XXI -- TONY'S DECISION
TONY PALLISER walked home to Northrop, and was glad when he reached it,for he found even the slight physical effort difficult. He felt half-dazed, and brushed past two of his tenants who greeted him on the roadwithout recognizing them. He did not remember whether he offered anyexplanation as to why he had not remained at Low Wood, as he hadpurposed, but by and by he found himself sitting in Godfrey Palliser'schair at the head of the great dinner-table. The big candles werelighted, for the evenings were drawing in, and as he vacantly noticedthe glitter of the light on the glass and silver he remembered theopportunity that had been given him there. He had let it pass, and nowanother had spoken.
Still, as he strove to eat because he felt the servants' eyes upon himit was the loneliness of the shadowy hall that most troubled him. He hadnoticed it often since Godfrey Palliser died, for Tony was not fond ofhis own company; but he had pictured Violet Wayne sitting opposite himthen, and now it was borne in upon him that she would never smile at himacross his table. As yet he scarcely realized the depth of hishumiliation, for it was the result of it which must be faced, and notthe thing itself that filled him with horror.
It was a relief when somebody took his plate away, and he went out witha cigar he did not remember lighting into the cool night air and flunghimself down in a seat on the terrace. There was no moon in the sky, butthe stars were clear, and--for the night was still--a chilly dampnesssettled on everything. He felt it pleasantly cold upon his skin, and laystill huddled limply in the garden chair, trying to realize theposition, but found the attempt almost useless, for his thoughts had nocohesion. It was, however, evident that the love of the woman he desiredcould never be his. She had given him her promise, and he fancied thatif he insisted she would redeem it, for he vaguely understood her senseof responsibility; but it was evident that he could not insist, and withthe courage of desperation he nerved himself to face the fact that hemust let her go. He could think of nothing else, for he was stillbewildered by the blow, and could only realize what had been taken fromhim.
He did not know how long he lay there, but it was very late when he rosewith a little shiver and went back into the hall, where he wrote a note.
"Tell John to ride over with that early to-morrow morning, and ask MissWayne for an answer," he said to the servant, who wondered at his face,and then walked slowly with hopelessness in his very pose towards hisroom, where, as it happened, he slept heavily until late next morning.
The next day, however, brought him further misery, for his perceptionswere clearer now, and the difficulties he must meet more apparent, whilehe had also a horrible suspense to struggle with when the man he hadsent with the note brought him an answer. It was very brief: "I will tryto see you this evening."
Somehow the day dragged through, and Tony was glad when at last he leftNorthrop as darkness came, for the uncertainty was growinginsupportable. It was, however, Mrs. Wayne who greeted him when hereached her house, and she looked at him gravely without shaking hands.
"Yes," she said, answering his unspoken question, "Violet has told me,and it is she who must decide. She will come down in a minute or two."
Tony was weak, but he had now the courage of hopelessness, and he metthe lady's eyes.
"I will not try to influence her, madam, and can only thank you forallowing me to speak to her," he said.
Mrs. Wayne made no answer, but opened the door of a lighted room, andTony, who sat down, waited for what seemed an interminable time untilViolet came in. There was a curious hardness in her eyes, and her facewas pale, so pale that it had an ivory gleam in the soft light, whichthe bronzy clusters of warm-tinted hair emphasized, but she was dressedwith more than her accustomed taste, and held herself very straight.Tony rose when he saw her.
"I was almost afraid you would not see me," he said.
The girl sank into the chair he drew out, and he stood in front of her,with the hand he rested on the table trembling a little.
"I am not sure that it was wise," she said. "In a case like this one canonly say nothing--or too much."
"I could bear the latter more easily," said Tony. "You know what I havedone. We must have an understanding now."
His voice was hoarse, but it was even, and Violet Wayne regarded himwith dispassionate interest. Tony, it seemed, had risen in hisdesperation, and his face was, as she had never seen it, set and almostgrim.
"Then," she said quietly, "you have no excuse to make--nothing to urge inextenuation?"
"No. It is all true. There was only my love for you--and you must feelthat a humiliation now."
Violet Wayne made a little gesture of weariness. "Tony," she said, "Idon't quite catch your meaning, and we must speak plainly to-night."
"Well," said the man, in a voice that was curiously expressionless, "youheard Miss Harding's story. She was very fair--about Lucy Davidson--butyou can realize how difficult it is for me to go into that?"
A trace of color crept into Violet Wayne's face, but her eyes were fixedupon her companion as she said slowly, "Still, I think it is necessary."
"Then I gave the girl a brooch--and once or twice talked nonsense withher--but it went no further. I can only give you my word for that--andnobody would blame you if you could not credit it. Her father did not,and I could not let you hear the story he built up."
