JUST IMAGINE
A short story by Edua Erasmus
Published by Edua Erasmus
Copyright 2016 Edua Erasmus
Front Cover Design by Edua Erasmus
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction.
The events and characters described herein are imaginary and are not intended to refer to specific places or persons. Any resemblance to any person or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
All rights reserved.
The rights of Eduard Joseph to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him under the South African Copyright Act of 1978 (as Amended)
Shaun and James were best friends ever since they were three years old and were inseparable. Not only did they have everything in common from food likes to dislikes and favourite toys, but they were in-tune with each other’s thoughts to a degree that they could finish each other’s sentences. And the reason for this was because Shaun was James’s imaginary friend.
James was home schooled by his mother and created Shaun out of boredom and boy was Shaun a boredom killer! The two of them would go on imaginary trips in the backyard on a daily basis – from safari, mountain climbing, space exploration and even undersea adventures.
James’s father died when he was six and his mother had to go back to work to pay the bills and he went to school for the first time. At first Shaun came along and kept James company, but as time went by James realized that he was the only kid with an imaginary friend while the others all interacted with each other.
There comes a point in everyone’s life when you should put away childhood things and enter the real world and this happened at the early age of seven when James started to ignore Shaun until he finally vanished.
James went on to high school, became a popular athlete and one of the smartest kids in his class. With college scholarships on the horizon, he had everything he always wanted… but Shaun was left out in the cold.
The thing about imaginary friends is that we breathe life into them; we shape them into what we want – we are them and as we age so do they. Just because we no longer play with them doesn’t mean they no longer exist…
ONE
Shaun sat on the toilet seat and listened to the spurting water while James took a shower. Memories of the two of them splashing around in the shower came flooding back to Shaun and he wished he could relive those days – sure he’s tried taking a shower with James now that they were both a month away from eighteen, but it just wasn’t the same. James wasn’t the same.
Shaun glanced up as the shower curtain opened and James stepped out. Maybe he was invisible because James changed so much? Not only was he popular, smart and funny, but he also had a killer body while Shaun was still a bit scrawny. It’s been over a decade since they went on an adventure and he didn’t see the use in exercising when nobody could see him.
James towelled himself dry, put on a pair of pants and walked bare-chested to his bedroom as Shaun followed him like a shadow. He wasn’t bound to him by fate or anything like that and could leave any time he wanted to, but rather he was bound by love. He admired the man James had become and found himself in love with his best friend.
He had tried so many times to tell James that he was still there and how he felt, but he simply couldn’t get through to him. James had grown up and had forgotten about him, but Shaun couldn’t let go. How do you let go of the one you were meant to be with?
James lied down on his bed, picked up a magazine and paged through it while Shaun stood in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest.
“Why can’t I get through to you?” Shaun asked himself.
He watched as James paged through the magazine; oblivious to his presence like every day before it.
If only he get James’s attention for a split second and let him know he still there… would it even be any use if he tried to scream? Shaun tried it a few years back, but it didn’t do anything. James didn’t hear him and it left Shaun with a hoarse voice for a day.
He walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed near James’s feet and stared down at his own thighs – they seemed a little more transparent than they usually were. The transparency thing was something Shaun noticed about a week earlier around the time James stopped hanging out with his friends and spent more time at home.
James seemed lost and lonely the last few days – almost as if longing for something or someone, but Shaun couldn’t tap into his longing to make contact.
James sat upright and their hands touched for a split second as he pushed himself off the bed. Though Shaun felt the spark it was evident that it went unnoticed by James as he walked over to the window and stared out into the distance.
“Why can’t you feel me?” Shaun asked himself as he joined James by the window, “God, I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself.”
He stared at James from the side and wanted to touch his face, but every time he did that it was as if his fingers vanished into James’s skin without him feeling it.
“I’m home!” His mother called out from the living room.
Their eyes met for a split second as James turned to face the bedroom door and just like everyday; hope faded that he might’ve seen Shaun as he picked up a shirt and got dressed. The bedroom door opened and James’s mother peeked in.
“Hey honey.” She said, “How was school?”
“It was alright.” James said a bit bummed, “How was your day?”
“SSDD. Same shit. Different Day. Is something wrong?”
James forced a smile onto his face, “Everything’s fine. I think I’m gonna go to the park for a while.”
“Okay, just be home in time for dinner.”
James nodded and put on his running shoes, though he wasn’t really in the mood for running and rather just wanted some fresh air to clear his mind. He felt a bit down the last couple of days and didn’t know why.
The fresh air did little for the way he felt and he pondered about what to do the upcoming weekend seeing that he wasn’t in the mood for his friends. Maybe go to the mall and watch a movie on his own? Or perhaps go to the beach and surf a bit? He hadn’t gone surfing in a while.
Shaun walked next to him with his hands in his pockets and stared down at his feet as they walked in silence. They used to talk nonstop when they were children, but Shaun had grown fond of the silent walks to the park – almost as if they were a couple who didn’t need words.
There were a handful of children playing in the park and an old man who sat on a bench talking to himself. James decided to walk over to a vacant bench as he was in no mood for the ramblings of a crazy old man. The old man chuckled as they walked on by and Shaun glanced up at the elderly couple who sat on the bench and he made eye contact with the old lady who stood up and gestured for him to come closer.
At first Shaun was confused as to why she could see him, but once James sat down on a bench a few feet away he stepped closer to the old woman.
“What’s your name, son?” She asked.
“Shaun… you can see me?”
“Of course.” She chuckled, “You and I… we’re the same.”
Shaun noticed that the old man was smiling at him – he too could see him.
