“The big house has enough bedrooms for all of you,” Slone pointed. “Let’s get you settled and then we can talk, then I can give you a tour of the ranch and we can start first thing in the morning.
All of them nodded and looked around curiously but followed Slone into the large house. There was an older woman and man in the foyer waiting for them. They all looked at Alex who shrugged.
The woman smiled and with tears in her eyes, she walked to each of them and hugged them saying as she did, “I am Louise, the cook and housekeeper, and this is my husband, Timothy, who is a handyman and wrangler that is going to help you out. Welcome home, and I am so happy you are all here, if you need anything you tell me. Now, I have a nice pot roast and potatoes, green beans and a nice chocolate cake for you. When you are ready, come down, and I will get your favorites written down.”
The men looked stunned and accepted the woman’s hug, and then mumbled in return. They weren’t quite sure what to do about this show of emotion. It just wasn’t what they were used to.
“Thanks,” Alex said and looked down to the floor.
Her husband walked up, stuck out his hand, and said gruffly, “Welcome.”
Alex looked at the older man warily and shook his hand. It was firm, and the look of understanding crossed the older man's face and Alex looked at the others as they followed, and he saw the kindred spirits all relax with the man's handshake. This was the right move—Alex knew it.
It took them a few minutes to pick their rooms, the guys telling Alex to take the master bedroom since his parents gave the ranch to him, and it would be his home, hopefully.
Alex looked around at the room, it was decorated in a pale green, not really his color, but it would have to do since he didn’t really have a knack for decorating. Living with the team, he didn’t really notice it that much, but this was different, this was the place he was going to stay, and so maybe the colors would have to go.
It held a huge bed that reminded him of his parents, he wondered for a second why they had put this here, but the room was large and so he shrugged, Bailey probably decorated. There was dresser that Alex threw his bag on top of, old habits die hard it seemed when he didn’t unpack, only opened it, and set a few things out.
Damn, Alex ran his hand through his hair; it had been a long day already. All he wanted to do was lay down and relax. He snorted to himself, relax, yeah, like that would happen. He had not been able to relax since the bomb, something was bothering him, and in the back of his mind—he knew what it was. There was something he was forgetting—something important.
'Of course it is important, man, that is what I have been telling you,' Wolfman said, leaning against the door. This time his friend was alone.
'Dude, can't you just tell me what the hell I need to remember. I don’t want to keep playing these games,' Alex said tiredly.
'You need to get some sleep, man, you look like shit,' Wolfman said.
'I feel like shit, everything seems to be out of control. I keep thinking I am going to wake up and all this shit is going to be a dream,' Alex said and sat down heavily on the bed.
'Come on, man, maybe you need to listen to the doctors. You need someone to talk to,' Wolfman said and sat down next to him.
'I don’t need someone to talk to, like they are going to understand. Were they in any situation like we have been in? Like they would understand why some of the things we had to do were necessary? You and I both know why we can’t talk about shit, none of us want to see the looks in their eyes when they hear some of the shit we had to do to keep us, each other, fuck—the country, alive,' Alex said grimly.
'It's not for them to agree or disagree; they don’t get to have an opinion on the things we have done. However, you need to get some of the shit out, if not a therapist then maybe someone else. Someone you are close to that you can trust,' Wolfman reasoned.
'Why do you care?’ Alex grumbled. 'You're fucking dead, and I am here, alone, and having to deal with all this shit. It would've been so much easier to be where you are. I don’t have anything that needs accomplished, you do, it should have been me, not you,' Alex said and looked at his best friend with pain in his eyes.
'You selfish fucker,' Wolf raged. Alex was caught off-guard and looked at his friend in surprise.
'Me selfish?’ Alex roared. 'What the fuck about you, coming every day to remind me of something I am supposed to remember that I have to do for you. Have you asked how any of the guys are doing? Have you checked? No, all you care about is me doing something for you.'
'That is not what I am talking about,' Frank said and grabbed his friend and held him up by the collar of his shirt. 'We have checked on the others, like we have anything better to do. I was talking about your family, your friends, all the ones who would be devastated if you were gone. Have you even called the dads in days? You have been given a gift, no one knows why one of us is dead while the other lives, who gives a shit, it is about what the fuck you do with the second chance you get.'
Alex looked down. His friend would never understand the guilt he carried over living. That day he replayed over and over in his head during the day, and then at night, he would have nightmares before he had his strange fucking encounters with the dead. None of his manifestations admitted to knowing about his dreams, but Alex could see the pity in their eyes. Pity was not an emotion Alex could handle on a good day. Since he was young, he refused to wallow in pity because of his situation. He was raised in foster homes, group homes, and orphanages, whatever. Until his family found him, Alex was just existing. Then he was living.
'Fuck you,' Alex yelled and grabbed his friend and shoved him against the door. 'You have no idea what I am feeling or thinking.'
'Dude, think about your family. Hell, think about the guys, Voodoo, Ice… They are your family too, and they can't handle someone else dying,' Wolfman said.
