Jason and Jenny knew that Aimee’s behaviour had been ‘challenging’ with her mother and when she’d first come into care, but at the permanency planning meeting I’d reassured them that with routine and firm boundaries Aimee had responded very quickly. They also knew that during the introduction and just after the move Aimee might become unsettled and revert to some of her previous bad behaviour. I thought it was just as well she was doing it now rather than suddenly after the move, which could have caught them unprepared.
‘Aimee, I think you need some quiet time,’ I said evenly, ‘so you can think about the right decision you need to make.’ This was one of the strategies I used with her at home if she resisted what I’d asked her to do, although recently it hadn’t been necessary. ‘We’ll go downstairs and you can come down when you’ve thought about what I’ve asked you to do, and have come to the right decision,’ I said. Turning, I left the room and then followed Jenny and Emily downstairs.
‘Aimee will be down soon,’ I said to Emily as we entered the lounge, for she still looked worried. ‘She’s had such a good time playing with you, she doesn’t want to leave.’ Which was true, but Aimee knew she needed to do as the adult looking after her said.
‘Emily understands that it’s going to be a bit strange for us all to begin with,’ Jenny said as Emily sat on her father’s lap.
I smiled and sat on the sofa with a stoical expression, hoping that Aimee would appear soon and not let me down. At home a few minutes’ quiet time usually did the trick, but of course we weren’t at home now and Aimee might be thinking she could do what she pleased here with Jason and Jenny. Jason began reading Emily a story while Jenny made light conversation with me, but I think we were all listening out for any movement upstairs. I didn’t think Aimee would let me down, but of course she was testing the boundaries here in front of Jenny and Jason so I couldn’t be sure. I was beginning to consider an alternative strategy when a couple of minutes later, to my relief, we heard footsteps on the stairs, and then Aimee appeared at the lounge door.
‘I’m ready to go now,’ she said a little sheepishly.
‘Good decision.’ I smiled. ‘Well done. Now let’s say goodbye nicely, and we’ll see everyone again tomorrow.’
That evening Adrian, Lucy and Paula were in for dinner all at the same time – an increasingly rare occurrence in our house now they were all older. It was like old times as we sat around the table talking, eating, laughing and sharing our news, although Aimee did most of the talking: about Jenny, Jason, Emily, her new home and bedroom, and Peter the house-trained rabbit who went for a walk on a lead.
Adrian, Lucy and Paula were pleased that Aimee was so enthusiastic and excited about her new home and family, but there was also an underlying sadness. The enthusiasm Aimee was showing for her new home was a sign of the attachment she was forming to her new family, and the start of her detachment from ours. Although no one said anything, we were acutely aware that we’d have to start getting used to the idea that Aimee was going, and quite soon. Adrian, always one to internalize his feelings, looked particularly pensive and thoughtful as Aimee chatted. I’m sure he would have liked a closer relationship with her, as he’d had with other children we’d fostered, had things been different. I’d never told Adrian all the details of the allegations Susan had made against him and his friends, so he was unaware of how close he’d come to being the subject of a police investigation. I shuddered every time I thought of what could have happened if the social services hadn’t seen Susan’s complaint for the nasty troublemaking it was. Lives are ruined by unfounded malicious allegations, as ours and his friends could so easily have been.
That evening after dinner Adrian and Lucy went out with their respective friends while Paula stayed in to revise for her A-levels, which began in four weeks’ time. Once I’d seen Aimee into bed I took Paula up a cup of tea, as I usually did when she was studying. As I opened her bedroom door I saw she looked sad and deep in thought.
‘Try not to worry about your exams,’ I said. ‘You’ll do your best, and that’s all you can do.’ Paula had set her sights high on passing with good grades and I was worried she was overdoing it.
‘It’s not so much that,’ she said quietly, sitting back in her chair at the small table where she worked.
‘What is it then, love?’
She gave a small shrug as I placed the mug of tea on the table beside her.
‘You can tell your old mum, can’t you?’
She smiled but it was a sad smile. ‘I keep thinking back to the evening you told me Aimee was coming to live with us. Do you remember what I said?’ I shook my head. ‘I was horrible. I said I didn’t want her to come and live with us. I hope she didn’t realize I didn’t want her.’
