With those words the world went dark.
I woke from wonderful visions of Cole and I on a sandy beach to the pleasant softness of his voice in my ear, calling to me to wake. His eyes were intense as always yet soft in a way that threatened to melt me into butter at any moment.
“We are here,” he said softly as he pushed a bit of hair out of my face.
I sat up straight, realizing we were in Cole’s car and were sitting in the parking lot of the institute.
“I will give you as much time as you need,” he said, his voice low and intimate as he continued to look into my face. “Call me at this number when you are finished.” He handed me a slip of paper. I didn’t even look at it as I slipped it into my pocket.
Cole reached across me and pushed my door open.
Without a second thought I stepped out into the grey, overcast day.
I was glad to see that the halls and front desk were deserted as I walked straight toward Sal’s room. After giving three sharp taps on the door, I let myself in.
I did not see Sal right away when I entered the room and was almost panicked that she might not even be in here when I remembered Sal’s old tendencies. After a moments search I found her curled into a ball with a blanket pulled over her head at the foot of the bed on the floor. She startled awake as I uncovered her.
“Jessica?” she whispered sleepily.
“Ya, it’s me,” I whispered as I sat on the floor next to her, leaning my tender frame against the wall.
Sal struggled to disentangle herself from the blanket as she sat up. She rested her back against the bed, staring at me long and hard.
“You look terrible,” she said quite clearly after a moment. “Like my cousin who used to do drugs, kind of,” she sounded like her normal self an instant later.
I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Inside, my thoughts tried to clear and a faint voice tried to tell me how I felt a bit like I was on drugs.
“Is everything okay, Jessica?” Sal asked, her expression full of concern.
I didn’t answer her immediately as that small voice in the back of my head tried to tell me something else. It was too faint to hear it. “It will be soon,” I replied.
She seemed confused at my reply but I continued before she could ask any questions.
“I need you to request that your caretaker be switched to Alex,” I said suddenly, unsure of how was best to word everything I needed to say. “He can help you with everything you need like I have.”
“Why?” Sal asked, her voice sounding slightly hurt.
“Because,” I said with a sigh. “I have to go away. I have to leave.” This seemed the easiest way to put things.
“Besides, you will be going home soon.”
“No!” Sal said too loudly as she shook her head violently. “I can’t! He’s there; he knows where to find me!”
“Cole is leaving too,” I said softly, not quite meeting Sal’s eyes. “He will be gone soon so you can go home.” I could feel her eyes boring into my face but I could not bring myself to look at her.
“He’s a bad man, Jessica. You can’t go with him. You can’t trust him.”
I still couldn’t look at her. “We have to leave. We can’t stay.”
She looked at me for a long time without saying anything. She was abnormally still as she considered what I had said. “I don’t understand.”
I didn’t say anything for a while. Feeling stiff and sore, I slid across the floor to sit beside her. I put one arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “I am so happy to have met you Sal,” I said, my voice low as I tried to keep tears out of it. “You’ve been one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I am going to miss you so much but I know Alex will take good care of you.”
Sal continued her quizzical stare. “I don’t understand,” she repeated. “Don’t leave. I don’t want you to go.”
A tear spilled down my cheek as I squeezed my eyes closed. “I have to. I don’t have any choice. My time here is up.”
“I don’t understand,” Sal whispered again, her bottom lip trembled slightly as tears of her own spilled onto her cheeks.
I met Sal’s eyes and the tears poured down my face freely. “I have to go now,” I whispered. “You know I love you, Sal.”
She shook her head but with a tearful voice said “And I love you too.”
Knowing that if I were to stay any longer I would be in danger of having a total meltdown, I placed a kiss on Sal’s forehead and climbed numbly to my feet. I hesitated in the doorway. Sal’s expression was so confused; seeing the tears running down her face sent a fresh wave of my own down my cheeks. “Good-bye,” I said quietly.
I closed the door behind me and again glad there was no one around, I tried to wipe the moisture from my face.
Without even looking in a mirror I knew I wasn’t a pretty sight. Crying did horrible things to my face, combined with what being sick had done to my body, I was terrifying. I did not even know the person who had looked back at me in the mirror this morning. She was a skeleton, a ghost of the happy woman I had been just a few short weeks before.
It only took a few minutes for Cole to reach the institute after I called him. I didn’t look into his face as I climbed into the passenger seat. My eyes didn’t focus on much of anything and my mind couldn’t seem to either.
“Can we just drive for a while?” I heard myself ask.
“Just for a while?”
I didn’t see Cole nod nor did he say anything but the car rolled forward and pulled onto the street.
The passing of the buildings behind us was numbing in a comforting way for some reason. I didn’t know why I had made my request. Bellingham had been a refuge I had fled to I supposed but I felt no burning need to say goodbye to the city.
Eventually civilization fell behind us and Cole turned down a road that did not look well-traveled. The evergreens towered above us, growing thicker and thicker the further we drove. Springy ferns started growing closer and closer to the road. A heavy mist descended from the sky, thick enough Cole had to turn the windshield wipers on low.
