What if I could choose my own fate?
My body quaked at the flash of memories. I loved Shay. From the first moment he’d touched me, he’d wakened parts of myself I hadn’t known were slumbering. Our secrets, stolen moments, forbidden kisses, what we’d both risked for each other—all of it had led to the choice that brought me here.
I turned from the path of my destiny because I couldn’t let him die. But that wasn’t the only reason I’d fled Vail. The world I’d known had crumbled around me. An alpha protects her pack. Leads them. I’d abandoned them, but only because I’d believed it was the only way I could save them.
Jumping on Shay’s distraction, I seized the moment to stake my own claim in this fight. Despite my wariness of the Searchers, I needed their help. This might be the chance to get my packmates away from the Keepers.
“Yes,” I said. “I’ll do it.”
“Calla,” Shay began.
“No,” I said, silencing him with a glare and flash of my teeth. “They’re right. An alliance is what I want. What my pack would want.”
“Good,” Anika said.
I thought I heard Ethan grumbling as he stalked back to the corner where he’d been sulking before Lydia and Anika arrived.
“We could use some logistical information before we move forward,” Monroe said.
“I’ll tell you what I know,” I said. “I’m not sure how much it will help with planning an attack.”
“Anything will help,” he said.
Good.
“But let’s start close to home. We lost two Searchers in late autumn. Do you know what happened to them?”
Not good. I managed not to cringe. This wasn’t going to help with forging a new alliance.
“I do.”
One question and they’ll probably kill me if I answer it truthfully.
“Calla, wait.” Shay stepped closer to me, a warning note in his voice. I was certain his mind had jumped to the same dire place mine had.
I shook my head. “If they want an alliance, they need to know who they’re making it with.” And if they want revenge, so be it. I glanced around the room. The doors were closed. Solid, but not solid enough to withstand a Guardian crashing through them at full speed. I can make it if I have to run.
“But—” Shay’s fingers wrapped around my wrist.
I ignored him. “They’re both dead.”
Adne looked at the floor. Anika and Lydia sighed, but Connor scratched the shadow of whiskers on his jaw.
“That’s not exactly new information, Monroe.”
“We knew about Kyle,” Monroe said quietly. “He was among the Fallen. But we needed confirmation on Stuart. No one is counted as lost without a firsthand account of his or her death.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. “Firsthand?”
“Yes,” Anika said. “That’s our protocol.”
I wondered what they would do when they found out exactly how firsthand my view of the other Searcher’s death had been.
“Hang on a sec.” Shay was frowning. “What are the Fallen? I read that name in The War of All Against All. Are those the things that climbed out of my uncle’s gross paintings?”
As much as I didn’t want to, I shuddered the moment Shay mentioned the creatures that had pursued us through the cavernous halls of Rowan Estate. The way they’d shuffled, moaned—how empty their eyes had been.
“Yes, but we don’t have time to get into that now.” Monroe gave him a stern glance before turning back to me. “Now about Stuart, if you know anything . . .”
I nodded and tried to ignore how breathless I felt.
“What happened to our operatives, Calla?” Anika asked. “We need to know how they were taken. Our sources in Vail don’t have any information.”
“Sources?” I frowned.
The look on Monroe’s face squashed the question the moment I’d asked it.
“Just answer.”
Alarm sparked in Shay’s eyes. “I really think we need to put this in some kind of context.”
I pulled my wrist free of his grasp, ready to bolt or attack. “They already have the context, Shay. I’m a Guardian. They know what that means.”
“Aw, shit,” Connor muttered. He and Lydia exchanged a glance and they both began to inch toward Ethan, whose head had taken a deceptively innocent tilt as he watched me.
Adne looked at Connor sharply. “What?”
He shook his head to silence her, keeping his eyes on me.
I swallowed hard. “I was with Shay outside Efron Bane’s club when your men came after us.”
“Go on.” Monroe’s jaw tightened.
“It was my job to protect Shay. I killed one of the men on sight.”
