Chapter 8
Isolation
The first week of my forced isolation was the longest in my life. Not that I missed school or the majority of the student body, I didn't. No, I definitely didn't miss the stares or the whispers or the unconcealed glares. And I definitely didn't miss Josh and Will trying their best to make every second there a misery.
No, what made my week long, what made loneliness seep into every part of me, was the fact that I missed Sawyer. She was really the only thing that I longed for daily. After we'd parted ways that Saturday afternoon, she'd gone on with her life and I'd gone on with mine. The first part of my punishment went by without even a word from her. That was worse than anything else the school could have dreamed up for me.
I tried to believe that that was because of her overprotective parents and not the couple of awkward moments we'd had recently. I tried to believe that, but I wasn't one hundred percent sure. And I had no real way of keeping in contact with her. She didn't own a cell phone and I wasn't about to get her in trouble by calling her home phone, not if her parents did have an issue with me, which, if they'd heard even just half of the rumors floating around, they probably did. I had no way of asking her if everything was alright between us, so I ended up sitting and staring at the phone most evenings, waiting for her to call me - just like some lovesick school girl, waiting for a boy to call. I knew it was ridiculous, but I couldn't stop doing it. I missed her voice.
And I suppose I wasn't helping my loneliness any, by not doing anything constructive during my off time. Mainly, I sat around the house and dwelled. Dwelled on subjects I didn't want to think about. Dwelled about my embarrassing moment - all thanks to Josh. Dwelled on just how wrong that relationship had gone. Dwelled on my missed friends. Dwelled on the night they'd been taken from me. I thought more about the wreck that first week, than I had since it had happened. With nothing to do and nothing to distract me, I'd gone over it fifty thousand ways in my head. Things my friends could have done differently. Things I could have handled differently. Things I could have done differently. Goodbyes I could have said. . .
Oddly, the only escape from my troubling thoughts was my dreams. More often than not, I'd been having pleasant dreams of my friends and, more often than not, I was cognizant in my dreams. The minute I saw one of my should-be-deceased pals, my mind seemed to instantly register that I wasn't in reality anymore. I guess the fact of their deaths was just too great a truth to ignore, even in REM sleep.
But it didn't bother me, them showing up and having conversations with me. Quite the opposite - I enjoyed it, even looked forward to it. I talked with all three of them, Darren, Sammy and Lil, even getting strong enough to bring them to me at will sometimes. I'd also begun to have more control over other aspects of my dreams. I could hold onto them longer and sometimes I could even change the setting, like when Darren came by and wanted to go dirt bike riding. We'd walked from my living room to what should have been the kitchen, but instead was an empty field with awaiting bikes, because that's what I'd wanted to see. It was sort of empowering to have that level of control.
Now that's not to say I had perfect control, sometimes there was a blue sky in my bedroom and sometimes it rained Mentos (which Lil actually quite enjoyed) and sometimes, just sometimes, I dreamed of driving. While I hated those nightmares, the good dreams I had were strong enough to make sleeping worth the risk.
Sometimes I met with my friends one on one, sometimes in groups of two and sometimes we'd all four hang out together. But the most intense dreams, the ones I could have lost myself in for days - those were all with Lil; just her and I together, alone in my bedroom, in the dark. Half naked and wanting each other desperately. We still never took it farther than we'd gone in real life, but I was close to being ready, close to wanting that memory. . . more than fearing it.
I grew to relish my time spent dreaming, and dreaded my time spent awake, so much so, that I'd started searching for ways to prolong slumber. I napped as often as I could throughout the day, and when that started to not work anymore, I'd scrounged through my mother's medicine cabinet until I found her stash of Ambien, the stash she didn't know I was aware of. I'd started popping them like candy, wanting to zone out and be with my friends, even if it was all in my head. I knew it was a bad habit to start, and I was never one to pop prescriptions before, but I wanted to see them, and it actually did help.
I'd just taken two when Sawyer unexpectedly showed up.