“I don’t understand.” Shaun was baffled.
The old woman took his hand, “You’re becoming transparent… you’re starting to disappear forever.”
He jerked back his hands and stared at her in disbelief – she had it wrong. He was just… changing like James changed over the years. He’d know if he was disappearing, right?
“I’m Annabelle.” She said, “I used to be Frank’s imaginary friend until he grew up and forgot all about me. When we were both seventeen someone told me what I’m
about to tell you: you have until his eighteenth birthday to make him see you again or you’ll disappear forever.”
Shaun didn’t know how to respond and simply stared at her in disbelief.
“If you want to stay in his life, you need to fight for it.” She said, “It will cost you all your energy, but once he sees you he’ll always be able to see you.”
“Listen to her.” The old man said, “We humans might learn not to see our imaginary friends, but we can be taught to do so again.”
“Trust me.” Annabelle said, “I started to disappear the closer we got to Frank’s eighteenth birthday so I did what I had to do to be seen.
Shaun glanced over at James who sat on the bench and stared up at the clouds and he longed to play the game they used to play as children where they’d spot animals in the clouds.
He turned back to the old woman, “Did it work?”
“We’ve been together ever since.”
“Once he sees you again he’ll always see you.” The old man assured him.
Shaun stared at James again; he seemed so sad as he sat on the bench and Shaun so desperately wanted to tell him that everything would be alright, but would it? He glanced down at his transparent hand and could see the gravel footpath on the other side.
“You’d better hurry.” Annabelle said, “It’ll only get worse.”
TWO
Shaun woke up screaming the next morning – not that James could hear it despite the two of them sharing the same bed. He sat upright and stared at his hand while James lay sleeping with his back to him; not only was his right and a bit more transparent, but an entire section of his arm had vanished.
“This can’t be happening.” Shaun uttered; almost crying.
It had to be a dream. The old woman was crazy. He wouldn’t disappear into nothing… but Shaun knew it wasn’t a dream. He and James shared the same dreams – except that Shaun stood on the side-line in the dreams just like he did in real life.
“This can’t be happening.”
James turned onto his side and his hand fell right through Shaun’s thigh; sending a bolt of electricity through his body. It was at that moment that he realized that he was indeed disappearing forever and that James was his only salvation. If he wanted to be with the man he loved, he’d have to find a way to make himself be seen… but how?
Terrified at his bleak future, Shaun stared at his mutilated arm for a moment longer and then lay down next to James and stared at him. Though their faces were mere inches apart, he couldn’t feel any farther away from James than he did at that moment. He was slipping away and couldn’t even get James’s attention long enough to be rescued.
“James?”
His whisper was met by rapid eye movements while James slept.
“Can you hear me?”
James didn’t respond – not that he expected otherwise.
“James… I need you… I’m disappearing and I can’t stop it.”
He snuggled closer to James and his body heat flowed into Shaun’s cold body as if they were one being.
“James?”
He felt something poke him and that’s when Shaun realized James had an erection. Though he was a bit startled, he always wanted to feel James’s erection pressed up against his body, but before he could savour the moment, the alarm clock chimed. James opened his eyes, rolled onto his back and hit the snooze button.
They both lay on their backs and stared up at the ceiling; James was going over his math homework in his head while Shaun lay motionlessly snug between the wall and the man he loved with the feeling of James’s erection still firmly in his head. He knew it was only a morning woody, but still – it made him feel noticed, almost as if it was meant for him.
“I gotta tell you something.” Shaun said; keeping his sights on the ceiling.
James glanced over at the alarm clock – it was just after six. He didn’t have to get up until six thirty, but always liked waking up early and planning his day or reading a book or something. While his mother needed coffee to kick-start her day, all he needed was to stare at the ceiling. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t feel as alone when he stared up at the ceiling in the mornings.
“We’ve been sleeping side by side now for almost twelve years.” Shaun said, “And that’s the first time that we kinda cuddled. It was nice.”
Shaun turned to James; he was staring up at the ceiling with his head resting in his hands. He pretended that James heard what he said and stared up at the ceiling. He knew that pretending would get him nowhere and that time was running out.
“I like our ceiling-staring moments,” Shaun said, “But I need you to see me… or I will die.”
James rolled onto his side and reached for something underneath the bed while Shaun sat upright to get a better look. James rolled onto his back again and opened up a porno magazine causing Shaun to roll his eyes.
“You can imagine doing stuff to them, but you can’t imagine me anymore?”
THREE
We are bound to our imaginary friends by our isolation and longing for acceptance. That’s why they are perfectly suited for and by the one who created them. We create a friend who is perfect in every way and who knows us inside out because they are us. But when the bonds are broken, they are forced to live side by side with the one who created them while they develop their own personality, hopes and dreams.
Shaun became the reclusive nerdish boy he felt like as he lived in James’s shadow every day; hoping that the boy he loved would love him back, but that never happened. No matter how lonely James was at home, he seemed a bit more relaxed when he was amongst friends at school.
Shaun tried everything he could possibly think of to get James to pay attention to him. He screamed at him all the way to school, picked James’s nose on the bus, dressing like the boys in his porno magazines with sagging shorts and boxers sticking out and even danced naked in front of the blackboard in maths. Despite knowing that this was one of James’s worst nightmares, not even dancing naked in a classroom filled with students was able to draw his attention.
“Why is it so difficult for you to imagine me?”
Shaun sat in Jenny’s seat right next to James. She was James’s best friend and was off sick the whole week. He rested his chin in his upturned palm; staring at James who listened thoughtfully to what the teacher said.
“What do I have to do to get your attention? I’m still here, but I won’t be for much longer. “