I don’t miss him raising his eyebrow, disapprovingly.
“Anyway, my dad beat my mom so bad he actually stayed away for over a week, so he didn’t have to look at what he had done. Baze would check in on us and one thing led to another one night, and never stopped. Ironically, he made me feel safe, and I think he made mom feel safer too, which was stupid cause dad still beat her. We weren’t exclusive or anything, but we saw each other when we could.”
It’s weird talking about the beginning, it was only last year but it feels so long ago now.
“Did you love him?”
Love.
“I liked how he made me feel, but I didn’t love him. I knew as much as he liked me in return, he liked a lot of other women too. In some ways I’m naïve, but when it comes to men, my dad’s empty promises and lies taught me to guard myself against men. It didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy them though,” I grin.
This makes him genuinely smile and I’m happy that I managed that.
“So, what happened the day your dad died?”
I’ve tried for days to forget but hopefully, if I tell him everything, I’ll be able to forget it once and for all.
“My mom hadn’t been out of bed for two days, and my dad hadn’t been home in three. Baze called in, he said my dad had been shooting his mouth off and he was worried for me and my mom. I got upset and he comforted me. We ended up in my bedroom and didn’t hear my dad return home. He burst into my room and then he lost it. He pulled Baze off me, but Baze was stronger than him and pushed him out and downstairs. By the time I got dressed, and went down, my dad was trying to find his phone to call Gabe to tell him about our relationship. “You see, I don’t know how it is in your club, but up here, daughters and family are out of bounds and there no exceptions. Baze got shook and then he lost it. He grabbed the skillet and kept hitting him until he went down, then he stabbed him in the neck like I’ve already told you.”
He hasn’t interrupted me or even moved, but now he gets off the bed and grabs his smokes.
I carry on as he lights up and blows the smoke out in a long stream towards the window that isn’t open. Must be habit.
“I didn’t freak out, or scream. I didn’t even feel bad. He was lying in his own blood, not moving. Baze went up to the bathroom and cleaned himself up. He was gone for a while and I just stood there, looking at my dad. When he did come down, he was with my mom and had packed her a bag. She didn’t flinch or scream either when she saw what had happened either.”
I pause, because my mom’s face was full of relief and she immediately looked ten years younger. That’s something I’ll treasure forever.
“Baze called her a cab and told her to go and not come back. He was going to sort out everything here and then send me to her. Before I knew it, she was hugging me and telling me she’d see me soon and then Baze was sitting me next to my dad. He came up with the plan that if the club thought it was me, my mom would be safe, and he would get me away and everyone would be free. He knew the club would kill him if they knew he done it. I went along with it because he had done my mom a lifesaving favour.”
“Why keep your mouth shut when it was obvious he wasn’t helping you?”
“Because I wanted my mom safe. She lived through hell, I would’ve died to give her an opportunity to live for herself.”
I was essentially her mom; our roles have been reversed for a long time. Now dad is out of the picture, hopefully the roles can once again reverse, and I’ll have my mom back.
“I knew someone who would die for someone they loved.”
“What happened?”
“She died.”
Simple.
“You shouldn’t give up yourself for someone else, in nearly every situation, they wouldn’t do the same for you. I mean, could a mother truly leave her daughter in a situation like that.”
“You didn’t know her; my father broke her. She would’ve made things worse if she stuck around. Besides, she didn’t know what Baze had planned.”
Without a doubt, I will find her, and I will take care of her. She will never see violence again.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Dex
My shoulder is numb, and the right side of my body feels the same. An ache resonates behind my eyes and I haven’t even opened them yet. I can tell it’s late in the day without having to look at the time.
I slept hard, much harder than I have slept in months. But, none of that bothers me when I realise I’m not alone.
A warmth, only skin on skin contact can offer, is pressing against my back. Finally, opening my eyes, I lift the sheets and Libby’s arm is draped over my ribs, and her leg is entwined with mine.
When the fuck did she climb in my bed? And why is she curled up around me?
I didn’t drink anything last night, it’s not like I can’t remember going to bed with someone. I know for sure I went to bed alone, after she had fallen asleep.
Careful not to wake her, I slowly slip out of her hold and sit on the edge of the bed. My movements, as subtle as they are, don’t wake her, but they do disturb her, and she rolls over. The sheets fall over her hip and down her thighs. I stop myself from looking away, she looks so smooth and inviting. Her skimpy pink panties barely cover her ass cheeks, fuck, I need to look away.
Reaching for my bag by the side of my bed, I unzip it and pull out a clean hoodie and boxers.
The bed creaks as I stand, it doesn’t disturb her, and I lock myself in the bathroom after one last glance at her body.
She needs to stay in her own bed tonight, it’s been a while since I’ve been with a woman and after Melissa, I can’t afford to get close to anyone.
I don’t bother to wait for the water to warm up, I stand under the icy spray and hang my head, letting the water drench me.
A cold shower is perfect.
I think back to last night, what Libby told me about Baze and her dad, it’s fucked up.
