THE VAPO
Since Paulo had left her, and she found herself alone, Natalie felt sad,solitary, in the paradise that surrounded her. No longer did she sing inemulation of the birds, no longer did she hop with youthful delight andthe impetuosity of a young roe through the charming alleys. Sadly,and with downcast eyes, sat she under the myrtle bush by the murmuringfountains, and frequent heavy sighs heaved her laboring breast.
"All is changed, all!" she often thoughtfully said to herself. "A greatand terrible secret has been unveiled within me--the secret of my utterabandonment! I have no one on earth to whom I belong! Once I neverthought of that. Paulo was all to me, my friend, my father, my brother;but Paulo has abandoned me, I belong not to him, and hence I could notgo with him. And who is left to me? Carlo!" she answered herself in alow tone, and with a melancholy smile. "But Carlo has not filled thevoid that Paulo's absence has left in my heart. At first I thought hecould, but that was only a short deception. Carlo is good and kind,always devoted, always ready to serve me. He always conforms himselfto my will, is all subjection, all obedience. But that is terrible,unbearable!" exclaimed the almost weeping young maiden. "Who, then,shall I obey, before whom shall I tremble, when all obey me and tremblebefore me? And yet Carlo is a man. No," said she, quite low; "were he soI should then obey him, and not he me; then would he give me commands,and not I him! No, Carlo is no man--Paulo was so! Where art thou, myfriend, my father?"
And the young maiden yearningly spread her arms in the air, callingupon her distant friend with tender, low-whispered words and heartfeltlongings.
But the days slowly passed, and still no news came from him. Nataliedreamily and sadly sank deeper into herself; her cheeks paled, her stepbecame less light and elastic. In vain did her true friends, Marianneand Carlo, exhaust themselves in projects and propositions for herdistraction and amusement.
"You should go into the world and amuse yourself in society, princess,"said Carlo.
"I hate the world and society," said Natalie. "People are all bad, and Iabominate them. What had I done to these people, how had I offended themeven in thought, and yet they would have murdered me the very first timeI appeared among them? No, no, leave me here in my solitude, where I atleast have not to tremble for my life, where I have Carlo to guard andprotect me."
The singer pressed the proffered hand to his lips.
"Then let us at least make some excursions in the environs of Rome,"said he.
"No," said she, "I should everywhere long to be back in my garden.Nowhere is it so beautiful as here. Leave me my paradise--why would youdrive me from it?"
"Alas!" despairingly exclaimed Carlo, "you call yourself happy andsatisfied; why, then, are you so sad?"
"Am I sad?" she asked, with surprise. "No, Carlo, I am not sad! Isometimes dream, nothing more! Let me yet dream!"
"You will die," thought Carlo, and with an effort he forced back the cryof despair that pressed to his lips; but his cheeks paled, and his wholeform trembled.
Seeing it, Natalie shook off her apathy, and with a lively sympathy andtender friendship she inquired the cause of his disquiet. She was sonear him that her breath fanned his cheek, and her locks touched hisbrow.
"Ah, you would kill me, you would craze me!" murmured he, sorrowfully,sinking down, powerless, at her feet.
She looked wonderingly at him. "Why are you angry with me?" sheinnocently said, "and what have I done, that you so wrongfully accuseme?"
"What have you done?" cried he, beside himself,--the moment had overcomehim, this moment had burst the bands with which he had bound his heart,and in unfettered freedom, in glowing passion, his long-concealed secretforced its way to his lips. He must at length for once speak of hissorrows, even if death should follow; he must give expression to historment and his love, even should Natalie banish him forever from herpresence!
"What have you done?" repeated he. "Ah, she does not even know that sheis slowly murdering me, she does not even know that I love her!"
"Am I not to know?" she reproachfully asked. "Would you, indeed, havesaved my life had you not loved me? Carlo I am indebted to you for mylife, and you say I murder you!"
"Yes," he frowardly exclaimed, "you murder me! Slowly, day by day,hour by hour, am I consumed by this frightful internal fire that isdestroying me. Ah, you know not that you are killing me. And have younot destroyed my youthful strength, and from a man converted me into anold, trembling, and complaining woman? Is it not for your sake that Ihave fled the world, leaving behind me all it offered of fame and wealthand honor? Is it not your fault that I have ceased to be a free man, tohave a will of my own, and have become a slave crawling at your feet?Ah, woe is me, that I ever came to know you! You are an enchantress,you have made me your hound, and, whining, I lie in the dust before you,satisfied when you touch me with your foot."
At first, Natalie had listened to him with terror and astonishment; thenan expression of noble pride was to be read upon her features, a glowingflush flitted over her delicate cheeks, and with flashing eyes and aheaving bosom she sprang up from her seat. Proud as a queen she roseerect, the blood of her ancestors awoke in her; she at this moment feltherself free as an empress, as proud, as secure--and, stretching herarm toward the outlet of the garden, she said in a determined tone:"Go, Signor Carlo! Leave me, I tell you! We have no longer any thing incommon with each other!"
Carlo seemed as if awakened from a delirium. Breathless, withwidely-opened eyes, trembling and anxious, he stared at the angrymaiden. He knew nothing of what he had said; he comprehended nother anger, only his infinite suffering; he was conscious only of hislong-suppressed, long-concealed secret love. And, grasping Natalie'shands with an imploring expression, he constrained the young maiden,almost against her will, to remain and reseat herself upon the grassybank before which he knelt.
