Joel glances over the curve of his shoulder from the stove. Dark circles surround his eyes. I guess he’s still not getting much sleep.
“Good morning.”
Immediately, I drop my stare to the bench, heat flaring into my cheeks.
“Good morning.” I say, making it my mission to sound extra chipper instead of disturbed as hell by the tattoos on his back.
I have one tattoo—one—and it hurt like hell. How’d he bring himself to cover his entire body? How long did it take? How much did it cost? I peer up at him and he tilts his head on the slightest angle, analyzing me with his dark blue eyes—eyes that match his brothers. Did he notice my gawking?
“You don’t like tattoos?” He asks, looking back to the pan.
He slips a long, metal spatula underneath a slice of salmon and flips it. While he’s preoccupied, I glance at Jai and he rolls his eyes. My lips pull at the corners as he takes a large mouthful of water out of his cup, and pulls out the stool beside him.
“Sure.” I reply, circling the bench and slipping on to the stool. “I like yours just fine.”
With a genuine smile, Joel pulls the pan off the heat and approaches us before dumping a heap of salmon on to a small plate. I glance over the bench. Does he expect the three of us to eat all of this food? There’s too much. Bacon, salmon, scrambled eggs, sausages, and pancakes. Where does he expect us to store it all?
“Good. Maybe you can convince my brother here that tattoos don’t make me a monster.”
Jai frowns, his jaw tightening. “I never said they make you a monster. I said—”
“It smells good.” I cut in, not wanting to be stuck in the middle of another one of their never-ending arguments.
Joel and Jai watch as I pluck four straps of bacon and five tablespoons of egg onto my plate. My stomach cramps in anticipation, desperate for me to scoop up a forkful and stuff it into my mouth.
“Hungry?” Jai asks, a sweet smile hinting at the corners of his lips.
I give him a smile of my own while I stab at the bacon and the scrambled egg with my fork, piling it on layer by layer. “Famished.”
I just love breakfast foods. I could eat them at every meal for the rest of my life. Joel gives Jai a look—a cocked eyebrow and a quirk in his lip—which Jai responds to with a single laugh.
“Breakfast foods are her favorite. Ice cream too.”
I stuff a forkful in my mouth and savor the taste. “Mm. You’re almost as good as Jai when it comes to cooking breakfast.”
Joel smiles, astonished. His white teeth are straight and beaming, surprisingly. He places the pan on the bench and tosses the towel over his shoulder. “I still can’t believe Jai cooks.”
I nod, a mouth full of food, and Jai pushes his bowl away.
“I had to learn.” He states, his tone gruff and forceful. “Someone had to cook for Jessica.”
The look on Joel’s face when Jai mentions their little sister tears my heart in two. Emotion after emotion plays over his features. I see fear first, followed by regret, anger, guilt, and finally, acceptance. I look down at my plate and swallow my food. So much for avoiding an argument.
“...she’s okay?” Joel asks.
The weak tone of his voice sends an arrow of emotion through my chest. Joel cares about his family. Surely Jai can see that.
“She’s fine. You should know she is in Italy…just in case you were going to take the time out of your busy schedule to wonder about her.”
“Jai...” I mumble, slipping my hand around his forearm as it lies against the benchtop.
The thick ropes of muscle that rest underneath his skin tighten and tense with the frustration he feels. Joel nods, running a tattooed hand over his face and pushing it through his black hair.
“Okay. I deserve that.”
“You deserve more than that.”
“Jai...” I try again, desperate for him to end it before it gets out of hand.
Both brothers are strong and both brothers aren’t afraid to fight. God knows if things were to ignite between them there’d be no lake house left. They’d destroy the place.
“I get it!” Joel booms, sending my heart into my throat. “I’m a shit brother. I abandoned my siblings when they needed me most and dumped all of my problems and responsibilities on to you. How many more times do you want me to apologize?”
Jai leaps to his feet, sending his wooden stool crashing to the ground. “That’s the thing, asshole. You haven’t apologized.”