The pavement fell away to gravel after a while, forcing Cole to drive more slowly as the road curved around.
Eventually it ended with a parking lot that consisted only of two logs to indicate where to park. There was a short grassy stretch of a few feet before it gave way to small rocks that faded into the water.
My mind was blank as I opened the door and let myself out of the car. Cole remained perfectly still as he watched me walk out toward the ocean.
I didn’t bother looking around for a large rock or a log to sit on. The gravel seemed dry enough, though I didn’t particularly care, so I sat right down, the ocean lapping just a few inches from my toes. I stared out over the misty water to the green forms that loomed barely above it. I didn’t come to the ocean often but from looking at a map once I knew the closest island I could see was Lummi, owned by a tribe of Indians, behind that was Orcas Island, and beyond that somewhere was Vancouver Island. I had been so close to them for nearly two years and had still never taken the trip out to visit any of the San Juan Islands that littered the space between the mainland and the huge Canadian island.
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, relishing in the strong sent of ocean life. I faintly heard the horn of a ferry sound off in the distance, trying to give warning to any smaller boats that might be hidden in the mist. I dug my hands into the stones and sand beneath me, enjoying the feeling of Mother Nature.
A small sense of closure had settled on me since I left the institute. I knew Sal would be alright. She would be confused and hurt but she would be fine. Cole had assured me that my family was safe. I had no reason to think that Emily might be in any immediate trouble. But there was still one very important person I had no guarantee about.
I had been very careful in not saying anything about Alex to Cole. A part of me knew that this was best, to keep my mouth shut. I had to think that Alex would be safer if he was left o
ut of everything. I could never go completely satisfied, not knowing that he would be alright, but I had to believe he would be. Alex could take care of himself.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Eventually the mist turned into a light rain and it did not take long to soak me through. I wasn’t sure if it was because of getting wet or if it was just the afterlife calling to me again, but my body started to tremble with chills, the aches slowly crept back into my limbs and my head started to throb.
I couldn’t fight this any longer. It had to end.
The rain was suddenly blocked from my skin as something warm was wrapped around my shoulders.
“It’s time,” a beautiful voice said softly.
I could only nod.
Strong hands helped me to my feet but I didn’t look Cole in the face as he helped lead me back to the car. The heat that blasted out of the vents couldn’t do anything to calm the chills that shook me with incredible force now.
The tires found their way back to the pavement and the city came back into view then fell away again as we traveled south. It took a while before I registered we were going back to the lake. My suspicions were confirmed as we pulled into Cole’s driveway. He had been holding me in his own home, just two doors down from my own. I couldn’t bring myself to feel any emotion about it though. That was just the way it was, it didn’t matter now.
With his hand on the back of my shoulder, Cole quickly led me out of the rain and into the house. The house seemed unnaturally dark for being early afternoon, all the lights were off and most of the drapes had been pulled shut.
As we started our descent down the stairs, I barely even noticed the few shards of broken glass that lay strewn on the floor before the back door.
We both froze at the bottom of the stairs, looking at the doorway of my room. Light was streaming through the door into the hall. Even though I had slipped out of consciousness before we had left earlier, I knew Cole would not have left the light on in there. He had never turned it on.
Cole’s grip tightened at the back of my neck and I heard his teeth grind together as we stepped into the doorway.
My knees wobbled, threatening to collapse as I took in Alex standing in the room. In one hand was clutched the dirty clothes I had been wearing when I disappeared from the yacht, in the other hand was the shiny silver gun.
There was a long moment where everyone seemed to be frozen, each unsure of what exactly to do. It was Alex who broke the silence.
“It wasn’t hard to figure out what had happened after I finally reached Jessica’s father and talked to Sal this morning,” his intensely blue eyes stared into my own as he spoke. I saw the emotions play across his face, terror, relief, horror.
Alex’s words seemed to have shaken Cole from his stupor. With a hiss, he shoved me aside, knocking me to my hands and knees. His body seemed to shake for a moment before his shirt suddenly ripped into shreds. A pair of beautifully dangerous wings burst from his skin.
Seeing Cole standing there, in the real world, in his true form, was the most terrifying experience of my life.
The thousands of times he had grinned in glee as he pressed the brand into my skin flashed through my head. The sound of the demented laughter that I had heard from him and those who were in his charge filled my thoughts. And Alex was in the same room with him, standing directly in his path.
These thoughts all passed through my head in only a moment. That was all it took for the wings to coil and launch Cole at Alex.
I didn’t even hear my own scream as Alex and Cole collided into the far wall, just to the side of the bed. The sheetrock buckled beneath the force, dust exploding from the wall as they slid to the floor. Cole was on his feet again in a movement that was too fast to see. He grabbed the front of Alex’s shirt and launched him across the room. Alex’s body hit the space where the ceiling and wall met, the wall again crumpling, before he dropped to the floor.
