She saw how bright his eyes were, aglow with ambition and plans. “Was all this the reason you spent a whole twenty minutes with your children?”
Alex didn’t move, but Sierra could feel the cold front move in worse than an Illinois winter.
“The tongue is a restless evil, full of deadly poison . . . ,” her mother’s voice echoed in her mind, and Sierra felt a stab of shame. But before she could apologize, Alex spoke in a glacial tone.
“They like the idea of having their own pool.”
“Do they also like the idea of changing schools again?” she shot back, trying to keep the edge of sarcasm out of her voice and failing.
“Audra suggested a private school. I have the name she gave me written down.”
Naturally. “Has she offered to pay for it, too?”
Alex’s temper came surging to the surface. “What have you got against her? You haven’t liked her from day one, and she’s done nothing but be nice to you.”
“Is that what you call it? Remind me to kiss her feet the next time I see her!” Sierra moved away from him, filled with resentment and feelings of betrayal. She had tried to explain to Alex how Audra made her feel: uneducated, uncultured, and from the lower classes in a supposedly classless society. Alex insisted it was her imagination; she knew it was deliberate.
Every time she was with Audra, the woman made a point of mentioning this course or that course that she had taken at USC, any of which made her an expert on any given subject. Sierra might have an opinion, but it was an uneducated one.
“Oh?” Audra had said only two days ago in response to a comment Sierra had made. She arched her elegant brow. “And how did you come to that conclusion?”
They had been discussing the abortion issue, and Sierra had said she believed it was wrong to end the life of an unborn child. Clearly what her mother had taught her just didn’t cut the mustard in Audra’s eyes.
“Sounds like fundamentalist brainwashing to me,” she said with a pitying glance that dismissed Sierra’s lifetime of learning from her mother’s knee. Then Audra launched into a dissertation complete with “facts” proving the nonentity of the human fetus.
“Why didn’t you go to college, Sierra?” Audra finally said. “You learn how to think for yourself at college. If your parents couldn’t afford it, you could’ve gone to a junior college and then finished at a four-year university.” She said it so sweetly, it sounded as though she genuinely felt sorry that Sierra had lost out on the opportunities she herself had been given.
“Money was no problem. I just wasn’t interested.”
“Not interested?” Again the eyebrow arched. “Steve said Alex graduated with honors from UC Berkeley.”
“Yes, he did.”
“You might think about taking some night courses,” she said seriously.
Sierra waited for more, but it wasn’t forthcoming. Apparently, Audra felt she had said enough, and indeed she had. Even now, several days later, Audra’s implication rankled: Alex would lose interest in her because of her lack of education. Just because she hadn’t gone to college didn’t mean she didn’t keep up on what was happening in the world. She read the newspaper. She read magazines. She watched CNN!
Yet, even with all that, she was left feeling as though she were standing on sinking sand.
Shopping was even more excruciating. She had accepted three invitations from Audra because Alex insisted. Each time when Audra arrived, she tapped her long, coral-colored acrylic fingernails on the door and jangled the keys of her silver Mercedes when Sierra answered.
“Ready to go?” she said as though speaking to a recalcitrant child.
Chatting gaily, Audra drove to stores far beyond any ordinary citizen’s budget.
“Aren’t you going to buy anything, Sierra?” Audra said the last time while signing the slip for an eight-hundred-dollar dress. “That blue dress you were looking at would make you look wonderful.”
“At six hundred and fifty dollars, even a chimp would look wonderful in it.”
Audra had laughed at her remark, but Sierra felt the full force of an affronted glare from the elegantly attired saleslady. One just didn’t say such things on Rodeo Drive.
Actually, Sierra had wanted to say more. She wanted to add for both women’s benefit that if she had an extra six or seven hundred dollars lying around, she certainly wouldn’t put it all on her back!
Audra offered to treat her to lunch at Lowry’s. Sierra declined. She had been taught to reciprocate, and she doubted Audra would feel suitably recompensed at Denny’s.
“I’m sorry, but I need to get home, Audra. The children will be getting out of school soon.” She’d glanced at her watch to make her point. “I always pick them up.”
“You should get involved in a car pool,” Audra had commented, shooting the Mercedes in and out of traffic with the skill of an experienced Indianapolis 500 driver.
Sierra was tired of Audra “should”ing all over her. “Chauffeuring children to school is one of the delights of motherhood.”
“Delights?” Audra laughed. Weaving smoothly across three lanes of dense traffic, she glided down an off-ramp. “That doesn’t say much for the quality of your life.” Her eyes twinkled merrily. “We’ll have to do something to give you a little excitement.”
And now it seemed she had.
Was it really Alex’s idea that they look for a house so soon? Or had Audra through Steve advised they do so? Once they were under the weight of a mortgage, it would be pretty hard to change their minds about working in Los Angeles.
She pushed thoughts of Audra away and tried to reason with Alex. “I think it’s too soon to think about buying a house,” she said.
“You like living in a cramped apartment?”
She bristled anew at his sarcasm but remained calm. “You haven’t even been at your new job for four months, Alex. What if you decide you hate it?”