‘Of course not. And you weren’t horrible,’ I said, surprised and concerned that Paula remembered this and was now worrying about it. ‘You were cautious because you had exams coming, and I hope I understood that. You’ve been great helping me look after Aimee. You all have.’ I kissed the top of her head.
‘I haven’t spent a lot of time with her because of my exams,’ Paula said. ‘Aimee knows that, doesn’t she? It’s not that I’ve been avoiding her.’
‘Of course she knows that. Please don’t worry.’
‘I’m sad she’s going,’ Paula said quietly. ‘I was hoping she might stay.’
‘I know, love. We all felt the same. Hopefully Jason and Jenny will keep in touch, and we’ll see Aimee after she’s moved.’
‘I do hope so,’ Paula said.
Chapter Thirty
An Incredible Family
‘I will still see you guys when I’m gone, won’t I?’ Aimee said, giving me another hug.
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Jenny and Jason have promised to keep in touch. They’ll phone to arrange for us to visit when they feel you have settled in.’
‘Good,’ Aimee said, kissing my cheek. ‘I’m going to miss you all.’
It was Friday evening and the end of the two-week introduction period, which had gone very well. Aimee would be leaving us in the morning to go and live with her forever family. We’d had a little farewell party earlier in the evening when my parents, some friends of mine who fostered and three of Aimee’s friends from school had come for supper and to say goodbye. It had been a happy-sad occasion, for while everyone was obviously pleased Aimee was going to have a loving family of her own we were clearly all going to miss her.
Now I was settling Aimee into bed and saying goodnight, for what would be the last time. I was trying to keep a firm lid on my emotions so that I wouldn’t upset Aimee.
‘Will you bring Adrian, Lucy and Paula when you come and visit me?’ Aimee now asked.
‘Yes, of course I will, love.’
‘When will you visit?’ she asked again.
‘In a month or so when Jenny and Jason feel the time is right,’ I confirmed. While Aimee was looking forward to going to live with Jenny, Jason and Emily she was also struggling with leaving, just as we were. I knew that once she was on her way in the morning she’d be fine. ‘Come on, off to sleep then,’ I said. ‘You’ve a busy day tomorrow.’
Aimee continued to sit upright in bed and found more questions to ask. ‘Are they all coming?’
‘Yes, as far as I know.’
‘What time are they coming?’ she asked, although I’d already told her.
‘Ten thirty,’ I said again. ‘As long as the traffic is OK.’
‘So I will be home with them for lunch.’
‘Yes, you will,’ I said. During the two-week introduction Aimee had slowly gone from referring to Jenny and Jason’s house as my ‘new home’ to just ‘home’, which was positive. ‘Now, off to sleep. Then you’ll be bright and fresh in the morning.’
Aimee finally laid her head on her pillow, but then she sat bolt upright again. ‘We mustn’t forget to pack Kerry,’ she said, referring to the soft toy cat she was cuddling.
‘No, we won’t,’ I said. ‘I know we’ve got t
o pack Kerry, the pyjamas you’re wearing and your washbag. Don’t you worry, I’ll remember.’ I’d already packed all Aimee’s other belongings, and the suitcases, bags and boxes were stacked in the hall. ‘Now snuggle down and try and get some sleep,’ I said again.
‘OK,’ Aimee said. ‘But first I need to tell you something.’ And I thought she was going to tell me that she was going to miss us all, as she had been saying on and off all evening. But she didn’t. Instead she said, ‘Cathy, you know when I told you about Craig, and Mum’s friends who did bad things to me?’
‘Yes?’ I said, taken aback and puzzled that she was suddenly thinking of this now.
‘Well, I’m sorry, but I didn’t tell you the truth.’
I stared at her and my heart sank as a cold chill ran down my spine. ‘What do you mean?’ I asked, hardly daring to hear her reply. For if Aimee was now telling me she’d made up the allegations of abuse, then innocent men had been accused, and she was a plausible and convincing liar who could never be trusted. The police, social services, Jenny and Jason would need to be informed and I’d been completely taken in.