Lathering the soap up, I run it across my chest and over my arms. The soap does nothing to take away the visions of the bloody kitchen, like it didn’t help wash away the memories of blood pooling around Melissa’s body.
I focus on her heels and when the blood keeps pushing its way back in, I focus on the tattoo on my hand.
It helps, and why I had it done. When the blood begins to drown me, I focus on the solid memories.
Finishing up in the shower, I turn the water off and dry off. Wiping the mirror free of steam, I stare at the guy looking back at me and wonder what the hell I’m doing here.
I spent so long wanting to be a part of the Lost Souls club and once I was in, I was riding away.
Looking away, I get dressed and open the door. I expected, or hoped, she would still be asleep, but she’s up and in her jeans, clicking away on her phone.
“I didn’t think you had a phone.”
“I got it when I packed my bag yesterday.”
“Who are you messaging?”
“My mom, I’m letting her know I’m okay and to call me. I tried calling her, but it goes to voicemail.”
Nodding, I don’t bother telling her who she can or can’t get in contact with, it’s not like we’re in hiding or she’s done anything wrong. Well, her choice in men is shocking but I can’t comment on that myself. I don’t have the best record with women
I shove my dirty clothes in my bag and remind myself I need to hit a laundromat soon.
My phone rings and I answer on the second ring. It’s Slade.
“Hey brother.”
“You good?” he asks.
“Yeah, what you got?”
“Just giving you a heads up, we’re leaving in a beat, and I haven’t found where Rebecca is. She went off the grid six days ago.”
“Thanks anyway, brother. Safe riding.”
I hang up and dump the phone on the bed. The rumpled sheets remind me she got in with me and I turn to face her.
“Why did I wake up to you in my bed?” I ask her.
“I tried waking you
up, but you wouldn’t, and you wouldn’t stop sleep talking and thrashing around. I laid beside you and you calmed down, so I thought I’d stay. Besides it was warmer under your sheets than it was under mine, don’t worry, I didn’t take advantage of you,” she smiles, making me laugh.
Most of the time she doesn’t care what comes out of her mouth, so why does she keep her mouth shut when it comes to who killed her dad.
“I’m hungry, do you want me to bring you back some food?”
“Sure.”
I make it to the door before I turn around and ask her, “Actually, do you want to come with? I know a diner that loves to serve me,” I smirk.
She smiles and has her boots and coat on in no time. Locking up, I scour the area and see no one hanging around.
My face aches today but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I climb on my bike, moving forward for Libby. I ride back into town and straight for the diner. Hopefully, they’re happier to see me today, if not, who gives a fuck. I open the door for Libby and catch myself trying to get a glimpse of her ass. It’s no good, her coat falls down to her knees and I can’t see anything.
A part of me wishes I was awake when she climbed in bed with me last night, fuck knows what would have happened, but it’s making me wonder.
We sit at the table furthest from the counter and Libby smiles weakly at the waitress.
“I rarely come into town,” she murmurs.
“Didn’t you go to school?”
“I was home-schooled by my mom, and I hated it, but the townies wouldn’t have let me go to the public school.”
“Why would they have any power over such a thing?”
She shrugs her shoulders, “I’m not sure, something happened when I was a baby. The brothers are allowed down once a month to stock up on supplies, apart from that, Lost Souls stick to the mountain and townies steer clear.”
“How do they leave town when they go on a run?”
“They have certain routes around town.”
The waitress appears at our side and sneers down at us.
“Gabe should tell Jacob if there are more of you coming to town,” she snipes.
“I don’t know who Jacob is but I’m not here for long, and I’ll tip you fifty dollars if you take our order in silence.”
I knew something strange was going on around here. The sooner Cas gets here, the better.
Libby rattles off what she wants, and I do the same when she’s finished. For her tip, the waitress skitters off without another word from her.
“You’re not going to pay her fifty dollars to keep quiet, are you?”
“Depends.”
“On what?”
“How I feel when we’re done,” I shrug.
“That’s crazy, you should’ve have just told her to keep out of your business.”
I’m starting to really like her. She can be a right spitfire. She drops the subject and sighs heavily.
“Now you know about Baze, will you tell me what your nightmares are about?”
I’ll give her something, so she’ll shut up about them. It’s bad enough she hears me in the night when I can’t control what I say.
“They’re about blood and death.”
She doesn’t need to know anymore and it’s the truth. They’re my ghosts, and more importantly, Melissa is my ghost.
“Melissa’s death?”
“How do you know that name?” I growl.
“You say it when you’re sleep talking, you call for her, you tell her to stop doing something I can’t work out…”
“Stop.”
She closes her mouth and I fight for breath. She’s heard more than she let on.
“You should deal with her demons before you get a girlfriend, calling out another woman’s name in your dreams might send her crazy.”
I laugh. A deep, full-on, roaring laugh. Something I haven’t done in a long while.
This woman hears me call out another woman’s name in my nightmares and thinks I need a girlfriend.
“I’ll bear that in mind,” I smile.
“So, who is she?” she urges.
“Someone I used to know.”
