Chapter 9
“How old are you?”
“Nineteen.” I reply automatically. “You?”
“Twenty one.” He replies mid sip. I nod knowing that, I am just confirming it.
“What about your family?” I ask trying to get away from the icky subject that is my own. It’s not something many people know. In fact outside my immediate family three people know. Including Jaydan now.
Penny and Tom of course are the other two. Tom is like a brother to me and he is very sympathetic to me needing to steal Penny away from him regularly. They were both there for me when my family started falling apart, picking me up off the floor constantly when it all got too much, especially on the days when Mum would drink herself to sleep and I wouldn’t know if she were dead or alive.
They were there when I finally cut ties with them a month ago too. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Not one family member is wanting let alone willing to help themselves. They were all too happy to be victims and cry about it and that’s just not me.
After I had to call an ambulance for my mother for the sixth time in five weeks I packed my small amount of things with Penny and Tom’s help and I walked out. I have not spoken to any of them since. It has been refreshing but with so much time on my hands I really had to think about what I wanted.
“Well my dad is a bit of a hard ass sometimes, but it comes from the right place and my mum is the sweetest woman you will ever meet.” Jaydan’s face softens when he mentions his mum and I smile at him. I’m genuinely happy for him. “My brother… well you ah… you… kind of know him.” Jaydan looks a bit uncomfortable.
“Hugo?” I question, it clicking now why Hugo went all big brotherly on me.
“You got it.”
“Makes sense.” I shrug.
“He’s only twenty five but anyone would think he’s fifty sometimes.” Jaydan rolls his eyes.
I laugh at him because I can see where he is coming from. “I’m sure it’s all with good intent though.” I feel like I need to defend Hugo, after all he has done it for me for most of the night.
“Always.” Jaydan agrees whole heartedly. Then he grows sober very quickly. “So there’s something I have been meaning to ask, and I know it’s none of my business but I’m curious…”
I brace myself for his question, having a pretty good idea what it is, I nod.
“Why on earth were you dating a guy like Joe?”
I flinch. Of course he would want to know. After all we caused a scene tonight. I unconsciously rub my arm and shudder. “We met when I was fifteen. He was a charmer and all the girls at school thought he was like super-hot, you know him being a senior and everything made him so much more irresistible.”
Jaydan nods, remaining quiet.
“Well he started following me around. I was in year nine. He was graduating. What fifteen year old girl wouldn’t feel like a queen having a senior as popular as him following her around?” I sigh the memories feeling so real. “Anyways he started writing me love notes and bringing me flowers and chocolates, even went as far as asking Penny what my favourite chocolates were just so he could really show me he liked me…”
“Okay.” Jaydan prompts when I stop. The memories are flooding back fast now.
“At first I wasn’t interested. A shy little fifteen year old girl who never had been kissed let alone had a boyfriend was being chased by the most popular boy in school. I thought it was a hoax or something, I didn’t really believe he actually liked me.” I sigh again. “He wore me down but still wouldn’t give in. We were at a footy game, the first one for the season and he had just scored the winning try. The commentator had walked up to him and asked him how he felt. First thing he said was ‘This is for the Little One who won’t give me the time of day but has my heart.”
“Oh geez.” Jaydan says, he look’s horrified. “How could any girl resist that?”
“Yeah well he won me over then. We dated for like the whole year and at first everything was fine. He was sweet, loving and completely devoted to me. Then it was towards the middle of the year when he started to go all funny. Trying to pressure me to have sex with him and do things I was not comfortable with.”
“Tara…”
“Jaydan shh otherwise I won’t be able to finish.” I put my hand to his lips. “It took me a while to figure it out but it was after my sixteenth birthday that he really started to push. He was more and more persistent and would get angry and shout and call me names when I would say no.”
“Did he ever hurt you?” Jaydan demands.
“Not until the very end.” I blurt out. “He started scaring me more and more by doing and saying some crazy things. He stopped taking me places with him and would never answer my calls or texts. In the end I became so afraid of him that I gave in because he said that the only way he could love someone like me is if I did do it with him.”
“Tara…” Jaydan grabs my hand and pulls me up out of my seat and on top of his lap. He wraps his arms around me and I hold on tightly to my emotions.
“By that stage he had me doubting everything I believed in myself and I figured that he was right. The only way he could love me was if I did that for him. Once we did it though he told me he didn’t love me anymore. That he never loved me but had loved deflowering me.” I shudder. “I was so upset and distraught that I smacked him across the face out of reflex.”
“You go girl!” Jaydan cheers. “He deserved it.”
“Yeah well he got really angry. He told me he would kill me and that I had always been a bet between him and his school mates. He said his real girlfriend could satisfy him unlike me and then started to rough house me again.”
“Tara he didn’t…”
I move away from Jaydan’s chest to look into his eyes. With my look I tell him what he is thinking is right. I can’t bring it out in words. Not now. It’s too raw and humiliating still. My eyes tell him, yes Joe physically hurt me. Yes Joe is a monster. I pull up my dress a little to show the top of my right thigh. A jagged line about 20 centimetres long zig zags up my leg. “He had a knife with him. I didn’t know that until he stabbed me out of nowhere and then cut my leg up.”
Jaydan runs a hand up my leg not in a sexual way but in trying to offer me comfort. “I’m gonna kill him.” He says in a deadly steel voice I have never heard him use.
“Jaydan please don’t. He’s not worth it.”
“Why isn’t he in jail?”
“My parents were unwilling to pay for a lawyer and because of my age I didn’t have that much weight in court. His lawyers threw my family’s background into it and how I must be unstable and able to make this stuff up and believe it. He ended up being let go with a two year good behaviour bond. That’s it.”
“Even with the evidence on you – like literally?”
“Yep.” I nod.
“That’s wrong on so many levels.”
“Yes well I can’t do much about it now.”
“He shouldn’t be free.” Jaydan insists. “He’s clearly still behaving like a twat.”
I laugh as I subconsciously rub my arm. “I don’t want to think about him anymore.”
“Okay.” Jaydan agrees quickly.
“Well there you have it. My sob story. The reason I don’t trust anyone. The reason I don’t believe anything people tell me. The reason I couldn’t believe you would like me. The reason why I still am battling myself right now about how it’s even possible.”
“Tara you’re beautiful.” Jaydan says just as Jin comes back with our food.
I am gonna tip this waiter like a month’s salary! Talk about timing! “Thank you!” I sniff hopping off Jaydan’s lap and sitting back in my own seat. The plate is filled to the brim and my mouth waters instantly.
“Anything else I can get you?” Jin asks, discreetly.
“No thanks Jin we are good for now.” Jaydan answers, while picking up his fork and Jin disappears quickly. We eat in companionable silence for a while. Myself in my thoughts about h
ow good it feels to tell someone about my history and not have them run away, although looking at Jaydan I can’t be sure he looks like he’s thinking something that he doesn’t like.