Isn’t that proof enough? What else do I have to do?”
I ran my hand through his hair and down the side of his face. “He’ll see eventually, Vance. I’d wager he is already, albeit he’s doing so begrudgingly. You have to realize his past with demons nearly destroyed him. He’s been raised with the belief most of us have ... that demons are completely uncontrollable and untrustworthy. Even you felt that way at one point, and you would still feel that way if you hadn’t experienced this yourself.”
“I know, and I get where he’s coming from too. I witnessed the attempted change of a couple witches Mayla’s coven tried to turn. It was a massacre. Some people just can’t handle the change when it happens, and they have to be put down.”
“They destroyed people they changed?” I asked in horror, unable to believe what he was telling me.
“They were mad, Portia, completely mad—unable to exhibit any amount of control even when they were supplied with blood. They would’ve been killing machines with no sense of direction. Even demon covens need some sense of management.”
“I thought that was a natural tendency, I guess. I remember when I touched that book it revealed a lot of demon history, and they looked insane. I thought it was a normal part of the change.”
Vance shook his head. “No. There’s that kind of bloodlust when a demon is first made, but it should be able to be calmed when fed blood. It was that way for me. I woke up after the Awakening was removed, and all I could think of was how badly I needed a drink. I was coming for you, and I was going to tear into your throat and drink every drop of your blood I could squeeze out of you. After Hex took you, and I couldn’t find where you were, Mayla brought me back and gave me blood. I was still hungry and still craved you, but I was teachable and able to listen to what she had to say.” A shudder went through his body. “I would’ve killed you.” He ran his hands over my face, his fingers grazing lightly over my lips. “I would’ve killed you,” he whispered again, tracing on my skin reverently before he closed his eyes and sighed. “Maybe Hex isn’t such a bad guy after all.”
I watched him, unspeaking, as he struggled with himself. His eyes were sunken and bruised looking, and his features kept flickering in between his normal and demon appearance. He looked sick, and I wondered if he would be able to hang on to his control much longer.
I knew he needed to feed. I was proud of him for trying to make a change to better himself, but the fact remained he was a demon, and demons needed some amount of blood to survive. I was worried his little experiment was destroying him, and knowing Vance he would let it just to prove he could do it without giving in. I refused to let that happen.
I rolled, leaning over to kiss his lips. He responded, but it lacked his usual effort.
“Can I suggest something? I don’t want to upset you.”
“Of course. You can always tell me anything.” He brushed my tangled hair from my face.
“I want you to drink from me.”
He sighed heavily, and his teeth lengthened more at the mere mention of feeding. “This is not a good time to tempt me. I’m faltering a bit today.”
“Hear me out, please. You, yourself, has said what you’re doing is making you sick. You’re a demon. You need blood. That’s a fact of life. I don’t want you to end up dying just to prove to yourself that you can refrain. It’s been over a week now since you fed, only having a few stolen drops from a scratch here or there. You’ve proven you can abstain. Now can you learn to exist on a certain ration? Think of it as being like a medicine, something you take in a regular doses at certain intervals—just enough to keep you healthy and strong. You’ve done well to maintain your attitude to a decent level. Yes, you’ve been a little harsher, and you’ve had to rely on hours of physical exertion to help burn off steam. But that hasn’t necessarily been a bad thing.” I smiled at him.
Vance groaned, his eyes flaring brightly. “You’re killing me, girl, just talking about it.”
“Talking about what? The blood or the other?”
“Both,” he muttered, running his hand down my body, and then giving me a little pinch.
“I think you could maybe learn to control this by treating it instead of ignoring it. You tell me if you think it will work. You know better than I do. I just don’t want you to end up dead because you’re trying to prove a point here. I’m willing to help you out however you need.” I pinched him back to prove my point.
“Killing me, girl. Kill. Ing. Me.” He flipped me over onto my back.
I laughed. “Good. It’s part of my job description. What kind of wife would I be if I weren’t driving you crazy somehow?”
“Then you’re doing your job well, baby, because I’m constantly going nuts over you.” He smiled, but a shudder ran through him again, and his teeth lengthened even more. He grew serious. “I’m going to try your suggestion because I am getting sick, and I know you’re right. I can’t survive completely without blood. But please know this is going be hard for me. I’ve been without for so long I’m feeling quite ravenous right now. I’m afraid I might lose control when I bite you.”