“Stuart,” Lydia murmured. She and Connor stood alongside Ethan like two sentinels.
“Are we done talking now?” Ethan’s voice was quiet.
“Keep your head,” Anika said. “Winning the war is what matters. Wars make casualties.”
“Her kind make the casualties,” Ethan snapped.
“Look at her, Ethan. She’s just a girl,” Monroe said. “Remember what we’ve talked about. The Guardians aren’t what they seem. She may be able to help us bring them over to our side.”
The gentleness of his words startled me. I wasn’t too keen on his calling me “just a girl,” but I was glad enough that revenge wasn’t what Monroe was after. Unfortunately his perspective wasn’t shared by everyone in the room.
Ethan’s face contorted, twisting with outrage. In the next moment his crossbow was off his shoulder and aimed at me.
“Stand down, Ethan!” Anika shouted.
Connor wrenched the weapon from his hands. “Maybe you should leave.”
“I don’t think so,” Ethan replied without looking at Connor. “What happened to Kyle?”
“Other Guardians showed up,” I said, watching Shay step in front of me, almost blocking my view of Ethan. “They said the Keepers wanted him alive.”
Ethan nodded, the veins in his neck throbbing. “And?”
“They brought him to Efron Bane for questioning,” I said. I had to close my eyes, abruptly awash in the horror of that night—the way Efron had leered at me, how my skin had crawled at his touch. The sickening sensations gave way to rising anger. Let’s see him try that again—this time I won’t sit still and take it.
“Were you there?”
“Yes.” It felt like I was back in that office, hearing the Searcher’s screams while Ren gripped my hand. I shuddered.
“Did you do the questioning?” He looked calm. Too calm.
“No.”
“Then who did?”
“Ethan, this has gone far enough,” Monroe interrupted. “You know what happened to Kyle. We saw him at Rowan Estate. It’s over; let it go.”
Ethan glared at Monroe. “I have the right to know what happened to my brother!”
Brother? Ethan’s hateful glances, his constant sullenness—all of it made sense. Twinges of sympathy pinched my chest. I cleared my throat, which was suddenly thick as Ansel’s face flashed in my mind. “I’m sorry you lost your brother. I have a brother; if anything happened to him . . .” What was happening to my brother? And to Bryn, who is as close to me as a sister could be?
He turned wild eyes on me. “So tell me—”
“Wraiths,” I said quickly. “They always use wraiths to interrogate prisoners.”
“Wraiths?” His voice was strangled now. “They gave him to wraiths?”
His eyes closed for a moment, then his hand went to his waist. I saw the flash of steel as he drew a dagger from his belt. My body tensed, ready to shift in the next moment.
“And you were there,” he hissed. “He’s Fallen, and you were there. You soulless bitch, you could have stopped it!”
When his eyes opened, they blazed with grief-filled rage. He took a step toward me, the dagger held low. I was about to lunge at him when Monroe stepped between us. In the same moment Shay dropped to the floor—a golden
brown wolf hunched defensively just in front of me. He bared sharp fangs at Ethan, snarling.
Ethan’s smile dissolved and he paled even more.
“And you’re the one who made the Scion into a monster. I’ll flay you myself and wear your skin for a coat.”
Shay tensed, his ears flattening as Ethan lunged.
“No!” Anika shouted.
Monroe’s arm shot out, catching Ethan around the waist.
“Lydia, Connor, get him out of here!” he shouted as he restrained the furiously struggling man. “We’ll deal with this later.”
Spittle and a string of curses flew from Ethan’s mouth. The two Searchers rushed to aid their leader. With considerable effort they dragged the shrieking, sobbing man from the room. I could still hear his agonized cries as they disappeared from sight.
Monroe shook his head, grief etching his face. He glanced at Shay, who still crouched low, his eyes fixed on the doorway.
“Do you mind?” Monroe sighed.
“Shay, shift back,” I murmured. “Now.” And then a young man stood next to us again, though his eyes remained wary.
“If anyone hurts her, you’ll be sorry,” Shay said to Monroe.
