Inside, the house was dark except for a lamp on the table by the stairs. So Mom had gone to bed. I trudged up the stairs and into my room. Bogart was on his bed. I picked him up, put him in bed with me, wrapped my arms around him, and cried.
The tears had been building until they were an ache in my chest and a knot in my throat. It hurt to release them, but it hurt more to hold on to them. In a way, that was how I felt about Jeremy. It hurt to let him go, but it would have hurt more to hold on to him.
I had to accept that things between us were truly over.
Chapter 32
JEREMY
I woke up Sunday morning missing Kendall with an actual physical ache in my chest. With a sigh, I stared at the ceiling. My mom had gone to some yoga retreat in San Antonio to regain her Zen. My dad was in one of the Carolinas golfing with some buddies. While I wouldn’t have done anything with them if they had been here, for some reason, I was really noticing their absence.
Without thinking, I reached for my phone to text Kendall—and stopped.
After seeing me kissing Jade last night, Kendall had probably blocked my number. She and Chase had been gone by the time Jade and I returned with drinks. I’d seen Chase get into his car at the shelter. I pictured him comforting Kendall in that huge backseat—
I was spared completing the image when my phone signaled a text received. My heart kicked against my ribs with the thought that maybe it was Kendall. But it was Jade.
Pool at your house?
I didn’t know why I hesitated to answer. After she’d initiated things last night, she’d kissed me several other times. On the couch, when we were dancing, while she was drinking. But the entire time I’d felt guilty about it, because Kendall had seen us. Then I felt guilty for thinking about Kendall while kissing Jade.
I finally replied with:
Yes.
Can I come play?
Along with the words was a picture of Jade’s bare stomach, her belly button ring, and the bottom portion of her two-piece bathing suit.
I had two choices: be miserable all day or be distracted. Jade certainly knew how to distract. And she knew how to have a good time. I texted her my address.
When she arrived half an hour later, she had Melody with her. They stepped inside and stared at the huge foyer, the sweeping staircases on either side of it.
“Are you, like, rich?” Jade asked.
“No,” I assured her. Shrugged. “My parents are.”
“Wow.” She glanced around and asked in a low voice, “Are they here?”
“No, they’re out of town. Won’t be back until late tonight.”
She leaped at me. With a laugh, I caught her in my arms as her legs circled my waist. “We are going to have so much fun!” she announced.
I smiled brightly at her enthusiasm. “Yeah, I think we will.”
Because she was latched on to me like a monkey, I carried her through the house to the pool, while Melody followed along. Once I set Jade on the tiled area around the pool, she gave me a big grin and tugged on my T-shirt. “This needs to come off.”
“Maybe later.”
“Now or we’re going to push you into the pool.”
Based upon where we were standing, that was going to take a lot of pushing. Still, I drew the shirt over my head and tossed it onto a nearby lounger.
With her finger, Jade outlined my ribs, the ridges along my stomach. “Nice. You are so totally going to win.”
“Totally,” Melody said.
I appreciated their confidence in me. “You want something to drink?”
“A couple of beers would be nice,” Jade said as she stretched out on a lounger. Melody took one on the other side of her.
“Sorry, but I can’t offer you a beer.”
“Margarita?”
“Nope.”
“Your parents don’t drink?”
“They do, but they’d know if something was missing. I’d get into a boatload of trouble.”
She pouted. “Are you afraid?”
“No, but this is their house. I need to respect their boundaries. Besides it’s not even noon.”
She rolled her eyes. “Okay, then, water, tea, something boring.”
I went to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of soft drinks out of the fridge. When I returned, I handed them each a can and stretched out on the lounger beside Jade. She set her soda aside, got up, came over to my lounger, and straddled my hips. Then she leaned in and kissed me like we’d never have another opportunity because the world was going to end.
Gently I placed my hands on her shoulders and eased her back. “What are you doing?”
“Uh, duh! Making out.”
I shifted my eyes to the side. Melody was wearing huge sunglasses. I couldn’t tell if she was asleep or looking at the pool. It didn’t matter. “Melody’s here.”
“Yeah, so?”
Before Avery got together with Fletch, Kendall and I often included her when we went places or did things. But we never made out in front of her. Maybe we’d sneak in a quick kiss if Avery wasn’t looking or we were separated for a little while, but nothing like what Jade was suggesting.
“It’s rude,” I said.
With something that sounded like an impatient growl, she looked up at the sky, then glanced over at Melody. “Mel, do you have a problem if we make out?”
“Nah, go ahead.”
Jade grinned. “See?” She moved in again, and I stopped her.
I didn’t want to think about how I had suggested Kendall and I make out at Scooter’s party, but then I’d had too much to drink, everyone was doing it, and it was dark. “She might not mind, but I do.”
She gave her eyes an exaggerated roll. “I thought you were cool.”
“I am, which is why we’re not going to do this.”
She sighed. “Then why am I even here?”
“To hang out.”
“Boring. Let’s go to the beach then.”
