Leo wriggles off Alannah’s lap and onto Cas’s, she goes to put her hand on his thigh, but thinks twice about it and puts both her hands on her lap.
Whatever is going on is their business and I stop watching them. It’s not long before the song Kyla chose comes on and everyone stands.
This is it, our moment, the time we become man and wife. Taking a deep breath, I count to three and look up, and there she is.
My heart races away with itself and I can feel every pulse in my body thumping against my skin.
With every step she takes, I struggle to breathe. I thought I could live with her beauty now, but in her stunning white dress, with her soft curly hair framing her beautiful face, I don’t know how I got so lucky.
Her arm is linked through Pope’s and for once, he isn’t tensed and ready to rip someone’s face off. He is happy, and I know what that looks like now.
Kyla kisses him on the cheek and he releases her and hands her over to me.
When I first saw this woman, she was puking on the carpet in Cas’s old room, tweaking her ass off for a fix. She begged me to let her die and she repulsed me.
Thank god I saw past the habit and saw her. We wouldn’t be here today if I continued to only see the junkie and not the woman who is kind, and funny, sweet yet fiery. Who knew under the poison of heroin was the woman of my dreams.
As we stand in front of the priest, with the club and family behind us, I’m standing on air.
Chapter Fifteen
Sparky
It’s about time Cas called a meeting, but no one is feeling great after the wedding yesterday. Ricky is absent after whisking Kyla away to god knows where, leaving the rest of us hanging from too much drink.
Cas is the one I’m keeping my eye on today. He disappeared after the vows yesterday, leaving Alannah on her own and with no explanation where her husband or our president was.
“I should’ve told you when I found out, but with everything that’s been going on, I haven’t had the chance. That prick, Danny, was telling the truth, Denzel is dead. I had it confirmed a day or so ago,” Cas tells the brothers around the table.
He’s cold and detached from the death of a guy the club has been doing business with for years. It’s like he didn’t know the guy and he’s heard about a stranger being found in the mountains.
“Jameson informed me that Diego Lopez’s son is taking over Denzel’s businesses, he passed on his number. I’ve already called him, we’re meeting him in an hour, let’s get ready to leave.”
He slams the gavel down on the table and that’s it. Or, what he expects to be it. Slade isn’t happy though, nor is anyone else.
“Cas, surely we’re not finished yet?” he says, looking up at him.
“What else is there to say, Denzel is dead, we need cash and to get cash, we need to meet the new player in town. Let’s fucking go.”
Cas sits back down and stares down every brother in the room.
“You all knew life was going to change when Danny took Oak and Sparks was the only one to come home alive. Danny took more than a brother, he tried to take our income as well. I’ve arranged to remedy that, so unless you don’t want to pay your fucking bills and rent and whatever else the fuck you pay for, I suggest we start moving.”
No one has to be told again, and brothers begin leaving the room. I stay in my seat and Cas doesn’t move either.
“How are you doing today?” I ask him.
“I’m fine,” he shrugs.
“How’s Lana?”
“She’s doing fine as well.”
“So, you’ve spoken to her since you disappeared yesterday?”
He pushes up out of his chair and leans on the table.
“Don’t keep pushing me, Sparks. Me and Alannah aren’t your business. You want to be a little bitch gossiping about old ladies, you better go home and leave your patch behind.”
Shoving out of my chair, it topples over behind me onto the floor and I lean on the table.
“I’m not going to stand around and watch two of my oldest friends throw their relationship away, but I’m not going to let you keep shit talking to everyone. Sort yourself out, Cas. We don’t need another Michael telling us what we’re doing, rather than giving everyone a choice.”
Comparing him to Michael is a low blow and I’m not sure if he’ll forgive me, but at the moment, and after him calling me out as a bitch, I don’t care.
He doesn’t say anything, just walks out and slams the door after him.
I call up Bonnie and I’ve never been so happy to hear her voice when she answers.
“Hey, darlin’.”
“Hey, what’s up?” she asks.
“Have you spoken to Lana today?”
She sighs, and it sounds like she adjusts the phone to her ear.
“I called her this morning and she wasn’t up for a conversation, she said she wanted to be left alone for today. I said, I’d check in with her tomorrow. Why? Has Cas said anything?”
“Yeah, he’s said something. I’ll call you later, babe.”
“Sure.”
Putting my phone away, I head out into the bar and Pope is the first one to pull me aside.
“Is Cas okay?” he asks.
“No, brother, he’s not.” I shake my head, “His mom showed up and he’s not coping at all. Shit’s gone down and I’m not sure if he’s gonna come back from it.”
Not if he’s going to keep treating people like shit.
“His mom?”
He’s shocked as I was when she showed up.
“Yep, she won’t leave either, she keeps rocking up and fucking him up.”
“Do you want me to handle her, I can make her disappear,” he says, keeping his voice low.
“God, no, Pope.”
What the fuck is going on with my brothers lately. First Cas wanted to shoot Robert just for grieving around him, and now Pope wants to off a woman he’s never met for Cas.
