"So it wasn't a good night?" She's astounded, but Nova also doesn't know the details of what happened with Conner and with the bag of crystal either.
"It both was and wasn't." Confusion masks her face, and I decide to tell her just enough that she'll back off. "You do remember when the cops showed up, right?"
"Yeah. You guys said it was because a guy showed up that Avery had a restraining order for."
"A guy that had a knife."
Her eyes pop wide. "Tristan--"
"And Avery found drugs that I dropped," I cut her off.
Nova's so shocked she looks like she might start crying. I instantly feel like a dick for bringing her to that point just to avoid the truth--that even though I don't like to admit it, that night was so much more than just a night.
"I didn't do the drugs." I blow out a frustrated breath. "See, this is why I can't get serious with her or anyone. I'm a fucking asshole, even to my friends."
"You're not a fucking asshole." She sucks back the tears. "And I'm glad you told me the truth. It shows you've grown."
"Stop looking for the good in the bad I do. Everything I do is bad and if it appears like I've done something good, it's probably for selfish reasons."
She evaluates me closely. "Why didn't you do the drugs that night?"
I shrug, trying not to shy away from her profound assessment of me. "I don't know."
"No, I think you do." She slants back, giving me the room I badly seek. "But that's okay. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
Her insinuation that there is a deeper meaning to me not snorting the bag of crystal that night is bugging the shit out of me. Yeah, I didn't do it that night, nor have I done it since, but still...
I'm an addict. Plain and simple.
And I'll do it again because that's who I am.
The only reason I'm not right now is because.... Well, I'm still trying to figure that out.
"So where are we going tonight?" I sidetrack the conversation.
Nova smiles, her sadness shifting to cheeriness. "It's a surprise."
I frown. "It's not the Vibe, is it?"
She rapidly shakes her head. "Of course not."
I recline against the side of the hotel and fold my arms. "You know you've never been a good liar."
She fiddles with a bracelet on her wrist then shakes her head. "Please, pretty please, just go. If for nothing else, just to check on her and see if she's okay. She seemed really stressed out today."
"She's not going to give up until you agree, man," Quinton remarks as he exits the room. He's changed into a clean pair of jeans and a T-shirt. He immediately lights up the moment he's outside on the patio.
"It's true," Nova agrees with a nod.
I take out my cigarettes. "If I agree to go, you have to promise you won't look too deeply into anything that happens."
"But what do you think is going to happen?" she asks. "Clearly you want something to happen otherwise you wouldn't have said that."
"Nova," I warn and she quickly gives me an I won't do it again look.
Really, she's right, though. I do want something to happen. A lot to happen actually. Have for months. Which is why I should stay away. But I can't stop thinking about how easy it is to talk to Avery and how easy hasn't really been part of my life. And, as always, I end up making the stupid decision and go.
***
The Vibe is way less crowded than the last time I was at it on a Friday night. We had to get wristbands that night just to enter the place and there was a huge line that filed around the building. Tonight, we walk straight in without even getting carded.
On our way in, Nova points at a Help Wanted sign in the window. "Look, Tristan, you could apply here and work with Avery."
My brow arches. "At a bar?"
Her enthusiasm plunges. "Yeah, sorry I wasn't thinking."
"No, you're playing matchmaker." I hold the door open for Nova to walk through. "I'll find a job, okay? But it needs to be one I'm fit for." But what am I even fit for? I have no clue, other than dealing drugs.
One look around at the room and my mood crashes. It reminds me of the bars at home where the only people who hang out there are the older people of the town who look like they've spent decades partying too much. Country music plays from a jukebox and a group of younger people are playing pool in the corner. If I was at home, I'd probably be doing this exact thing, except at the end of the night I'd go back to the party house of the town and get high to escape the depressing reality of my life.
"Look, there she is." Nova points at the bar across the room where Avery is chatting with a girl that is wearing too much makeup and has overly bleached hair.
I put my hand on Nova's arm and push it down to her side. "It's rude to point at people." I'm only half-joking.
"And it's rude to stare," Quinton remarks, distinctly talking about me since I haven't been able to take my eyes off Avery since Nova pointed her out.
I glare at Quinton. "Don't you start on me too. I swear to God, I'll beat your ass."
He rolls his eyes. "No, you won't."
He's right, but still, the two of them trying to play cupid is bugging me.
"Maybe we should go somewhere else," I propose. "The amount of alcohol in here is higher than the people."
"We can go," Nova quickly says then pushes me forward. "But after you say hi."
"I can't just say hi. It's not in my nature, especially around hot women." Especially when it comes to Avery. I can't seem to control myself around her.
"Oh, now you have to go over." Nova shoves me again, causing a scowl on my part as I trip and bash my shin on a nearby chair. "We've been spotted."
