“I just want to talk,” I say to her. Her body eases and she nods her head in approval.
Sitting down on the seat opposite to him, I throw my leg on top of my knee.
“Why Felix?” I ask.
“What do you mean, why Felix?” he answers in a confused tone.
“You get time with me, and you want to spend it gossiping about one of your brothers?”
I shake my head. “Don’t fucking ignore the question. Why Felix?”
He clenches his jaw and raises his eyebrows before shrugging. “Was easy really. It’s amazing how stupid men can be when love is involved. I ordered him to give you that hit.”
“Why? Why would you be so theatrical with how you got me?”
He shakes his head. “I wanted the business Bruce Peyton had. It was like, killing two birds with one stone.”
I stand from my seat and walk to him. Bending down to his level, I gather enough saliva in my mouth before spitting it on his face.
“You’re fucking lucky, I can’t kill you. I’m sure whatever these people here have in store for you, will make you wish I did, though,” I say, getting up from my position.
I turn around and begin walking out, nodding at Sandra on the way. Pushing open the metal door I move out into the dim light of the day. I throw my leg over my bike and set off out of there. I want to drive to Hollywood so fucking bad. The past couple days have been fucking hard without her. Her innocence always calmed my demons and I wish now that I never knew how love felt. The feelings I feel for her consume me, and if I die from the suffocation of her love, I will die a fucking happy man.
Time. I just need to give her time.
Time I cannot be fucked giving.
On arrival, I walk back into the clubhouse and see Felix at the bar heading straight to him. Grasping onto his throat I push him up against the wall.
“The fuck are you doing, Ade,” he seethes.
“What the fuck are you doing, Felix? Daddy dearest came clean with me. Get the fuck in that boardroom right fucking now,” I yell in his face.
The rest of the boys walk in through the door and Zane stops in his tracks.
“Ade? We had a plan, brother. You—”
“Fuck the plan. I just spoke to the devil himself who admitted he sent him to hand me that hit. He’s a fucking traitor.”
Zane’s mouth sets into a hard line and he swings his eyes to Felix.
“In the boardroom. Now.”
I let go of Felix, dropping him to the ground and follow everyone into the boardroom.
“Explain this shit, now?” Zane pushes back onto his seat.
“I didn’t know, brother. I didn’t know why he gave me that hit.”
“You knew. You knew he was alive! You knew who he really was. You fucking betrayed this club and you will pay for that,” I say walking up to Felix and pushing him off his chair.
“Ade…sit, now,” Zane orders from his seat.
I look to him and narrow my eyes. There haven’t been that many times where I have wanted to challenge Zane on a decision, but this was one of them.
“This is fucked-up Z, and you know it.” I point to him before sitting back on my chair.
“Explain it all…now. And don’t leave anything out. Ade is like a caged lion needing to get out and rip into his prey. I will unleash him on you if you do not spit everything out, right fucking now,” Zane casually states while putting a cigarette to his mouth.
Felix looks between all of us, and I see the fear he has in his eyes, so I laugh.
He snaps his eyes back to me before he continues, “He threatened, Abby. I couldn’t have him threaten her. I didn’t know he was alive this whole time, only when he approached me to give you the hit. He gave me no other choice. I gathered he targeted me to hand it to you because I’m the eldest, and he knows I don’t run the same way you lot do. I didn’t betray the club. I had a plan to tell you everything, but I needed to wait for the right time to make sure he didn’t find out.”
I narrow my eyes at him and flip out a switchblade. “Something’s gotta give, brother. You may not think you didn’t betray the club, but you did. You could have told us what was happening and we would have handled it together, as a brotherhood.” I lean back on my seat, spread my legs wide, and flick my knife around in my hand. I look to Ollie and see his mouth set in a hard line. That would have been hard for him to hear, the fucker has been chasing Abby since we were little.
Zane nods his head. “Ade is right. Left or right?” he asks, stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray. I chuckle under my breath, bringing one of my hands up and rubbing my top lip with my index finger.