“If Cas doesn’t want her around and she won’t leave, we should do something, that wasn’t him back there.”
“Pope, I will do something as long as you don’t. Let me take care of it,” I sigh.
“Sure, brother, but if you need me, let me know.”
Patting him on the shoulder, I leave him in the bar and head outside. Searching for Cas, his bike is still here, but he’s not.
“If you’re looking for Cas, he’s around the back of the clubhouse,” one of the prospects tells me carrying a bag of trash from that direction.
Sure enough, Cas is sat at one of the tables that haven’t been packed away from yesterday, smoking a cigarette.
“I shouldn’t have brought Michael up, I’m sorry,” I say, pulling one of the chairs out.
I sit down and light a cigarette of my own. Blowing out the smoke, he doesn’t look at me or accept my apology.
“She’s just a woman, Cas. Why are you giving her the satisfaction of letting her mess shit up for you? There’s no way you’d not talk to Alannah or bitch me off like you have no respect for me.”
He finally looks at me, and it takes me back to when we first met. He looks lost, and masks it with anger.
“I hate that she has this power over me. I don’t know what’s worse, that she had me feeling like this as a kid, or as an adult. You’d think I’d be used to it by now and brush it off.”
“I don’t think it ever works like that, brother.”
“It’d make my life a lot easier if it did,” he says, lighting another cigarette.
“We should get going if we’re gonna sort out new business, but when we get back, you’ve got to talk to Lana.”
“I’m guessing you know how she’s doing?”
“I don’t actually, she won’t talk to Bon.”
This gets to him and gives me hope that they’ll be fine for the future. They fucking better be.
Chapter Sixteen
Cas
We arrive before Lopez and park up in a half circle, giving them no choice but to be co
rnered wherever they park.
“If this doesn’t go well, we’ll have to find a new supplier in the next few weeks,” I say, more to myself but to everyone around me as well.
After paying Hank for the diner renovations, it hasn’t left us much in the club funds. It’s enough to last us three or four months if we go easy, but I want to be comfortable again. I don’t like living on the breadline.
“Look lively, brothers, we’ve got company,” Slade says, putting his phone away.
Three SUV’s drive off the road and come to a stop opposite us. This is it. We’ll either strike a deal or we won’t.
Suited men climb out of the cars, each holding automatic weapons, as if they can intimidate us.
Fucking hell, we have our own arsenal and we’re not afraid to pull the trigger either. Still, we need the income, so we stand and wait for the main man to grace us with his presence.
He keeps us waiting an extra minute before one of his men opens his door and his shiny shoes hit the dirt. I snort. I’ve seen older socks than this guy. He can’t be no older than twenty, or he has one hell of a baby face.
“Do you think he has babysitter in the car?” I mutter to Sparky, itching my nose to cover my mouth moving.
Sparks laughs quietly and lights a cigarette.
“Samuel Lopez?” I ask, stepping forward to meet him.
He nods, “Cas Jackson?”
“The one and only,” I grin, and shake his hand.
“This is Marco, if we do business, he’ll be your point of contact.”
I nod once at him and he steps back.
“Since taking over from my father, I’ve made it my mission to find out everything about everyone. Word spread quickly when Denzel disappeared, it was easy enough to pick up every single business venture of his. Do you know your club is the longest lasting partner he had?”
“We worked well together.”
“I hope we can too, the only downfall is, I don’t know you and I can’t be sure you’re worth the money he used to pay you.”
Is he for fucking real?
“We were paid well because we delivered every single time. We’ve never lost a shipment.”
“I only have your word on that.”
“I thought you said you checked us out?” Sparky puts in and it doesn’t go down well with Lopez.
“Ten per cent, and I’m not here to negotiate.”
“That’s less than half of what we’re used to,” I spit.
“No negotiating,” his bulldog grunts.
“Then we don’t have a deal.”
With nothing left to be said, Lopez briskly turns and starts walking back to his car. He abruptly stops and faces us once more.
“I’ll give you a few days to think it over. Call me when you come to a final decision.”
As soon as he’s in his car, his men disappear into their cars and all three SUV’s back out onto the main road.
“What a waste of our time,” Slade mutters.
“Ten per cent is an insult,” Pope growls.
“Let’s get out of here, we’ll discuss it back at the club.”
There’s nothing to discuss, but it’s not wise to talk out here about our business or lack of.
Everyone waits for me to ride out first, and each of them follow me back to town.
Sparky wants me to go home and sort things out with Alannah, but I signal to Sparky that I’m breaking away once we cross the town border. They carry on to the club, while I ride and circle the motel. I circle it twice before I ride into the parking lot. I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I park up in the furthest bay from her room as I can find empty and cut the engine. I don’t move. I lean my arms on the handle bars and watch her door. I’m not interested in talking to her, but I’m not interested in ignoring her either. I haven’t got a fucking clue what I’m interested in anymore.
The meet with Samuel was a shit show we didn’t need and now finding a new supplier is on my list to sort out.
