I so, so badly wanted to believe Lee had been right; that his brother really was whipped. But . . .
But.
There was always a ‘but’.
I didn’t say anything, and neither did Noah. We just waited silently until our coffees came, and then he just took a sip and leaned back in his chair, one leg crossed up on his knee, an arm slung over the back of the chair.
I didn’t bother sipping my latte yet; it would only scald my tongue. I wasn’t willing to burn all my taste buds off my tongue, even if there was an awkward silence.
Then, at last, he decided to speak. ‘Look, we need to talk.’
‘Are you breaking up with me?’ I blurted, unable to hold the question in any longer.
He sighed, and my heart dropped away. I felt deflated, seeing the look on his face.
‘Listen, Elle, I want you to hear me out, okay?’
I nodded – what else could I do?
‘I’ve been offered a place at Harvard. On the Computer Science course there.’
‘Harvard . . . like, Harvard in Massachusetts?’
He nodded. ‘Yeah.’
‘That’s great – congratulations.’ Except my voice didn’t have the right amount of enthusiasm in it. I tried again. ‘That’s fantastic, Noah.’
‘I know. But . . .’
There it was again. That horrible, horrible word.
Only this time, a part of me liked hearing it.
‘Whoa, wait, no buts. You can’t not go to Harvard.’
‘It’s in Massachusetts. On the other side of the country, Elle. I got into the University of California in San Diego. It’s not that far away, even, and they have a good engineering course—’
‘Noah, why would you even consider giving up Harvard? You can’t do that.’
‘I don’t know,’ he sighed. He sounded so confused and helpless. ‘My parents want me to go, but I don’t know if it’s just because they want to ship me off so they haven’t got to deal with me anymore. I’ve accepted the offer, but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.’
‘I’m sure your parents are just happy for you. It’s amazing. It’s a great opportunity. Of course they want you to go.’
‘They were so mad at me,’ he said with a small humorless laugh, watching his finger run around the rim of his mug. ‘Especially over everything with you . . . They just want me gone.’
‘They don’t want you gone. They’re only worried about you.’
‘Whatever,’ he said, sounding so defeated I didn’t even bother trying to argue.
I ran my index finger around the side of my mug and looked down at the steam rising from my latte, and said, ‘I’m happy for you.’
He reached over and cupped my face in his hand, gently brushing his thumb over my cheek. My heart skipped a beat. ‘There’s this whole thing with you now, and I don’t know what I want to do.’
I gulped. He wasn’t going to say it. Lee was wrong. I was just fooling myself. I was ridiculous to think he’d ever, ever say that to me.
He looked into my eyes for the longest moment, then leaned over and kissed me incredibly softly, sending shivers up and down my spine.
His lips lingered on mine for a long, long time; then he sat back in his chair. I couldn’t quite make out his expression, but there was a deep line creasing his forehead.
‘Elle, I know I – I was a complete asshole, and I said I’d try and make things up to you, but . . . thing is, I just . . .’ He sighed, ran a hand back and forth through his hair, making it stick up at all kinds of angles. ‘Elle, I’m going to be going to college in the fall, and I don’t know how things are going to work out and I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to break up with you, but—’
‘Noah,’ I tried interrupting.
Then he said, ‘No, forget it. It can wait. Look, finish your coffee and we’ll get going. I want to take you someplace.’
‘Where?’
‘I can’t tell you, that’d ruin the surprise. But you’re going to like it, trust me. It’s not far away but we need to go soon if we’re to get there in time.’
I wanted to ask, ‘Get where?’ but I knew he wouldn’t tell me so I stayed silent, sipping my coffee. Noah pretty much downed his, and I wondered at how it didn’t burn his throat.
When I put my mug back down, Noah chuckled.
‘What?’
He reached over and brushed his finger over the tip of my nose before wiping it with a napkin. ‘You had some cream on it.’ My cheeks flamed, but he laughed. ‘It was cute. Now come on . . .’