Felix scrunches up his face. “Fuck,” he rips his hoodie and shirt off, “right.”
Flipping my knife out that I’ve been playing with in my hand, I throw it across the table where he’s sitting, stabbing him in the arm.
“F-f-fuck!” he spits, trying to hold down the pain.
I walk to where he’s sitting and kneel in front of him, patting his knee. “See, this just isn’t going to do it for me. This didn’t scratch my itch—”
I watch Zane push his chair out and stand from the table. “Ade,” he growls under his breath.
“Relax, Z. I’m calm. However, this little wound here is not enough for me. You see it’s your fault, my girl…well, girls were taken. Whether you like to admit that or not, you played a part.” I yank the knife out of his arm and stab it into his left arm, pushing it in deep and circling it around.
He screams out in agony, no longer able to keep up his front.
I bend down so my mouth is up to his ear while still circling the knife deep in his arm. “This pain that you are feeling right now?” I whisper to him so only he and I can hear, “does not even scratch the surface of what those girls endured. And you are fucking lucky that I don’t rip your fucking eyes out of their sockets.” I yank my knife back out of him, snatch his top out of his hands and wipe my blade clean with it. I look up at Zane and he nods his head in a silent approval before I walk out of the boardroom slamming the door shut on my way out.
It’s been a whole week since I started seeing Dr. Oswald. I feel lighter, and although I know what happened will haunt me for a long time—if not, forever—I know I need to attempt to try to get my life back into a somewhat regular routine. So here I am, running my little heart out on the treadmill for the first time since I’d been back from my holiday. So, it is safe to say that I feel as though I’m running a one hundred kilometer marathon.
How the fuck I did this shit every day before, I do not know.
I’m letting the sweat drip from my head, with Eminem ‘Till I Collapse’ pulsating through my ears. What can I say, I have anger to vent and there’s no one better to vent with than Slim Shady. I’m pounding my feet on the rubber when I see someone walk in the door. Judging by the size of the person, I know it’s Dominic. I smile, look up at him, and pull my headphones out.
“Hey,” I say, slowing the treadmill down to a walking pace.
“Hey,” he replies with worry lines around his eyes. My smile drops and I put my iPod down, pushing stop on the treadmill. I get off and grab my towel.
“Are you okay?” I ask, wiping the sweat off my neck.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you? Fuck Kalie,” he says with a little anger in his tone.
I pull my lips in-between my teeth and close my eyes briefly. “Who told you?”
“Does it matter? It’s all the same.” I see the worry in his eyes and it pulls at feelings I never knew I had there for him.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Why are you sorry, Kalie? Fuck, if anyone is sorry, it’s me. Come here,” he says gesturing to me with his arm out. I walk into him, cuddling under his embrace. Feeling the light kiss on the top of my head, I sigh out in appreciation.
“Thank you, Dom,” I say, looking up to him from his embrace.
He looks down on me. “Thank me? What for?” he asks, pushing stray hair behind my ear.
“For always being there. For this, just for being you. You’re a great guy, Dom. I’m sorry I never saw it,” I say shyly.
“Do you see it now?” he asks rubbing his thumb across my cheek.
“Maybe,” I say unsure.
I know I want to try things with Dominic. It’s hard not to want those things when not only is he hot, he’s a great guy on the inside and has a big heart. I think over a few of the pointers Dr. Oswald and I went over this week.
“Do things that make you happy in the moment. Try to normalize your life again.” Her voice echoes through my head.
I look up to Dominic and see a small smile on his pouty lips.
“Maybe if we take it slow at first? See where it goes?”
He’s searching my eyes, when his smile gets a little wider, showing his straight white teeth. He brings his face down to mine and kisses my nose.
“I can do whatever you need, Kal. Always.”
I smile back at him and nod. “Okay, okay. Now what?” I ask, and he laughs.
“Now, I take you to dinner.” I blush slightly and look out in front of me.
“Okay, dinner,” I reply looking back to him to see he’s still smiling.