From what I could remember of the passing days, it was Thursday afternoon when a light knock filtered through my door. Just starting to feel the sleepy side effects of the drugs I'd taken, I shuffled to the door, not really caring who was at it. Still in my lounge pants (that I'd kind of been living in), I squinted a bit as the bright light of day hit me. My starting to lull mind startled into semi-awareness at seeing Sawyer and her super dark hair standing before me.
"Hey. . . hi," I mumbled when her face filled my vision. I leaned against the doorframe and blinked away the sleepiness trying to settle on me.
"Hey," she answered back, as her eyes flicked over my face. Her pale, gray eyes narrowed with concern while her lips curved down into an adorable pout. "You look awful, are you okay?"
I smiled and a sleepy laugh escaped me at the familiar phrase passing her lips. "I'm fine. . . just resting. Come on in. " I stepped back and swung my arm out to indicate the room behind me.
Still frowning at me, she walked past. I ran a hand through my bed-head, messy hair and then down my scraggly face, realizing I hadn't shaved in awhile and. . . actually, I hadn't showered in a while either and I probably did look (and smell) a mess. I considered popping in the shower real quick while Sawyer looked around my living room, but discarded it when she sat on my couch and looked back at me still in the doorway. I hadn't seen her in so long; I didn't want to miss a minute.
I shook my head to clear the cobwebs and softly closed the front door before joining her on the couch. I wanted to throw my arms around her and squeeze her tight, but I didn't. And not just because I didn't want to be misleading anymore. . . I also didn't want to offend her with my, I'm sure, rank scent.
She put her school bag on the ground before us and opened it. She began rummaging around inside it as that splendid voice that I'd missed so much spoke softly to me. "Sorry I'm so late in getting you your stuff. " She sighed irritably while my slow mind tried to understand what she was talking about. "My parents had issues with me coming over here. " She shook her head. "I told them it was just to give you your homework, but they still flipped out. "
She grabbed a folder and some papers she'd found and handed them to me. My mind put the pieces together after she said "homework" and I smiled softly as I took the stack she had for me. I'd forgotten that she was going to do that for me. She sighed again and met my eye, just as I was about to thank her. "Ms. Reynolds eventually had to call them and explain the situation. " She rolled her eyes. "She actually had to ask them to let me help you. I think she was going to come over here herself if they refused again. Luckily they didn't, and I have exactly twenty minutes after purity club to get you caught up each day. "
My slow smile stretched wider at hearing her story. I'd missed her so much and she'd been out there fighting for me. She was shaking her head at her parents' over protectiveness when she narrowed her eyes again and searched my slowly blinking ones. "Are you sure you're okay? You seem. . . out of it. "
I rubbed my eyes to try and keep myself awake, to enjoy my twenty minutes, if that was all I got, and exhaled softly. "Yeah, I just took a couple of my mom's sleeping pills before you got here. They're starting to kick in. . . sorry. "
Silence answered me and I looked over at Sawyer who was sitting very tall and straight on the couch, her eyes wide. "You what?"
I scrunched my brows at her odd expression. "I took a couple pills, so I could rest. It's no big deal, Sawyer. " I put a hand on her shoulder. "Relax. "
She loo
ked at my hand briefly before leaning into me and cupping my face, her eyes searching mine intently. I inhaled quickly at her closeness and nervous energy shot through me. "What are you doing, Sawyer?"
Her face and voice took on that 'too old for seventeen' tone that it sometimes could. "How many did you take, Lucas?"
I scoffed and pulled away from her, grasping her hands with mine. "Two. . . relax. "
I held her hands firmly when she tried to lift them to my face again. My brows drew together, a little irritably, and her face scrunched to match mine. "Drugs, Lucas? I thought you didn't do drugs?"
Feeling ashamed and angered by her question, and her tone, I tossed her hands away and stood up from the couch. "I took two pills to help me sleep, Sawyer. It's no big deal. You're acting like I'm a drug addict!"
