III
Me and Caligula spent the next three days investigating the bunchof mountains into which we proposed to kidnap Colonel Jackson T.Rockingham. We finally selected an upright slice of topography coveredwith bushes and trees that you could only reach by a secret path thatwe cut out up the side of it. And the only way to reach the mountainwas to follow up the bend of a branch that wound among the elevations.
Then I took in hand an important subdivision of theproceedings. I went up to Atlanta on the train and laid in atwo-hundred-and-fifty-dollar supply of the most gratifying andefficient lines of grub that money could buy. I always was an admirerof viands in their more palliative and revised stages. Hog and hominyare not only inartistic to my stomach, but they give indigestion tomy moral sentiments. And I thought of Colonel Jackson T. Rockingham,president of the Sunrise & Edenville Tap Railroad, and how he wouldmiss the luxury of his home fare as is so famous among wealthySoutherners. So I sunk half of mine and Caligula's capital in aselegant a layout of fresh and canned provisions as Burdick Harris orany other professional kidnappee ever saw in a camp.
I put another hundred in a couple of cases of Bordeaux, two quartsof cognac, two hundred Havana regalias with gold bands, and a campstove and stools and folding cots. I wanted Colonel Rockingham to becomfortable; and I hoped after he gave up the ten thousand dollarshe would give me and Caligula as good a name for gentlemen andentertainers as the Greek man did the friend of his that made theUnited States his bill collector against Africa.
When the goods came down from Atlanta, we hired a wagon, moved them upon the little mountain, and established camp. And then we laid for thecolonel.
We caught him one morning about two miles out from Mountain Valley,on his way to look after some of his burnt umber farm land. He was anelegant old gentleman, as thin and tall as a trout rod, with frazzledshirt-cuffs and specs on a black string. We explained to him, briefand easy, what we wanted; and Caligula showed him, careless, thehandle of his forty-five under his coat.
"What?" says Colonel Rockingham. "Bandits in Perry County, Georgia! Ishall see that the board of immigration and public improvements hearsof this!"
"Be so unfoolhardy as to climb into that buggy," says Caligula, "byorder of the board of perforation and public depravity. This is abusiness meeting, and we're anxious to adjourn _sine qua non_."
We drove Colonel Rockingham over the mountain and up the side of itas far as the buggy could go. Then we tied the horse, and took ourprisoner on foot up to the camp.
"Now, colonel," I says to him, "we're after the ransom, me and mypartner; and no harm will come to you if the King of Mor--if yourfriends send up the dust. In the mean time we are gentlemen the sameas you. And if you give us your word not to try to escape, the freedomof the camp is yours."
"I give you my word," says the colonel.
"All right," says I; "and now it's eleven o'clock, and me and Mr. Polkwill proceed to inculcate the occasion with a few well-timedtrivialities in the way of grub."
"Thank you," says the colonel; "I believe I could relish a slice ofbacon and a plate of hominy."
"But you won't," says I emphatic. "Not in this camp. We soar in higherregions than them occupied by your celebrated but repulsive dish."
While the colonel read his paper, me and Caligula took off our coatsand went in for a little luncheon _de luxe_ just to show him. Caligulawas a fine cook of the Western brand. He could toast a buffalo orfricassee a couple of steers as easy as a woman could make a cup oftea. He was gifted in the way of knocking together edibles when hasteand muscle and quantity was to be considered. He held the record westof the Arkansas River for frying pancakes with his left hand, broilingvenison cutlets with his right, and skinning a rabbit with his teethat the same time. But I could do things _en casserole_ and _a lacreole_, and handle the oil and tobasco as gently and nicely as aFrench _chef_.
So at twelve o'clock we had a hot lunch ready that looked like abanquet on a Mississippi River steamboat. We spread it on the tops oftwo or three big boxes, opened two quarts of the red wine, set theolives and a canned oyster cocktail and a ready-made Martini by thecolonel's plate, and called him to grub.
Colonel Rockingham drew up his campstool, wiped off his specs, andlooked at the things on the table. Then I thought he was swearing; andI felt mean because I hadn't taken more pains with the victuals. Buthe wasn't; he was asking a blessing; and me and Caligula hung ourheads, and I saw a tear drop from the colonel's eye into his cocktail.
I never saw a man eat with so much earnestness and application--nothastily, like a grammarian, or one of the canal, but slow andappreciative, like a anaconda, or a real _vive bonjour_.
In an hour and a half the colonel leaned back. I brought him a pony ofbrandy and his black coffee, and set the box of Havana regalias on thetable.
"Gentlemen," says he, blowing out the smoke and trying to breatheit back again, "when we view the eternal hills and the smiling andbeneficent landscape, and reflect upon the goodness of the Creatorwho--"
"Excuse me, colonel," says I, "but there's some business to attend tonow"; and I brought out paper and pen and ink and laid 'em before him."Who do you want to send to for the money?" I asks.
"I reckon," says he, after thinking a bit, "to the vice-president ofour railroad, at the general offices of the Company in Edenville."
"How far is it to Edenville from here?" I asked.
"About ten miles," says he.
Then I dictated these lines, and Colonel Rockingham wrote them out:
I am kidnapped and held a prisoner by two desperate outlaws in a place which is useless to attempt to find. They demand ten thousand dollars at once for my release. The amount must be raised immediately, and these directions followed. Come alone with the money to Stony Creek, which runs out of Blacktop Mountains. Follow the bed of the creek till you come to a big flat rock on the left bank, on which is marked a cross in red chalk. Stand on the rock and wave a white flag. A guide will come to you and conduct you to where I am held. Lose no time.
After the colonel had finished this, he asked permission to take on apostscript about how he was being treated, so the railroad wouldn'tfeel uneasy in its bosom about him. We agreed to that. He wrote downthat he had just had lunch with the two desperate ruffians; and thenhe set down the whole bill of fare, from cocktails to coffee. He woundup with the remark that dinner would be ready about six, and wouldprobably be a more licentious and intemperate affair than lunch.
Me and Caligula read it, and decided to let it go; for we, beingcooks, were amenable to praise, though it sounded out of place on asight draft for ten thousand dollars.
I took the letter over to the Mountain Valley road and watched for amessenger. By and by a colored equestrian came along on horseback,riding toward Edenville. I gave him a dollar to take the letter to therailroad offices; and then I went back to camp.