I could knock on her door, fuck knows what I’d say, and that’s my problem. I know what I have to do and what to say to everyone in my life. I don’t know with her. I have no idea what to say or how to be with her.
I still don’t move.
A part of me is in that room.
Someone I share my blood with.
The woman who pushed me into this world.
I’m about to turn the engine on when her door opens, and she appears. She must’ve been watching me through the window. She walks over, crossing her arms over her chest. She looks even smaller without her jacket on, but she looks well put together clothes wise.
She stops five feet from me and the silence hangs in the air between us. I once imagined a reunion between us, it was shortly after I became a Lost Soul. I imagined she showed up and I couldn’t believe my luck, I had a family in my brothers and I had my mom. In my imagination, I forgave her without hesitation and I forgot she abandoned me on the steps of a church.
In reality, I can barely utter a word to her.
“I was hoping you’d knock,” she says.
“I gave up on hope where you’re concerned when I was six and cried myself to sleep because my foster dad had whooped me for a second time that day just cause he could.”
She flinches, and I enjoy it.
“What? You didn’t think you were the only one in the world to have it hard, did you? What did you think was going to happen to me when you left?”
“I…”
“Doesn’t matter, I didn’t come here to outdo you on who got beat more.”
“Why did you come here?”
“I don’t know, but while I am here, tell me why you didn’t take Alannah’s cash offer to leave town.”
“No amount of money will make me leave. It doesn’t matter if you never speak to me, I’m not going anywhere.”
“How are you paying for this?” I ask, gesturing to the motel.
“I’ve been putting money away for years, I can afford to stay here for as long as we need. I’m going nowhere,” she insists.
I want to believe her, so fucking bad.
Instead of letting her in, I turn the key and bring my bike to life. She tries not to jump out of her skin as I peel out of the parking lot.
Chapter Seventeen
Dex
Chasing shot after shot, I manage to shoot down eight shots of tequila before Sparky tells the prospect to cut me off. He slides me over a beer instead like he’s doing me a favour. They’re all watching me, no one else is being watched.
“Are you feeling yourself today? We could go up to your room?”
Shannon sidles up to my side and I shrug her off. She’s obviously forgotten the other night.
“Not today, get off me,” I grunt, draining my beer.
I hold the empty bottle up until the prospect replaces it and I slide down off the stool.
Shannon doesn’t move fast enough, and I end up falling on her. I shouldn’t laugh, but her squeals amuse me, and I roll off her and fall onto the dirty floor beside her. Sparky hovers over us and helps Shannon up to her feet, while Niall holds his hand out for me. Choosing to ignore him, I roll back onto my side and then heave myself up to my feet. Unsteady, I fall against the bar and hold myself up.
“How the fuck is he in this state already?” Sparky demands to know.
“It’s fine, I’m fine. I just need air,” I tell him.
Outside the air hits me and the rush takes me out. Hovering over one of the fire bins, I empty the contents of my stomach until nothing is left.
“Let me help you, brother.”
I turn around, and Niall is standing there.
“Why?”
“You’re not doing so well at the moment and we can’t stand around and watch you self-destruct any longer.”
“No one gives a shit, no one even liked her.”
The pain punches me in the gut again and it never gets softer. Flashes of her body burning in the grave Pope and I dug out comes back to me, and t
he smell of burning flesh fills my nose. It doesn’t matter how far I am from her, I still see her and smell her burning.
“It doesn’t matter what we felt for her, we’re here for you.”
“I don’t care about me, I shot her and none of you care, you’d piss on her grave if you knew where it was.”
“It’s not like that, and you know it, Dex.”
Do I?
Reaching behind into the back of my jeans, I pull out my gun and click the safety off.
“Brother,” Niall slurs, “Don’t be a fucking fool. I didn’t know her that well, but I don’t think she was worth doing yourself in. Put the gun down.”
“You didn’t know her at all, she was protecting her brother, like I was protecting mine. She died doing the exact same as me, I killed her for doing what any good sister would.”
“Dex, she was going to shoot Cas, that wasn’t protecting her brother, who was trying to fucking kill Cas as well,” Sparky says, getting too close.
Using the butt of the gun, I grind it into my temple to relieve the building pain. It never goes away, and I don’t know how to get rid of her ghost that enjoys tormenting me every single fucking day.
“I would kill any man who came for us, but she was different,” I try telling him. Something barrels into my back and my face hits the ground before I can see what’s going on.
Niall’s boot squashes my hand and I let go of the gun, as soon as it’s free, he picks it up and shoves it in the back of his jeans.
“Help me get him up to his room,” I hear Cas say.
It must’ve been him who barrelled me to the ground. He, along with Sparky, grab an arm each and haul me up to my feet. I have nothing left in my stomach to bring up, but it doesn’t stop the bile wanting to make an appearance. The bar blurs by me and when Sparky opens my door, I’m thrown into the middle of the room.
I land with a thud, within seconds, Cas is on the floor with me, forcing me to look at him.
He’s shaking with anger, and his eyes bore into mine. I don’t want to look at him, but I daren’t look away.
It sobers me up real quick and I fall back against the bed.