I turn around and find Avery staring at us from across the room. She doesn't seem happy that we're here, nor pissed off. It's more like she's worried, yet our appearance is piquing her curiosity.
I huff a breath of aggravation meant for Nova before winding my way around the tables and toward Avery. I try not to do my swagger walk, but it comes too naturally and I can feel it in the way that I move. It only gets worse when I catch Avery's eyes giving me a quick once over. She's checking me out and I'm not going to fucking lie, I love that she is.
"Hey," I greet her when I arrive at the counter lined with high barstools.
"Hey. What are you doing here?" She screws the top back on a bottle of bourbon that I desperately want to down to alleviate my jitteriness. I don't know how Avery works at a bar when she used to be an alcoholic. I about lose my mind just seeing a tweaker.
"We were just hanging out and thought we'd stop by." I cross my arms on the countertop. "Maybe get a drink."
"None of you drink though." She ducks to put the bottle of alcohol below the counter and I lean over to check out her ass and the elegant flower tattoo on the back of her thigh.
"Yeah, but..." I trail off, trying to figure out what to say to her. But it only gets more difficult to come up with something when she stands back up and stares at me with those gorgeous hazel eyes of hers.
"But what?" she finally asks with the smallest hint of amusement. She's still wearing the same purple tank top and jeans she had on at the work site. Her hair is down and slightly damp and it looks like she's scrubbed her makeup off. She's fucking beautiful--that's all there is to it. Way, way more attractive than the women I'm used to hooking up with.
"But nothing." I plant my ass down on a barstool. "So how late do you work tonight?"
"Why? You gonna ask me out on a date when I get off?" She laughs like she just told a funny joke. "Because need I remind you that you still have"--she looks up at the dimly lit ceiling as she mentally calculates--"ninety six more brownie points to earn for that prize."
"Oh? So a date with you is a prize, huh?" I crack a joke and a small smile, but don't find it as comical as she does. I'm pretty sure I've never asked a woman out on a date before except with Avery and the two times I've asked her, she's brushed it off. Yeah, I get that she has the no guy rule, but her amusement
over the concept of us going out still stings.
Rejection.
I should just back off. She's not some crack-whore looking for a junkie to hook up and score with so it makes her out of my league. So what am I even doing here? Clearly something, but I can't figure out what exactly.
Her laughter hushes as she notes my humorless expression. Then her lips part in shock. "Tristan, you can't be serious. We can't... date." She seems frightened of the word. "I thought the whole brownie point thing for a date was a joke."
Her words burn for a thousand different reasons, but I play it cool. "Why would I ever joke about something so awesome?"
"Because..." She squirms uneasily then busies herself by wiping down the counter with a dishrag. "Look, Tristan, trust me, even if I broke my rule--which I won't--and agreed to go out with you, you don't want to agree to go out with me."
"Why not?"
"Because... I can give you a million reasons."
"And I can give you a million reasons why someone would want to date you," I say, unable to stop my lips from moving. "Beautiful, funny girl with sexy tattoos and the saddest smile I've ever seen, like the weight of the world is bearing down on her shoulders."
She smiles but out of irritation "Oh, you're good. But the real question is, do you come up with new lines or just recycle them?"
"I'm not feeding you a line," I tell her because I'm really not. Yeah, I'm a flirt but I'm never genuine like I am now. "I swear."
She considers what I said then she sets the rag down, props her elbow on the counter, and rests her chin on her hand, staring me down. "I'll tell you what. I'll let you cash in your four brownie points and go on a date with you if you explain to me what compelled you to write that note on my cupboard that night." She seems so certain I'm not going to.
I scratch at my chin with uneasiness. Explaining why I did it is nearly impossible--even I'm still trying to figure the reason out. "I don't know... I just wanted to make sure you were okay after I left."
"That was the only reason?" Her brow arches in the sexiest way and I wonder if maybe I've met my match. Most of the girls I flirt with totally absorb it and flirt back in an obvious way. Granted they're in a different, lower league than Avery. She does it so naturally that I barely notice before I get caught up in it.
Lost.
I am lost.
And in a different way than I'm used to.
"Or maybe I just wanted to make sure you didn't forget me." I lift my shoulder and shrug. "But the first part's true, too. I just wanted to... I don't know, comfort you, I guess." I wince at my word choice, wondering if my drug-deprived mind has finally broken.
She bites down on her lip and I'm the one who's now starting to squirm. "Comfort me? That's... sweet." She smirks, but she's nervous. "And cute."
"I'm not as sweet as you think I am. I just have my moments, but they're few and far between, so don't get too excited."
"Nah, I don't believe that. I barely know you, yet I've seen quite a few of those moments."
"Then I guess it's just you that brings it out in me."
"I guess so."
We're both stupidly grinning at each other in the kind of way Nova and Quinton do--in the kind of way that drives me crazy in both a good and complicated way.
