“Well, you can’t be called Worldwide Airways unless you are, in fact, worldwide,” my dad says.
“Exactly.” Devon smiles.
“I know Andi’s worried that my birthday comes when she’s out there, but she needn’t be.” When he winks at Devon, I see the look they share. It’s almost like they’re up to something. I don’t call them out on it, though.
“I’ll make it up to you when I get back, Dad.”
He points his fork at me. “I’m sure you will, sweetheart. Just don’t worry about it. I think you’ll have a great time out there.”
We carry on eating our meal, chit-chatting. I notice my brother looking worried about something, which has me on edge. It’s only once we’ve finished that I find out what’s going on.
“Andi, that was gorgeous,” Charlie says. My dad and Devon nod, smiling. “Listen. I’m glad everyone is here because I have an announcement to make. I have three more weeks before I get my next placement.”
I frown. “Back to Germany?”
He sighs and looks down. “No. Afghanistan.”
I shoot out of my seat. “What?!” I scream.
Charlie reaches his hand out to mine. “Calm down, Andi—”
“Calm down? How do you expect me to ‘calm down?’ How long… How long will you—” I try to get the words out, but the tears come.
“Four months.”
“Four months?!” I shake my head. “You can’t do this. You can’t leave—”
“Andi, please, listen to your brother.”
I snap my head to my dad. “Did you know about this?” Judging by the way he hangs his head, I already know the answer.
When I briefly look at Devon, he’s shaking his head slightly, as if to warn me. It just makes me madder. “You can’t go!” I snap. “You can’t leave us.” I feel my voice shake.
“Andi, I went into the army knowing this may happen. I choose to fight for my country, and the army has heard my call.”
“I don’t care about your fucking army.”
“Andi, that’s enough!” Dad shouts.
I know I’m acting like a selfish and spoiled child. Even as I shout, I know my behaviour is unreasonable, but I just can’t help myself. “No, Dad. It’s not enough. Charlie’s going to one of the most dangerous countries in the world. We’ve already lost Mum.” I look at Charlie, gritting my teeth, trying my best to fight back my tears. “I refuse to lose you, too.”
Angry, I push my chair out of the way and rush toward the garden to cry out my frustration. As I open the door, I can hear my dad say, “Leave her. She just needs a minute.”
I run toward a small spot I used to hide in as a child. Once there, I sit on the little seat and let the tears flow. As my own selfish reasons for lashing out subside, the guilt comes. I know I shouldn’t have yelled the way I did. I know my behaviour was unacceptable. I also know that, as soon as I go back in, I’m going to apologise. But I couldn’t help it. Apart from my dad, Charlie’s all I have left.
“You shouldn’t have said that in there.” I snap my head up to see Devon staring at me as he leans against the side of the house.
Frantically, I wipe away the tears. I refuse to let him see me in this state. “You think I don’t know that?” I sniffle and look away.
“It was selfish of you.” I get up, not wanting to hear any more. “You can’t take the heat when someone calls you on your bullshit, can you?”
I stop and turn around to face him. I stalk up to him and jab my finger into his chest. “I don’t need you to tell me shit. I know what I said was unreasonable. What I don’t need is you rubbing my face in it.”
He looks at my finger pointing at his chest. “Have you said your piece, little girl?”
Instantly, my face flushes with anger. “How dare you—”
“Watch what you say to me,” he interrupts.
This man keeps pushing me and pushing me. Why? Because he wants me to snap? He knows he must be pressing my buttons, but he doesn’t seem to care. I’m so angry I feel like I could gouge his eyes out. Talking to me like this in the office is one thing, but having him speak to me like this in my own family home is another.
I glare at him. “We’re not in the office today, Devon, so don’t think you can speak to me like that. You’re in my house—eating dinner with my family. I’m not someone you can boss around here. Yes, I said things in there that I shouldn’t have, and yes, I will go in and apologise. What I don’t need is you acting like Mr High and Mighty, telling me what I said was wrong. Don’t talk down on me like you have no flaws. At least I can admit mine.”