“Drink it all if you need it. Will that help you start from a place of better control?”
He clenched his teeth. “I don’t know. It could bring the bloodlust back ev
en stronger.” He was breathing heavily now, like he’d been running a great distance, and I knew he wouldn’t be able to contain himself much longer. Talking about it had riled him up too much.
I lifted my head from the pillow, reaching to pull my hair away my neck. “Come here. Let me help you.” I wondered if this was what drug pushers felt like when they tried to entice their victims, but I couldn’t feel guilty about it. He needed me.
He lowered, but his lips found mine instead, and I sighed as his tongue touched mine. If he was more worried about making me comfortable so I could receive his bite easier, then he was going to make it through things just fine. He was definitely the one in control of himself.
He kissed me frantically, his hands running over my hips and slipping behind me before he pulled me up into a kneeling position, without breaking the contact of our mouths. He lifted me up to straddle him, settling me there before kissing down past my collarbone and settling his head against my chest. “I love you,” he whispered against my skin, rubbing his lips back and forth and sending chills coursing over my body.
I tossed my head back at the sensations he was creating, exposing my throat to him. He slipped his hand around my neck, bringing me next to him, and he placed his mouth against my skin, trailing his tongue until he sank his teeth into my flesh.
I cried out even though the bite didn’t hurt too badly, and he laid me back on the bed, drinking heavily from me, his body trembling as he struggled to stay in control. I was beginning to feel some weakness when he drug himself away from my neck.
“Take all that you need,” I whispered.
“You’ve given enough,” he replied with a relaxing sigh. He licked the blood that remained on his lips and bent to kiss me once again.
Chapter 24
I pretended I wasn’t eavesdropping, but I doubted I fooled anyone. I was certain Vance knew I was in his head since he hadn’t done anything to raise his privacy barriers to keep me out.
He’d been repairing a rotted wall on the corner of the pump house when Hex showed up. I watched them walk around the building together as I continued to polish some of Earl’s ritual silver on the back porch.
For some reason I found it difficult to keep the smile from creeping across my face when I heard companionable laughter rise up from the two. My heart pounded in my chest, and I realized I was happy—really happy.
When Vance noticed Hex by the tree earlier, he stopped what he was doing and walked over. I held my breath in anticipation of the confrontation.
“Hello, Hex. Good to see you here,” he said, and I don’t know who he shocked more, me or Hex. “I’ve wanted to talk to you about some things.”
Hex looked him over suspiciously. “Then speak,” he finally grunted.
“I wanted to tell you thanks for all you’ve done to take care of Portia. I may be a little slow to catch on with everything that’s gone on lately, but it suddenly occurred to me she wouldn’t even be a part of my life right now if you hadn’t stepped in to protect her. I’m truly grateful for that.”
Hex stared back at Vance unspeaking, his gaze narrowing slightly.
Vance continued when he didn’t say anything. “This has been a tough time for me. I know you’ve seen me out here working a lot. I’ve been trying to overcome some of these demon tendencies—namely the bloodlust. I’m tired of hurting Portia all the time. I love her, and she shouldn’t have to be going through all of this.” He cast a glance over to where I was polishing on the porch, and I hurriedly looked back at my task, rubbing the silver chalice I was holding furiously.
I heard his laughter in my head before he spoke again. “Portia and I had a long talk, and she reminded me to look for the things I really want in my life and what is truly important. The fact of the matter is I never wanted to be a demon. It’s been something I’ve tried to avoid my whole life. Yes, I’ve been swayed by the power and the bloodlust since then. I allowed myself to get distracted from my true desires and instead became wrapped up in seeking revenge against my father.”
Vance turned and walked away from Hex, picking up his hammer and nails, but he kept talking so Hex followed dutifully after him.
“I know you think I’m greedy for wanting to keep her in my life, and you’re right. But what you don’t understand, Hex, is that I love her. I love her more than anything. I’ve always loved her, practically from the first moment I saw her. Had I any idea what I would put her through in that moment, I’d like to think I would’ve walked away and spared her the horror of knowing me.”
My hands trembled at his words, and I had to stop what I was doing. Just the thought of never knowing him made me queasy, sick. I gripped the chalice so hard my knuckles turned white.