“She won’t be harmed.”
Their conversation, taking place as if I wasn’t there, left me uneasy. I could understand, and even appreciate, Shay’s desire to protect me, but I was a warrior. I didn’t need protecting. A burr of resentment settled beneath my skin.
“An incident like that won’t happen again,” Monroe said. “I assure you.”
“I’m sorry about what happened,” I said suddenly, no longer willing to be voiceless while my fate was being discussed. “I know it probably doesn’t mean anything to you.”
I looked at the empty doorway through which Ethan had been dragged. “Or him.”
“It means something, if it’s sincere.” Monroe said, regarding my troubled expression with thoughtful eyes. “It will take some time before he trusts you. If he ever will.”
“This isn’t going to work.” Shay paced back and forth, fists clenched at his sides. “How can we get anywhere if one of you is always trying to kill her?”
He had a good point. I wouldn’t be helping my pack anytime soon if I had to worry about vengeful Searchers shoving daggers into my back.
“Ethan may be grief-stricken and angry, but he still follows my orders,” Anika said. “No one will harm Calla while she’s under my protection.”
I pivoted to face her, arching an eyebrow. “Under your protection?”
Maybe Shay was right. This alliance could never work. Alphas didn’t need protection. The Searchers didn’t understand my world or me. But was there any way I could save Ansel, Bryn, and the others on my own?
Anika offered me a wry smile. “I’m afraid that is your lot, Guardian. At least until you manage to convince the others of your loyalties.”
“My loyalty is to my pack,” I responded automatically, and then winced. The pack I left behind. I thought of Ethan’s crazed sorrow, wondering if I would have responded any differently had our situations been reversed. Would I have any room in my heart for forgiveness? I might not have killed Kyle myself, but he was dead because I’d done my job. I couldn’t blame Ethan for focusing his rage on me.
I don’t have any other choice; this alliance has to work.
Shay folded my hands in his own. The warmth of his touch pulled me from my dark thoughts. I met his eyes and remembered why I’d been willing to leave Vail. My earlier resentment draining away, I threaded my fingers through his and ran my thumb over his wrist. He smiled and my pulse stuttered.
“We’re going to help them, Cal,” he said quietly. “I’m back now, and that’s what we’ll do. We’ll help Ansel, all of the pack.”
I nodded, though the smile I wanted to give him in return wouldn’t appear. The lines around Monroe’s eyes tightened as he glanced at our entwined fingers. Self-conscious, I shook Shay’s hand off, wondering if all the Searchers despised the notion that their precious Scion could love a Guardian. My chest tightened when a nagging worry flitted through my mind. If they did, would it change how Shay felt about me?
“That’s what we all hope for,” Anika said. “But we need to know a bit more before we can make the next move. How long have you been planning to rebel against the Keepers?”
How long had I been planning to what?
“Uh . . . I—” Words tangled with my tongue. I hadn’t planned anything. Every decision I’d made had been about saving Shay. Choices made in the space of a breath. And it had been utter chaos.
“She was being forced to marry someone,” Shay said, revulsion edging each of his words. “At age seventeen . . . can you believe that?”
Monroe nodded, opening his mouth to respond. But I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. Why does it always have to come back to me and Ren? Doesn’t Shay realize the sacrifice Ren made by letting me go?
“That is not what—” I bit off the words, realizing that I didn’t want to air my relationship issues in public.
“I know it’s not all,” Shay said. I saw his sharp canines flash as he spoke. “But it’s important. That ceremony, having to be with him, it was insane.”
“How can you talk about him that way?” I snapped. “Ren tried to help us. He lied for us and the Keepers will know it. They could kill him!”
No, it was worse than that. And the awful truth of it was what fueled my rage. I lowered my lashes and spoke to the floor. “They will kill him.”
I didn’t bother to hide my grief when I looked at Shay again, unblinking though my eyes had filled with tears.
Shay’s face paled; the veins in his neck were throbbing, but it was Monroe who reacted to the sound of Ren’s name.
