Both those words were defined, but if I existed this way for much longer, I would lose the meaning completely.
Love and hate.
Love and hate.
I both loved and hated Q with an ever burning passion.
Love was something I’d only ever had glimpses of: brotherly love for Brax, my girlfriendly love for friends at university. I never felt love for a family member. Not once did I have a rush of kinship in my entire childhood.
I existed in a loveless void until Q bulldozed his way in with his anger and twistedness.
What I felt for Q exceeded the realms of love in my mind. I wanted to love him. I wanted to crack his cruel façade and help him learn to love me back. I wanted to love his darkness, as well as bring him some light.
I swallowed back the weird giggle bubbling in my chest. I’m the love cripple trying to teach a loveless monster.
But none of that mattered, because he was set on torturing me. Twice he almost gave in to the gravity-altering pull between us and twice he let an interruption halt it.
An interruption shouldn’t matter! He should’ve demanded more time—after all, he was the boss—and finished what he started this morning.
His punishment was the worst I could’ve ever imagined, and my stomach growled with hunger and indigestion from being so tightly wound. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t think. I could barely sit still or walk straight.
My head pounded with excess energy, body twinged and throbbed with the need to release. My hands itched to touch myself. He shattered my willpower.
“Be careful.” Q took my hand as I climbed the helicopter steps and entered the first chopper I’d been in in my life. The sleek black machine, emblazoned with Q’s initials and a flock of gold-gilded sparrows, was stunning, but the inside was incomparable.
I slammed to a halt, my jaw hanging wide.
Everything about Q vibrated wealth. He wasn’t flashy, he wasn’t ostentatious. It was ingrained into his pores as much as his heady citrus scent. So why I let the interior of a helicopter floor me and make me hyperaware of Q’s bank balance, I didn’t know.
Q pushed me forward, moving me out of the way.
I looked around in wonder at the four impeccable black leather chairs. They faced each other in pairs with crimson stitching and armrests full of dials for massages and who knows what.
“Do you like it?” Q smiled, taking a seat in one of the huge chairs. “I was lucky enough to secure one of the prototypes. It’s a Bell 525 Relentless.” He stroked the leather while his face softened. “I may spend the majority of my wealth on other hobbies—” his voice tightened mentioning the sex trade industry—“but I like nice things. And I like procuring things others haven’t owned before.”
The ulterior message that Q liked unsullied—that he prized what was untouched and pure—wasn’t lost on me. Too bad I wasn’t a virgin for him—did he hate that I’d been used before? I stopped that train of thought. It hurt too much.
Ignoring his gaze, I tottered forward in my stilettos, the heels sinking into the thick, dark strands of luxury carpet. I couldn’t think of a more aptly named helicopter: the Relentless. Exactly like its new owner: relentless in breaking me, owning me, torturing me.
A flatscreen TV graced one wall along with a panel full of dials and gadgets that I daren’t touch.
“It’s lovely,” I whispered.
A loud masculine laugh rang around the enclosed cabin. “Just lovely? Hell, if you don’t respect the bird, you can catch a cab to Paris.”
Q chuckled, flicking his gaze to a man who’d appeared at the top of the steps. Decked out in full pilot regale, his black hair was covered with a beret and his dark brown eyes twinkled.
“It’s nice to know you appreciate her as much as I do, Mr. Murphy.” Q’s voice echoed through my bones, activating my trembling core all over again.
I bit my tongue to stop the low moan and forced myself to smile. “It’s a gorgeous piece of aviation. I’m looking forward to flying in style.”
Mr. Murphy bowed his head, touching the edge of his pilot’s cap. “I should think so, ma’am.” He flashed me a smile and turned his attention to Q. “If you’re ready to depart, I suggest we leave now, sir. Winds are good, and flight time should be about thirty-three minutes.”
Q nodded, waving him away. “You’re free to take off.” His sharp jade eyes darted to me, and I suffered an instantly dry mouth. The taste of him lingered on my tongue. I wanted nothing more than to have him use me again.