As he looked up to her with those glowing, passionate glances, a maidenfear and trembling for the first time came over her, an anxiety andtimidity inexplicable to herself! Her delicate, transparent cheekspaled, tears filled her eyes, and, folding her hands with a childishlysupplicating expression, she said in a low, tremulous tone: "My God,my God! Have mercy upon me! I am a wholly abandoned, solitary orphan!Rescue me yet from this trouble and distress, from this terribleloneliness!"
"Fear nothing, my charming angel," whispered Carlo, "I will be gentle asa lamb, and patient, very patient in my sorrow; I have sworn it and willkeep my oath! But you must hear me! You must, only this one time, allowme to express in words my love and my sorrow, my misery and my ecstasy.Will you allow me this, my lily, my beautiful swan?"
He would have again grasped her hand, but she withdrew it with a proud,angry glance.
"Speak on," said she, wearily leaning her hand against the myrtle-bush."Speak on, I will listen to you!"
And he spoke to her of his love; he informed her of his former life, hispoverty, his want, his connection with Corilla, whom he had quitted inorder to devote himself wholly to her, to obey, serve, and worshipher all his life, and, if necessary, to die for her! "But you," hedespairingly said, "you know not love! Your heart is cold for earthlylove; like the angels in heaven, you love only the good and the sublime,you love mankind collectively, but not the individual. Ah, Natalie, youhave the heart of an angel, but not the heart of a woman!"
The young maiden had half dreamingly listened to him, her hand leanedback and her glance directed toward the heavens. She now smiled, and,with an inimitable grace, laying her hand upon her bosom, said in a verylow tone: "And yet I feel that a woman's heart is beating there. But itsleeps! Who will one day come to awaken it?"
Carlo did not understand these low whispered words; he understood onlyhis own passion, his own consuming glow. And anew he commenced hislove-plainings, described to her the torments and fierce joys ofan unreturned love, which is yet too strong and overpowering to besuppressed. And Natalie listened to him with a dreamy thoughtfulness.His words sounded in her ears like a wonderful song from a strange,distant world which she knew not, but t
he description of which filledher heart with a sweet longing, and she could have wept, without knowingwhether it was for sorrow or joy.
"Thus, Natalie," at length said Carlo, entirely exhausted and pale withemotion--"thus I love you. You must sometime have learned it, andhave known that even angels cannot mingle with mortals unloved andunpunished. I should finally have been compelled to tell you that youmight torture no longer, in cruel ignorance; that you, learning tounderstand your own heart, might tell me whether I have to hope, or onlyto fear!"
"Poor Carlo!" murmured Natalie. "You love me, but I do not love you!This has even now become clear to me; and while you have so glowinglydescribed the passion, I have for the first time comprehended that I yetknow nothing of that love, and that I can never learn it of you! This isa misfortune, Carlo, but as we cannot change, we must submit to it."
Carlo drooped his head and sighed. He had no answer to make, and onlymurmuringly repeated her words: "Yes, we must submit to it!"
"And why can we not?" she almost cheerfully asked, with that childlikeinnocence which never once comprehended the sorrow she was preparingfor Carlo--"why can we not joyfully submit? We both love, only in adifferent manner. Let each preserve and persevere in his own manner, andthen all may yet be well!"
"And it shall be well!" exclaimed Carlo, with animation. "You cannotlove me as I love you, but I can devote my whole life to you, andthat will I do! At home, in my charming Naples, a beautiful custom isprevalent. When one loves, he is adopted as a _vapo_, a protector, whofollows the steps of the one he loves, who watches before her door whenshe sleeps, who secretly lurks at a distance behind her when she leavesher house, who observes every passer-by in order to preserve her fromevery murderous or other inimical attack, or in case of need to hastento her assistance. Such a _vapo_ protects her against the jealousy ofher husband or the vengeance of a dismissed lover. Natalie, as I cannotbe your lover, I will be your _vapo_. Will you accept my services?"
Giving him her hand, she smilingly said, "I will."
Carlo pressed that hand to his lips, and bedewed it with a warm tear.
"Well, then, I swear myself your _vapo_," said he, with deep emotion."Wherever you may be, I shall be near you, I shall always follow to warnand to protect you; should you be in danger, call me and you will findme at your side, whether by night or by day; I shall always watch overyou and sleep at the threshold of your door, and should a dream alarmyou, I shall be there to tranquillize you. So long as I live, Natalie,so long as your _vapo_ has a dagger and a sure hand, so long shallmisfortune fail to penetrate into your dwelling. You cannot be mine, orreturn my love, but I can care for you and watch over you. In acceptingme for your _vapo_, you have given me the right to die for you ifnecessary, and that of itself is a happiness!"
Thus speaking Carlo rose, and, no longer able to conceal his deepemotion and suppress his tears, he left Natalie, and hastened into theobscurest alleys of the garden.
The young maiden watched his retreat with a sad smile.
"Poor Carlo!" murmured she, "and ah! yet much poorer Natalie! He lovesat least. But I, am I not much more to be pitied? I have no one whom Ilove. I am entirely isolated, and of what use is a solitary paradise?"