TIME ADVANCES RELENTLESSLY. Life continues, God willing. And love continues, if you let it.
The sun was rising behind the buildings across the street from Ann’s small, worn apartment building situated on top of a hill in the Pacific Northwest town of Opportunity. Its brilliance was inadequately obscured by the hard, stony structures of man, as its vivid colors reflected off the clouds high in the morning sky, producing a magnificent sunrise.
As Ann gazed out her window, and sipped coffee, she reflected on God’s wonders and all He gave to her world.
This morning she allowed the grief and pain in her heart to resurface. It had been six months since Matthew’s death and she longed for her sweet, vibrant three year old.
The time seems to be flying by, Lord. Where has the time gone?
Recalling the day of his death, she remembered agonizing over how she was going to endure the pain, to find her way in life and survive the loss of her son.
Yet today, though the loss was just as vivid - the pain was less acute, not as devastating, and life’s outlook not as bleak.
The void in her heart from Matthew’s loss still endured. It probably would until the day of her death. The silence of his laughter and vitality couldn’t be replaced and she missed him.
But, it was her faith in God that gave her strength. She chose to trust Him and He comforted her. She was healing as much as a mother can, under the circumstances.
Life flows incessantly onward. At least I can go on, Lord, because I have you. And I’m not alone, am I? Thank you for my family, Lord. I’m glad they’re here.
Marty, Ann’s precocious seven year old daughter was so dear to her heart. Adorned with beautiful, green eyes and auburn hair, she possessed an energetic and vivacious personality, a lovely child, with a sweet heart and affectionate nature. She loved to give pleasure to all, and to everyone she met, she did.
Yet, Ann grieved to see the scars of life already marring her. She knew Marty had been wounded by her father’s abandonment, and the divorce only added to her pain. Her daddy had never visited, or taken care of them in anyway, and left them adrift in life to survive on their own, which hadn’t been easy. It still wasn’t.
But when he died in that accident… I can still see the hurt in her eyes, and to lose Matthew, as well. That’s the deepest wound, Lord. The children were so close. She seems so lost without him. How can I fix any of it?
Ann ached to take away her daughter’s pain, but all she could do was to trust in God for His provision and to make good memories with the time they had left, and so they did.
Ann’s mother, Emma, was also living at the tiny apartment, now. She was making a valiant effort to let go of her controlling personality, and Ann could see a true desire to please, which made it easier for her to allow her to stay.
Everyone wants to be loved and mother desires it more than most, I think.
Certainly there had been times in the past, when her mother’s controlling personality had surfaced, but Ann was able to give her a stern look and Emma relented.
It was difficult for her mother to change a life-time of control and power. It was challenging not to voice an opinion when she had one, to stop manipulating a situation, or to interfere where she didn’t belong. She knew if she wanted to stay, she could no longer run things and be the cause of strife. As she told Ann, the world didn’t come to an end, if she couldn’t have her way, but it sure felt wobbly.
Ann smiled with the memory and was grateful for their new relationship.
Sipping coffee, she continued reflecting on her past. The financial issues remained, and weighed heavily on her. She worked at the Mica Peak Real Estate office in Mica, Washington with her best friend, Shelly Ferguson, a tall, slender, elegantly dressed woman of grace and loving heart.
These two women worked side-by-side sharing confidences, hardships and recently, a renewed faith in God’s provisions for their lives.
Ann worked hard to sell the properties she had listed, but it often wasn’t enough to pay her bills, or keep food on the table. She was already two months behind with the rent.
What am I going to do?
Her landlord was sympathetic, but he had a business to run and if she couldn’t come up with the money soon, they’d have to leave.
But, where can we go? Maybe I should apply for welfare? but that thought was crushing.
She had enough of that type of life growing up. How could she raise Marty in the same environment she had as a child, with all the deficiencies, and the lack of essentials that colored the welfare life?
That’s no life for us! But, it’s better than being homeless, isn’t it? What would happen to us, if we became homeless?
The thought frightened her even more.
How can I fix this?
Daily, she scanned the want ads. Any steady job would be a blessing. But, though she applied for the few she could find, others were hired instead of her. The economy was struggling along with her little family and Emma’s small income from welfare wasn’t enough to pay the bills or offset the slump in real estate.
During these hard times, her life in the beautiful house on the lake was sorely missed, with all its conveniences and the money to buy whatever she wanted. But, it was the riches she missed, not her ex-husband and the home he had provided there. She’d never trade their situation to go back to him, even if she could.
With an uncertain future and the daily struggle to hold onto what little they had, Ann’s faith was sorely tested.
I’ll trust you Lord, I will! Just help me to know what to do, The least I can do, is count my blessings. I’m still working, we’ve a home, and I have my family. But, I’m so worried about taking care of them! she thought, as her faith faltered.
I hate being poor! the thought burst from her heart.
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