She stood as well and stepped in front of me. "It's dangerous, Lucas. It's too easy to. . . " She closed her mouth and slowly shook her head, her dark hair rippling around the edges of my letterman's jacket that she wore every day. "It's not a good habit to start. " She stepped closer to me, ignoring whatever odor I was surely producing, and put a hand on my arm. "Please. "
I looked down at her suddenly concerned face, her eyes starting to mist over. Confused, I could only say, "I just want to sleep, Sawyer. I just. . . I need. . . " I shrugged and my shoulders suddenly felt like concrete blocks. "I just want to sleep my way through this. Through all of this. . . "
Her arms encircled me as she held me tight. "You can't, Luc. " I felt her exhale in a stuttered breath and I put my arms around her protectively, drawing her in tight. "Please. . . don't. . . " She shook her head against my chest. "Find another way to deal with it. . . "
I leaned over her, resting my head on hers and savoring her warmth. I felt lighter with her near me, safer with her holding me. Feeling like I could do anything with her arms around me, I finally sighed and shrugged. "Okay, Sawyer. . . I won't take them anymore. I promise. " I ran a hand down her back, through her hair and we started to sway together slightly. She nodded against my chest and we held each other for a few long moments.
As time pressed in on us, we finally pulled apart. She wiped her slightly wet eyes and looked up at me. I brought a hand to her cheek and frowned. I'd seemingly hurt her and I didn't understand why. I shook my head and whispered, "I'm sorry, if I. . . worried you. "
With my hand still on her cheek, my thumb starting to brush back and forth across her cheekbone, she nodded slightly. Her lips parted as we faced each other and that warm, comfortable feeling took hold over me. I could make it through the day if I knew I'd get this moment of peace with her. It wasn't the same as the hours of school that we used to have, but for now, it would have to do.
Without thinking about it, I lowered my head and lightly pressed my lips to hers. I was only aware of doing it after the fact. I pulled apart from her, my eyes wide and fearful. Great. Had I just crossed the lines of our friendship again? How often would she put up with me jerking her around emotionally? "Sorry," I immediately sputtered.
Her eyes were half closed and her breath faster. I dropped my hand from caressing her cheek as her eyes opened fully and met mine. Her cheeks faintly deepened in color and she looked away from me. "We should. . . we should go over your homework," she muttered as she stepped away from me and sat down on the couch.
I ran a hand through my hair and cursed under my breath. God, Lucas. . . what happened to not being misleading?
"Right. " I carefully sat down beside her, watching her face for any signs of anger or embarrassment. "Thank you, for doing this for me. "
She nodded as she picked up the stack of papers that had fallen from my hand when I stood up. She started flicking through them, picking out notes she'd written, a lot of notes actually. I watched her carefully while she went over all the assignments she'd gathered for me. I realized I wouldn't be so bored anymore while she went over lesson after lesson. I tuned out the work as I watched her. She seemed fine. . . but she did avoid looking at me directly.
When she was finished, she glanced at a clock on the wall. "Damn, I'm late. " She grabbed her bag and stood up, still not looking at me. "I'll come by tomorrow, okay. Maybe I'll skip out of club early and we'll have a little more time together. "
She walked past me and started for the door. I stood up and reached out for her, just catching her fingers as she hurried away from me. She looked back at me, her eyes guarded.
"I'm sorry about earlier, Sawyer. Sometimes I just. . . I don't think. " I shook my head, feeling really stupid.
She cocked her head at me as her eyes narrowed. "No. . . sometimes you don't. You're either pushing me away or pulling me close, Lucas. " She shook her head and removed her fingers from mine. "One day you'll have to decide what direction you want to go. " She backed away, searching my face, and then turned and opened the door. "I'll see you tomorrow. " She looked down and her face was distraught when she raised it. "Please, don't take any more of those pills. "
I nodded and she started to leave. Right as she disappeared, her black head came back to look at me, her lips twisted into a grimace. "And maybe tomorrow. . . you could shower. "
Although it was hard, I did what Sawyer asked, and stopped taking the sleeping pills. I wasn't addicted to them or anything, but it was tempting to know that I could be sleeping, could be with Lil, but had to wait until my body was ready for sleep, instead of trying to force it there. When it took a few days for the drugs to fully leech out, for my body to not feel sluggish during the day, I realized I may have been overdoing them, and was grateful for Sawyer's request. She was right, they weren't a good idea. And I did still get to see my friends. My good dreams kept up, even after I stopped medicating myself.