‘Okay, okay!’ I laughed. ‘Why are you so impatient today?’
Then I realized something: ‘Oh, God, no, I’m not going anywhere with you.’
‘What? Why not?’
‘You have your bike. I saw it outside. I’m not going on that thing ever again. Once was bad enough.’
‘Aw, come on, everyone deserves a second chance. You gave me one. Don’t hate the bike.’
I laughed, momentarily forgetting the nausea and worry of potentially losing Noah. Besides, right now, I felt a lot more confident. I honestly didn’t think he was breaking up with me; he’d even said he didn’t want to lose me.
‘I’m sorry, I can’t do it. I can’t get on that thing, it’s horrible.’
‘But you can snuggle up to me,’ he said teasingly. ‘Come on, it’s seriously not half as bad as you make out.’
‘It’s awful,’ I told him sternly. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t do it. I cannot get on that bike with you.’
‘Well, you don’t have a choice. I’m taking you to this place even if I have to tie you up.’
I frowned.
‘I’m kidding. But it’ll be worth it, I promise.’
‘No.’
He leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the lips. ‘Please? I swear, it’ll be completely worth it. I’ll be your slave for life if you don’t like it.’
How could I say no to that face?
So I said, with a suspicious frown, ‘For life?’
‘Yup.’
‘Okay, okay, but just this once. And you owe me – big time. Even if I do like it.’
‘Whatever you say, Shelly. But you’re going to love it. And the bike won’t be half bad either.’
‘I highly doubt that. I hate you sometimes, Noah Flynn.’
Chapter 27
HE PUT THE helmet on for me, clipping it in place. I had a sense of déjà vu of when I’d first ridden the bike, and smiled at the memory. Then he swung himself over the motorbike, which looked even more monstrous and intimidating than I remembered, and gave me a hand. I put my arms around his waist cautiously. My palms were sweating. I could hear my heartbeat echoing in my ears.
Wherever we were going, it had better be worth it.
Was it too late to back out? Tell him we’d go another time?
‘Noah, I changed my mind, I really don’t—’
He revved the engine, the bike roaring to life all of a sudden. I jumped, let out a little squeak, and held on as tight as I could. I felt his body rumble with a chuckle, and before I could tell him again I’d changed my mind, he sped off down the street.
I didn’t even open my eyes.
The wind slapped my bare arms and legs; I knew I’d have goosebumps all over when we got off. At least my hair was all tucked inside the helmet so it wouldn’t be a total mess when I took it off.
But I didn’t want to look at everything blurring past. I heard a horn blare, most likely at us, but I still kept my eyes squeezed tight shut and clung to Noah.
I hate this I hate this I hate this.
I love him I love him I love him.
I hardly even noticed when we stopped. Everything suddenly went silent, and it was only when Noah unhooked my arms from around him that I dared to open my eyes.
We were at the bottom of a hill by a park outside of town. I used to come to the park in the summer with Lee, since they had a public pool here that was open in the summer; it made a nice change of sc
enery from his back yard.
Noah got off the bike first, and then pulled my helmet off gently. I just glared at him, and he chuckled.
‘It wasn’t that bad – come on, admit it,’ he said, smoothing down my flyaway hair.
‘I think I might throw up.’ I wasn’t even exaggerating – much.
He laughed again, steadying me as I climbed off the damn thing. My legs felt like Jell-O and almost gave way beneath me. Linking his fingers through mine, Noah opened up the seat of the bike, taking out a big blanket, the kind you’d have for a picnic. He tossed it over his shoulder and spoke before I could ask what the blanket was for.
Surely – surely, I thought, we weren’t on the verge of a breakup. It didn’t make sense.
‘Come on. We don’t want to be late.’
‘Where are we going?’ I asked.
He was already walking up the hill, towing me along too.
‘Noah! Where are we going?’
‘Now who’s the impatient one?’ he laughed, squeezing my hand.