“I love it.”
“I’m saying if you changed your mind. You’re having a honeymoon at Beyond Tomorrow right now. The whole thing may come down around your head like a house of cards.”
“Thanks for your vote of confidence.”
“I’m confident in you, Alex, but I don’t trust them. Everything’s moving too fast. It’s all too easy. We should wait at least a year, Alex. So much can change—”
“Get it through your head, Sierra. I’m not changing my mind about anything.” Face rigid and pale with anger, he glared at her. “I’m getting pretty tired of you walking around with a black cloud over your head all the time.” He went to his desk and turned on the computer. “Either you can look around for a house and help make the decision, or I’ll just take care of it myself,” he said, his back to her. “The choice is yours.”
So much for priorities, she thought, tears brimming as she went into the kitchen.
She called the Realtor the next morning and made an appointment. Roberta Folse said she would be by at ten, which would give Sierra enough time to drop off the children at school and do her grocery shopping.
Roberta had penny-red hair, dark-brown eyes, and was slightly overweight. She was elegantly dressed in a green suit with a gold silk blouse and a string of pearls.
“Your husband said you moved recently and you were having a difficult time settling in,” she said when they were on their way in her sleek black Jaguar. “He didn’t mention where you lived before.”
“We both grew up in Healdsburg,” Sierra said, wondering how much else Alex had confided in this attractive stranger. “It’s about seventy miles north of San Francisco, in the wine country.”
“I’m familiar with the area,” Roberta said and smiled with complete understanding. “God’s country. No wonder you’re having trouble. Culture shock. This area must seem like another planet to you.”
Sierra warmed to her at once and felt herself relaxing. From that point on, they talked easily. Roberta had four children, all grown-up and in college or married. She had gotten her real estate license
when the market was booming. “I’ve always loved looking at houses,” she said, driving along pretty tree-shaded streets with charming ranch-style houses and some with a hint of Victorian. “You know, most people I know dream of retiring in the wine country or farther north in the redwoods. I like Garberville myself. It has an old-fashioned feel to it.”
“My brother owns a place there. He has twenty acres out near Whitethorn on the way to Shelter Cove. He likes to go up on weekends and relax.”
“Heaven.” Roberta sighed. “Well, we’ll see if we can’t find you a house down here that’ll have the country feel. Why don’t we take a look at this one?”
Roberta showed her four homes, all with four bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a pool. The prices made Sierra’s head spin and her stomach drop. They were four times what she and Alex had paid for their Windsor home! What was Alex thinking? Sierra confided her concerns to Roberta.
“It is a shock, I know. Your husband told me what you’re going to make from the sale of your home and what he’s currently making. It’ll be tight, but I don’t think you’ll have problems qualifying. Especially with Steve Silverman cosigning.”
Sierra could feel the blood running out of her face. “Cosigning?”
“It’ll speed up the process of you and your husband having a new home. Steve simply guarantees the loan.”
“So they would own part of our home?”
“Oh no, but should you fall into financial difficulties, which is very unlikely, Steve would have to assume responsibility for the mortgage. Alex told me his primary concern is location, which is wise. Should you decide to resell after a few years, any one of these homes would be snapped up quickly.”
Warning bells were going off in Sierra’s mind, but she couldn’t pinpoint the cause. She tried to talk to Alex about it that night, but he thought she was suspicious of Steve’s motives in offering to guarantee their loan and took offense.
“That’s not what I said!” Sierra protested, upset.
“Pretty close.”
“You don’t listen.”
“Then try making sense. Try thinking things through before you open your mouth.”
“Forget it,” she said, hurt. Did he think she was stupid just because she wanted all the facts? “Just forget it. We’ll buy a house. After all, it’s your money. Right? This marriage isn’t a partnership. I’m just the stupid, uneducated little homebody who happens to be your wife!”
“I didn’t say that!”
“You didn’t have to.”
Alex said barely a dozen words to her over the next week.
James Farr has come to live with us.
He talks to me sometimes when Matthew has other things to do. He is laid up with a broken leg and he is very sad because his mother and father was both dead from a terible Tragedy.
I herd him tell Matthew what happened.
James and his mother and his father was riding home from the camp meeting when his father says he sold out and they were moving West. James said his mother got crazy. She said she was tired of moving and had roots. She said if she was moving anywhere, it was back east to her family. His father said thar was better land West, and she said it werent land he was after. Her crying and his shouting made the horses start running. They wud not stop. A wheel brok off and the wagon turned over. God tuk mercy on James and threw him on soft ground. But his fathers head got cracked open like a melon and his mother got crushed when the wagon rolled over her.
I am sorry his mother and father are dead, but I am not sorry James is with us. I hope he stays forever.
When I grow up I am going to marry him.
James let me sit with him today. He did not say much to me and I did not know what to say to him. I read him two chapters from Exodus about Moses in the bullrushes and pharaoh’s daugher finding him. James said thank you very much. He took my hand and kissed it.
I will never wash my hand again as long as I live.
God says we are to love one another, but it is very hard to love Lucas.