His lips twitched and the cabin pressurized with whatever thoughts Q indulged.
“Please don’t disturb us, captain. I have a lot of work to catch up on. I trust you’ll get me to my office in time, without needing to communicate.”
The captain shot me a quick stare before nodding and backing down the stairs. “No problem, sir. As you wish.”
“Oh, and Mr. Murphy?” Q ran a fingertip over his bottom lip, deep in whatever thoughts he entertained.
The captain paused, his body poised. “Yes, sir?”
“I’m locking the connecting door.” His head tilted, body language projecting a simple warning. “We aren’t to be interrupted. Understand?”
The captain didn’t look at me this time, for which I was thankful. My heart raced a gazillion beats a minute, and I couldn’t suck down gluttonous breaths without swimming with need.
Q didn’t move a muscle, locked tight in his chair.
The captain nodded again. “No problem at all. I’ll see you in Paris.” He swung the fuselage door closed. The sound of the lock stole the ability to stand up. My knees wobbled sending me sprawling into a chair.
Locked inside a tiny space with Q for half an hour.
Oh, God. I’ll end up humping his leg, or worse, sitting on his face. I started to hyperventilate. I wasn’t strong enough to endure his punishment. I’d crack. No doubt. I’m already cracking.
The chair enveloped me in five-star comfort, but I could’ve floated in gossamer and clouds for all I cared—it would’ve still irritated my skin, set fire to my extremities. Just like the hated tight skirt and silky pantyhose. Every twitch, every movement, flared the whip marks on my thighs—a direct link to the burn between my legs.
I would never feel normal again. I descended into the realm of lunacy.
Lunacy.
That’s what I felt for Q.
Love and hate entwined so intrinsically, plaiting together into one sharp-edged, life-consuming feeling.
Q had created an entirely different emotion—one I’d never be free of: utter madness. I would never be free from the craziness of falling for a beast.
I dropped my eyes, realizing I stared at Q with my face projecting every racing conclusion.
“What are you thinking?” he asked, keeping his voice low and coaxing. If anything, it was worse than his normal volume. It whispered under my clothes, licking around my nipples.
I clenched my thighs together, glaring at my hands in my lap. Tears bruised my eyes; self-pity made me shake. I’d never wanted an orgasm so much in my life.
The sound of heavy machinery cranking shook the helicopter. The rotor blades picked up speed within a moment.
“Tess…” Q shifted forward in his chair, linking his hands between his open thighs. The position was so like when he put the tracker on my ankle when we first met that I whimpered. Even that first meeting, I’d been wet for him. My body had no self-control toward this man. He made me weak. He made me dependant.
“Nothing. I’m thinking nothing.” My stomach swooped into my feet as we took off with an all-powerful soar. The helicopter acted as if it had wings, not metal blades keeping it airborne.
Q never took his eyes off me, frozen into position; the only thing that changed was his fingers. They grew white with how hard he clenched.
His proximity made me shiver and ache and scream inside. My body was swollen and driving me to the point of insanity with the need to release.
I’m sick. I must be. No p
erson could make another exist in heightened flames of lust. I had a temperature, my mind consumed with my fucking obsession that was Q.
Q sucked in a breath before unlocking his unsteady hands and reclining into the chair. “Are you feeling okay, Tess?” His eyes were guarded, face closed to me, but his body fermented with tightly reined lust.
I snorted loudly, twitching in the chair, cursing the lashes on my thighs, hexing Q for leaving me this way. “What the hell do you think?”
Q didn’t move for a full minute. One torturous minute while our eyes locked and our minds connected and our subconscious bellowed at each other. Our minds made love, we ravaged, we ruined, all while not touching. But it wasn’t enough.
It accelerated my heart. It made my pussy seep eager wetness. It pretzeled my mind into someone I no longer recognised, but it didn’t give me what I needed.
“Why did you tell the captain not to disturb us?” My voice was barely noticeable over the rotor blades, but Q heard me.
He stilled, surging with carnal tension. He watched me from a lowered brow, letting me trap myself, walk right into whatever web he cast. “Why do you think, esclave?”