"And now you owe me a date," I say, watching the smile vanish from her gorgeous lips, causing me to crash back to reality.
Horrified, she lifts her head from her hand and her body straightens. "I can't do that. Sorry."
"But you said you would if I told you why I wrote the note."
Why am I pushing this so hard? I sound so whiney.
Her chest rises and falls as she struggles to breathe regularly. "Yeah, but how do I know you told the truth?"
"I'm not a liar." Except to myself.
"Okay, but I still can't."
"Because of the no guys' thing?"
She gulps and then nods. "I'm sorry. I thought you wouldn't really tell me why you did it. That you'd feed me some cheesy reason or something."
For the briefest, unsteady moment, Avery appears as tense as I feel, like our emotions match each other and I have to wonder...
What is this girl hiding?
What could have possibly happened to her to make her want to stay away from guys this much? It has to have something to do with her ex-husband. I know it does.
"You know what you two should do." The bleach-blonde I saw with Avery when I first entered the bar appears out of nowhere. Or maybe she's been there the entire time and I'm just noticing her now. "You should take your smoke break and have Mr. Hottie Blondie go out back with you," she says to Avery with a very unsubtle wink.
Avery shoots her the darkest scowl ever. "Tristan, this is Charissa and you'll have to excuse her because her mouth doesn't have a filter."
Charissa seems more like the type of women I'm used to hooking up with, blunt and forward and always trying too hard to be sexy and coming after me because I'm easy. But she doesn't seem interested in me, just interested in getting Avery to go out back with me.
"It's nice to meet you, Charissa," I say politely then focus back on Avery. "I actually would love a smoke right now so..."
"So what?" Avery asks lightly, her nervousness still hidden under the surface.
"You're going to make me say it, aren't you?" I'm completely and utterly baffled by this girl. I find myself wanting to know everything about her, ask her all those questions I've been wondering about for months.
Avery nods, playful but edgy as she leans the slightest bit closer. "Oh yeah. I'm going to make you work for whatever you want."
Charissa covers her eyes like she's embarrassed for Avery. Me, I fucking love it.
I reduce the space between us even more as I slant across the counter toward her. "Avery, would you like to go out back and have a smoke with me? It can be a replacement for the date you promised me but aren't going to give me." I feel like I'm back in high school or something, nervously asking a girl out on a date. Only I never dated in high school, just got high and had sex.
"I'm not sure," Avery replies, thrumming her fingers against her lip. "I'd have to ask my boss first."
"Whatever," Charissa says then pokes Avery in the side. "Benny loves you. Now go enjoy ten minutes of your fucking life." She leans in and lowers her voice, but not enough that I can't hear her. "You deserve to after Conner showing up here today."
Avery stiffens at the mention of Conner and my heart misses a beat.
He was here?
Today?
Before I can say anything, Avery reaches under the counter and grabs a pack of cigarettes. "Come on, Pretty Boy, before I change my mind."
It takes me a moment to get up and follow her. When I do rise to my feet, I almost head back in the direction of Nova and Quinton. But like that night three months ago when Conner pulled Avery out back, I end up turning the other way at the last second and following her outside.
Chapter 11
Wake up.
Avery
I'm blaming it on the fact that I haven't had sex in two years. It's got to be my deprived vagina that caused me to flirt and go out back with Tristan to "smoke," Charissa's code word for go get some. She probably thinks I'm back here in a heavy lip lock with Tristan. But nope, the only thing fastened to my lips is a filter. And the stars shining luminously in the sky are my reminder that that's how things should stay.
Of what it took to get here.
Of how easily it could be taken away.
Because Conner was here today.
Looking for me.
And the past and my sins came crashing back to me.
Shit. What am I going to do?
It's starting all over again.
"So I have to ask you a question," Tristan says as he pops a cigarette between his lips and pats his pockets for a lighter.
A cloud of smoke circles my face as I exhale. "Why do I have the feeling I'm not going to like this question?"
He finds his lighter in his bac
k pocket then flicks the top and burns the end of his cigarette. "Because you probably won't. It's a little personal."
I frown as I ash my cigarette on the asphalt. "Do we really have to do this? You know we could always keep tiptoeing around it like we have been."
He stares at the end of the alley. "You don't have to answer it if you don't want to, but I need to ask."
I suck a slow inhale from the cigarette and trap the smoke in my lungs for as long as possible just to avoid answering him. "What do you want to know?"
Smoke swirls through the air as he removes the cigarette from his lips. "I want to know what happened with Conner and why he was here today."
My head slumps forward and I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I knew you were going to ask that."
"You don't have to answer, but that night... Well, it's kind of been haunting me, especially because I never really got to talk to you about what went on and I wasn't sure if you, you know, were in trouble or something."