I pulled back just enough so I could see her face. “You’re going to have to walk away, Santana, because I don’t think I can let you go.”
I felt her fingers clench the base of my neck. Her next exhale was full of unshed tears. “I can’t. I didn’t think it would be this hard.”
I pressed my lips to her forehead. “I know. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.”
I felt someone stop behind me.
“We gotta go, bro,” Gray muttered. “And I think I’m going to need your help pulling Jace and Kin apart. Better you than me or Sin. Jace is liable to throw a punch at us. He’ll tolerate you a little more.”
I nodded once, then gave Santana one last kiss.
Stepping back, I finally let her go. “Miss you, doll.”
She gave me a trembling little smile, but didn’t say anything.
Kassa stepped up beside her, and the two girls embraced.
I turned my focus on Jace who was holding Kin like she was his last lifeline. Kin had her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck as she pressed her face into his neck and openly cried.
“This sucks,” she sobbed against him. “I knew it was going to hurt to tell you good-bye today, but I didn’t know it was going to kill me like this.”
He rubbed his hands up and down her back. “Come with me,” he begged, his voice full of desperation. “Please, babe, just come with me.”
“I-I can’t. Lucy needs me here. The wedding … Everything.”
He blew out a frustrated sigh. “I really want to say fuck Lucy right now, but I know you’d kick my ass.”
That had her laughing brokenly. “You know it.” She slowly lifted her head, her face still beautiful, though she was doing what Kassa called ugly crying. “I love you.”
Jace’s face started to crumble. “I love you, too,” he said hoarsely. “Be good, okay? Don’t let Angie get you into trouble. Have Caleb go with you if you have to see your dad.”
Sniffing, she nodded. “Okay. Don’t kill Gray. I can’t help you hide the body if you do.”
“Fuck, babe, I miss you already.” He buried his face in her chest, his body starting to shake. “I hate this. I quit. I—”
She smacked him on the back of the head. “Stop it. You don’t quit.” She released the hold her legs had on him, making him have to help her stand on her feet or risk dropping her. Wiping her tears away, she kissed him hard before taking three steps back. “I’m sorry. I’m okay. Go. I love you.”
I put my hand on Jace’s shoulder, offering him strength to let her go.
“I love you more, Kin.”
Emmie moved in to wrap her arm around Kin’s waist, and Santana held her hand as we turned and climbed onto the bus. They were still standing there when the bus moved forward a few minutes later.
Jace and I sat on the couch, looking out the heavily tinted windows as they slowly faded from sight.
“Nine weeks,” I muttered.
“What?” he asked, scrubbing his hands over his face.
“Nine weeks,” I repeated. “Sixty-three days. It’s better to give it a number, man. A countdown until we get to see our girls again.”
“That’s a damn lifetime, dude,” he said with a tired exhale, his eyes closing as he laid his head back against the couch.
I pulled out my cell phone when it went off with a new text message.
Have fun—xoxo. S
“Fuck, I know. It’s forever.”
EIGHTEEN
Santana
The day Kale and the band left was not an easy day for me. Saying good-bye to the guy who had become such an essential part of my life in so short a time broke my heart a little. I knew he was coming back, knew I could talk to him on the phone any time I wanted to, but there was this gut-clenching fear that he would forget about me.
That he would get bored and fuck around with all those groupies I knew followed rockers around.
I couldn’t let those around me see my pain or my fear that first day, though. For one, I figured they would think I was insane or obsessed with Kale because we had barely known each other a week. For another, Kin was so upset that it took me, Jenna, Lucy, Angie, Caleb, and Carolina to get her to even calm down once the bus was out of sight.
The poor girl cried herself to sleep on Jenna’s couch, surrounded by everyone. My already aching heart broke a little more for her.
The texts started coming in that night, and I went to bed in my new room with my eyes full of tears as we messaged each other until I fell asleep late that night.
The next morning, Monday, I was bone tired because I hadn’t slept well, but I was so busy with work I didn’t have time to think about Kale being gone or how exhausted I was until after lunch. I hadn’t had a chance to check my phone until then, but Kale had already left me a dozen messages, telling me where they had stopped for their first show, letting me know he missed me. There was a picture of the guys doing a sound check as they set up. More “I miss you” texts.
They all made me smile.
They all made my heart ache a little more.
I sent him a few back then put my phone away so I could focus on the next clients who were doing a wedding announcement shoot. The newly engaged woman was already a total bridezilla, so my patience was stretched thin by the time I locked up for the night. I felt bad for her groom. If that was the way that chick was going to act before the wedding, I could only hope for his sake she calmed the fuck down afterward.
Jenna had gone to dinner with Angie and Kin, so it was just me when I got home. I made myself a sandwich, ate only half of it, then took a long, hot shower. I didn’t look at my phone again until I was in bed.
Another dozen text messages were waiting on me. All of them timestamped during the afternoon, but they had stopped around six, when the band was supposed to take the stage for their first concert. They were the opening act for most of the shows they had scheduled. It was after eleven now, but I knew from the schedule Kale had told me about that he would still be busy.