Only I didn’t want to go to the beach. I wasn’t sure that I even wanted to be with her. Did we have anything in common, other than steampunk?
“Are you going to college?” I asked.
“Community.”
“What are you going to study?”
“I don’t know,” she said impatiently. “What does it matter?”
“We only talk about parties and other people.” She had lots of funny stories about other people, but I realized she didn’t reveal a lot about herself. “I don’t know very much about you.”
She gave me a sexy smile. “You’ll know a lot if we make out.”
“But I want more than that. Don’t you?”
“No, not really.” She climbed off me. “Mel, let’s go to the beach.”
“Okay.”
They started gathering up their things. I stood, a little relieved, a little disappointed and sad that Jade only wanted a surface relationship. “You don’t have to go,” I told them.
“Yeah, we do,” Jade said. She walked over to me and tiptoed her fingers over my chest. “But don’t worry. You’re still on my make-out list.”
Funny how that didn’t make me feel any better. I saw them out, then returned to the lounger and stared at the sparkling water of the pool. I wondered what Kendall was doing, if she was as miserable as I was.
Chapter 33
KENDALL
As Chase drove us to the movie theater, I was determined not to compare him to Jeremy—not even once. I wasn’t even going to think about Jeremy. Chase was totally different, his own person. He had his own way of doing things.
When he parked, I immediately opened the car door and got out. I caught up with him, smiled when he took my hand. He bought the tickets, then we stood in line for refreshments. He ordered two small, buttered popcorns and two drinks. I told myself that he was being polite, that we didn’t know each other well enough to share, but maybe someday we would. I went to the butter stand that allowed for more butter to be added to popcorn and pressed the spigot five times.
/> I turned to him. “Do you want some more butter?”
“Nah, this is fine.”
After we made our way to theater three, he guided us to seats in the middle of the first row.
“Hope this is okay,” he said. “But you come to a theater for the big screen. If you don’t sit in the front, then you lose the advantage of a big screen and it’s just like watching a TV.”
Okay, I didn’t really get that but since he bought the tickets, I didn’t feel like I could suggest that we at least sit where we wouldn’t have to crane our heads back to see the entire screen. “This is fine,” I said.
“Previews are my favorite part,” he said.
I smiled. “Mine too.”
“That and the popcorn.”
He’d kept his promise and we were going to see a romantic drama. A romantic comedy or an animated movie might have been better for my mood, but I appreciated his attempt to do whatever I wanted. This morning when I woke up, I’d almost texted Jeremy with a simple, “Be happy.”
If Jade made him happy, then I hoped things worked out with them. And here I was thinking about him when I’d promised myself I wouldn’t.
The previews started up. Chase made comments on each one—“No way.” “Definitely going to see that.” “Dumb.” “Maybe.” “What were they thinking?”
When the movie began, he went silent and I breathed a sigh of relief. I liked to get totally engrossed in the movie, escape into the fantasy.
After a few minutes, Chase leaned over. “Who is that guy? I’ve seen him in something.”
He was one of those actors who always had bit parts, but had played a gazillion roles. I didn’t know his name and couldn’t think of anything specific I’d seen him in. I just shook my head.
Chase pulled out his phone. Was he searching IMDb? He was.
“Oh, yeah,” he whispered. “I’ve seen him in a lot of stuff.”
He turned off his phone. I decided if he asked about anyone else, I was just going to make up something.
“Want to grab something to eat after this?” he asked.
“Sure,” I whispered.
“Pizza or burger?”
I shook my head. Really? We were discussing this now? “Pizza.”
He settled back into his seat, and I was glad there were very few people around us. He shifted in his seat a couple of times, looked at his watch. I wished we’d gone to something he wanted to see.
“I don’t understand what she saw in the guy,” he said as we were leaving the theater.
I almost said, He didn’t talk when he took her to the movies. But in all fairness, they’d only shown about three minutes of the couple at a movie. For all I knew, they had talked.
“He accepted that she wasn’t perfect,” I said.
“I guess I can see that.”
“I really appreciate that you took me to a movie that obviously didn’t really interest you.”
“I didn’t mind making the sacrifice.”
But if he didn’t mind, should he have even mentioned that it was a sacrifice? His comment made me feel a little guilty even though he’d selected the movie.
At the pizza place, we ordered two individual pizzas because we couldn’t find anything we liked in common.
Do not compare, I thought when our food was delivered.
“So next Saturday is the big day,” he said.
I couldn’t help but grin. “It is, and we have so much left to do. It’s like it snowballed.”
“I’ve seen you walking around with a big notebook.”
“It has all the information and lists that relate to the event.”
“You should get an electronic tablet.”
“I have one, but I like actually holding on to something that is a visible, physical embodiment of everything that needs to be done. When I write something down, it becomes clearer in my mind and I remember it a lot easier. I love being able to check off tasks.”
“You can have a task list on a tablet.”
“But it’s not as rewarding as pressing a pen to paper and hearing that tiny scratch when you mark something as done.”
“Whatever works for you, I guess.”
I didn’t think he was judging me, but still I felt compelled to say, “This works for me.”