Sobs and screams erupted from my chest as I tried to crawl over to Alex. He was struggling to sit upright, shaking his head as he briefly met my eyes, trying desperately to warn me to stay away.
As Cole slowly made his way across the room, I realized with horror there was a spot in Alex’s left arm that was bulging in the wrong direction. Blood covered his face as it poured from his nose.
“You couldn’t just leave her alone, could you?” Cole hissed as he reached for Alex again. He picked Alex up like a rag doll and slammed his body into the wall twice before he threw him across the room again.
Alex didn’t move for a second that felt like a century.
When he did, he rolled onto his side and he struggled to prop himself up on his good arm. He winced at the motion and even though he said nothing, I could see the pain that was in his eyes. I realized with horror one of his legs was resting at an angle that was just slightly off from what should have been possible.
“I will never give up on her,” Alex said with clenched teeth as he glared at Cole. “You have no idea what real love is.”
Cole crossed the room in three steps, this time grabbing Alex by the throat, pinning him against the wall.
“It’s too late for her,” Cole whispered, his nose only inches from Alex’s. “You can’t save her. I can give her something you never could.”
Alex’s hands which had been clawing uselessly at Cole’s stilled for a moment. “That’s where you’re wrong,” he choked, his eyes burning with intensity as he met Cole’s livid stare. “I made a deal,” I barely heard the words as Alex hissed them.
Cole’s expression suddenly went blank. Slowly a look of realization, anger, fear, and defeat all mixed on his face.
“No,” he quietly hissed.
“It’s true,” Alex whispered. “And you know there is nothing you can do about it.”
Cole’s face distorted with an emotion beyond anger.
“No!” he screamed into Alex’s face. He slammed Alex’s head against the wall, leaving a dent behind it. I could see Cole’s knuckles turn white and my screams poured out of me as I crawled across the floor.
With a sickening snap that filled the room, Alex’s struggling form went suddenly limp.
With one final heave, Cole threw Alex’s still body across the room, where it crumpled into a heap just behind the door.
I sat frozen on the floor as the world fell silent and seemed to stand still. I held my breath as I waited for Alex’s chest to rise and fall, for him to stir in anyway. He didn’t.
Cole looked from Alex’s body to my face. As I looked back at him I didn’t feel fear, I didn’t feel anger. I couldn’t feel anything. The perfect features now only seemed to emphasize the truth of what he was. His face twisted in anger that reflected the monster that was within.
Without saying a word, he turned to the door and walked out, his wings trailing behind him.
*
*
*
I held Alex’s limp, cooling body in my arms for hours.
The full truth of what had happened had still not hit. My body felt numb, I stayed detached from it, no emotions filled me. In truth I was probably in shock.
I didn’t realize at first how the chills had disappeared, my body relaxed, my head had stopped pounding completely. My strangely enhanced vision and hearing seemed to still be intact and with how my head had stopped spinning the effect was amazing. It was hours before I realized that I felt perfectly normal again. Better than normal. At least that was how my body felt. Inside, I was beyond broken.
Eventually as I caressed Alex’s cheeks, felt how they were no longer warm, felt the heat of his strong hands disappear, cold, cruel reality started to sink in.
Alex was dead. Cole had killed him.
The tears began first, building in intensity as they rolled down my face and spilled onto the top of Alex’s head as I cradled it against my chest. Small sobs bubbled from my lips and grew into cries of agony and torment.
Through my grief I couldn’t understand what had just happened. What had Alex’s
final few words meant? He had made a deal? There was nothing Cole could do about what?
And why had Cole suddenly left after? Why didn’t he just finish me off?
As no answers came, I realized something else. I had felt as if I had been under the influence of some kind of drug the last week or so. In a way I had. The feelings I thought I was having toward Cole, my strange, resigned behavior, it all had come from Cole. He had planted those feelings in me, made me see those awful visions of Alex and Sal.
Planted things that weren’t real about Cole and I into my head.
About one thing I knew he had been telling the truth though. I had indeed been dying. Now I wasn’t.
The last traces of even room-temperature warmth faded from Alex’s skin and it started to turn cold. The reality that Alex would never hold me in his arms again, never make another light hearted joke, never flash me his brilliant smile again was too much.
I was hysterical as I mourned over the loss of the man I loved more than I would have ever thought it was possible to love someone. Screams and wails poured from me and my crying did not stop when the tears ran out. Anger, frustration, sorrow, and pain ran though me, pounding me like a train wreck.
When I finally quieted on the outside, there were a few thoughts that kept running through my head, over and over.
I couldn’t go on without him. What was the point of living if the person I loved the most was gone?
As if in answer to my question, something shiny from across the room caught my attention. I crawled across the blood streaked floor toward it, sitting in front of it as I gently picked it up.
The gun had seemed so inviting before when Cole had given it to me. It had promised to end all the pain. While it was a different kind of pain now, it seemed to promise the same thing.
I sat with shaking hands holding the gun. Even though they shook, I felt suddenly very calm inside. I knew there was no way I could continue on now. There was no point in going on. The decision was so simple to make.