“I’ll pick you up at eight?”
“Sounds good,” I say, fiddling with the towel in my hand.
He takes hold of my hand and kisses it before walking out of the room.
“Shit,” I whisper under my breath.
My impulse decisions have been getting the best of me lately. That thought reminds me of Ade, and my smile drops. It doesn’t drop because he doesn’t make me happy—very much the opposite—it drops because after it all, I never told him that I loved him back, even though I obviously do. I can’t have him, though, it wouldn’t be fair to lead him on to thinking I can live the type of life that he lives. I’m just not that girl. I’m not strong, sassy, or badass like Alaina and Vicky. I’m introverted, quiet, and reserved. I hate confrontation, and I’m always worried about how people might perceive me. I’m the complete opposite of what any man in an MC club will ever want.
Ade Nixon, how can one man be so many kinds of difficult. How can I love such a complication of a man? That’s why I need to do this, why I need to test it out. Dominic Abrahams is the type of man I should be with, and I owe it to myself to try.
I realize I have been standing in the same position since Dom left so I turn around, pick up my water bottle from the table next to the treadmill and make my way back home.
Walking in the door, I head straight for the shower. Turning on the faucet, while I stand there waiting for the water to heat up. I’m excited about tonight, but there’s a part of me that feels empty. It’s a big part. It’s the part that likes bad boys who have tattoos, ride bikes, and have something called a Jacobs Ladder on their penis.
“I’m fucked,” I mumble.
I need to forget Ade Nixon and all his out-of-this-world beauty. Dominic is magnificent looking, and any other girl would be leaping at the opportunity to have a date with him. He gets hit on daily. Almost every woman he talks to will be twisting her hair in her fingers, or biting her lip at him trying to gain his attention. Dom’s not like that, though. He’s selective on who he beds, I’ve noticed that over all the years that I’ve known him.
He’s always discreet and professional.
Complete opposite to Ade.
I need to stop thinking of Ade because it’s becoming more of a problem. Maybe that can be mine and Dr. Oswald’s next issue to work on—How to stop thinking about ex-lovers. I’m pretty sure you could write a book covering that particular topic.
Yeah, I doubt anyone could help me with that. I pour some shampoo into my hand and lather it into my hair before following the same routine with the conditioner. After I’m done washing, I turn off the shower and grab my towel that’s hanging over the shower door, wrapping it around me and walking back to my room. I shut the door behind me and look into my wardrobe. I walk in and turn my light on as I start to rummage through all my clothes, trying to find something to wear. He didn’t say where we were going for dinner, so I don’t know how to dress.
“Shit,” I mumble.
I walk back into my room and pick up my phone from the bed. I scroll down to Dom’s name and press the send a message button.
Me: You didn’t tell me where you were taking me. #wardrobedilemma
I cannot believe I just hashtagged in a text message. Nice Kalie, showing how much of a loser you are already. This relationship won’t last.
Dominic: It’s a surprise. Dress how you want. You’re perfect.
Smiling at the words of his text message, I realize he didn’t give me an answer. I’m just going to have to take a chance and play roulette with my clothes. I walk back into my wardrobe and carry on with my rummaging. I stop at a black dress. It’s tight without being too tight, and it’s plain—but plain is safe. I can match it with my nude pumps and it’ll be a perfectly plain combination.
That’s what he gets for being cryptic.
After I comb out my hair, straightening it out, and leaving it in little curls at the ends. I put on a light smudge of eyeshadow, some blush, red lipgloss and I’m ready. Standing in front of the mirror for a few seconds, I look at myself. Yep, I look good, but deep down there’s a part of me that wishes I was dressing up for Ade. Where Dominic is sweet and gentle, Ade is rough, raw, and knows when not to be gentle. He was different with me, though, that much I know. He was an asshole to the world, but a gentleman to his girl. He’s a beautifully flawed soul though and I have no doubt he’s fighting his own demons. There’s also a huge part of me that wants to fight them with him. I wanted to be his. He made me feel more than special, he made me feel, magical.