“It’s going to be a great event. Although the gun show is going to rule.”
“It’s definitely the most intriguing part of the event.”
We talked a little bit more about everything that was going to happen at the Bark in the Park event. I grew much more comfortable and less self-conscious. Our love of dogs, our wanting to help the shelter raise money was something we had in common. I remembered why I liked him, why I’d been willing to go out with him. He had a few quirks, but then so did I.
When we got to my house, he walked me to the door. I stood on the porch, shifting from one foot to the other, wondering if I should invite him in. He leaned in and kissed me, then put his arms around me and drew me nearer.
It didn’t make my bones melt or my toes curl. I was comparing it to Jeremy’s, so I shoved the thoughts away. I tried to pretend that I’d never been kissed before, that I had nothing with which to compare it. It was pleasant, nice. Maybe a little tentative as though he knew I might be tempted to compare it.
He drew back and smiled at me. “Better than last night.”
So he was comparing, too.
“I had fun. Thanks for taking me out.”
“Anytime. And I mean that. Literally. I’m just a text away.”
“That means a lot to me, Chase.”
“I’ll see you around.”
He walked off. I went inside, grimaced at the screech of his tires. It was comforting to have someone who was interested in me. We might not be perfect together, but maybe perfection was overrated. Or maybe it would come with time.
And when I was with him, I missed Jeremy just a little bit less. But I wasn’t sure if I would ever not miss Jeremy at all.
Chapter 34
JEREMY
Saturday was the big day. Bark in the Park. The gun show. It was hard to believe that it was almost time for me to strut my stuff. Even harder to believe that I actually wanted to do it, for Kendall, and for the shelter.
Tuesday night I sat in a meeting room in city hall, where the shelter had gathered together all the volunteers, the gunslingers, and the vendors for the event to explain everything. Fletch was in a chair beside me, Avery on the other side of him. I knew she was trying to remain impartial, but she wasn’t as warm toward me as she’d once been.
Terri stood behind a podium, projecting layouts of the event, explaining all the various areas and how they would be utilized.
“Friday night the city manager will allow us to begin setting up our event in the park,” she explained. She pointed a red laser light at an area on the screen. “Here is where we’ll have the gun show. Simms Construction will be building a small stage with a canopy the evening beforehand. We don’t want our gunslingers to get sunburned. Jade Johnson”—Jade stood, waved like a beauty pageant queen, and smiled brightly at everyone before winking at me—“is in charge of the gun show. Saturday morning you need to report to her by nine thirty. You’ll go onstage at ten. You’ll have three two-hour shifts, with thirty-minute breaks between shifts. Please remember this is a G-rated event.”
“G stands for guns!” Chase called out, and a few whoops sounded in the room.
Kendall, sitting in the front row, turned around and smiled. I wondered why they weren’t sitting together, figured it had something to do with their roles in this event. The front seats had been reserved for those who were overseeing key elements of the day.
Terri went on to explain where all the other activities would take place, but I didn’t pay a lot of attention. Although when they mentioned the poop patrol, I was glad that I hadn’t gotten roped into that.
“Are there any questions?” Terri finally asked.
She answered the few that were tossed out. The
n she adjourned the meeting.
“This gun show doesn’t sound too bad,” I said as we stood.
“Might even be fun,” Fletch said.
“I’m going to check with Kendall on something,” Avery said. “I’ll catch up with you outside.”
I thought about trailing after Avery but I didn’t know if Kendall would appreciate it. We hadn’t talked since the steampunk ball. Since then I’d written her numerous texts but deleted them all without sending them.
“—come with us.”
Fletch’s voice brought me back to the present. “I’m sorry. What?”
“We’re grabbing a burger at B. S. Do you want to come with us?”
“That’d be great. I didn’t get a chance to eat before the meeting.”
“We’ll meet you over there.” He nodded as Avery left Kendall and began heading back to us. He met her halfway and walked out with his arm slung around her shoulders.
Kendall started talking to Tommy Simms. He was another one of the gunslingers. I thought about edging my way over, but a couple of other guys had suddenly queued up to talk with her. I didn’t know why. Our instructions for Saturday were pretty straightforward.
“Let’s go grab a pizza,” Jade said, suddenly appearing at my side, rubbing my stomach like I was a genie in a bottle and could grant her a wish. She seemed to have no social cues about appropriate public behavior.
I wrapped my hand around her wrist to still her actions. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings but I’d discovered she was just a little too brash for me. Since Sunday, we’d spoken a couple of times at the shelter but we hadn’t gone out. “Thanks, but I have plans.”
“Change them,” Jade said.
“What?”
“Change your plans. Come be with me.”
“That would be rude,” I told her. Even though Fletch and Avery would probably understand. It was just a burger. “People are expecting me.”
Okay, it was only two, but still.
Jade shrugged, then gave me a sly smile. “Just so you know, I’m going to give you a primo spot on the stage Saturday,” she said.
“I appreciate that.” Although I’d seen the plans for the stage and every spot was going to be pretty much equal.