Chapter 12
Sailing
At first, it was only a white spot in the horizon.
After a while, the spot became larger as it approached the coast in a steady speed. Angelica and I had been waiting for this sign in the car, silently, each one lost in her own thoughts. Unthinkable though it seemed now, a few hours before we had shared some of our most valuable secrets, the turning point of our lives, when we became conversant with the cosmic, undisclosed power that ruled the past, the present and the future.
It didn’t take me long to confirm my presumption that Angelica was no more pleasant a companion than Sebastian had been. In fact, I was sure the two of them would get on fine with each other. It was amazing how long they both could remain silent. Under different conditions, I would have enjoyed the privacy of my thoughts, but not this time.
I remember I was too nervous. I had to distract myself otherwise my anxious heart would explode. That’s how I had started a conversation with Angelica, hoping for reconciliation.
What Angelica had told me, totally justified hers and her brother’s attitude towards the Squad. In a dry voice, Angelica had narrated her story, sounding intentionally detached, as if it had been someone else’s story, not hers. In a weird way, I had the feeling that there was much more to it. I’d felt like that after the short conversation the two of us had in the Roma school the previous day. I wondered what Angelica could be keeping from me and whether I would make her loosen up at some point during that long day. But then Angelica turned silent again. After a couple of one-word responses, I got the message and gave up.
Ever since that dim outline had appeared in the horizon, it had consumed every cell of my mind and body. I couldn’t think about Angelica anymore. Never before had I experienced such impatience and anxiety. Sitting on the hot sand in a feat of endurance, my arms around my knees, my eyes fixed on the white spot, I felt as if my mind was empty of any other thought.
The world had suddenly shrunk, minimized to this flickering white spot that grew larger and larger now on the blue of the sea.
Half an hour before, Angelica had driven past the ancient temple of Sounio and parked her car near a deserted fishing port, where a few old, weather-beaten boats were swaying lazily to the slow, rhythmic music of the sea. When the yacht appeared, Emma had left the car to walk to the beach. Angelica thought it would seem awkward of her to stay in the car, so she followed Emma reluctantly and sat a few meters away from her on the hot sand. She let out a large puff of smoke before she buried the rest of her cigarette in the sand. She could feel Emma’s tension as the yacht approached the coast.
She wondered whether this frivolous young woman realized the risk she was taking by getting on board. She had heard stories about men, strong, capable confidants who never came back on shore after such sailing trips. But Emma didn’t look frightened at all. Quite the contrary. She was so anxious to meet them.
Angelica didn’t like Emma. She was determined not to let herself like her. She was nothing but a menace, hidden behind her warm eyes and her sweet smile. This menace had already destroyed Christopher, alluring him with her romantic outbursts and turning him from a tough soldier to a romantic fool. Even worse, it was her fault that the Crusaders had been deprived of one of their most skillful comrades. Angelica had forbidden herself that same aspiration three years ago, when she had first met Christopher. She had fallen for him from the very first moment. How could she not? Christopher was so unbelievably perfect. And he has always been so kind to her. She could recall perfectly that time when he had stood by her at her mother’s funeral, how he had comforted her and offered to help her with the details. How she had cried on his shoulder later that night when she realized the loss and how she had instinctively reached for his lips. Christopher had put his finger on her lips meaning to stop her.
‘It will be best if I go now Angelica, you know it.’ He was right. He was a soldier; he shouldn’t allow any strings to tie him to one of the worlds he was fighting in. He kissed her forehead before
he left. She never saw him after that night. She had tried to forget him...until Emma showed up to her house. Emma and her absurd demands. Could this be more ironic?
What on Earth was she thinking to talk to Emma about her family? She regretted every word now, but when Emma had asked her how she became a Confidant, the whole story came back to her. It had been so long since she had last talked to someone about it. After all, she had not been allowed to do so. There was no doubt about the punishment, had she disobeyed the League’s rule of secrecy. But there were moments when she felt strangely related to someone like this girl with the tortured body and the broken heart, who kept searching for the impossible, for the ghost of her condemned love. The words had automatically come out of her mouth.
‘‘That day, a stranger came to our house. It was a warm evening in mid–October and my mother was in the backyard. Our house was isolated from the rest of the village, the last one before a small forest. The door was open; it’s very common to have open doors in the villages when it’s not cold outside. The people usually feel safe, you see. The man had been running, he was out of breath, sweaty. He was being chased, looking for shelter. My father came in after him. He sent us to our room and tried to calm down the stranger, probably thinking that he was crazy. We all did. He was frantic, not making any sense.
‘They’re coming, they’ll find me. They know everything. Close the door, turn off the lights!’ he kept telling my father.