Joel’s retort catches in his throat and realization flickers over his handsome features. Shocked, his lips part, expelling the shortest puff of air.
“Are you that messed up you don’t even know what the fuck you’re saying anymore?”
“I’m sure I’ve said it...” He looks to me for backup and I shrug.
“Well…technically you’ve said it once, but it was hardly apologetic.” I say, avoiding his eyes.
“I’m sorry. Shit. What else do you want me to say?” His laryngeal prominence bobs as he swallows his emotion. “I went in and I got distracted—so did you, Jai, so don’t give me that fucking look.”
Raising my hands, I slip off the stool and leave for the living room. “Don’t drag me into this.”
Every argument they pitch me against Monique and, quite frankly, it’s annoying. I drop onto the couch, a little depressed I abandoned my hot food on the bench.
“I got distracted?” Jai demands, slapping his palm against the wooden surface. “Bullshit. You’re here! I did what I fucking set out to do.”
“I have to do something!” Joel argues, his fierce glare fixated on Jai. “I can’t abandon her.”
“Why? You had no problem abandoning me and Jess.”
Disappointment smooths out Joel’s features. It’s in the furrow of his brow and the spasm of the muscles around his jaw. “I’d do it for you, little brother. I’d help you.”
“Don’t you put that shit on me. That’s not fair.”
Just as Joel turns away from Jai, there’s a knock at the door. Instinctively, my entire body tenses, my muscles burning with cramps. Jai and I exchange looks, the kind of look that says “Are you expecting anybody?”
I shake my head.
With an air of casualty, Joel pats up the hall toward the door. In the distance, I hear the deep murmur of voices and a distinct laugh. There’s only one person I knew that has a laugh so obnoxious and loud. The front door slams shut and the sound of heavy boots thump against the wooden floor boards. I lean forward as they file into the kitchen one by one. Ted’s in front carrying a football and wearing a light purple tee with black cargo shorts. Trailing miserably behind is Huss, draped in a pink polo and dark, denim jeans that bunch around his white shoes. Oh, fuck. I push myself to my feet.
“Kitten!” Ted cheers, stretching out his arm, pointing the end of his football at me.
I really hope he doesn’t expect me to catch that. Also, I’d really like the whole Kitten thing to stop now.
“It’s Emily.”
Huss waves. “Morning, Emma.”
I roll my eyes. It’s fucking pointless. They’re going to call me whatever the hell they like and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Unlike Ted, Huss doesn’t appear to be in the most cheerful mood. If he is, I sure as hell can’t tell underneath all the swelling. He’s covered in cuts, stitches, bruises and even has a shiny black cast for his broken arm. Poor guy. He’s been in better shape, that’s for sure.
“It’s Emil—” Forget it. It’s not like they give a shit anyway.
“Huss. Catch.” Ted lobs the football to Huss and it hits his broken arm before bouncing awkwardly into the kitchen.
“Ouch!” Huss growls, groaning so hard under his breath a vessel threatens to pop. “If you do that one more time asshole I’ll—”
His threat is cut off by a howl of laughter from Ted. “It’s just so funny. You should see your face.”
Stepping around them, Joel grabs the pan off the bench
and slips it into the sink.
“Why are you in such a good mood?” I ask Ted, strolling back over to my plate.
He gives me a strange look as he reaches out and plucks a few straps of bacon from the pile. “Joel didn’t tell you?”
“Joel didn’t tell us what?” Jai asks before I get the chance.
Ted stuffs the belts of bacon into his mouth, purposely making it impossible for him to answer, and points at Joel who narrows his dark eyes at Ted. With a heavy exhale, Joel turns on the tap and leaves the gushing water to fill the sink.
“I’m paying them each fifty grand to help me get Monique out of Skull’s compound.” Joel tells us, leaning his hip against the edge of the bench. He nervously runs his hands over the back of his head as silence rears its ugly head and Ted reaches out with his slender fingers for more bacon.
I clear my throat. “How—how’d you even contact them? There are no phones. No internet.”
Pushing off the bench, Joel reaches into the back pocket of his gray sweatpants. “Huss left his cell here. I found it in the couch.”