It was a perfectly warm spring day, and I was walking in a field alongside a stream near my house. The sound of water gently splashing over small boulders met my ears and warmth from the sun hit my face. Light peeked through holes in the cloud cover and the tall, green grass tickling my bare feet was highlighted with sections of those bright rays. The field almost looked like a giant chessboard, and there, standing in the space where the Queen would rest, was my Queen, her hands clasped behind her and a beatific smile upon her face as she waited for me.
My smile matched hers as I walked through the patches of darkness and light to where she stood, drenched in rays of golden sunshine. Her pale hair nearly outshone that sun and the loose fabric of her light pink dress fluttered in the gentle breeze, lifting a bit at the knee to hint at the shapely thighs underneath.
Coming to join her in that patch of sunlight, I cupped her soft cheek and exhaled in relief at the contact. Firm but tender skin met my fingertips and once again, holding her was as real to me as anything I'd ever felt while awake. Her chin lifted and her blue eyes caught the light and sparkled with life. She leaned into me and I leaned down, her lips warm and soft when we connected.
I pulled away from her slowly, one hand snaking around her slim waist to sit at the small of her back, the other sliding from her cheek to finger the thin strap of her dress. "Hey, Barbie, I missed you. "
She laughed in kind as her warm hands moved to rest on my chest. "I missed you too, Luc. . . and don't call me that. "
I chuckled at the familiar argument and pulled my arm tighter, pulling her body flush to mine. I kissed her softly before responding. "Why not?"
Her hand ran up and down my chest, feeling the muscles under my thin shirt. I bit my lip as I watched her eyes follow the path of her fingers. "Because, it implies that I'm fake and plasticky. " Her eyes lifted to meet mine and the corner of her lip rose in a wry smile. "And I'm not. "
I leaned down to kiss those smirking lips, lingering on the corner, as the smell of her filled me. She was so real. "I know you're not, Lil. . . you're real. " I pulled back and gave her a wry grin of my own. "And I think you're being a little unfair to Barbie. "
Her head tilted back in a laugh and her eyes danced with happiness when they met
mine again. I swallowed a bit, at the vision of this beautiful woman before me, and I couldn't quite contain the calmness of my breath. Her body twisted in my arms as she managed to get even closer to me, one of her legs sneaking between mine. "Oh, how am I being unfair?"
I tried to smile, but my breath was definitely faster as blood rushed through my body. She felt real and as always I was super aware of every inch of her that was in contact with me: my hand against the firm contour of her back, her leg against my knee, her hips pressed against my thigh, her stomach pressed against mine, her hands running over my chest, her mouth inches from mine.
"Well," I said breathily. "Look at everything she's done with her life: Doctor, Lawyer, Vet, Teacher. . . "
She laughed again and brought her nose up to mine, rubbing it against me lightly as our mouths got even closer. "Great. So now I'm plasticky and flighty. "
I closed my eyes and sought her lips, finding them ready and eager. We pressed against each other equally, both needing the other, but she pulled back before I could deepen the kiss. Her breath heavier, her eyes filling with desire, she ran her hands up my chest to slink around my neck. "I'm not flighty. . . I know exactly what I want. "
I exhaled heavily at her words, my heart racing. "I want you, Lil. "
Her hands reached up to clutch the back of my hair. "I want you too, Lucas. "
Without another word, my hand at her shoulder clasped her neck and pulled her mouth to mine. Passion ignited us both and our tender and soft kisses turned into searing and scorching kisses. I leaned back, pulling her with me and let myself fall onto my back. She came with, our lips breaking for a short laugh as, instead of harshly landing on the grass, we landed on the soft mattress of my bed. I rolled her over, my hand slipping up her thigh and under her dress as a cloud passed across the sun, momentarily darkening the section of the field we were still in.