“That’s not what happened, though. So now I’m left trying to do my best to make amends to her for what I’ve drawn her and her family into. When Portia reminded me to reevaluate the things in my life, I realized I needed to make a choice. I could choose to be the man she fell in love with, or the demon that’s made her life miserable. It was a no contest decision, easily made. But no matter how easily decided, executing that is much more difficult.
“I addressed the bloodlust issue first, cutting myself off from it completely. That’s why you’ve found me out here so many times, working hard to stay occupied.” Vance picked up a board and measured it against the wall were the rotted damaged area was, marking it with a pencil before going over to a saw horse he had set up nearby.
“How’s that working out for you?” Hex finally spoke up.
Vance glanced at him and shrugged. “I’d say it’s probably one of the more excruciating things I’ve gone through in my life.” He began sawing vigorously on the board.
Hex watched, waiting until he was finished. “It’ll kill you, you know—if you abstain completely.”
Vance nodded. “Yes, I know. Portia convinced me to start looking at it like a medical condition, so we are going to try regular doses. One pint a week for now, until we see how that goes.”
“So she fed you already then? You look better than you have in a while,” Hex stated.
Vance sighed. “Yes, she did.”
“Good,” Hex replied, and Vance jerked his head up to look at him, surprised at the approval.
“Well, that’s something I never expected to hear out of your mouth.”
“You’ve told me your story. Are you open to hearing mine?” Hex asked.
Vance chuckled. “You’d tell me anyway, even if I said no.”
“I’ve never been one to keep my opinions to myself.”
“That has always been plainly obvious. Go on. Tell me your story.”
“I’ve loved Portia almost from the first moment I met her too. While my love for her differs from the kind the two of you share, it’s still true. That night, when I found her in the swamp, I slipped inside her head for a moment to feel her. I didn’t want to risk bringing someone evil to my hidden location. What I felt in that moment was a pure soul who was completely broken hearted and terrified.”
Vance grimaced, and I saw him clench his fists for a moment before he released them and continued on with his task.
“When Portia woke up she told me what happened, from beginning to end. I watched that little girl sob her lights out over you.”
I could feel Vance’s heart constricting in pain, but he didn’t interrupt, continuing to work silently as he listened to Hex.
“My mission became teaching her how to protect herself. I knew she hoped to rescue you somehow, but honestly I had already written you off as a lost cause. The few experiences I’ve had with demons have not been good ones, and I wasn’t about to delude myself into thinking you were something worth saving. I didn’t plan for how dedicated Portia is to you though. She’s always been willing to risk anything to have you, and frankly, it drives me crazy. I don’t feel your worthy of that kind of adoration.”
Vance smiled. “You’re right, I’m not.” He picked up the hammer and began prying the rotted board away f
rom the wall with the clawed side.
Hex sighed. “Let me amend my statement. I didn’t think you were worthy—until now. I can see you’re making an honest attempt to both protect and keep her happy.”
Vance paused and faced Hex. “I must be losing my mind, because I swear I just heard a compliment cross your lips.”
Hex grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t let it go to your head, blood boy. I still have my eye on you.”
Vance laughed heartily, clapping Hex on one shoulder. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wouldn’t know how to act otherwise.”
Hex smiled slightly. “I need to go before I think I might be starting to like you.”
“That’s a good idea,” Vance agreed. “I’d hate to find out if mutual respect is contagious.”
The two men grinned at each other.
“Is it safe enough for me to bring the others back here? They’re getting awful tired of living at the hotel.”
Vance pondered this for a moment, glancing to where I was sitting. I didn’t even try to pretend I wasn’t listening this time, wondering what he would say.
“I guess it would be fine. Portia’s blood is what I crave the most anyway. If I can abstain from her it seems reasonable I could do it with the others too. I can only promise you to try my best.”
Hex nodded, walking past Vance. “I need to go talk to your wife.”
I watched him head toward me, not seeing the wide grin and the thumbs up sign Vance gave me behind his back, which caused a giggle to burst unexpectedly through my lips. I quickly covered my mouth, biting the side as I tried to hide it—feeling fairly composed by the time Hex reached the screen door to the porch.
He came to my side and sighed loudly. “Go ahead. Lay it on me now. I can take it.”
“Do you really think I would sit here and gloat with an “I told you so” comment?” I smiled.
“You should. I was wrong about him.”
“We’ve all been wrong about him at some point and time, Hex, myself included.”