I sigh, looking down at my shoes before sitting on my bed. A knock sounds at my door.
“Come in,” I say, trying to hide my sadness.
Phoebe pokes her head around my door with a smile. That is until she sees the look I’m pulling. “Okay, what’s wrong?” she asks, shutting my door behind her.
I pull my bottom lip into my mouth and tilt my head. “I don’t know. I should be ecstatic right now. I’m going to dinner with Dominic Abrahams, and he’s my best friend. He’s someone who’s right for me, someone who is safe. So why am I sitting here all dolled up thinking about a menace!” I swing my arms up before putting my face in my hands.
I feel the bed dip next to me and an arm wrap around my shoulders.
“Menace being Ade?” she asks lightly. I drop my hands and scowl at her.
“No. Menace being, ‘Don’t be a menace in south central while drinking your juice in the hood,’” I reply sarcastically.
“Okay, okay, be nice,” she says with a hint of a smile. “Do you want to know what I think?”
I widen my eyes and nod my head. “Obviously Phoebe don’t play dumb.”
She narrows her eyes again and smirks. “Easy tiger. I think you need to do a lot of healing. I think that you’re probably going to end up with Ade. But I also think that you should take your time with that. Do you want to know why? Because there’s no way in hell he will ever be letting you walk out of his life again. Ever.”
“But should I be going out with Dominic tonight?” I ask, looking at her.
“Yes. It’s just dinner. Feel it out and see how you go. Take note of those feelings. After tonight, you should know what you need to do,” she says calmly.
Damn, this girl is pretty bloody smart.
I smile. “Okay, I can do that. I miss him so much, Phoebs. It hurts me how much I miss him, his company, and how he makes me feel. I’m addicted to him.”
She smiles and pats my leg. “I know, love, I know.”
She stands from the bed and stretches out her arms. “I better get going. I’m supposed to be back in Westbeach by now.”
“Why were you over this way?” I ask, touching up my make-up.
She looks at me and claps her hands excitedly. “That’s what I came to tell you! I took a job that could d
o tremendous things for me. I’m not sure what the gist of it is, at the moment, but I’ll have to go on tour with some famous singers while they tour around the world. I’ll need to dress them and all that. I’m really excited, but I hope I don’t get a damn diva queen. I’ll fucking kill it. I swear to God, I will kill the next famous person that plays diva with me.”
I nod my head in agreement while standing. “Tell me about it, the Diva comment. I need to throw myself back into work. But, oh my God, Phoebs! That’s so awesome. Don’t forget me when you’re famous and all that. I wonder who it is? The list is endless. If it’s someone like Eminem you have to shove me in your suitcase with you. I swear I will play nice,” I say gripping her shoulders.
She laughs, patting my hand. “Honey, I doubt someone like Eminem will give a flying fuck about the thoughts of someone like me when it comes to his apparel. Calm down.”
She pulls me in and kisses me on the lips. “I don’t head out for another two weeks. So we have heaps of time to catch up.”
I nod my head. “Okay beautiful, I love you.”
“I love you too, sugar cakes,” she says while throwing up the peace sign, and walking out of my room.
Phoebe has this chillness about her. She’s so sure of herself and knows what she’s doing in this world and she doesn’t give a shit about what people think of her. She races cars in four-inch heels for goodness sake. The girl is a goddess.
“Right,” I mumble out. “Time to get this shit sorted.”
I straighten out my dress, grab my clutch of my dresser throwing a few necessities into it before walking out of my room. Walking down to the living room I see Carter on the couch with a guy that I’ve seen around—twice now. Interesting. Carter usually only does casual and has a definite no double dipping rule. I look between both of them snuggled up on the couch.
“Hello,” I say with a smile.
Carter pulls out a huge smile and rakes over my body from my head to my toes. “Damn, baby G, you are fucking flawless.”
“Thanks.” I look to the dark haired beauty next to him and pointedly look at Carter. Carter looks at who I’m looking at then looks back to me.