She sighed and arched her back as my hand slid farther and farther up, sliding effortlessly up her creamy skin. Her hands in my hair tangled more, pulling me into her kiss deeper and deeper. Her tongue met and stroked mine, tasting, savoring. She tasted like she always did, she smelled like she always did, she felt like she always did. My hand finally reached all the way up her leg to cup her backside and I groaned softly when nothing impeded its progress; she wasn't wearing any underwear.
"Oh god, Lil," I muttered, as I dropped my head to the crook of her neck. She moaned lightly and moved her hip against my body. Blood surged straight down to my lower body and I hardened almost painfully. I rocked against her hip and let out a ragged breath. "I'm ready, Lil. I'm finally ready. "
I pulled back to look at her, passion in her eyes, her mouth open and waiting for mine. So perfect, so beautiful and so real. "I don't want to stop this time. " She closed her eyes and pulled my hair, roughly bringing my lips back to hers.
As a new intensity seized us, one of her hands let go of my hair and trailed down my body. She snaked it between us, unzipped my jeans and ran a hand along the length of me, wrapping her hot fingers around the me. I groaned and rocked against her firm grasp, biting my lip at the sensation. "Lil. . . "
My hand cupping her bottom moved around to the front and lightly slid along her slick skin. I gasped at the wetness and muttered something incoherent. She groaned and bucked against my hand and almost unintentionally, my finger slid inside her. She gripped me tighter and I shuddered and rocked against her hand stroking me, simultaneously bringing another finger inside her. She moaned and rocked against me hard. "Luc, don't stop. . . "
Barely coherent of anything but the feel of my fingers sliding inside of her and her firm hand sliding along the length of me, I miraculously did notice something. Everything outside of my outdoor bed had stopped. The shadows moving across us stopped. The sounds of the brook beside us stopped. The rustle of leaves high in the trees stopped. The squeaks of the birds calling to their mates stopped. I'm sure even the sun stopped. It was as if the whole world was holding its breath and nothing existed but Lil and I. . . and this moment. This was the moment we'd never gotten to have in real life. This was the moment we'd finally get to have here, in my dream world. I was sure it was going to kill me afterwards, but for right now. . . I was ready.
I removed my hand from her, Lil gasping and clutching me close when I did. I gently removed her hand from around me. She looked at me then, her eyes blurry with need. Never breaking eye contact, I slid my jeans down, scrunched her dress up, and moved on top of her. Our clothes vanished at that point and our skin rubbed together, hers, warm and soft as she adjusted herself beneath me. Her hand caressed my cheek and a strange expression crossed her face, almost sad. I paused as I watched the emotion pass over her.
"Lil?"
She bit her lip and nodded and I pressed myself at her entrance, feeling the wet warmth urging me forward. I took a deep breath and Lil did the same, both of us preparing for something bigger than each of us. Leaning in to kiss her, I slowly pressed forward. We both gasped as the tip of me slipped in. It was intense. . . and only the beginning. I panted against her lips, her breath matching mine, and adjusted myself for that first push.
"Lucas?"
A loud knock on the door and my mom's insistent voice, instantly brought me back to reality. My mind at least, my body was still struggling with the emotions I'd just left behind. I cursed silently and gulped down air, trying to steady my breathing. I carefully sat up in bed and noted that once again, dreams sometimes equal real life. I was hard as a rock. Great. Nice timing, Mom.
"What?" I said, with what I hoped was a groggy voice.
"Sorry, honey, I need to get going to work. . . but someone's here to see you. " My mom's voice through the door was rushed, like she was running late, and I quickly threw out a thanks so she would leave me and my "situation" alone. I wished whoever else was out there would leave too. Then I got nervous that maybe it was Sawyer. I really didn't need her seeing me like this.