Merchandise booths. Meet and greets. Helping pack up their stuff so they could move on to the next city and the next show, which would take place the next night. It was probably exciting to him, but it sounded exhausting to me.
Lack of quality sleep the night before quickly caught up to me and, before I knew it, I was drifting off.
My cell ringing woke me with a start. I reached for it blindly, still trying to focus my eyes in the darkened room.
“H-Hello?” I found the brain power to answer.
“Hey, doll,” Kale’s excited voice filled my ear, and my heart turned over in my chest at the sound. “Did I wake you?”
“Yes, but I don’t care. I wanted to hear your voice tonight.” I turned onto my side and pulled my extra pillow close so I could pretend it was him while I talked to him. “So, how did it go? Was it everything you imagined?”
He laughed and it sounded like it came straight from his soul. “At first, the crowd was a little lack luster. We’re still pretty new to the game, so not many people were there to see us specifically. But three songs in, the crowd was on their feet and people were screaming for more.” He let out a tired, but exhilarated sigh. “Fuck, I wish you could have been here to watch us. I’m getting goose bumps just remembering it.”
“That’s great, babe. I’m so happy for you.” There was a lot of background noise going on—power tools being used, people talking, and then I heard Gray yelling at someone. “What are you guys doing now?”
“We’re finishing up taking everything down. Some roadie just said something to Kassa that has Gray on the warpath.” There was a pause, and I actually heard Gray snarling. “Fuck. He’s gonna murder someone. I gotta go, doll. I’ll call you tomorrow. Dream of me.”
I didn’t even have a chance to tell him goodnight before the phone went silent in my ear.
Blowing out a sad breath, I pushed my phone under the pillow then cuddled deeper under the covers.
E
mmie had told the guys to stay off the paps’ radar. If Gray killed one of the roadies, I was pretty sure all those things she’d told them not to let happen would.
***
The next week passed at a snail’s pace.
Kale and I had a sort of schedule that worked for us. He would text me random things in the mornings while I was working. At lunchtime, I would message him back. Then he would call me around midnight or one every night, and we would talk anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, depending on what he had to do.
Getting to talk to him every night made it a little easier for me. I missed him like crazy, but my heart always felt a little lighter after I heard his voice. I loved that he was the last thing I heard before I drifted off the sleep. And when I woke up every morning, there was usually a text already waiting on me. Even if it was only a heart emoji, it made my day, and I didn’t feel his absence nearly as bad.
Jenna made missing him a little easier, too. She was always around for me to talk to. Angie was normally over a few times throughout the day, and the two of them were great company. I had put the whole thing with Sage behind me … mostly. Having those two to come home to at night was nice. I didn’t feel lonely or unwanted. And I sure as hell didn’t feel like I had to take care of anyone but myself.
Friday night, I went out with them for girls’ night—manicures, a good movie, and a fun art class where Jenna kicked all our asses at creating something so incredibly beautiful even the teacher was left a little breathless. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had this much fun with a group of girls. It had been a hell of a long time since Sage had even left the apartment with me, let alone have a full girls’ night.
The best part came when I climbed into bed and told Kale all about it. All week he had been telling me about the places the band had stopped at and about how the crowds always seemed to not care if they listened or not until they started playing. Then they would go to their merchandise booths and, before the end of the night, all their CDs, posters, and T-shirts were completely sold out.
That night, he wanted to know about my day. He asked how I liked hanging out with all the girls, how we were getting along, and if Jenna was making me feel welcome.
He listened to me go on and on about the evening, and before I knew it, it was after four in the morning. I tried to hide my yawn, but he still heard me.
“I’m glad you had a great time, doll. I hope you girls do it again sometime. But you must be exhausted. I’ll let you go.”
“I don’t want to, though.” I pouted, fighting back another yawn. “Your voice is my favorite thing to listen to.”
I heard him chuckle. “I’m glad. Because the sound of your voice is what grounds me at the end of the night. But you have to get up in a few hours to drive to Malibu for your shoot, right?”
Warmth filled me that he’d remembered what I had told him about the modeling agency who had requested I do a few sessions with some of their clientele for their portfolios.
“I know, I know. Just one more minute. Please?”
“Only if you tell me what you’re wearing.”
I glanced down at my huge, ugly, pink T-shirt that I had always used as a night gown and my unshaved legs. “Um … I can tell you what I’m not wearing.”
“Fuck.” I heard him exhale roughly. “Tell me, doll.”
I bit my lip then lowered my voice so it came out all husky and hopefully sexy. “I don’t have a bra on.”
“So, those pretty tits are free? I wish I was there to kiss them.”
My nipples began to harden at just the thought of his mouth on them.
“What else? Tell me more.”
I had to swallow a few times before my tongue would work. “My … My panties. I’m not wearing any right now.”
I heard his breath hiss out through his teeth.
“And yes, I am wet right now, Kale … for you.”
“Goddammit, girl. You’re killing me,” he groaned. “I’m on the bus right now and everyone is still awake. Otherwise, I would be begging you to touch yourself and tell me all about it. These jackasses don’t know how to give a guy five seconds of privacy.”