It didn’t take us long to reach the top. And when we did, he let go of my hand and spread the blanket out on the grass underneath a big oak tree that leaned over at an angle, its branches hanging down low enough that the leaves grazed the top of my head.
He sat on the blanket, patting the space next to him. ‘Come on, then.’
Frowning a little in confusion, I slowly sat down next to him.
Then I saw what we’d come for.
This place overlooked half the city, and you could see the beaches and the ocean. The view of the city alone was pretty astounding, with its twinkling lights. But with the sunset, the sky was stained red, and the thin bands of cloud were pink and silver. It was beautiful. The sunset reflected in the sea too, turning the dark blue water red and yellow and pink. It was breathtaking: the sun looked so big, dipping down behind the skyline of the city. It was quiet, too – there was no noise from the city, or from the surf on the beach. Just the breeze rustling the leaves over our heads.
‘Wow,’ I breathed. There really wasn’t any other word for it – just wow.
‘I know. Told you you’d like it.’ Noah bumped my shoulder, and when I tore my eyes away from the landscape to look at him, he was smiling at me, one of his real smiles that showed his dimple and made his eyes light up even more.
‘It’s amazing,’ I said quietly.
‘Yeah, you are,’ Noah murmured.
I was silent for a second before I laughed. ‘You’re so cheesy.’
‘You love it really,’ he teased, bumping my shoulder again.
‘I can’t believe you actually brought me here to watch the sunset. It’s so . . . so romantic.’
‘I told you, Elle, I’m going to do things right this time. And I knew you’d like it. You’re just that kind of girl. And it’s not even over yet. Give it fifteen, twenty minutes,’ he said after checking his watch.
‘What happens then?’
He chuckled, avoiding answering, and with his free hand tilted my face to kiss me. It started out as another soft kiss that made my heart melt, but soon enough I had my fingers knotted in his hair, and his hands were on my back, holding me tight.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but at some point he lay me down and was half on top of me, still kissing me. There were sparks dancing through me like crazy and my head felt ready to explode. I was kissing him like a drowning person, like he was my air; and he was kissing me back in just the same way. It was like this should be a thing of fairy tales, but it wasn’t. This was real, and it was all happening to me.
Hell, even the fireworks between us when we kissed seemed real. Like they were exploding right over my head—
I broke the kiss, and Noah sat up slightly, both of us looking out at the view. The sky was darker now – not pitch black or even inky blue, but it was still dark enough. The glittering rainbows of fireworks were just disappearing, fading away.
Another few went up, exploding and whistling, then bursting out into a pattern of green and gold, and blue and pink.
‘Oh my gosh,’ I breathed.
‘There’s a display down on the beach,’ he told me. ‘I forget what it was for, but there was some event, and . . . yeah.’
‘Wow. First the sunset, now this?’ Another few fireworks went off, splashing over the sky in a hypnotic burst of color. ‘What’s the occasion? For all the cute gestures, I mean . . .’
‘Elle. Don’t call me cute. Please.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Just answer the question.’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I just . . . well, I mean . . . Taking you to the dance and stuff like that was me trying to say sorry. But sometimes, saying sorry doesn’t really mean a lot. And you deserve a hell of a lot better than that; than me. And man, I hate all this emotional shit, but I’m gonna say it all anyway because you deserve that much.’
He gulped, and I lifted my head off his shoulder to look at him.
‘Noah . . .’ I whispered, but I don’t think he even heard me properly.
‘No, just let me say this, Elle.’ But he chewed on his lower lip, looking more like a scared little boy than bad-ass Flynn. The next second, his lips crashed down on mine so suddenly and so roughly it knocked the breath out of me. I was too surprised to kiss him back, only recovering when he decided to pull away.
The fireworks were still crackling in the background, throwing colored flashes of light across his face.
‘I love you, Elle,’ he told me, brushing some hair off my face.
I could only breathe. I couldn’t say anything, and my mind went entirely blank for a moment; my heart alternated between doing somersaults and skipping a beat. Breathe, I told myself. Breathe.