Esclave. The one word that was hyperlinked to my pussy.
My eyes snapped shut as a wave of my denied orgasm clutched my entire body.
Oh, fuck. Fuck me, I couldn’t do it.
“I’m done,” I choked, twisted with longing and fogged with confusion. “I’m going insane!” I grabbed a handful of hair and pulled, trying to find some relief from the ceaseless buildup.
But the pain only amplified my desire, sending another throb pulsating through my body.
The helicopter blades whirred and wound the cabin with sexual tension. Q sucked in a breath, straining against his suit. He sat so still and looked so unaffected. It wasn’t fair. He came. He came all down my throat and all over my breasts. It’s my turn, dammit!
I was too far gone—too consumed by a bodily need.
Scrambling out of the luxury leather, I dropped to the carpet and crawled.
I fucking crawled in a two thousand euro designer skirt, zeroing in on the one person who held my cure.
Q’s face shot to unreadable, pale eyes glowing in the morning sunlight from the window. His lips parted, sucking in a noisy breath. “Get up,” he growled.
I whimpered and shook my head, keeping my shoulders hunched as I traversed the small distance. Every whiplash, every bead bruise, every cell in my body throbbed.
He sat straighter, using the armrests to hoist himself upward. His fingers turned white around the leather, gripping hard. “Stop. Have I ever asked you to crawl or be any less than a woman?”
His face grew black with fury as I slowed and knelt between his open thighs. His body heat murdered the rest of my coherent thought. He wanted to own me? He possessed me in that moment.
I raised my eyes, fearful of what I would see in his. Then I jumped as he reached down and grabbed my triceps.
“Fuck,” he muttered, his fingers biting deep. But I didn’t care. I didn’t care because my master was touching me, and my body was too swept up in pleasure to be scared of Q’s wrath. He teased me, used me, and denied me this morning. I couldn’t be expected to work, or function as a human being without him saving me from this pleasurable agony.
Soaring high above patchwork farms, quaint villages, and thatched cottages, I bared my soul to him. “I didn’t mean to take control away from you. I wanted to give you pleasure. I wanted to show how much I care, how much I believe in you.”
Q shook, his face darkened further; his fingers turned to talons, cutting off the blood supply around my arms. “You took away my control. Do you know what happens to women like you if I lose it?” He shook me. “It’s the one thing I’ve been able to rely on my entire life, and yet you shattered it with my balls in your hands.” No other man had a voice like Q. Dark, dangerous, laced with a melodic French accent. Being reprimanded by him was pure audio perfection.
He stood suddenly, hauling me to my feet. I wobbled in his grip, staring into his turbulent eyes. “Pourquoi tu dois me pousser comme ça?” Why must you push me so?
“Because I need to break you to make you mine.” My voice thickened with strength. It was true. More than I knew.
Not caring that Q might make my punishment worse, I wriggled in his grip until his fingers loosened. The moment my arms were free, I reached for my top button and undid it with rattling fingers.
Q’s eyes dropped to my chest, absorbed by my jerky fingers.
My body was heavy, melting, sparking with the closeness, the threat of being taken. I would make Q fuck me. I would.
He didn’t try to stop me as I unclasped the remaining buttons and pulled the soft material from my waistband. I stood in front of him, shirt spread to reveal the black lacy bra with tiny diamantés on the straps.
With my pulse skyrocketing, I traced a cross over the swell of my breast, directly above my heart. “I give you my oath that I will obey you. I won’t force you to give me what you’re not ready to give.”
Q stopped breathing; his eyes locked onto my exposed skin. His wet tongue licked his lips, tasting me from head to toe without even moving. My eyes dropped to his trousers, a heady thrill heating me at the hard bulge straining against the material.
The helicopter banked to the left, sending us leaning into the curve. His gaze connected with mine and the lust simmering in his eyes changed from pale to glowing, burning, searing.
His hand shot out and captured my chin, holding me tight. His chest pumped and the cords of muscle in his neck shot into stark relief. “Esclave—” His voice positively stroked my pussy, rippling over my skin.