His eyes widen. For the briefest of moments, it makes me feel like I have the upper hand. Unfortunately, as per usual, it doesn’t last long.
He leans in so close that I feel his breath against my skin. I will my body not to react to it, but it does. He locks his eyes on mine before trailing them down to my lips. I swallow hard before he looks back up. “Number one, this is your dad’s home. Number two, I will talk to you however the fuck I like. Number three, I don’t know what you’re talking about because I haven’t got any flaws. You, on the other hand …”
I grit my teeth. “Do you know what you can do?”
“No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me anyway.”
Without another thought, I say, “You can go fuck yourself.”
I start to walk away, but he grabs my wrist, spins me around, and pushes me up against the house before locking his lips with mine. At first, I’m rooted to the spot in shock, but then he squeezes my waist to him and coaxes my mouth open. When he does, I moan—immediately giving in to his sweet taste.
“Andi!”
I can vaguely hear my name being called, but I’m so caught up in the moment, I fail to realise it’s my brother. It seems Devon is the same because instead of pushing me away, he grabs the back of my head, and breathlessly trails kisses from my lips to my cheek, along my neck, and across my shoulder.
I moan again. It’s like I’m having an out-of-body experience. Have the last ten minutes really happened?
“Andi!” my brother calls again. He’s closer this time, and it registers with us.
Devon breathlessly pulls away. I watch as he struggles to compose himself before Charlie catches us.
“There you are,” Charlie says as he comes around the corner. He looks from me to Devon, then back to me. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine,” Devon says. “I think Andi wants to say something.” He pats him on the back. “I’ll leave you to it.”
For a moment, I frown. I should be processing my outburst back in the house, not what the hell happened out here.
“I don’t want to, but you understand why I need to do this, don’t you?”
Snapping myself to the present, I look into Charlie’s concerned eyes, which make me feel guilty. “I’m so sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean to—”
“Shh …” He brings me in for a hug. “It’s okay. I kind of expected it, but I know you don’t mean anything by it.”
“I’m worried that when you get back, you’ll be a changed man. I hear the stories, Charlie. I’ve read how war can change a person. I don’t want it to change you. I want my brother to come back the same—both physically and mentally.” I grip my eyes shut, hoping this is just a bad dream.
“Andi, I promise it won’t change me.”
“How can you promise that?”
I feel and hear him sigh. “I don’t know what to say to reassure you that everything will be okay.”
I clutch onto him. “I don’t want you to go. It’ll tear me apart knowing you’re out there, always wondering if you’re safe.”
I feel him stroke my hair. “I know.” He kisses the top of my head and then pulls away. He cups my cheeks in his hands. With his thumbs, he wipes away my tears. “I’m not planning on going anywhere, Andi. In just over four months, I’ll be home and you’ll be shouting at me about something else.”
I laugh. “I still think y
ou stole my Now Greatest Hits CD.”
He chuckles. “That’s my girl.” He brings me in for another hug.
“I love you, Charlie. So much.”
I feel him squeeze me. “I love you, too, Andi Pandy.”
The next morning, I feel ill. After I had apologised to everyone and stayed a little while longer last night, Devon drove me home—silently. I ended up drinking margaritas with Ritchie until midnight. We laughed, and then I embarrassed myself by drunk crying. I sometimes wonder how Ritchie puts up with me.
Now, walking into work, I wonder if what really happened yesterday was all a big dream.
Devon kissed me.
Devon actually fucking kissed me.
But the fact he took me home last night without a single word spoken made me wonder if it did, in fact, actually happen. I could still taste him on me, though. I could still feel the tingle on my lips. I was so engrossed in thinking about that and other things from last night that I failed to remember I hadn’t texted Ben back. As I walk in, coffees in hand, I plan to remedy that the second my coat is off, but what I hear halts me.
“Yes, Devon! Right there!”
My eyes widen when I hear something crash to the floor. I hear the sounds of a woman moaning, then another couple of crashes before there’s silence.