There was a loud knock on the door and Alex opened his eyes to see where his dead best friend stood, Alex was pushing against the door. Fuck.
“Dude, you okay? It sounded like you dropped something against the wall!” Slone yelled.
“Everything's fine, I’ll be down in a few,” Alex called.
“I have to go out to the barn, the others are gathering in the living room. I will be back,” Slone called as he was walking away.
Shit, Alex thought, and walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He avoided it most days, not wanting to see the man standing in the mirror. Alex could see the pain in his eyes. The scars of wounds healed over the last ten years. They made him who he was, and yet—Alex felt like he was staring at a stranger.
Alex shrugged off the emotion and cleared his face—this was who he had become. He was someone who held in his emotions, and didn’t show anyone where he was hurting. He turned and walked out of the bathroom without a backward glance.
His teammates settled into the living room, none of them talking and looking around the place with interest when Alex arrived.
“What’s up?” Alex asked and plopped down on the corner of the sofa.
LC looked uncomfortable and said, “We need to talk about this now, before anyone comes in. The boxes.”
Alex leaned forward and said, “What do you think we should do?”
The others nodded and looked at their leader who sighed and ran a hand over his face. “First off, we need to start using our real names, we aren’t in the military anymore and it doesn’t feel right to have someone other than you call me LC.” The men looked at each other and nodded. “That was who we were, and we need to figure out who we are going to be. At least that is what the fucking counselor said before we left. I agree now that we are here. Next, I think that we need to settle into a routine, get our feet wet, and have weekly meetings with each other and get some of this shit out, another suggestion mind you, 'cause I am not into the touchy feely shit either, just like none of you are. Here, Alex is the leader.”
“Whoa,” Alex said and held up his hand.
“
Your ranch, your rules,” Gage said and leaned back. “The shit with the past, I will take lead, but the other stuff—all on you, man.”
Alex sighed and leaned back, “Fine.”
Slone opened the front door, looked in, and nodded. “Ready?”
They went out the front door and once again, Alex was struck with the beauty of the land before them. It was peaceful. Something he was longing to have. Peace.
Slone took them to the barn and introduced them to one of the hands that were working. “In two months we are going to go to an auction. Before then, you all need to decide what kind of ranch we are running here. I have a few suggestions, since I am the foreman, but it will be up to you. Dallas and Noah made it clear that you were supposed to learn everything and anything you wanted to.”
Alex looked at the guys who stared in interest around the barn and nodded. Good, at least so far so good, they were going to have to talk about what they wanted.
“Then we can hire the men we need to, and get busy, this will be hard work, and long days. But in the end, each of you will know what running a ranch entails. Now, let's start with the daily chores,” Slone said and began to explain how things worked. The longer his friend talked the more comfortable Alex became.
“Dinner,” Slone announced after he had finished explaining and began to lead them back to the main house. The men were all quiet, taking in all the information.
When they all entered the house, Louise and her husband were there ready with a perfectly cooked meal.
Chapter Seven
After the first few days of fuck ups, the guys began to relax and get into the work that was set before them. They fell into a comfortable routine after the first week and soon the time seemed to fly as they slaved hard and learned what they could about ranching. Throwing themselves into their new life, they did research and talked nights about what they wanted to do with the land they had been given As a group, they decide that even if the men made their own homes, the ranch itself would remain together, so they threw their money in, and decided they wanted to raise Black Angus cows, and a few horses. They argued over who was going to be in charge of what, and soon they had their plan. Each of them finding something of interest to them. Their injuries had mostly healed. They were given the all clear when they went to Cheyenne to have their final checkups. They declared the physical wounds healed but the mental ones remained. And none of them would actually talk to the counselors—no matter the threats.
Slone and Alex seemed to fall back into the friendship they had before. Although it took a few arguments to get there. One of them happened the week after they arrived when Alex refused to get out of bed but had instead—decided he wanted to wallow in his self-pity.
“Get up,” Slone argued.
“Leave me the fuck alone,” Alex growled and pulled the pillow over his face.
“You have a ranch to run, and responsibilities, you asshole.” Slone had finally shown his temper, for the first time.
“I don’t have any responsibilities, other than to my team and my country,” Alex retorted.
Alex heard Slone walk away and he relaxed. Good, he'd given up. If he didn’t want to get out of bed, then he wouldn’t. Frank had been silent for the last few days and Alex began to wonder if they left him for good, the thought actually brought on this depression.
Slone apparently had not left and suddenly Alex felt the icy cold water hit the back of his head, and then, the bed tipped and Alex ended up on the floor. Pissed off he raised his head and yelled, “What the fuck?”
“You have been moping around here for days, talking to no one, ignoring the shit that needs to be done. Get over yourself, man,” Slone yelled.
“Really? And you know so much about my life and me now? A few letters a year and suddenly you have the right to tell me how I am acting. Go fuck yourself,” Alex growled and pushed himself up, and put the mattress back on his bed, with a defiant glare he fell back down on the wet bed. Shit, proving a point was fucking cold. The ice water soaked his blanket and sheets.