A delicious thrill shot down my spine just thinking of doing what he had said. Phone sex was something I’d never done, something I had never even been tempted to do. Yet, right then, I wanted to touch myself. I wanted to moan for him and tell him how I was rubbing my clit with my thumb while I fucked myself with two fingers.
I pressed my legs together as more wetness drenched my opening.
Someone coughed from somewhere on the bus, and he muttered a few explicit curses. “My balls are gonna turn blue and fall off if I don’t let you go now, doll. Try to get some sleep. I know I sure as fuck won’t be getting any tonight.”
“Think of me when you have a few free minutes,” I commanded in a voice that couldn’t hide how much I wanted him right then. “I’ll be thinking of you, too.”
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You’re such a mean, little tease.” Despite his words, I heard the grin in his voice. “Goodnight, Santana.”
I found myself smiling. “Night, Kale.”
***
Two weeks passed. Then three turned into four, and four turned into seven. Time still felt like it was going by too slowly, but I only had two more weeks until Kale was home.
Kin and I were making plans to fly out and meet the guys a few days before the tour ended. We were keeping it a secret, hoping to surprise them. Emmie was helping us set it up. It was going to be so much fun to see Kale’s face when we showed up at one of their shows.
That Sunday night, I went to sleep without talking to Kale for the first time. I’d had a wedding to shoot, so I was out from six a.m. to two in the morning. I had taken pictures of the bridal party’s breakfast, of the bride getting ready, her having a few private moments with her parents. I’d taken over a thousand pictures of the wedding ceremony itself, and over ten thousand of the reception. It had been a beautiful day, and I was happy to catch the bride and groom’s special moments on film, but I was dragging by the time I got home.
Because I was working, I had kept my phone on silent and in my camera case. I was so exhausted I didn’t even think about taking a shower. I just took off my clothes and climbed into bed. I didn’t have a shoot scheduled for the next day, so I didn’t bother to set an alarm.
My sleep was deep and dreamless, but when I woke up the next morning, I didn’t feel rested. Mostly, I felt hungover, though I hadn’t touched a single drop of alcohol the night before. My head was throbbing, I felt itchy, and my stomach was definitely not happy with me.
Around noon, I dragged myself out of bed. My stomach was rumbling, and I didn’t know if it was because I was hungry or if I was coming down with something. Hoping for the former, I started to head toward the kitchen for a bowl of cereal.
I noticed the apartment was oddly quiet as soon as I opened my bedroom door. Not the kind of quiet when you were all alone, but the kind where people were trying to stay quiet on purpose. Figuring I was just out of it still, I trudged through the living room and into the kitchen.
I could smell coffee, so I knew Jenna was home. The chick had a serious addiction to caffeine, and I knew she wouldn’t just leave any sitting around in the pot for long.
I knew all about Jenna’s past now. I knew that she was a lesbian, that she’d had a girlfriend who had almost ruined her life because she’d gotten her addicted to drugs. She had been clean for eighteen months now and was holding strong.
As soon as I opened the kitchen door, I felt the tension. I lifted my head, taking in the room to find the source of the unease.
Jenna sat at the island in the middle of the room, a cup of coffee lifted to her lips. Angie sat across from her, biting her lip like it was the best thing she had ever tasted. Kin sat beside her stepsister, a newspaper in front of her as she ate a bowl of cereal. The look on her face was guarded.
Watching her lift a spoonful of what appeared to be shredded wheat to
her mouth, my stomach rumbled in a disagreeing way. Nausea roiled around like it was on some crazy, looping roller coaster.
Maybe breakfast wasn’t a good idea, after all.
I crossed to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. Taking a sip, some of the nausea eased as I moved to the island to take the only extra seat.
“You three are awfully quiet,” I muttered, wrapping my arms around my stomach. “Someone die?”
“Someone might,” Kin muttered half under her breath.
Angie elbowed the younger girl in the side. “Shut up, sugar bug.”
None of it made sense to my mind that was still half under a sleep fogged, pseudo-hangover that made me want to hide in my room with a bucket and a bottle of Gatorade.
Reaching across the island, Jenna took the newspaper from in front of Kin and folded it before I could even think to read the front page. “I’m going to show you something. What you see doesn’t mean it’s the truth. The paps get one picture, and they make up whatever story they think fits best with it that will sell copies.”
My brows lifted toward the ceiling. “I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about right now. Can this wait until I’ve completely woken up first? I’m barely functioning on half a brain right now.”
Kin dropped her spoon into her bowl of cereal. “Have you talked to Kale today?”
The mention of his name had something turning cold in my stomach, which began to roil all over again. “I just woke up. My phone is in my camera case, and I think it’s still on silent.” I pushed my hair over my shoulder, anxiety building quickly. “Why?” Something about the look on her face worried me. Her blue eyes were still guarded, but there was concern in them. Maybe even a little anger. “What’s happened? Is he okay?”
I started to get up, to go get my phone so I could call Kale and find out what the hell was going on. Right then, I needed to hear his voice, to know for sure that he was all right.
Jenna’s hand on my arm stopped me. Then she handed over the folded newspaper that wasn’t a newspaper.