He holds out the slim smartphone for Huss who takes it and slips it into one of his front pockets.
“So let me get this straight...you’re going to risk their lives for your own gain?” The disgust and confusion in Jai’s tone is loud, too loud to ignore.
Joel shrugs. “Why not? You did.”
I cringe and hold my breath, waiting for Jai to explode.
It doesn’t come.
Surprisingly.
“I have the blueprints to Skull’s compound in the car. I have to get them back by seven p.m. tonight to avoid any suspicion from the Captain.”
Joel nods, the tiniest hint of victory curling his lips. He shuts off the tap and suddenly his aura feels different. What was despair and anger is now determination and hope. I’m both happy for him and sad at the same time. Imagine how Monique will be if he manages to get to her...Skull is a sick man. Joel will be lucky to find her with her sanity still intact.
“I’m gonna get some air.”
Jai turns on his heel and storms toward the back porch. With his powerful hands, he shoves the flimsy screen door so hard it flies open and slams against the wall, making me jump.
“You should go talk to him.”
I whip my head around to face Ted and follow a thin drip of oil as it rolls down his chin.
“Me? Why me?”
“Because you’re the love interest.” He swipes at the oil with his forearm, smearing it into his skin. “And you’re not in danger of being punched in the face.”
Huss nods and Joel continues to wash his stupid pan, pretending the annoying situation he created doesn’t exist. He should be the one fixing it, not me. Pulling Jai out of one of his moods isn’t an easy feat and I’m tired of being the one who has to do it.
“You’re a police officer and you’re afraid of getting punched in the face?” I ask Ted who shrugs his strong, broad shoulders.
“Say what you want. A fist to the face hurts and I don’t like blood in my breakfast.”
Huss drags his sorry ass up to the counter as Ted slips a white, porcelain plate in front of him.
I sigh. Who wants to eat breakfast while it’s fresh anyway? Fuck me, right?
“Fine. I’ll go talk to him since none of you have the balls.”
They murmur their thanks and I roll my eyes.
Pussies.
****
Dry bark crunches under the force of Jai’s fist as he slams it into the trunk of a large oak tree, four yards out from the lake. He curses under his breath, lifting his fist to his face to examine the damage.
“Aw.” I pout, stopping a few feet out, crossing my arms over my chest.
It’s a desperate attempt to hold as much of my rapidly evaporating body heat against me as I can.
“What’d that innocent tree do to you?”
Jai snaps his head in my direction, his grazed and bleeding hand clenching and relaxing at his side. Blowing out a heavy exhale, he turns and rests his back against the thick trunk of the browning tree, his feet buried in the fallen leaves on the damp ground. The cold breeze whips at my bare arms and I shiver. It’s sharp, like it’s carrying miniscule shards of ice. An obvious sign of impending doom. Or winter, as I like to call it.
Jai flicks his head at me. “Come here.”
His tone is light, but his eyes are the darkest kind of blue, still filled with the frustration put there by his brother. I walk towards him, the tips of my toes freezing against the damp ground. Even the bright morning sun isn’t enough to warm the green blades of grass chilled by nightfall.
The sea of dying leaves crunch and break underneath my feet as I close the distance between us. When I’m within arm’s reach he catches me by the shoulders and I stumble as he pulls me into him. He wraps his strong, heavy arms around my neck, pressing his hard chest against my cheek. I hug him back, slipping my arms around his slim waist and burying my fingers in his black sweater to prevent frostbite. I love snuggling into his sweaters. His smell catches in the fibers of the material, adding to its warmth and comfort for when I bury my nose in it.
“Does he bug you as much as he bugs me or am I being dramatic?” He asks, planting a soft kiss on my head.
I fight a smile. It’s not foreign for Jai to be a little dramatic. That being said, his brother doesn’t exactly have his head screwed on straight at the moment either. Occasionally, even I want to slap the shit out of him.
“A little bit of both.”