“I will tell you what I know, you self-indulgent little prick, there are five other men out there who are depending on you as you lay here feeling sorry for yourself. I promised your parents I would not let you fail, and damn it, you are going to start giving a shit about this ranch, or I am gonna kick your ass every day until you do!” Slone yelled and grabbed Alex by the foot and pulled him from the bed.
“Damn it,” Alex swore and glared at Slone.
Since that morning, they had a few other instances, but none of them to that extent. The meeting with the guys helped. The first one was uncomfortable. LC talked about what the therapist wanted them too. Then it changed, they had begun to tell stories and had laughed. Over the last few weeks, Alex had begun to relax enough, although they asked about the dead, Alex had shrugged and told them since the first day, he hadn't heard anything.
They remained at the ranch, even at night when a few times Slone suggested going into town. For now, they were good with their own company. The first few nights had been rough. Each of them staying awake, and wandering the property, making sure it was secure before they could sleep. Old habits and all. A couple of times they had even stayed up all night, watching and waiting for an enemy who never came.
Louise had silently made sure each of them knew she was there, and had taken to making special foods for each of them during the week. She discovered Mason’s love for Cajun, and begun to have Cajun night where she cooked his favorite, and then there was Gage, who loved a good grill out, plus Drake who liked Italian. They fell into a routine and soon they were in the second month of being at the ranch. Alex remembered he had not spoken to his family. Damn, he was an ass.
He sat down in the chair in the office, one that everyone acted like was his, and stared at the phone. Who the fuck was he supposed to call, and what the fuck was he going to say? It was easier, just ignoring the fact he had a family. Even though he knew it was driving the girls nuts, not hearing from them, they gave him time. Time that he needed to stop using as an excuse from hiding from the real world.
Shit, not yet, he thought and leaned back, he needed to talk to his friends. They would get this, none of them had been in contact with anyone either. Maybe they could explain why it was so hard to think about talking to the people he knew loved them. So he'd wait, they had a meeting tonight.
He picked up his hat and walked outside, breathing deep on the porch and looked around. The trucks, cars, and motorcycles that had arrived last week were littering the drive. Their things had finally arrived, too. Alex had left all of his stuff in the truck, without unpacking, hoping that it would unpack itself.
Slone yelled from the barn, there was another office in there. One for the foreman, and Alex walked toward it.
“Yeah?” Alex said, as he grew closer. His teammates were all standing inside waiting for him apparently.
“The auction is next week,” Slone said and pointed toward the computer. “We think we have picked the lot we want.”
“Fine, let me see,” Alex said and went to the computer.
For the next three hours, they talked business and for the first time in a long while, Alex felt like they were moving forward. They had a lot to learn, but all of the studying this last month paid off. They attacked it like any mission, and learned the ins and outs like the good soldiers they were.
Each had their own strengths like in the military. Alex still had a good head for the computer and numbers. He learned the business side quickly. Whereas Mason and Jessie knew about horses from their previous life, and had taken over searching for their lot. Drake and Gage both learned the cattle side of the business. That left Alex and Thane, both were good at business. So, they teamed up and worked the financial side of things.
Slone and Alex were easily working together, like they had always been a team. And the guys really seemed to accept the foreman knew things they needed to learn. Soon they would be hiring more men, they discussed it, and Thane wa
s in charge of that.
Finally the night came. The meeting. All of them sat in living room, edgy. Something seemed to be pushing them to talk tonight. Alex looked around expecting to see Frank or the others, they were here, he could feel it. Thane walked in with a large box and set it on the coffee table.
Fuck, Alex thought and looked at his friend. “Tonight?”
“It is time,” Thane said and they all nodded.
“We do one box at a time, I think we can handle that. Frank was the issue a few months ago, so let's do his first,” Thane said.
“Okay?” Gage said and looked at the others.
“Who is opening it?” Mason said grimly.
“Alex?” Thane asked and looked at him pointedly. “He chose you.”
“Can I ask something first?” Alex said quietly and then continued without waiting. “Why can’t I seem to call my family?”
“What do you mean?” Drake asked.
“I mean, I can sit in front of the phone for hours and never actually pick it up to call them,” Alex said gruffly, as if he was embarrassed to show this weakness.
“Maybe you don’t have anything to say,” Drake said quietly.
“Or maybe you have too much to say,” Jessie said.
“Either way, you are gonna have to suck it up and just call. Like a band aid, rip it off fast,” Mason said.
“Great, thanks for the help,” Alex said sarcastically.
“Listen, man, none of us have called anyone either. I find myself looking at the phone, thinking of people who would probably like to know we were okay and still alive, and then I think, why? Who really cares? Not all of us are like you, we don’t have a family, and you are our family. The only ones I care about are in this room right now. So, to answer your question, we would like to help, but we can't, 'cause we are all in the same boat as you. I think it is about time we start to get out there a bit more. No more sending Louise and Tim to the store when we can go, and a night out here or there, to the café, would probably be nice for Louise,” Thane said softly but firmly.