My mother came into the kitchen through the back door and managed to call the police. He didn’t notice her. He was in the living room with my dad, hiding behind the curtain, not taking his eyes from the window. Alex and I were watching from the top of the stairs. We saw everything. Alex was shaking, clasping my hand.
Then there were cars outside, loud voices, hard blows on the doors and people dashed into our house. The stranger had attempted to take my dad as a shield to protect himself from them, but my dad was faster. He managed to free himself before
they shot the man dead. I remember Alex was crying. I stepped back slowly, terrified they might see us, holding my little brother’s hand the whole time. We hid under the bed but we could still hear everything. My mother pleading for mercy, my father’s unsteady voice trying to reason with the men in black.
Then, a new voice made everything stop. The last thing I heard was
‘We’ll take over from here. You may go now.’
I don’t know how long we waited hiding under the bed. At some point, my father called us downstairs. He was making an effort to look calm but my mother’s face was still soaked in tears. There was nobody else in the room. I remember how serious my dad’s face had been when he told us to forget everything about that night, never to tell anybody; otherwise the bad men would be back.
After that night, my parents came in possession of a lot of money. They never told us where it came from, but Alex and I have always known it had been a reward for our silence.
A few months later, my father sold our house and we moved to a village by the sea, where he bought a small guesthouse. He turned it into a nice, small hotel. From time to time, strange guests stayed over. We could tell they were related to that night from my dad’s face.
When he died, Alex and I took over. A Crusader that often came to the hotel told us everything. He explained to us how the Squad was determined to kill my family that night. The Crusaders had come literally at the last moment and persuaded the Squad to let us live on condition that we would never tell anybody about that night. Once the agreement was broken, the Crusaders would not be able to protect us anymore. And that’s how Alex and I became Confidants.’
That Angelica had shared her secret with me made me feel obliged to reveal my own story in return. Angelica had listened to me silently as I unraveled my new life; this is how I prefer to think of the last two years, my after- Christopher life.
As soon as I had finished, Angelica said in a surly manner,
r /> ‘Nobody leaves the Squad. Certainly not twice. You should know that.’
Her bitter voice, sounding like an omen, sent cold shivers down my back.
The Poseidon was still now. The dingy that had come off was approaching the shore, leaving a foamy white path behind it. Two men were on it. Blinking, I tried to make out the figure of the man who was moving like he was waving to us. Tom? My heart leapt. It was definitely Tom.
When he jumped off the dingy, I ran to hug him, like I would hug a long lost friend. He responded to my enthusiasm eagerly.
‘You look much better than the last time I saw you!’ Tom said smiling, examining my face. I had forgotten how beautiful his smile was. Almost as beautiful as…
‘I surely do! You’ve done this, you know. If it hadn’t been for you…’
‘But you’re fine now. That’s all that counts. You’re a strong, healthy, committed woman. Otherwise you wouldn’t have found us.’
His hands were on my shoulders. ‘Ready to go?’
I took a deep breath. ‘Ready.’
Tom’s eyes fell on Angelica. He left me to shake her hand.
‘Angelica! Thank you for helping our friend. She’s very important to us.’ He gave me a meaningful, quick glance. ‘Plato will owe you forever.’
Angelica’s brows furrowed as she looked at me with contempt.
‘Seriously? Her?’ her ironic voice asked.
Tom didn’t answer. Instead, he smiled broadly. ‘Let’s go then. They’re waiting for us. Angelica, you’re coming along. Plato will like to thank you in person.’ Then he whispered to me ‘Another great fan of yours I guess.’
‘Where’s Susan?’ I asked him a few minutes later on the dingy, trying to distract my mind from Christopher’s memories.
‘Right there! ‘He pointed to the yacht. ‘She’s probably spying on us now.’ he said, waving to an invisible Susan. ‘She wanted to come but… she feels very bad.’
‘Why?’
‘About that night. For delivering the bad news that made you lose your mind and for leaving you at the hospital.’
‘That’s silly. None of those was her fault.’ I protested.
‘Maybe you can persuade her about it. You must understand that she was already risking too much by coming to your house that night.’
I turned to the yacht. Susan’s waving blond hair could be seen now.
A few minutes later, Susan’s arms were around me, squeezing me tight, blocking my breath.
‘Emma, darling! It’s so good to see you again!’ Looking into my face, she saw my tearful eyes and her smile was instantly swept away.
‘I’m ...I’m sorry. I just…I’ve missed you all so much.’ I whispered.
Susan seemed unusually self-conscious as her slim hand brushed the tears from my face. Then she took her usual inspectional expression before she said,
‘Jesus! What have you done to yourself?’ She shook her head disapprovingly. ‘Skinny doesn’t suit you, honey. We’ve got to fix you for him.’
‘I was counting on that.’ I smiled, feeling less emotional.