My mind swam, and I rushed to finish what I wanted to say. “I promise to obey, but I don’t promise I won’t make your life hell. You swore you’d give me what I needed. You broke your oath because I need you now. I need you so much I can’t think straight. I need your tongue. I need your fingers, your cock, your voice, your scent. I need you all over me, in me, and around me.” I panted by the time I finished.
He didn’t move, eyeing me as if I were a messy business merger that refused to go his way.
“Did you stop to think for a moment why I asked the captain for privacy?” Bowing his head, he kissed the concealed bite he gave me earlier. “It’s because I know the pain you’re in. I’m just as tortured. If I didn’t fuck you before we got to Paris, we would both end up in national news for public indecency. I’m done, too, Tess.”
He ran his nose up my neck, heading toward my ear. I shivered when he nipped at my lobe. “Arrêter de me supplier, je vais te baiser” Stop begging, I’m going to fuck you.
It wasn’t Q who lost it this time. It was me.
I launched into his arms, climbing him, scratching in urgency. My lips descended on his, and for the first and probably only time, I initiated sex between us. And for one precious moment, he let me take from him.
The moment my tongue entered his mouth, he snapped.
My stomach rolled, and I found myself flat on my back on the helicopter’s carpeted floor. Q cradled my head so I didn’t knock myself out, and somehow he kept the brunt of sprawling backward to a minimum. But that was as far as his chivalry went.
The moment he had me beneath him, he kissed me like a monster possessed. His tongue speared my lips and stole every last drop of oxygen in my body. My eyes slammed closed, and I clawed at his immaculate suit.
I need this off. I need his skin.
Every part of me boiled; desperation made me feral. I grabbed his tie, pulling him so hard against me, my breasts bruised and my neck, already tender from strangulation, spasmed with pain.
Q bit my lip, not drawing blood, but in a warning to let him go. He reared back on his elbows, digging his hips harder into mine. “You’re determined to make me hurt you. I’m trying so fucking hard, but you don’t seem to care. You’re reckless with your life, esclave, so why should I hold myself back?”
My blood thrilled,
summoning every dark recess to gush with want. “If by hurting me I get to possess you in return, then yes, I’m reckless, but only because I need you like I need air.”
“You need this?” His eyes glinted as he rolled his hips against my pinned legs. The tight skirt held me hostage when all I wanted to do was open my thighs and welcome him to take.
I wished Q had a pair of silver scissors to cut me free, tear off my fanciful knickers, and fuck me like the slave I wanted to be for him.
“How much do you need to be fucked, Tess?” His head lowered to graze along my cheek, breathing me in. “How crazy does it make you, thinking about my cock deep inside, pounding you, stretching you?”
My complete education flew out of my mind. Speech was an impossibility as images of Q slamming into me berated my thoughts.
I cried out as he shifted and caught my barely covered nipple in his teeth. I bowed as his hot mouth closed over the highly sensitive nub, and my pussy squeezed.
“I think you need me badly. I think I need to show you how good my cock can feel.”
“Please. God, yes. Show me. Now.”
He collapsed on top of me, lips crushing mine. I opened my jaw wide to submit to his all-demanding kiss. Q panted, running his hands all over my body. His five o’clock shadow acted like match paper to my spark. We detonated. Had the helicopter plummeted to earth, we wouldn’t have noticed. We were wrapped up, consumed by each other.
Q broke the kiss, levering himself off me.
Breathing ragged, he ordered, “Get on all fours.”
When I didn’t move fast enough, he grabbed my hips and flipped me over, hoisting my ass up until I rested on my hands and knees.
The second I was steady, urgent fingers pushed my tight skirt up and up, forcing it higher until the cute slit on the side split with a loud crack. “I want to rip this into shreds, but I can’t have you showing the world what’s mine.” Q gave a final push and the skirt gathered on my hips.
The moment my ass was exposed, he spanked me hard, sending jolts of pain radiating through my body, but I existed on a painful plateau already, and his palm print bloomed into deliciousness.