I stood up and tried to think about something other than my dream. . . like who was visiting at this hour. I didn't really think Sawyer would come before school and couldn't help but wonder who would. As the remnants of my dream faded from me, sadness swept through me. That dream had been so real. . . and new. I'd wanted it to keep going and I'd wanted it to end. The opposite emotions cleared the sleep from my system and. . . evened my blood flow. By the time I opened my door, I was physically, nearly normal. Emotionally, I was all over the place.
I looked around as I entered into the living room, but I didn't see my mom anywhere. It was unusual for her to leave without saying goodbye to me face to face. Even if I was still sleeping, she'd crack open the door to look me over before saying goodbye. Whoever was here must have really frazzled her. I wondered who that could be, nervous knots tightening my stomach.
Cautiously, I walked into the kitchen and froze immediately in the doorway, my breath catching.
A body sat at the table, staring at their hands. "Sheriff Whitney?" I said timidly, as I took a step into the room.
It wasn't that I hadn't seen the sheriff since that night, but like always upon first seeing him, memories flooded me. Painful memories. A past tense voice filled my head as I took in his imposing form, dressed in the head to toe tan of his uniform, 'I'm sorry Lucas. . . they're all gone. . . ' I shoved back that horrid conversation and focused on the present tense version of the sheriff before me.
He turned to look at me as I entered, his steely eyes shifting over my body before resting on my face. I flushed slightly, hoping that my situation had calmed down enough that he couldn't tell. I didn't think he'd mention it or anything, but still, it was embarrassing.
I swallowed back my unease and went over to the table, taking the seat opposite him. Curiosity overtook me and I spoke into the still air. "Why are you here?"
I realized how rude my saying that to a man, who, was first and foremost a cop, was, right after I said it. I blushed more, but sat quietly, waiting for some response.
He sighed and ran an aged hand through his silver hair. "Your mom. She told me about what happened at school - your being suspended. "
My eyes widened at that. She told him? Him, of all people? A lawman who could possibly. . . well, I don't know what he could do about it, so long after the fact, but still, what was she thinking?
"I. . . um. . . " I sputtered on my words, not having any idea what to say.
His eyes narrowed at me. "I know you've been through a lot, son, more than most your age. " He hung his head, our eyes breaking contact and again his past voice entered my brain - 'they're all gone. . . ' I clenched my jaw, holding onto my emotions by a thin thread while he continued. "That night was horrid. . . for a lot of people. " He looked back up at me and I begged my eyes not to water. "But I hope you are smart enough to not go down this path. " He shook his head lightly as the steel gaze in his eyes softened to concern. "I've seen so many lose their way like that, with drugs or alcohol. Don't let yourself be one of them, Luc. You're stronger than that. "
My mouth dropped open at his implication. He'd believed I wasn't drinking that night, but now he thought I was a druggy? "I didn't. . . I'm not. . . " I took a deep breath to calm myself. "Someone slipped me something. I don't use drugs. "
His steel gaze returned. "Yes, your mother said as much. " He nodded thoughtfully while I thought about that. My mom had believed me readily when I'd told her someone had dosed me. Of course, she would, she believed everything I'd told her of late. She'd passed that information on to the sheriff, for some odd reason, and he seemed to believe it as well. I wondered what he'd do with that information. Well, whatever he managed to ferret out about the incident, he wouldn't get the information from me. I wasn't about to give up Josh's name - not to the school, or my mom, and definitely not to Sheriff Whitney. I already had enough trouble being accepted in this town, no need to add "nark" to my list of reasons for people to hate me.
