The Men’s Room
by Cheryll (Gabby) Ganzel
Nag, nag, nag. Now I know what happened to her other two husbands. She said Calvin died of a heart attack at 40, and Tom died in an auto accident. He drove right smack into a tree. I think she nagged them to death. We’ve been married less than a year and I’m ready to jump off a tall building somewhere.
I set the toolbox and wood shelves down on the floor. Okay, actually I threw it all down so that it made as much noise as possible. She slammed the guest room door shut. She had the cell phone pressed up against her ear and she wore that “you’re on my last nerve look” I love so much. I chuckled. Good. Serves her right. This is Sunday for God’s sake. I’m supposed to be meeting the guys at Duffy’s for a couple of beers and watch the Dolphin game on the big screen, NOT putting up shelves in the guest room closet. What’s so critical about the guest room closet that can’t wait I ask you.
If I hurry, maybe I can get to Duffy’s by half time. I took the clothes, leaving them on the hangers, and threw them down on the bed. I grabbed the measuring tape and stepped inside the closet. What the hell? There’s a door here. Why is there a door inside a closet? I turned the knob and pushed the door outward then stepped inside another room.
The room was windowless except for a small skylight in the ceiling. The only other light came from a huge, flat-screen television mounted on the far wall. Facing the big screen were three high-backed leather recliners. Between each recliner was a small table. A pitcher of beer, a mug, and a bowl of peanuts sat on each table.
Oh man, did I ever feel like shit or what? I had her all wrong. She wasn’t just a nagging bitch after all. She just wanted to surprise me!
Wow, look at the size of that screen! I feel like I’m out on the field. Hey, it’s the Dolphin game! Shit! Chad just threw the ball. Damn, who’s out there? Marshall? Is he clear? I rushed around and sat in the closest recliner, never taking my eyes off the screen. YES! Marshall caught the ball, go Marshall go! Touchdown! Woohoo! I poured some beer in the mug. Damn, she’s good. The beer is still cold.
I gotta call the guys. They’re not going to believe this. Maybe I should call the florist or something too. Nah, I’ll thank her later. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and flipped it open. No bars. Shit! They missed the kick. Dolphins - 13, Bills – 7. Halftime. I’ll go through the closet and call the guys. I laughed. Sounds funny, going through the closet to call the guys.
I jumped out of the recliner, almost knocking over the table. I wasn’t alone in the room. There were guys sitting in the other two recliners. I hadn’t noticed them before. They just sat there like rocks. They didn’t even twitch. I took a couple of steps toward the chair closest to mine and leaned forward. He looked familiar. Calvin? I had seen a couple of pictures of Sandra and Calvin. This was definitely Calvin. I poked him in the shoulder. He not only sat like a rock, he felt like a rock too. I looked at the other guy. I hadn’t seen any pictures of Tom, but I had an awful feeling it was him.
That’s enough for me. I’m outta here. Hey, where’s the door? It should be right here! Where’s the damn door? I slid my hands along the wall, running around and around and around the room until I was dizzy. I couldn’t breathe. My heart pounded in my ears. My chest felt like it was going to explode.
I sank back down into the recliner, gulping more of the beer. I had to calm down. I had to think. Damn! Two seconds left in the game. Bills – 17, Dolphins – 13. How the hell did that happen? My legs felt like lead. My whole body felt heavy. There was no way I could lift myself out of the chair. Now I really did know what happened to Tom and Calvin. Game over.