Lucas told Mama he wuz in the barn when I got locked in the henhouse. He’s a liar. He always lies and Mama is so good she dont know the difference. I saw Lucas close the door. I heard him drop the bar. And I heard him laffing while I was screaming at him to let me out. He knows I am affeered of chickens.
Mama asked me why he wud do such a thing to his sweet little sister. I said he done it because he is mean. She said that was a very bad thing to say about my own brother.
Sometimes Mama dont want to hear the truth because then she will have to do something about it.
Matthew wud have done something. But Matthew was out in the fields with Papa.
Sometimes I wish I was a boy so I could grow big enuf to punch Lucas hard enuf to nock him down like Matthew does. Lucas needs nockin down.
Mama says that jest cause the devil nocks at your door dont mean you have to answer.
I think Lucas opened his door and invited the devil in a long time ago.
We went to camp meeting again. I did not like it much this time. Sally Mae Grayson and her yellow hair came. She has not been to a meeting in two years because she has bin living in Fever River with her grandmama and going to school. I wish she had stayed in Fever River with her grandmama.
Even Matthew who thinks girls are stupid and empty headed looked at Sally Mae like he was a sick calf. All the boys were following her around and wanting to talk to her. The only one she pad attention to was James. They sat together during meeting and ate together at supper. Sally Mae kept looking at me and saying little pitchers have big ears. James told me to go and get him another mug of cider and when I did and came back with it he was gone. So was Sally Mae.
I looked and looked until I found them.
Now I know what courting is.
I never want to talk about courting or hear about it again. No one is ever courting me like that.
Mama found me down by the crek washing my hand. She askt me why I wuz crying. I told her. I thot she wud go and make them stop what they wuz doing or at least tell Mister Grayson. All she did was hold me and rock me for a long, long time. She said idols always have feet of clay.
Sally Mae is not going bak to school in Fever River. James told Matthew that her grandmama wrote a letter to her father saying she was ailing and could not take her. She said Sally Mae wud be better off staying at the homestead with her papa. James said her schooling was lost on her anyway. He said Sally Mae knows more than she shud all ready.
I am going to die. My heart hurts so much I know I will be in the grave soon. James is goin. I’m never going to see him again. The only consolashun I have is Sally Mae wont get him either.
He thanked Mama and Papa over supper and said he cud never repay them for their kindnes to him. He said he is sixteen and old enuf to fend for himself. Papa said Fever River is a big place. James said he wants to be in a big place. He said maybe he will even go east. He said he wud like to see Boston and New York. He said he wud like to see England and maybe even China.
He and Matthew talked the hole nite before he left. I heard him tell Matthew he did not love Sally Mae and it wud be smart if Matthew did not love her either. You are not like me, James said. She will cut yor heart out and feast on it.
I walked with him to the crek bridge. I did not cry. I askt him strat out what he thot he wud find better in Fever River or China for that matter. He said he was not looking for better. He was looking for different.
Mama said he is lost.
I know I am.
Chapter 6
“Because it’s the way things are done down here,” Alex said, irritated. “When are you going to stop worrying about money? I just got a bonus. We can afford to have a professional decorator.”
“It isn’t just a matter of if we can afford it,” Sierra said, though that did concern her. Alex was spending money at an alarming rate, eating out at fancy restaurants every day for lunch, buying expensive suits. Why wouldn’t he listen to anything she said anymore? “W
hat’s the matter with the way we’ve decorated? People are comfortable—”
“Nothing goes together. Look around you, Sierra. Does Steve’s house look like this? Does Matt’s? Most of what we have are hand-me-downs given to us by our parents when we first got married. That old armoire in the bedroom, the hatch-cover table in the family room, those ridiculous brass lamps!”
“The armoire was the first piece of furniture your parents bought when they came to California.”
“So what?”
“It has a family history to it! It meant something to them.”
“It means poverty to me. I don’t need reminding.”
“That hatch-cover comes from an old merchant ship that sailed around the Horn and into San Francisco Bay in 1910. My uncle refinished it for us as a wedding present. Those brass lamps are almost a hundred years old.”
“And look every day of it.”
“I can get some new shades.”
“New shades won’t help. Don’t you get it? Everything we’ve got is junk. If you buy something from a discount store today and save it for a hundred years, it’s just hundred-year-old junk. That’s what we’ve got. Old junk!”
Sierra stood there, stunned. Had he always felt this way? She remembered how nice everything had looked in their small Windsor house. Maybe he figured what they had just wasn’t good enough in a five-thousand-square-foot, upscale, ranch-style house owned by an up-and-coming young executive.
“Look, Sierra,” Alex said, his tone gentling, “there’s a right way and a wrong way to decorate a house, and hiring a professional is the right way.”
“Who told you that rubbish?” she said. But she knew without even asking.
His dark eyes flashed with anger. “I’m saying it. All right? Does that make it go down easier? I’m sick of living with other people’s discards around me. I’m making good money. I bought this beautiful house for you.”
Rolling her eyes, she turned away.
“I don’t want it looking like it was decorated by someone running a flea market,” he said through his teeth.