“Ren?” His eyes widened. I could tell he was fighting to keep his tone neutral. “Do you mean Renier Laroche?”
“You know who he is?” I asked, startled.
Monroe turned his face away. “I know of him,” he said, his voice rough.
Anika was watching Monroe carefully. “That’s an interesting development. It could be vital, don’t you think?”
Monroe didn’t meet her eyes, but he nodded.
“Tell us more about this ceremony,” Anika said. “It would help us to understand exactly what we’re walking into in Vail.”
“Calla and Ren were supposed to form a new pack this spring,” Shay said, still glaring at me. “Another set of Guardians to protect Haldis Cavern.” His jaw clenched. “One of the Keepers’ arranged unions.”
I glared back at him, biting my tongue. Hadn’t I run from the union, leaving Ren behind, risking everything to help Shay escape? What else did I have to prove to him?
“We’re familiar with that practice.” Monroe met my gaze. “You were running away from him?”
“No, not from him,” I said. Shay’s hands formed fists and though it was petty, I felt a pinch of satisfaction. “The Keepers were going to make us kill Shay as part of the union. I found him tied up in the woods. I had to run to save him.”
Shay wasn’t looking at me anymore, and the ripple of smugness faded to guilt. It didn’t help that Adne had taken his hand, leaning in to whisper to him. Great, now I’m a slutty bitch and she gets to be the good friend. Nice work, Calla.
“The sacrifice,” Monroe said. “We knew that was going to happen at Samhain, but we didn’t know where. We tracked the Scion’s location to Rowan Estate.”
“Lucky for us,” I said, shuddering at what might have happened if the Searchers hadn’t appeared that night.
“Were the Guardians tracking you?” Monroe asked.
I nodded. “They sent the Banes after us.”
“An entire pack?” Anika frowned. “How did you elude them?”
Shay sighed, as if he were conceding a major point. “Ren helped us get away. He caught up with us in the woods, and he let us go, kept the rest of the pack off us.”
“He helped you?” Monroe’s eyes found me; the dark glint of
his gaze remained utterly unreadable.
“Yes.” My response was barely a whisper. I was finding it hard to breathe. Each moment I relived from that night was like a stone placed on my chest, piling up one after the other to suffocate me.
Adne continued to watch us.
“That’s good to know,” Monroe said.
“Yes, it is.” A smile appeared on Anika’s lips and vanished just as quickly. “That bodes very well for our plans.”
Connor reappeared in the doorway. “What’d I miss?” His eyes flicked to Adne and Shay’s twined fingers, and he grimaced. “Let me guess, the Scion proposed to you.”
“She knows Renier Laroche,” Adne said, grinning at his sour expression and keeping her hand clasped in Shay’s. “They both do.”
Shay grimaced and twisted his fingers free of hers, looking at me sideways. I smiled at him, and his expression softened.
Connor whistled, his irritation giving way to surprise. “Isn’t that interesting.”
The two of them exchanged a knowing glance. Why do the Searchers all know about Ren?
“For the moment that’s not our concern,” Monroe said curtly. “Where’s Ethan now?”
“I sent him to work point for the Reapers,” Connor replied. “I think the outpost is a safe enough distance.”
“He’s just come off patrol.” Monroe frowned. “He’s not due to go back out until tonight.”
Connor shrugged. “Lydia thought it was a good idea too. Ethan needs something to keep his mind occupied. Besides, you know he’s our best sniper.”
Monroe made a low, affirmative sound, leveling a serious gaze at Shay. “I understand why you were about to attack Ethan, but you’d best avoid shifting into your wolf form while you’re among us unless we’re out in the field, fighting. There are a lot of itchy trigger fingers around here that belong to soldiers trained to shoot Guardians first and ask questions later.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Shay muttered.
“Thank you,” Anika replied. “Calla, before you left, had any of your packmates expressed discontent with their lot? If Ren was willing to take that risk for you, it would follow that others might come to our aid—with your leadership, of course.”