Aimee lowered her eyes from mine and clutched Kerry tightly to her chest. I sat on the bed beside her and felt my pulse beating loudly in my chest. ‘Well?’ I asked. ‘Tell me what you mean.’ Unpalatable though it was, I needed to know so that I could inform all those involved.
‘Well,’ she said, still not looking at me. ‘You know I told you I couldn’t remember the names of the other men who hurt me?’ I nodded. ‘Or why I was so scared I wet myself? And you said when I did remember I should tell you.’
‘Yes?’
‘Well, I did remember, a long time ago, but I didn’t tell you. I told you I didn’t know, which wasn’t true. It was a lie. I always remembered the men’s faces and some of their names, and I know where some of them live. I can remember the things they did to me, and I know why I was so scared I wet myself. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth, Cathy. I do remember.’
Relief that she hadn’t made up the allegations flooded through me before a chill of a different nature began to settle on me. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ I asked.
Aimee shrugged.
‘Can you tell me now? So those men can be arrested.’
Aimee shook her head and, finally raising her eyes to mine, said, ‘I can’t tell you because if they find out I told they’ll be angry and come looking for me and Mum. You don’t understand because you live in a nice house and have nice friends, but the people Mum knows are horrible. They carry knives and hurt people if they tell on them. I don’t want Mum hurt and I don’t want to be hurt, so I’m not telling you.’
‘Oh, love, I do understand,’ I said, putting my arms around her and drawing her to me. ‘I understand you are scared and that you want to protect your mother. But if you don’t tell me and those men aren’t put in prison, they’ll be free to hurt other people. Also, it often helps if we can share our hurts. Are you sure you can’t tell me?’
‘I’m sure,’ she said quietly.
‘All right. Perhaps when you are at Jenny and Jason’s you’ll be able to tell them? They live a long way from here.’
‘But Mum will still live here and they’ll come looking for her,’ Aimee said, which was true. I held her close.
‘I understand,’ I said again. ‘Maybe in years to come you’ll feel differently. It’s never too late to tell the police if an adult has hurt you. And in the meantime, do you remember I explained that once you’re settled with Jenny and Jason you’ll be seeing a play therapist?’ The social services had decided that Aimee would benefit from play therapy to help her come to terms with everything that had happened to her and this would start after the move.
Aimee gave a small nod. ‘To paint pictures and make models,’ she said, resting her head on my shoulder.
‘That’s right. Some children find they can tell the play therapist things they have been keeping to themselves – worries they hadn’t been able to tell other people. Maybe you will.’
‘Maybe,’ she said quietly, in her quaint way. ‘But I’m glad you know I haven’t been telling the truth. You’ve been so nice to me. I felt bad about telling you lies.’
‘Oh darling, they weren’t really lies,’ I said, hugging her. ‘You’re just not ready to talk about what happened yet and I understand that.’
‘Do you?’ she said, kissing my cheek. ‘Good. You understand lots of things. I’m going to miss you.’
‘I’m going to miss you too, love.’ And I felt my eyes start to fill.
The following morning, and unusually for a Saturday, all members of my family were up, washed and dressed and in the sitting room just after 10.00. Everyone wanted to see Aimee off and we were now waiting for the arrival of Jenny, Jason and Emily. We’d just given Aimee her leaving present – a musical jewellery box – and a farewell card. I was helping her read the words in the card, for although her reading was improving she still had a limited sight vocabulary. I’d read the printed verse in the card and was now reading the personal messages we’d written. You’re a good kid. Look after yourself. All best wishes, Adrian.
‘That’s nice,’ Aimee said. ‘Thank you, Adrian.’
‘You’re welcome,’ he said, slightly embarrassed.
‘This is from Lucy,’ I said, pointing to the message she’d written: Keep smiling that cheeky grin. I’ll be thinking of you. Love and kisses, Lucy.
‘Ahhh, that’s nice,’ Aimee said, and Lucy smiled.
‘And here Paula has written: Take care little sis. I’ll miss you. Loads of love, Paula. With more kisses.’
Aimee now smiled at Paula. ‘Thank you, big sis.’