Our food arrives, and the waitress keeps her mouth shut. I smile when Libby finds it amusing and we eat in a comfortable silence until we’re done.
I throw down enough cash to cover the bill and a five for her service. Libby approves and shoves her arms into her coat.
We get to the door before the waitress calls after us.
“You said a fifty.”
Libby bursts out the door before me and laughs halfway down the street. I chase her down and laugh with her. It feels so fucking good to laugh.
“Let’s stock up on supplies before we head back to the motel,” she says, already heading for the store.
I could do with some more smokes and a six pack of beer. Inside, she walks up and down the aisle picking up bags of chips and candy bars. I head back and grab a basket and carry it round for her as she fills it up.
“Is there anything you want?” she asks, as if she’s going to eat all this herself.
“I think I’m fine,” I say, rolling my eyes, and hauling the basket onto the counter.
“I’ll take a carton of those,” I say to the clerk, pointing out my brand of smokes, “And a quart of the whiskey.”
Before I can pull out my money, she’s pulling out two hundred dollar bills and raises one eyebrow when I silently question her.
“My mom wasn’t the only one who stashed money when the opportunity arose.”
I don’t ask further questions and let her pay. Hey, I’m not against her paying her way.
She’s quiet on the ride back to the motel and takes her haul to her side of the room and switches the tv on.
Without a glass in the room, I swig the whiskey from the bottle and settle back in the chair by the window.
I end up watching Libby as she watches the screen. I can’t work her out but I’m finding I don’t mind trying to figure her out. I just hope it doesn’t fuck me in the ass again.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Libby
One minute I’m watching an action movie with shit loads of guns and muscles, and the next I’m waking up to the TV off and the room in darkness. I’m too tired to move and go to close my eyes when I hear Dex putting his whiskey bottle on the table. Why the hell is he sitting in the dark?
Without moving, I seek out whereabouts he is. He’s not in bed or sat at the small table. He’s standing by the window.
When he was having his standoff with Baze back at the clubhouse, I saw he could control his rage. I see now, he’s learned how to live with it, when to use it to his advantage and when to lock it down.
“Are you not tired?” I ask, clearing my throat.
He turns in the darkness and tips the bottle to his mouth.
“I didn’t want to wake you again.”
“So, you decided to just stay awake?”
I sit up and pull the sheets up to my neck, it’s freezing.
He shrugs, and it hits me hard. It’s the cutest thing I’ve seen from a man. He looks lost, and a little sad.
“You don’t have to do that,” I tell him.
“I’m not tired anyway.”
He’s such a liar, but I’m not going to argue with him. He’s a grown man, if he wants to stay up into the night, he can.
While he broods over by the window, I wonder where my mom is sleeping tonight. I hope she’s okay wherever she is, hopefully that guy Slade will find her soon. Life without dad or the club in our lives is going to be different and take some getting used to, but it’s going to be worth the uncertainty.
Dex moving around breaks into my thoughts and I lay there waiting for him to get into his bed.
Only, the other side of my bed dips under his weight when he climbs into mine.
“What are you doing?” I ask, leaning up on my elbow.
“Apparently, I calm down when you sleep next to me. I’m doing an experiment.”
/> He stays on one side and I roll onto my back keeping to the other side, leaving a small gap down the middle of the bed between us.
He starts tapping his finger, there’s no way I’ll be able to fall asleep with that annoying shit going on.
I cover his hand with mine and in the dark, just the two of us, I’m brave enough to hold this man’s hand, like I was brave enough to sleep beside him last night.
“Sleep well, Dex,” I whisper to him.
“You too, Libby,” he whispers back.
I never got to sleep next to Baze, he was simply a fuck and fuck off type of guy. I have to admit, there is something to be said about waking up to someone in the morning. It’s nice. Dex talks in his sleep, he thrashes around, but he doesn’t snore. His chest rises and falls against my back softly and I don’t have the heart to move. I close my eyes and fall back to sleep.
When I wake, I’m alone, and the cocoon I wrapped myself in earlier has vanished with his absence. Sitting up, he isn’t sat at the table and he isn’t in the bathroom.
A bout of panic sets in thinking he’s left, then I see his bag propped up against the chest of drawers.
He wouldn’t leave his worldly possessions, so I’ll wait for him to come back. Throwing the sheets off, I walk over to the window and peek outside. His bike is still parked outside our room. The snow that was due and started to fall yesterday didn’t come to anything.
After a quick shower and throwing on my last clean outfit, I tie my hair into a high ponytail, and jump when my phone rings. I leap across the bed hoping it’s my mom, and I’m disappointed when Baze’s number flashes up.
What the fuck does he want?
I don’t answer and let him ring until he gets my voicemail. My phone pings with his message moments later and my hand tightens around the phone.
I can’t bring myself to listen to it, but I can’t bring myself to delete it either. It could be something to do with my mom.
A text comes through next, and this I do open and read.
‘I’m sorry how shit went down. I miss you, don’t be scared of what I’ve said and done, we can work this out.’
I’m not scared of him. I’m fucking angry with him.