He laughs once, sounding more like a ‘humph’ in my ear as it presses against his chest. Another breeze whips around us, the dry leaves sounding like paper as they rub together. We listen to the chorus of trees, until the wind runs out of breath. The silence of nature is bliss and, unlike the stale silence of an awkward conversation, it feels alive.
Jai shifts, moving his feet shoulder width apart, pulling me even tighter against him. I feel his fingers toying with my hair against my back, wrapping thin locks of it around his finger, tugging slightly at my scalp.
“What do I do about Ted and Huss?” He asks, his voice vibrating through his chest and into my ear canal. “I can’t let them go.”
“They’re big boys who can make their own decisions. If they didn’t want to do it, they wouldn’t be here.”
“But it’s not right. Huss is barely holding it together and Ted will do it out of loyalty to me. Their lives are worth a hell of a lot more than fifty grand. If something happens to them…”
I squeeze him. “I know.”
Swoooosh! Whissssssshhh!
Wind lashes us, each one stronger and colder than the last, blowing away all the body heat we generated in its absence. I shiver a violent shiver that travels the length of my body.
“Cold?” Jai asks, releasing me from his arms.
I nod, pulling back to hug myself. I wonder if it’d be as obvious if I wasn’t vibrating like the New York subway or have goosebumps as high as Mount Everest.
Jai tugs on the hem of his black sweater and stretches it as far as he can, holding it forward enough for me to slip inside too.
I tilt my head, holding back a smile. “You want me to get in there with you?”
He smiles, his full lips curling into a soft and sincere smile that makes my heart flutter. “There’s always room for you.”
I squeeze myself tighter, caressing my own biceps with my thumb, and contemplate his offer, slightly stressing myself over his words.
Always. Do we have always? Does that word even apply to us? How long do we have? Say we survive this...will we still have each other when it’s over? Will he still want me? I’m not stupid. I know what I am to him—a stray cat that pulls on his heart strings. That’s all. I hate that I’m comparing myself to a cat for this given his annoying pet name for me, but I know exactly how this is going to go. He’ll take me home and heal me up. Then, when I’m settled and I’m too dependent on him, thinking I’ve finally found someone who actually gives a sh
it about me, it’s finished.
Why? Why do I think this?
Because we’re from two different worlds.
Because why would he settle for a stray when he can have a pedigree?
Because I’m an insecure asshole who doesn’t know how to appreciate things until they’re gone.
Because…just because.
His heavy hand on my shoulder pulls me from my self-doubting thoughts. It’s relieving, like throwing me a life raft after five minutes of treading water in a turbulent ocean. Peace and calm, that’s what he offers me.
“You think too much.” He tugs me forward, lifting his sweater and stuffing me underneath.
Caught in the fabric, his smell surges over me like whitewash carried on the top of a powerful wave. I slide my face up the clothed ridges of his abdominals and over his firm chest, the sound of stretching fabric around me, until I pop out through the neck of the sweater.
Space is limited and his chin touches my forehead as a result. The sweater holds us tightly, so tight I can’t move my arms.
Forcing it, I pull back and peer up at him, the fabric around the neck of the sweater complains, threatening to snap.
“I bet you’re regretting this.” I point as the edge of the fabric cuts into his neck.
“Are you still cold?”
I observe the amount of body heat that generates off him and how quickly it makes my goosebumps fade. I shake my head.
“Then no. I don’t regret it...even if it is cutting off my circulation.”
Our gaze is locked, the subtlest smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
My heart flips.
My palms sweat.
Slowly, he cranes his neck and kisses me on the mouth. My breath catches in my throat, the sound lost in the howl of the wind, as his tongue sweeps mine.
My eyes flutter shut.
The ground liquefies.
Time and space falls away.
It no longer matters where we are, or what we’re doing, and the sharp bullets of ice that are carried by the force of the wind are melted in the heat we conjure before they have the chance to whip along my burning skin.
Kissing under a golden oak tree in fall, our feet drowned in crunchy, crimson leaves with winter lingering on the precipice...is this the kind of shit girls fall for in those romance books? Is it this what I’m falling for?