I flop down into my chair. I can’t believe he’s blatantly having sex like this. I wonder why he would do this, knowing I’d soon be in, so I check my watch to make sure I haven’t accidently shown up early. It’s ten to nine, so no.
For a moment, I don’t move. I’m too stunned. Then I think about what he did to me yesterday, and that makes me really angry. In fact, I have a feeling this was perfectly orchestrated so I would get to hear them. This is Devon’s way of telling me the kiss meant absolutely nothing to him.
Even though I’m angry, I should have expected it. It’s Devon all over. Plus, he doesn’t owe me anything. We’re never going to be more than boss and assistant.
It still pisses me off.
When I hear more noises, I sit up, throw my coat off, and boot up my laptop. Just as I settle in, the door opens. Out walks Petra Johnson, one of Devon’s women he likes to entertain from time to time. She’s blonde with fake boobs and, of course, legs that go up to her neck. When Petra spots me, she giggles.
“Oh! Hi, Andi. Sorry. We were just—” Devon slaps her bottom, making her yelp and giggle some more. I just roll my eyes. When I look back at him, he’s staring at me. I don’t even give him the satisfaction of knowing I care. Instantly, I look away.
Petra pulls her handbag up over her shoulder and walks up to my desk. Her hair looks like she belongs with the band, A Flock of Seagulls, and her bright red lipstick is smudged.
“You look nice in your …” She looks me up and down, trying to find something to compliment me on. It’s one of the same outfits I’ve worn countless times. “Your blouse,” she finally says, letting out a breath. I can tell that was hard for her.
I point to my cheek. “You have a little …” I motion to her face.
“Oh,” she responds, trying to rub it away. It only seems to make it worse. “Better?”
I nod. “Perfect.”
Petra turns to look at Devon, wiggling her fingers at him in a wave. “TTFN, big boy.” She giggles again before walking off. “Bye, Andi.”
“Bye, Petra.”
As soon as she’s gone, I’m out of my seat and walking toward Devon’s office. He’s already gone back in and is adjusting his tie, running his fingers through his hair. I place his coffee on his desk. He notices my displeased expression.
“Have something to say?”
I don’t even look at him when I answer. “At least she remembers my name.”
He lets out a small laugh. “There’s only one name they need to remember when they’re in this office.”
I sigh loudly, not caring that he heard. “Is there anything you need me to do before I get on with the Tecko reports?”
Sitting, Devon pulls down his sleeves, buttoning them. “Yes. I need you to pick up my dry cleaning.” He places his fingers on a slip on his desk and pushes it toward me. “Once that’s done, I need you to book me in for a haircut at Joel’s before taking my Ferrari to get serviced.”
I grumble. “How am I supposed to do all that and find time to do your reports?”
He clasps his hands together. “Find time. It’s what I pay you extremely well for.”
Jerk!
“Is that all?” I say through gritted teeth. I probably shouldn’t have asked that.
“Come to think it, Miss Casey mentioned that she’s in a tight spot today and doesn’t have time to walk her dog. I told her you would do it.” My mouth drops open. “I’ll text you the address. All you need to do is tell the man at the door your name and he’ll let you in.”
You have got to be fucking kidding me?!
This Miss Casey is someone he fucks on occasion. He doesn’t care about her, let alone her dog. He’s just doing this to piss me off.
He carries on straightening his desk, completely ignoring me.
“Devon, walking dogs is not in my job description. Especially if it involves walking the dog of someone you choose to … entertain every now and then.”
He hears the innuendo in my voice and looks up. “Number one, whom I choose to entertain is none of your business. Number two, as of now, it is in your job description. If you don’t like it, you know where the door is.” He points to it to get his point across. “And number three, I am Mr Jackson or sir to you. If I hear you address me any other way while we’re in the office, I shall have no other alternative than to give you a written warning, which will go into your file. Do you understand me?”
Oh, I understood him all right. I understood him loud and clear. That kiss yesterday was a mistake and now he’s making me pay for it.