The sheriff adjusted himself in his chair, leaning forward over his hands clasped together in the center of the small table. I involuntarily leaned back, maintaining the space between us. "I just hope you'll think about what I said. Maybe that will shape how you react to this. . . to all of this. " He stood and put a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him, torn between a desire to yell my innocence, and a desire to burst into tears at the flood of emotions that always resided in me. "It will get better, Luc. . . you'll see. "
He looked as if he wanted to say more, his face wrestling with some emotion before returning to the air of professionalism he generally wore. He patted my shoulder a few times while I ridiculously nodded. Was I agreeing with him? If I was, it wasn't voluntary. He nodded back and then walked from the kitchen, leaving me with my swirling thoughts. A vague remnant of my dream rose up in me, 'I want you too, Lucas', followed immediately by the sheriff's haunting words that night, 'they're all gone. ' I closed my eyes and forced out everything, only allowing myself to listen to the sheriff's vehicle as it pulled away.
Seeing the sheriff disturbed the remainder of my day. Sawyer noticed when she came by after school. Although she usually did ask if I was alright, and if my "vacation" was going okay, she surprisingly hounded me for a more honest answer when I'd given her the typical 'fine' response. Maybe it had been the look on my face, or maybe I'd freaked her out enough with the pills that she just wasn't going to let generic answers fly anymore. Whatever the case, she'd kept up on sussing out my mood until I'd confessed about the sheriff's visit.
It wasn't as though the visit was bad, or he'd done or said anything to upset me, not really anyway, but seeing him again, and especially being alone with him, had opened up wounds from that evening, and the fresh scars hurt. Instead of going over the day's homework with me, Sawyer had sat with me on the couch, holding my hand and telling me that she'd help me through it. That she wasn't going anywhere and she'd help me through everything. She assured me that I only had one more school day and one last weekend, and then we'd be together for most of the day, almost every day. I clasped her hand gratefully, not sure what I'd do without her, and both looked forward to being at school with her again, and dreaded being at school with her again. I'd left sort of a mess behind with my spectacle in the gym. The students weren't going to easily let me forget about that.
My mother said nothing about the sheriff's surprise visit when she came home late that night, only asking me how my day went and asking me how I was. My answer to both was most predictably - fine. She nodded and accepted that and gave me a soft kiss on the head before yawning and walking down the hall to her room. I watched the spot where she'd left my sight for a long while before standing and heading to my room, hopeful that maybe I could bring Lil to me. I wasn't really looking to continue what we'd been about to do this morning; I just needed her to talk to me. I needed her tonight. I needed her comfort.
My head had no sooner hit the pillow that I was suddenly sitting upright. . . and behind the wheel of a car. Confused, I started panicking. I didn't drive, I didn't ever drive. Not anymore, not since the night of the crash. Why was I behind the wheel? And whose car was it? I didn't even own a car?
My hands tightened on the wheel and my heart surged painfully as thick drops splattered on the windshield. The rubber wiper squealed in protest as it flicked rapidly back and forth across the glass, more smearing the rain than removing it. I could barely make out the yellow slashes in the middle of the asphalt. I couldn't peel my eyes away from the road and my breath started hitching as I lifted my foot off the gas and prepared to slam it on the brakes. I wanted to stop.
"Hey, I wouldn't do that. "
I twisted my head sharply to the right and let out a heavy exhale at who I saw seated next to me. "Darren?" He twisted his lips and smiled at me and I instantly started relaxing. It was just a dream. I should have instinctually known that, but usually in dreams you don't. My grip on the wheel, the wheel of Darren's Geo I suddenly realized, loosened. I took in a deep breath and tried to calm myself, looking back to the road and focusing on the yellow lines again.
"What are we doing here? I don't drive Darren. . . ever. " I tried to lift my foot off the gas again so the car would gradually slow to a stop, but I couldn't raise my foot, and the car actually sped up.
Darren beside me chuckled and I glanced at him. "Yeah, I know Miss Daisy. " His amusement softened to seriousness. "That's why I'm here. I'll stay with you, Lucas. " He put his hand on my arm. "I'm with you, man. "
I swallowed and focused on the road again, wishing I could control my dream right now, change the setting, slow the car. . . stop the car. I thought of slamming the brakes again and my foot lifted from the gas successfully.
