Page 2 of Words of Feeling

I BELIVED

  i went to you

  crying for support

  desperate for a kind word

  you pushed me away

  your words

  slapping my face

  my pain

  my betrayal

  what made me think

  you were different

  you said

  you loved me

  would never hurt me

  you would always be here

  i bared my soul to you

  you led me to believe

  believe i could be loved

  believe i was worth loving

  i wanted it to be true

  now i know it was all a big joke

  yet i am a bigger joke

  because i . . .

  i believed

  INVISABLE TO SIGHTLESS EYES

  no gaze penetrates

  my darkness

  the clouds that

  mask this life

  living in a shadow

  light never shines

  upon my upturned face

  inside my eternal night

  my isolation is complete

  walls i erected

  prison of my making

  life i am not living

  fears keeping me inside

  will this mask that protect me

  or only hold me back

  pain i cannot escape

  of my own making

  LOST

  Night blankets thought

  time shadows pain

  wandering

  lost

  tears fall

  unnoticed

  unheeded

  alone

  LOST II

  Social chameleon

  More masks then friends

  Etched into the soul

  Splinters of self

  Rewritten meanings

  Echoes of truth

  Lost

  SILENCE

  noise

  invading me

  burning

  bloody words

  of

  pain and hate

  voices

  scarring me

  death the only silence

  SOLITARY ROSE

  a thorns blood

  biting deep

  a lovers tears

  blinding eyes

  this blades kiss

  alone with you

  TEARS

  my eyes

  are open

  windows

  past my defenses

  come

  can you see me?

  deep inside

  drowning

  in tears

  i fear to shed

  TO LOOK INSIDE

  A lonely place

  Nothing

  No one

  Emptiness

  Mirrors my soul

  Isolated thoughts

  black of night

  no light to guide

  falling into

  my pit of despair

  BREAKING

  weary souls

  trapped inside

  bodies

  saddled

  with broken

  thoughts

  and

  emotions

  which tire the soul

  to the point

  of breaking

  PAIN

  drenched in pain

  fear and sweat

  searching for a mask

  to finally hide

  the emptiness locked inside

  sleep eludes

  grasping at straws

  shattering in my hands

  like glass

  PAIN II

  swirling voices

  unyielding visions

  mind numbing pain

  crippling

  bending my brain

  while

  twisting my thoughts

  leaving nothing

  but

  pain

  RIVERS

  this so sweet

  bathed in crimsons glow

  blades bite deep

  words or actions

  which i must show

  from these

  my mind floats

  DREAMS

  a smoke screen

  only more

  lies

  told to myself

  hiding this truth…

  i’m empty

  inside

  FEAR

  penetrating my skin

  flowing to my core

  darkness

  grows inside me

  FORGIVEN

  edgeless razors

  cutting deep

  carving

  who i am

  from

  what i’ve done

  mist

  behind eyes

  that have forgotten

  how to cry

  my song

  lost inside

  and i

  i refuse to die

  I

  words

  among emptiness

  pain and tears

  watching

  waiting

  pulling me down

  will the “I”

  i know

  love and treasure

  survive?

  Trembling

  i climb

  ever upward

  sliding back

  into the dark

  VELVET

  this loving burn

  of razors kiss

  my blood

  it pours

  through open finger tip

  my soul

  empties

  drop by velvet drop

  into the black

  this endless bliss

  QUICKSAND

  walking alone

  climbing

  ever onward

  must not stop

  must not falter

  handholds

  coming away

  leaving me

  to be

  swallowed

  by this quicksand

  of lies

  VOICES

  floating

  in the darkness

  watching

  from deep within

  trapped

  hostage

  to the madmen

  inside

  BEHIND MY OWN EYES

  lost in thought

  away from myself

  where am i?

  deep inside

  bound and gagged

  under lock and key

  behind my own eyes

  helpless

  and alone

  EMPTY PEN

  words flow

  thoughts race

  no one understands

  what I feel

  beneath this empty face

  this fantasy

  my existence

  time bleeds

  endless echoes

  no sound

  only

  screaming

  pen on paper...

  leaving nothing

  LITTLE DEATH

  sleep

  i welcome you

  my little death

  velvet robes

  enshroud you

  hold me

  encircled in your arms

  forever

  never

  let me wake

  gently

  smother my pain

  IRONIC

  the words needed

  to save me

  just as surely

  trap me

  do i go

  and free my soul?

  or stay

  to fight and

  free my mind

  peace or pain

  that

  is my only

  question

  I LISTEN

  truth betrays me

  lies cloak my pain

  voices laugh

  scream

  and belittle

  i hear them

  with covered ears

  from ins
ide

  they come

  i give in…

  i listen

  FEAR OF BETTER

  pressured

  to be

  “better”

  pressured

  from without

  pressured

  from within

  fear

  of failure

  of success

  of myself

  fear i will never be

  better

  SLEEP

  everything

  is gray

  it saps every

  ounce

  of strength

  out of my body

  every

  ounce

  of joy

  from my life

  so much so

  that

  merely lifting my

  lids

  is a battle

  will i every

  truly

  win this war?

  TIME

  the river flows past my meager home

  and my insignificant life

  it was hear before i came

  and will be hear after i'm gone

  it is the river of time

  it flows in and out of reality

  EDGE OF A RAZOR BLADE

  Words drip from my fingers

  Hot and sticky

  Smeared with blood

  Each heartbeat a lifetime

  As it slowes quivering

  Dying alone

 
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