CHAPTER XI
SHE SLEEPS
THE next morning Susan felt perturbed. "She'll take up a whole week ofour happy visit, and I can't bear to lose a minute. The time's going toofast, anyhow."
Lorenzo Rath came in shortly after. He and Madeleine and Emily Mead werein and out daily to suit themselves by this time. "Do you know, Mrs.Croft has gone off, nobody knows where," he said gravely; "she's left noaddress, and people say she'll never come back."
Susan threw up her hands with a wail. "Oh, Jane, she _has_ left thatdreadful old woman on us for life; I'll just bet anything folks knewexactly that she meant to do it when they talked to me so. What _will_Matilda say when she comes back?"
Jane was silent a minute. "It's no use doubting what one reallybelieves," she said finally. "I do really believe that I came here for agood purpose, and I know that I had a good purpose in inviting Mrs.Croft. I'm taught that to doubt is like pouring ink into the pure waterof one's good intentions, and I won't doubt. I refuse to."
"But if you go back to where you come from and leave me with Matilda andold Mrs. Croft, I'll be dead or I'll wish I was dead,--it all comes tothe same thing," cried poor Susan.
"Auntie," said Jane firmly, "I shan't leave you alone with Aunt Matildaand Mrs. Croft, you needn't fear."
"Oh," said Susan, her face undergoing a lightning transformation, "ifyou'll stay here, I'll keep Mrs. Croft or anybody else, with pleasure."
"What, even me?" laughed Lorenzo.
"I'd like to keep you," said Susan warmly. "I think you're one of thenicest young men I ever knew."
"I'd like to stay," said Lorenzo, looking at Jane.
She lifted up her eyes and they had a peculiar expression.
Just then Emily Mead came in. "Only think," she said, directly greetingswere over, "people say Mrs. Croft drew all their money out of the bankbefore she left. Everybody says she's deserted her mother-in-lawcompletely."
"Jane, it really is so," said Susan; "she really is gone."
Jane looked steadily into their three faces. "If I begin worrying anddoubting, of course there'll be a chance to worry and trouble, becauseI'm the strongest of you all," she said gravely, "but I won't go downand live in the world of worry and trouble under any circumstances. Iknow that only good can come of Mrs. Croft's being here. I _know_ it!"
"I wish that I could learn how you manage such faith," said the youngartist. "I'd try it on myself,--yes, I would, for a fact."
"It's not so easy," said Jane, looking earnestly at him. "It means justthe same mental discipline that physical culture means for the muscles.It takes time."
"But I'd like to learn," said Lorenzo.
"So would I!" said Emily Mead.
"I've begun already," said Susan; "every time I think of old Mrs. CroftI say: 'She's here for some good purpose, God help us.'"
"Tell me," said Emily Mead, "what possessed you to have her, anyway?Everybody's wondering."
"Jane thought that it would be a nice thing to do. And so we did it."
"Do you always do things if you think of them?" Emily asked Jane.
"I'm taught that I must."
"Taught?"
"It's part of my sunshine work."
"That's why she's here," interposed Susan; "she thought of me and cameright along."
Emily looked thoughtful. "I wonder if I could learn," she said.
"Anybody can learn anything," said Lorenzo.
"Wouldn't it be nice to all learn Jane's religion?"
"I've got it most learned," said Susan, "I'm to where I'm most ready tostand Matilda, if only we don't have to keep old Mrs. Croft."
"What is old Mrs. Croft doing now?" Emily asked suddenly.
"She's still asleep. She says that she sleeps late."
Then Emily rose to go. Lorenzo Rath rose and left with her.
"Jane," said Susan solemnly, after they were alone, "I'm afraid thatreligion of yours ain't as practical as it might be, after all. It's gotus old Mrs. Croft, and I ain't saying a word, but now I'm about positiveit's going to lose you that young man. You could have him if you'd justexert yourself a little, and you don't at all."
"I couldn't have him, Auntie."