‘And this is mine,’ I said, pointing to the words I’d written. ‘I’ve put I’m very proud of you, Aimee. You’ve achieved so much. I’ll be thinking of you. Take care. All my love, Cathy. And there’s a line of kisses.’
Aimee smiled and studied the card for a while longer and then slid it carefully into its envelope. ‘Can you put my card and present in my case so I don’t forget them?’ she said quietly.
‘Of course, love,’ I said. Standing, I carried the present and card to the hall, where I zipped them carefully into one of the holdalls, and then returned to the sitting room. It was very quiet.
After a busy week, the gaiety of our little party the previous evening and then having been occupied this morning with cooking breakfast and packing the last of Aimee’s belongings, none of us had had much time to dwell on Aimee going, but now we were grouped in the sitting room waiting for the doorbell to ring, the atmosphere was bleak.
‘It’s great everyone is able to be here to see Aimee off,’ I said, trying to lighten the mood.
Lucy managed a small ‘Yes’, while Paula stared pensively at Aimee and Adrian concentrated on the floor.
‘Shall we play a game of cards?’ I suggested. ‘We’ve got time.’ But it was like suggesting we dance the hokey-cokey at a funeral. They looked at me and no one moved. ‘Cluedo? Snakes and Ladders?’ I tried. Same response.
Then the doorbell suddenly rang, making us jump. ‘Perhaps they’ve arrived early,’ I said, hopefully, leaping from the sofa. It wasn’t that I wanted to get rid of Aimee – far from it – but now the day had come when she was definitely going she needed to be on her way for everyone’s sake.
Aimee came with me down the hall to answer the door, while Adrian, Lucy and Paula peered expectantly from the sitting room. I opened the front door and was relieved and pleased to see Jenny, Jason and Emily stepping into the porch.
‘Welcome,’ I said, opening the door wider. ‘Good journey?’
‘Yes, we’re early,’ Jason said. ‘Is that all right?’
‘Absolutely.’
Aimee was pleased to see them too and gave each of them a big hug in turn and then took hold of Emily’s hand. ‘I want you to meet the big boy and girls,’ she said in her quaint old-fashioned way. She led Emily down the hall to the sitting room. My children hadn’t met Aimee?
??s new family yet.
‘That’s some cases you’ve got there,’ Jason said, meaning there were rather a lot.
‘Yes. A bit different from when Aimee arrived,’ I said. For they knew Aimee had arrived in what she stood up in.
‘How is she now the big day has come?’ Jenny asked, lowering her voice so she couldn’t be overheard and unbuttoning her jacket. ‘We’ve been nervous, so goodness knows how Aimee must be feeling. We were all up at six o’clock!’
‘I know the feeling,’ I said. ‘But she seems to be doing all right. It’s the rest of us. Come through and meet my family.’
I led the way down the hall and into the sitting room, where I introduced Jenny and Jason to Lucy and Paula and they said hi to Adrian. I then offered Jason and Jenny coffee.
‘We stopped off for one on the way,’ Jason said. ‘Thanks anyway.’
‘We thought it best to keep the goodbye short,’ Jenny added, which I fully appreciated. Prolonged and emotional goodbyes are upsetting and not in anyone’s best interest. ‘We’ll use the bathroom and then go, if that’s OK with you?’
‘Yes, of course.’
I showed them to the bathroom and then when they returned to the sitting room there was an awkward silence before Jason said, ‘Well, Aimee, we’d best be on our way, then.’
‘I’ll give you a hand loading the car,’ Adrian said, and we all traipsed into the hall.
Lucy and Paula helped Aimee into her coat and shoes and then stayed in the hall with her and Emily, while Adrian, Jenny, Jason and I loaded the car. It was a fine spring day outside, clear and fresh with birds fluttering in the hedgerow, nest-building. It took a number of trips in and out before the hall was empty. Their car was large – a people carrier – which was just as well. The boot was full and we’d stacked a couple of bags on the rear seat. Returning to the hall for the last time I checked around for any stray bags but it was clear. ‘If I do find anything, I’ll send it on,’ I reassured Aimee.