Susan’s face became serious again. She looked straight into my eyes and held my hands.
‘I’m so sorry Emma.’ she whispered.
‘I know. But no one blames you for it. It was my fault.’
‘I shouldn’t have left you.’
‘You couldn’t have done anything else.’
‘He will kill me if he finds out.’
‘I won’t tell.’
‘He will find out some day.’
‘Ladies,’ Tom’s voice interrupted us, ‘you will have plenty of time to catch up. Plato will be getting impatient. Shall we?’ He led the way to Plato’s cabin.
Every step was painful to me, as the place was filled with Christopher’s memories. I wondered if I would I find anything that didn’t remind me of him ever again.
This time Plato was waiting for us in front of his cabin, his face revealing his absolute content at my sight.
‘Emma! Welcome back! It’s really good to see you again.’ He took my hand in his and squeezed it in a warm, welcoming gesture.
‘Thank you sir. Good to see you too.’
Plato made a step backwards to let us into his cabin.
‘Please, come in.’ he said. Susan and I walked in as Tom stood next to Plato and whispered to him. Then Plato turned to Angelica who was still standing in the corridor.
‘You must be Angelica. You were a child when I first saw you. My dear, I can never thank you enough for your help. I will owe you, forever.’
‘Always at your service, sir.’ Angelica replied bashfully, surprising me. Her usual sarcastic manner was gone and the awe and respect for the man standing in front of her was obvious.
‘Please make yourself at home. We won’t keep you long. I just need to talk to Emma. You will excuse us.’
‘Of course.’ Angelica replied before Plato nodded to a young man standing behind her.
The Crusader’s Commander closed the door behind him and walked to his shiny, oak desk. ‘You’ve really impressed me Emma. You’ve passed the test with flying colors. You’ve managed to find us so easily. I must take this in mind next time I think about safety measures.’
‘I just knew the right people.’ I smiled.
‘One way or the other, I’m really proud of you. And… how is your health? Tom has told me about your accident.’
‘I’m fine. It’s all behind me now.’
‘Of course. You had a very strong motive power after all. We’ll have to keep that in mind.’ He exchanged a look with Tom.
‘Where is he? Have you seen him?’ I asked, unable to hide my impatience any longer.
Tom spoke first. ‘We never saw him again after the hearing.’
I was confused. Fathoming my frustration, Plato tried to explain the situation.
‘We know exactly where he is but I’m afraid we still can’t get close to him. Of course we keep ourselves updated on his whereabouts. He is still under supervision, you see, which means he’s not allowed to contact any of us. He doesn’t live in his apartment either. His lodgings are in the Squad headquarters. We know he’s taken part in a few missions till now…’ he hesitated, ‘…under Tex’s orders. We have reasons to think that Denzel is not satisfied by his level of commitment yet.’
I thought about Yannis’ vicious murder, the engineer who worked for Project-Em, and the familiar lump found its place in my throat again. I hesitated to ask whether Christopher had been involved in it. Somehow I was sure of it. I was also aware of what it must have meant to Christopher to re-live his worst nightmare. All this should be over soon. This time I would be the one to save him. He had been tortured enough.
‘Emma? Are you with us?’ Plato’s worried voice startled me.
‘What’s the plan?’ I asked him anxiously.
‘The plan?’ Plato sat back, apprehending my impatience.
‘Of course you must have a plan!’ I protested, startled by his tone.
Plato spoke in a steady, calm voice. ‘Emma, we can’t act yet. Not as long as Denzel has him under supervision. There’s nothing we can do for the time being, but wait.’
My first reaction to those words was that Plato was probably joking. I felt anger burning my cheeks as I glared at the three Crusaders.
‘I don’t believe you! There’s no plan? I got through all this just to hear that …I must wait?’ I was aware of the fact that I had
crossed the line, forgetting who I was talking to, but it was too late to control myself.
‘Emma!’ Susan cut me in a patronizing tone, in an effort to remind me I should contain my anger.
Plato made a gesture with his hand, meaning to stop Susan’s intervention. ‘It’s okay Susan.’ he said in his usual calm voice. Then he got up and stood in front of the porthole to gaze at the sea.
‘Please, bear with me my dear child. I’ll explain everything. There are so many factors that bear on the situation we are facing. I
never expected this would go on for so long. I feel exactly the same, believe me. We just have to be patient while Christopher tries to convince Denzel that he has reverted to his past life, one way or another. If that’s what’s he doing.’ The silver-haired Crusader turned to me with his usual warm smile. His gray eyes looked deeply into mine.
‘This doesn’t mean that what you’ve accomplished so far is not significant. It proves how committed you are to him. That was all I needed to know. Because, what you’ve experienced so far will be nothing compared to what’s lying ahead. Many things will be at risk. Even your own life.’ He drew a deep breath and went on. ‘It’s a one-way door, Emma. Once you walk through it, there’s no coming back.’
