CHAPTER IX
MADELEINE'S SECRET
THE two girls were enjoying a pleasant time in Susan's big, tidykitchen.
"I never knew that a kitchen could be so perfectly lovely," saidMadeleine, as they took tea by the little table by the window. "Jane,you are a genius! One opens the gate here with a bubbling feeling thateverything in the whole world's all right."
"I'm so glad," said Jane; "it's grand to feel that one is a real channelof happiness. I always seem to see people as made to form that kind ofconnection between God and earth, and that happiness is the visible signof success, a good 'getting through,' so to speak."
"Do you know, the English language is awfully indefinite. That sentencemight mean good flowing like water through people, or people so madethat good can go through them easily. Do you see?"
"Yes, I see. But either meaning is all right. It isn't what I say thatmatters so much, anyway. It's how you take it."
"I took that two ways."
"Yes, and both were good. That's so fine,--to get two good meanings,where I only meant one."
They smiled together.
"Mr. Rath and I were talking about that last evening," said Madeleine,the color coming into her face a little. "Do you know, he's really avery dear man. He's awfully nice."
Jane jumped up to drive a wasp out of the window. "You know him betterthan I do," she said, very busy.
"I've known him for several years, but never as well as here."
Jane came back and sat down. Madeleine was silent, seeming to search forwords.
"You were going to tell me a secret," her friend said, after a little.
"I know, but I--I can't."
Jane lifted her eyes almost pitifully. "Why not?"
"I don't feel that I have the right, after all. Secrets are suchprecious things."
"If I can help you--?"
"Oh, no, no.--It isn't any trouble. It's something quite different--I--Ithought that perhaps I could tell you my thoughts, but--I can't."
There was a silence.
"There are such wonderful feelings in the world," Madeleine went on,after a little; "they don't seem to fit into words at all. One feelsashamed to have even planned to talk about them. One feels so humblewhen--" she paused--then closed her lips.
Jane put out her hand and took the hand upon the other side of thelittle table, close. "Don't mind me, dear; I understand."
"Do you really?"
"Yes."
Madeleine's eyes were anxious. "Do you guess? Did you guess?"
"Yes."
"And how--what--what do you think?"
"I think that it would be lovely, only, of course, I don't quite know itall, for I shall never have anything like it."
Madeleine started. "Oh, Jane, don't say that."
"But it's so, dear."
"Oh, _no_."
"No, dear,--I can guess and sympathize. But I shall never have any suchhappiness. It's--it's quite settled."
Madeleine left her seat, went round by the side of the other girl, flungherself down on the floor, and looked as if she were about to cry. "Oh,Jane, you mustn't feel so. Why shouldn't you marry?"
"I can't, dear; I've debts of my father's to pay, and I'm pledged to myOrder."
"But they'll get paid after a while."
"It will take all my youth."
"But a way can be found?"
"No way can ever be. There is no one in the wide world to help me. I'mquite alone."
"Why, Jane," said Madeleine, always kneeling and always looking up, "Iknow some one who can manage everything, and you do, too."
Jane stared a little. "My aunt, do you mean?"
"No,--God."
Jane smiled suddenly. "Thank you, dear. I hadn't forgotten, but I justdidn't think. Still, I think God means me to be brave about my burdens.I don't think that He sees them as things from which to be relieved."
Madeleine was still looking up. "But the channel doesn't think; thechannel just conveys what pours along it," she whispered.
Just at this second the scene altered.
"Oh, there's my aunt!" Jane exclaimed. Susan passed the window, and thenext minute she came in the door. "I've had the most bee--youtifulafternoon," she announced radiantly. "I did Jane lots of credit, for Inever said a word about anybody, but oh, how splendid it was to just begood and silent, and hear all the others talk. They talked abouteverybody, and a good many were of my own opinion, so I had considerablesatisfaction without doing a thing wrong."
Jane couldn't help laughing or Madeleine, either. "Was young Mrs. Croftthere?"
"No, and most everybody says that she'll go off to-morrow and never comeback, and we'll have old Mrs. Croft till she dies. They looked at mepretty hard, but I stuck to my soul and never said a word."
"It was noble in you, Auntie," Jane said warmly.
"Yes, it was," assented Susan. Then she turned to Madeleine, who hadreturned to her chair. "Jane's religion's pretty hard on me, but I likeits results, and I can do anything I set out to do, and I don't mean tonot get a future if I can help it. You see, my sister Matilda is a verypeculiar person. You must know that by this time?"
"I have heard a good deal about her," Madeleine admitted.
"Well, I hope it isn't unkind in me to say that I know more than anybodyelse can possibly imagine."
"But she's coming back all right," Jane interrupted firmly; "we mustn'tforget that."
"No," said Susan, with a quick gasp in her breath; "no, I'm notforgetting a thing. I'm only talking a little. And oh, how Mrs. Cowmulldid talk about you, Madeleine. She says Mr. Rath can't put his nose outof the door alone."
"That's dreadful," said Madeleine, trying not to color, "especially aswe always come straight here."
"Well, I tell you it's pretty hard work being good," said Susan, with acheerful sigh; "it's a relief to get home and take off one's bonnet."
"And don't you want some tea, Auntie? It's all hot under the cozy."
"Yes, I will, you Sunshine Jane, you. I'll never cease to be gratefulfor good tea again as long as I live. I've had five years of the otherkind to help me remember."
Later, when Madeleine was gone, Susan said: "Do you know, Jane, KatieCroft is certainly going to desert that awful old woman when we get herhere? Everybody says so."
"No, she isn't, Auntie; the expected is never what happens."
"Jane, any one with your religion can't rely on proverbs to help themout, because the whole thing puts you right outside of common-sense tobegin with."
Jane was sitting looking out upon the pretty garden. "I know, Auntie; Ionly quoted that in reference to the Sewing Society gossip. It's neverthe expected that happens in their world; it's the expected that alwayshappens in my world. And proverbs don't exist in my world; they're everyone of them a human limitation."
"Well, Jane, I don't know; some of them are very pretty, and when I'veseen Matilda over the fence and run down to get a few scraps, I've takenconsiderable comfort in 'No cloud without a silver lining' and 'It neverrains but it pours.' They were a great help to me."
Jane kissed her tenderly. "Bless you, Auntie,--everything's all rightand all lovely, and Madeleine made me so happy to-day. I'm sure thatshe's engaged."
"Yes, I've thought that, too."
"Yes, and I'm so glad for her."
"I hope he's good enough for her."
"Oh, I'm sure that he is." Jane thought a minute. "And Madeleine gave mea big lesson, too," she added.
"What?"
"She showed me that with all my teaching and preaching, I don't trustGod half enough yet."
"Well, Jane," said Susan solemnly, "I s'pose trusting God is like beinggrateful for the sunshine,--human beings ain't big enough to hold allthey ought to feel."
"Perhaps we'd be nothing but trust and gratitude, then," said Jane,smiling.
"They're nice feelings to be made of," said Susan serenely, "but I mustgo and put my bonnet away. But, oh, heavens, when I think that to-morrowold Mrs. Croft is coming!"
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p; "And that lots of good is coming with her; she is coming to bringhappiness and happiness only."
"Yes, I know," Susan's air was completely submissive. "I can hardly waitfor her to get here. They wondered at the Sewing Society if she'd singCaptain Jinks all night often. She does sometimes, you know. But I'msure we'll like her. She's a nice woman."