Darren coughed beside me and pointed his finger at my foot and then shook his head side to side while wagging his finger. I scrunched my brows in confusion and frustration and dropped my foot back to the gas. He raised his eyebrows at me. "You can't slam the brakes, Lucas. I know you want to, but you can't. That's how you lost control the first time. " He shook his head at me again. "Did you learn nothing from License to Drive?"
I relaxed farther and even laughed a little. "Right. I almost forgot your theory that all of life's lessons can be learned through watching eighties movies. "
He chuckled beside me and I turned to watch his happy face, momentarily forgetting my horror at driving again. "That's right. " He held his hand up to me and started ticking off fingers. "You've got The Breakfast Club - everyone can learn to get along if they're locked in a room long enough," he ticked off another finger while I laughed silently next to him, my eyes still glued to his, "Top Gun - face your fear head on and you're sure to conquer it," he splayed his fingers out and sighed contently, closing his dark eyes, "and my personal favorite. . . Weird Science. "
I frowned and cocked my head at him. I'd seen that movie before, and aside from kids turning a Barbie into the world's most perfect woman, I didn't see any profound meaning in it. "What is there to learn in Weird Science?"
He opened his eyes, the glint in them matching the devilishness of his grin. "Oh. . . the things Kelly LeBrock could teach me. " I laughed heartily at that and shook my head. Darren twisted his lips at me while I was still laughing at him. "Speaking of women. . . what's up with you and Lil?"
I took a hand off of the wheel and twisted even more, so my body was nearly facing him. "What do you mean?"
He raised an eyebrow at me. "Um, I think you know. A little meeting in a field, a bed suddenly appearing, clothes suddenly vanishing. . . you remembering any of this?"
I rolled my eyes and narrowed them at him. "You were supposed to butt out of those dreams. "
He sighed slowly. "Luc. . . you can't do this, man. You can't be with her like that. . . not anymore. "
"Why can't I? It's my dream. . . my head. " My tone was getting a little irritated, but I couldn't help it.
Darren shook his head, holding my gaze with his. "Because it's stupid. You'll only hurt yourself. All of this is stupid. You should be letting us go, not pulling us tighter. "
I leaned into him, my free hand going to my chest. "You know what, my life kind of sucks! And your asshole of a brother isn't making anything easier. If I can get even just a moment of peace and comfort when I'm with my girlfriend, then I'm going to take all I can get!"
Darren's face stormed up as he looked at his lap. "I'm gonna kick Josh's ass for drugging you," he muttered. Lifting his head, he brought his intense gaze to my equally intense gaze. "But that doesn't change the fact that you shouldn't be hiding out with us in your dreams. " He shook his head roughly as his eyes narrowed. "She's not your girlfriend anymore! You can't keep ignoring real relationships for Lil, for us - we're dead, Luc. Let us be dead!"
Sudden and unexplainable anger shot through me. "I didn't bring you here, Darren. If you don't want to see me, then don't show up!" I instantly regretted saying that, as I loved seeing him. I immediately cooled and wanted to take back my words, but Darren scowled and turned away from me, biting his lip to hold in his quick temper.
The scowl vanished from his mouth as it fell open slightly. He noticeably paled before slowly turning back to face me. With a soft voice he said, "Hey, man, I'm sorry. "
My eyebrows drew to a point as I tried to figure out why he was sorry for my outburst. "What. . . why? I'm sorry, man, I shouldn't have said that. "
He slowly shook his head and pointed out the windshield. I startled, remembering that I wasn't really in a nice dream, having a friendly spat with Darren. I was in a nightmare, driving along a wet, dark road - the wet, dark road. My head snapped around followed closely by my body and I harshly gripped the wheel with both hands, trying to focus on what I was doing. My heart shifted to triple time and my breath came in ragged pulls as I could easily make out a disturbingly familiar curve in the road through the rain-streaked windshield.
Darren's voice echoed hauntingly at my side. "I'm sorry, this is the part you're not going to like. "
The car started to skim across the water and I instinctively slammed on the brakes.