"Yes, you could. Don't tell me. I know a young man when I see one, andMr. Rath's a real young man. He loves you, Jane, just because nobodycould help it, and if you weren't always so busy, he'd get on a gooddeal faster."
"I can't marry, Aunt Susan." Jane, with Madeleine's secret high in herheart, was very busy setting the kitchen to rights. "Some people are notmeant to have homes of their own. It's the century."
"Fiddle for the century," said Susan, with something almost likeviolence. "I'm awful tired of all this hash and talk about the century.About the only thing I've had to think of since Matilda made up her mindI was too sick to get up, was what I read in newspapers about thetroubles of the century. Centuries is always in hot water till they'rewell over, and then they get to be called the good old days. I guessdays ain't so different nor centuries either nor women neither. Fiddlefor all this kind of rubbish,--it's no use except to upset a nice girllike you and keep her from marrying a nice young fellow like Mr. Rath.Girls don't know nothing about love no more. Mercy on us, why, it's akind of thing that makes you willing to go right out and hack down treesfor the man."
Jane looked a little smiling and a little wistful. "I'll tell you whatit is, Auntie," she said; "when my father died he left a debt that oughtto be paid, and I promised him I'd pay it. I couldn't marry--it wouldn'tbe honest."
Susan's eyes flew pitifully open. "Good heavens, mercy on us, no; thenyou never can't marry, sure and certain. There never was the man yet sogood he wouldn't throw a thing like that in a woman's teeth. It's aman's way, my dear, and a wife ought not to mind, but one of thedifficulties of being a wife is that you always do mind."
"I know that I should mind," said Jane quietly, "and, anyway, I don'twant to marry. I'm much happier going about on my sunbeam mission,trying to help others a bit here and a bit there." She smiled bravely asshe spoke, for all that it takes a deal of training in truth not towaver or quaver in such a minute. She had to think steadily along thelines which she had worked so hard to build into every brain-cell andspirit-fiber of her make-up. "Auntie," she went on then, after a briefreflection that he who works in truth's wool works without fear as tothe breaking of one single thread, "you and I are trying dreadfullyhard--trying with all our might to do exactly right. We're trying tobreak your chains by the only way in which material chains can bebroken,--by breaking those of others. We can't go astray. If old Mrs.Croft should stay here till she died, and if I should work till I diedat paying the debts of others, she'd stay for some good purpose, and I'dbe working in the same way. Be very sure of that."
For a second Susan looked cheered--but only for a second. Then, "That'sall very well for you and me, who want to be uplifted--at least you wantto be, and I think maybe I'll like it after I get a little used to it.But Matilda doesn't know or care anything about planes, and it's MatildaI keep thinking of." There was another pause, and then she added: "Andit's Matilda I'll have to live with,--along with old Mrs. Croft. Oh,Jane, I'd be so much happier if you'd marry Mr. Rath and let me come andlive with you!"
Jane went and put her arms about her. "Auntie, it isn't easy to learn myway of looking at things, because you have to keep at them till they'reso firm in you that nothing from outside can ever shake or uproot them.But what I believe is just so firm with me, and I won't give anythingup,--not even about Mrs. Croft. We're all right and she's all right andeverything's all right, and I don't need to marry any one."
Susan winked mournfully. "If there was only some way to meet Matilda onher way home and kind of get that through her head before she saw Mrs.Croft. You see, she always shuts that room up cold winters and keepscold meat in there. I've had many a good meal out of that room."
"You must not cast about for ways and means," said Jane firmly. "Life islike a sunshiny warm day, and our part is to breathe and feel and thankGod,--no
t to look for the sun to surely cease shining."
"But it does stop," wailed Susan, "often."
"Yes, thank Heaven," said Jane, "if it didn't, we'd be burnt up alive byour own vitality."
"Oh, dear," said Susan briefly, "you've an answer for everything. Well,let's get dinner."
They went into the kitchen.