‘I can do it.’ I said decisively. Plato nodded satisfied by my eager response.
‘Then you will have to follow my orders from now on. What I want you to do now is go back home. You will be expecting new orders there.’
‘Home? You don’t mean…London?’
‘Exactly.’ He scrutinized my bewildered expression and went on. ‘We have to be very careful Emma. A careless move can destroy everything. It can destroy Christopher forever. Or you. This meeting, we can keep a secret, but we have to convince them that you’ve forgotten about Christopher, that you’ve left everything behind you. Don’t forget the conditions of the settlement between him and the Squad. Christopher must not have any kind of
contact with you or with us, otherwise the agreement will be violated. So, go back to your life and to your studies. We both know he wouldn’t like you to give up your studies for his sake. Make sure you check your e-mail everyday because you’ll hear from us soon.’
His words made me think that Plato in fact had a plan. He just had to postpone it until the timing was right. This must have raised the veil of grief from my face. But when he spoke again I felt utterly hopeless.
‘Tom will give you a ride to Corinth. Tomorrow morning you’re flying to London.’ He walked me to the door and shook my hand in a farewell gesture before I could say a word. ‘Goodbye my dear. We’ll be in touch.’
I was confused, feeling like I had been hypnotized. I didn’t want the meeting to be over so soon, but there was nothing I could do. Before I knew it, Susan had taken me out of the cabin.
‘Let’s go, Emma. I’ll come with you to the shore.’ Her musical voice tried to calm me down.
Ten minutes later I was back on shore, saying goodbye to Angelica. I thanked her for her help but Angelica still seemed confused about how to behave. The smug look and her sarcastic grin had left her face as she, not so enthusiastically, shook hands with me.
‘Glad to be of help.’ she said, but the tone of her voice revealed exactly the opposite. She headed for her car while Tom approached me, giggling.
‘What have you done to her?’ he whispered, opening the passenger door of the silver car.
‘What makes you say that?’ I smiled. I wanted to tell him that she’d always been on at me but I didn’t want to waste time. ‘So Susan, I guess I’ll see you soon?’ I asked the blonde Crusader who was giving Tom a goodbye kiss.
‘Sooner than you think, honey.’ Susan replied.
‘You look angry.’ Tom’s voice remarked a few minutes later, taking me out of my thoughts. We were already on our way to Corinth.
‘No, not angry. Disappointed.’
‘You were expecting much more from this meeting, weren’t you?’ He looked at my pursed lips and went on. ‘I know it’s as hard for you as it is for us. But we all have to trust Plato. Somehow, he always makes the right decisions.’
‘I hope you’re right. I just wish he hadn’t asked me to leave.’
‘There’s no point in wasting your time here. He wants you to move on with your life, convince Denzel that everything is behind you, until it’s time for the first move.’
Deep down, I knew what Tom had just said made sense. At least, I knew I could not argue that.
‘Is it true? That you don’t know anything about him?’
‘We’ve already told you everything we know. It works both ways Emma. Christopher probably ignores everything that has happened to you since he left. About the accident…and the baby.’
‘You know about the baby?’ I was startled. That was a painful memory I still couldn’t bear to talk about.
‘I was a doctor for a few minutes, don’t you remember?’
‘Of course I remember.’ I said and my mind was suddenly filled with hurtful images that I had tried hard to bury deep into my subconscious.
‘It’s better this way. That he doesn’t know. I can’t think of his reaction if he finds out. He’d risk everything to come to you.’
Of course he would. Christopher had always been obsessed with my safety. Only this time he hadn’t been able to save me. I remembered with gratefulness how Tom had taken me out of the darkness I was plunging in.
‘You know Tom, I can never thank you enough for what you’ve done for me.’
‘Again, Plato’s idea. I wouldn’t take credit for this.’
‘Anyway, I’m sure Christopher will be grateful.’
‘Come now, Emma. Susan was right. When he finds out what we’ve kept from him… He’s gonna want to kill me!’
Tom had said that in a way that made me smile. But my smile froze as I pictured Christopher’s reaction when Tom would break the news about my accident and the baby I had lost. How guilty he would feel once again, always willing to take the blame for everything. Always carrying the burden of my misfortunes.
‘Tom, you’ve got to promise me. No word to Christopher about the baby.’
Tom shook his head. ‘I knew you would ask me this. He will find out someday. You know he will. And then…’
‘I’ll take responsibility for this. I’ll tell him how I’ve made you promise to keep it a secret.’
‘Too many people know Emma.’
‘But you’ll tell Susan and Plato I need this as a favor, won’t you?’
‘I’ll do what I can.’
‘Do you promise?’
‘I promise.’