Noah blinked at me. ‘Say something, Elle. I just laid everything on the line, dignity included, and you’re not saying anything.’
I laughed, and practically tackled him, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him. He hugged me back, his lips responding and his tongue slipping inside my mouth.
When we broke apart a minute or so later, he just leaned his forehead on mine, those captivating eyes boring into mine. A bright purple firework exploded across the sky behind him.
‘I love you,’ I whispered.
He chuckled, and I heard the relief in his voice. ‘Well, thank God for that. I thought I’d scared you off for a minute.’
I laughed, shaking my head against his. ‘Nope. Still here.’
‘Good.’ He gave me a brief peck on the lips.
Then he wrapped his arms around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder again. The firework display from the beach carried on, lighting up the darkening sky, while I was happy sitting on the top of a hill in Noah’s arms.
He said he loved me. He loves me. He loves me. I’m in love with my best friend’s older brother . . . and he loves me back.
He loves me.
‘Noah?’
‘Yeah?’
‘What are we going to do? With you going off to college, I mean.’
He sighed and rested his head on top of mine. His fingers played with the ends of my hair.
‘I don’t know, Elle. I don’t want to leave you either. But . . . it’s Harvard, you know? Harvard.’
‘I know.’
‘I love you,’ he murmured. ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do.’
‘Do your parents know about us now?’ I asked, curious.
He nodded. ‘Yeah. I told them once they’d calmed down.’ Then he sighed again. ‘You should’ve seen how mad they were at me. Even Lee got out of the house. Remember what they were like to you two after you guys started that food fight in the eighth grade? Imagine that, just a thousand times worse.’
‘Mm . . .’ I didn’t really know what to say. I’d never imagined Noah would tell me all this stuff. Hell, I never would have imagined Noah even thought about this stuff.
Don’t get me wrong, I know Noah loves his family. He and Lee have always been really close too; when it comes down to it,
they’ve always been there for each other. But I would never have thought he’d be so sensitive about half of this stuff.
‘My mom softened up a lot once I told her the lengths I’d gone to, to win your heart back.’ He smirked; although he ran a hand over his face, so I let it drop. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so I changed the topic.
‘I’m assuming you’re going to be Superman for our party next week? I mean, you’ve already got the underpants for it . . .’ I bit my lip when I saw the look he gave me – but he was clearly embarrassed.
I opened my mouth and he clasped a hand over my lips. ‘Don’t you dare.’
‘What?’ I tried to say, but his hand muffled it.
‘You were going to say it’s cute, I know you were.’
I laughed sheepishly. Actually, I had been about to say that . . . ‘Whatever. So who are you going to go as?’
‘I think James Bond is a little overdone, don’t you?’ He tweaked my nose. ‘You’ll just have to wait and see, Shelly. No – hold up, I have just had a stroke of genius. You should dress as a giant seashell.’
‘Oh, yeah, that’d be a fantastic outfit. Totally doable.’
He just smiled rather than smirking. I couldn’t keep the sarcastic glare on my face anymore; I grinned back and laughed along with him until we lapsed into silence.
We sat like that, not talking, for a few moments, our thoughts elsewhere, before I spoke again.
I wanted to tell him that he couldn’t go to Harvard, and I could see him half waiting for me to say that. But I just couldn’t.
‘You really want to go, don’t you?’ I said quietly. I don’t know why I bothered asking – I already knew what his answer was.
He leaned forward and hooked his arms around his knees, looking out at the night sky and the last few fireworks.
I sat up too, crossing my legs underneath me and watching him. His expression was totally unreadable, his face in shadow.
Then, after a while, he nodded. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I want to go. I don’t want to leave you, though,’ he told me quietly, still looking ahead. ‘After everything that’s happened between us, and . . . I just don’t want to leave you, Elle.’
‘I don’t want you to leave me either,’ I admitted, scooting over and holding his forearm with its strong, defined muscles, resting my head on his shoulder again. ‘But you’d only regret it if you passed up the opportunity, and we both know it.’