Practically snatching the dry cleaning receipt, I turn toward the door. I’m trying really hard not to say anything, but he makes it so hard. My anger boils so much that, at this moment, I don’t care if I’m at work right now and this arseholes my boss. I spin around to see he’s looking down at his phone.
When he senses I’m still here, he looks up. With a frustrated sigh, he raises his eyebrows. “What?”
There’s no turning back now.
“I will get your dry cleaning, get your car serviced, and book your hair appointment because that’s what you pay me extremely well to do. What I refuse to do is walk the dog of someone you fuck every once in a while.” I see his eyes widen, like he can’t believe I’ve just said that. It makes me braver. “And if you dare tell me I’m fired for refusing, I shall get myself a solicitor and sue your arse for wrongful dismissal.” Smiling brightly, I give him a little wave with my fingers. “TTFN, big boy,” I sing before shutting the door.
I take a deep breath. I can’t believe I just said that to him, but it was necessary. He can be an arse all he wants, but I wasn’t the one who kissed him. I wasn’t the one who grabbed him, shoved him up against the wall, and crashed my lips to his.
So why does it seem like he’s blaming me for it?
“Fucking prick,” I mutter before sitting down at my desk.
“There’s no need to guess whom you’re talking about.”
My head snaps up to find Mark standing in the doorway, smirking.
I smile. “Good morning, Mark. How are you today?”
Waving his hand, he walks toward me. “Oh, I’m good. I don’t think I can say the same for you, though. Is he in an especially loving mood today?”
I chuckle. “You could say that. He’s got me doing things far beyond my capability.” I shake my head at the thought.
Walking toward my desk, he sits down on the edge. “Ah, he’s probably a little too focused on the Sutherland deal. The moment that’s closed, he’ll be putty in your hands.”
“Yeah, right.” I shake my head.
He points to the office. “I take it he’s in there?” I nod. “Good. He wanted to g
o over a couple legal things to do with Sutherland.”
I motion with my hand. “Be my guest. I’d rather it be you than me.”
Getting up, Mark chuckles as he walks toward the door. He knocks, but instead of the usual “Come in,” Devon opens the door.
“Morning, Mark. Thanks for coming down.”
They shake hands. “No problem.”
He motions for Mark to walk through. Just when I think Devon is about to shut the door, he fixes me with a stare. My heart rate picks up, nervous about the fact I may have pushed too far.
“The dry cleaners opened fifteen minutes ago.” He shuts the door without another word, leaving me to release a huge breath.
Yep. Today is going to be another long day.
The next couple weeks are just as bad. It’s been very much like that movie Groundhog Day where Bill Murray relives the same day over and over again. I can now understand why it drove him crazy.
Ever since he kissed me, Devon has been a prick. He’s ordered me to do things I’ve never done before. If I dare call him out on it, he threatens to fire me. In fact, he says the only reason he’s keeping me is because it would look bad if I don’t show up in New York with him on Monday. However, despite me standing up to him, he hasn’t told me I’m fired once we return. I may not stand for his bullshit anymore, but I still feel like I’m holding back. Sometimes, the urge to let rip consumes me.
As we sit on Devon’s private jet, I’m surrounded by all the comforts any girl could ever wish for. I’m definitely anything but comfortable right now. Devon is being his usual dick self, bragging to Mark and Anthony about his latest conquest he picked up last night. I just sit there, sipping my juice, dreaming about being anywhere else—preferably with Charlie. After I get back, he’s only got a few days before he flies to Afghanistan. I’ve since come to terms with the fact that he’s going, but I still don’t like it. The thought still churns my stomach every time I think about him out there.
I hear all the men laughing, but choose to stare out my window at nothing but blue sky and white clouds beneath me. We’re flying over the Atlantic right now, heading toward the Canadian coast before making our way down to JFK. I should be happy. I should be excited. But the thought of leaving my father and brother behind to spend a week with this prick makes my blood boil. I should be spending as much time as possible with them before Charlie leaves. Yet here I am, travelling thousands of miles away. It just doesn’t seem fair.