Violet's face was faintly flushed with anger now. "That," she said, "isthe one thing I could never forgive you, Tony. I know it is a trifle bycomparison, but it hurts the most, and would have killed the confidencethat would have drawn us together. You were afraid I would not believeyou?"
"Yes, I was afraid."
The girl's anger seemed to melt away, and left her face pale again,while it was with a curious wistfulness she answered him.
"I evidently expected too much, but if you had told me I would havebelieved you had everybody testified your guilt," she said. "Can't youunderstand that love without confidence is a worthless thing--and thathad you trusted me I would have borne any suspicion or obloquy withyou?"
Her voice broke, but there was once more a faintly scornful ring in itwhen after a few moments' silence she spoke again. "But you were afraid--afraid to trust me! Oh, it is almost unendurable!"
Tony stood still looking at her, with his heart throbbing painfully andvague wonder in his eyes. Then he moved forward with swift impulsivenessas though he would have flung himself upon his knees beside her chair,but she checked him with a gesture. Still, he stooped and laid aquivering hand upon her shoulder.
"I might have known," he said. "If I had had the courage you would havesaved me from everything, but is it too late now? I did it because Iloved you, Violet--and you will give me the chance to redeem myself. Youcan't destroy my last hope by casting me off?"
The girl looked up at him wearily. "A little more restraint, Tony. Whathas been done can never be undone--and I want to face the positionquietly. Last night I struggled with the horror and bitterness of it,and one needs calmness now. We can never reopen the subject again."
Tony moved away from her, and once more leaned upon the table. Hissusceptibilities were curiously dulled, but still her coldness stung himlike the lash of a whip, for he could see the contempt beneath it andcould more easily have borne scathing reproaches.
"Well," he said very slowly, "nothing can happen to me that I have notdeserved. I make no defence."
He saw the little gleam in the girl's eyes, and there was something inher face which suggested faint approbation.
"I promised to marry you--and that carries an obligation, but youdestroyed the love I had for you," she said.
"It would be a very hard thing, but I can give you that promise back. Ihaven't fallen quite so far that I would take you when you have onlycontempt for me. I have done wrong, but there may be a faint chance leftme, in spite of my worthlessness. Is it quite out of the question that Ishould redeem the past?"
Violet sat motionless for the space of several minutes, and Tony feltthe throbbing of his heart as he
watched her. Then she said very slowly,"I cannot see my duty--and so it would be presumption to show you yours,but I am not the person you have wronged most grievously."
"No. You mean Bernard Appleby? Well, it would be almost too much toexpect you to believe in me again; but I can, at least, show you I amsorry for what I have done--and if I brought him back--"
The girl slowly shook her head. "I can make no promise now," she said.
"Still, you would wish me to make it right with him?" and Tony stoodstill looking at her with a faint gleam of hope in his eyes.
"Not because I wish it, Tony. Can't you realize that you must make himreparation?"
Tony slowly straightened himself, but his face was quietly resolute."Yes," he said. "I wonder if Miss Harding will tell me where he is? I amgoing to Cuba. Of course, it can never give me back your esteem. That Ithrew away--but perhaps as the days go by you will not think of me sobitterly. You will try? That is all I can ask for in the meanwhile."
Violet rose, outwardly very calm and cold, though her heart wasthrobbing painfully. There was something in the man's face she had neverseen there before, and though he spoke very quietly the little thrill inhis voice was not without its effect on her.
"I think Miss Harding is here now," she said. "She asked if she mightcome, and I fancied I heard her voice a little while ago, but I do notknow if she will tell you. I am glad you are going, Tony."
Tony looked down on her gravely, with a curious wistfulness in his eyes,and then, before she quite grasped his intentions, laid his hands on hershoulders and kissed her cheeks.
"My only excuse is that I may never see you again," he said. "If MissHarding will not tell me I will find him myself. I leave for London to-morrow, and go straight to Havana. I will not come back to Englandunless Bernard Appleby comes with me."
He turned abruptly, as though he feared his resolution might fail him,and it was not until Violet heard the door swing to behind him that sherealized she was alone. A minute or two later he was shown into a roomwhere Hester Earle sat with Nettie Harding, and smiled a little when hesaw the latter's heightened color.
"I have come to ask you a favor, Miss Harding," he said. "I want you totell me where to find Bernard Appleby."
"Why?" said the girl chillingly.
Tony made a little deprecatory gesture. "I deserve your suspicions, butI think you can trust me," he said. "I want to repair the wrong I didhim, and bring him back to England."
Nettie looked at him steadily, though her face was flushed. "I don'tknow that he will come," she said. "He has a good deal to do there--andhe has good friends in America."
Tony smiled curiously. "I was not asking you to do Appleby a kindness. Iwas thinking of myself."
Nettie appeared to understand him, for she took out a card and scribbledacross it.
"I am sorry--and I think I know what you mean," she said as she handed ithim. "If my father is in Cuba now--and I think he is--he will tell youjust what to do."
Tony thanked her gravely, and with a little formal goodbye, whichincluded Hester Earle, went out of the room. In another minute theyheard the outer door close behind him, and Nettie's color grew a trifledeeper as she glanced at her companion.
"I couldn't help it, but I'm sorry I wasn't quite sure of him now," shesaid. "There's a great difference in that man since yesterday. He hashad a rough shaking up, but it has brought all that's good in him up ontop."
Hester nodded. "There is a good deal that's very nice at least in Tony,"she said. "It is Violet I am most sorry for. She believed in him. Iwouldn't worry her just yet, Nettie."
Violet Wayne in the meanwhile lay very still in her chair. The blow hadblunted her susceptibilities, too, and the pain was less intense. Shefelt numb and passionless, and only realized that the man she hadstriven to believe in had never existed. The actual Tony had been shownto her, and it was with difficulty she had overcome the sense of disgustand horror which accompanied the revelation. Still, the evidentsincerity of his desire to make reparation had touched her, and she wassensible of a curious pity for him. The tenderness was, however, alloyedwith contempt, and she wondered vaguely whether that would pass withtime. In the meanwhile she was glad he was going to Cuba, for she wouldbe more sure of herself, and where her duty lay, when he came back withhis task accomplished, though she realized with a curious unconcern thatshe might never see him again. Then there was a little tapping at thedoor, and it was almost a relief to her when Nettie Harding came in.
"I feel horribly mean, and want to ask you to forgive me because I amgoing away in a day or two," she said. "Still, I felt I had to tell thatstory, and if it was necessary I think I would tell it again. I knew itwould hurt you, but I couldn't help it."
Violet smiled a trifle wearily. "It was a little painful. One can't hideit. Still, I don't think anybody would blame you."
Nettie came forward and seized her hands impulsively. "My dear," shesaid, "it would almost have killed me, and I'm ever so sorry--but whatcould I do? And you know you told me when I tried to ask you that it wasbetter to know the truth. Can't you understand that if it was onlybecause you didn't know what kind of man he was I had to tell you?"
"And that was your only reason?"
"No. There was the other man who took the blame! I didn't tell you, butthe insurrection has broken out around Santa Marta where he is again,and he has left all he had and gone back to his comrades because hepromised he would when they wanted him, though he knew my father wouldhave made him rich if he had stayed with him. When I thought of him,ragged, hungry, and thirsty, and perhaps wounded, too, while TonyPalliser had everything, I could not sit still and say nothing."
Violet's gaze grew steadier as she said, "What is that man to you?"
"Nothing. Only a friend. Oh, of course, you can't understand, but a girlin America can be quite fond of a man without falling in love with him.Bernard Appleby never tried even the mildest flirtation with me, andhe'd have been sorry if he had. He's nice, and makes one trust him, buthe's 'way behind the man I'm going to marry."
Her tone carried conviction with it, and Violet made a little gesture."Yes," she said slowly, "it is not astonishing that you believe in him."
Then Nettie yielded to impulse, and made a venture "There was nothingmore," she said reflectively. "If I had thrown myself and my money athis feet he wouldn't have had me. I think, though he never told me,there was somebody in England he would always remember."
The big gray eyes were perfectly steady, but a faint trace of colorshowed in Violet's cheek.
"Well," she said slowly, "Tony is going out to find him."
Nettie felt a little thrill at what she had noticed, but she rose and,somewhat to her companion's astonishment, kissed her.
"I'll feel happier now I know you have forgiven me," she said.
She had gone in another minute, and Violet Wayne lay still with half-closed eyes and a weary face, while Tony drove home up the Northropvalley with a faint hope in his heart.
It was about the same hour next day when he laid several papers down onthe table at which he sat in lawyer Craythorne's office with a littlesmile of content.
"It's all straight now and I'm glad," he said. "I can make Dane Cop overto Appleby because it never was an integral part of the estate, and itis worth a good deal to anybody now. It should, as you know, have beenhis in any case, while in the event of my dying unmarried he will get ashare of the other property. I would have made it more only that EsmondPalliser has nearer claim."
Craythorne folded the will just signed. "It is wise to take precautions,but one would certainly expect you to marry," he said.
Tony rose, and smiled curiously as he straightened himself. "Well," hesaid, "one can never be sure of anything--and, you see, I am going toCuba to-morrow. Travelling there must be a trifle risky just now. Still,I fancy I shall find Appleby."